The days up to the New Year passed quickly. Luckily for Megan, Casualty was frantically busy again, so she had little time to think of Giles Elliott, or of his mysterious sister-in-law, Fiona. Although when she was off duty her thoughts invariably returned to him—she couldn’t help it. She wondered what decision had been reached regarding Joanna, but most of all she wondered about Fiona.
On New Year’s Eve, just before midnight, Richard rang her from London. Megan was in the casualty department as she had volunteered to work the night.
So many of the younger nurses had wanted to go to parties, and Megan hadn’t any inclination for that. Anyway, she felt that in her present state of mind she would be much better working; that way at least she could push unbidden thoughts of Giles Elliott into the background of her mind.
“Happy New Year, Sis,” shouted Richard.
“Happy New Year,” echoed Joanna. Megan pictured them in her mind’s eye, standing happily, arms twined around each other by the telephone in the elegant London house that belonged to Giles.
“Happy New Year,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted.
“Are you busy?” asked Richard.
“Reasonably so,” answered Megan. “We’ve had our share of road accidents, and no doubt we’ll have some more when all the parties finish.”
“Poor Megan,” said Joanna, “having to work when everyone else is having a good time.”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” said Megan. “When you work in a hospital you get used to it. When Richard qualifies, he will have to work at holiday times too, you know.”
“Daddy isn’t, thank goodness,” said Joanna, but then she added, “but this is the first time he has had Christmas and New Year off for as long as I can remember.”
“There you are then,” said Megan. “So you see, I’m no exception.” She paused a moment, then added casually, “How is your father?”
“Oh, all right I suppose,” said Joanna. “He’s been closeted in with Aunt Fiona most of the time since she arrived. Actually,” she added in a confidential tone, “he hasn’t been in a very good mood lately, in fact not since we came back from Devon.”
Richard interrupted. “We can’t stay on the phone for too long as Joanna’s father will be footing the bill. Happy New Year again, Sis, and I’ll see you soon.”
“Take care,” said Megan. “Give my regards to Giles, won’t you and wish him a happy New Year for me.”
“I thought perhaps you’d ring him yourself,” said Richard.
“No, no, we are far too busy here,” said Megan quickly. Much too quickly she knew. “You wish him a happy New Year for me. Goodbye to you both.”
“Goodbye,” came their two happy voices over the phone. Megan suddenly felt very miserable and alone indeed. She had successfully kept thoughts of Giles at bay for several days, but now with Richard’s call the memories of him came back with painful clarity. Desperately she wished she could have been there with him, Joanna and Richard, and that wretched woman Fiona could have stayed on the other side of the Atlantic.
The long night dragged on interminably through to morning, and by the time she had finished her stint of duty she felt drained of everything except a deep feeling of unhappiness.
“Happy New Year,” said Thelma brightly as she came on duty.
“What’s happy about it?” asked Megan wearily. She certainly didn’t feel happy and she didn’t think Thelma had anything to feel particularly happy about.
“Sister,” remonstrated Thelma good-naturedly, “I always think the next year must be better than the last—it’s what keeps me going.”
Megan smiled wanly. Trust Thelma to have a good, sensible philosophy she thought, feeling ashamed of herself. “You’re right,” she said. “I must think like that too. Think positive, as they say!”
“You’d be surprised at the difference it makes,” said Thelma as she took off her cloak and hung it up. “I live my life in a permanent state of anticipation!” She laughed. “I’m usually disappointed, but never mind.”
Megan felt even more ashamed. How stupid she had been, allowing herself to wallow in self-pity all night. She attempted to put on a brighter face. “Don’t take any notice of me,” she said. “I’m just tired, that’s all. I’m not used to doing the night shift.”
“What has happened to Sister Moore?” asked Thelma.
“She had last night off,” said Megan. “I had all of Christmas, so she deserves the New Year.” She paused at the door. “Happy New Year, Thelma, I hope that this year really does turn out to be a better one for you.”
“So do I,” answered Thelma with feeling.
Megan made her way back to her room thinking about Thelma’s philosophy. There was no doubt about it, that was the way to look at life. I must try to do that, she thought as she climbed into bed and immediately fell soundly asleep, the sleep of exhaustion.
In the days following New Year Megan determinedly put Giles Elliott out of her mind, adopting the philosophy that the future would have to take care of itself. When Susan came back from her leave Megan cautiously sounded her out about Johnny Cox, as she had promised Johnny she would. To her surprise Susan was as enamoured of Johnny as he was of her, and equally unsure of his feelings. Susan, too, was afraid to show her true feelings in case she was rebuffed. Megan said nothing to Susan about Johnny; he’s got to tell her himself, she thought, so she cornered him next time she saw him in the canteen.
“Have you seen Susan?” were his first words.
Megan smiled. “Yes, I’ve seen Susan,” she answered, “and my advice to you is ask her out and tell her how you feel.”
Johnny grinned from ear to ear. “You mean I’ve got a chance?” he asked incredulously.
“A very good one,” said Megan briskly, “and from now on you’ve got to do all the work!”
Johnny reached across the table and squeezed Megan’s hand. “Thanks, you’re a real pal,” he said. “I’ll do the same for you one day.” He bolted down the rest of his lunch. “I think I’ll dash up to the orthopaedic ward before my theatre list this afternoon. Never know, I might just be able to have a quick word with her.”
“Don’t get her into trouble with Sister,” warned Megan. “If Sister Warner is on today be careful, she has no sense of humour at all.”
Johnny waved a hand airily as he got up from the table. “Don’t worry, I’ll use my irresistible charm on her!” All his old self-confidence had come bubbling back and he was on top of the world again.
Megan watched his retreating figure wistfully. Lucky Johnny and Susan. Why can’t I have a love life, she thought mournfully. Why does Giles Elliott have to be free and yet somehow not free? Something or someone is there, I know, and I don’t know what. Why couldn’t I have met him before he was married—although he wouldn’t have looked at me then, she reflected wryly, I would have been much too young and he wouldn’t have had Joanna so Richard wouldn’t have met her. If Richard hadn’t met Joanna then Giles wouldn’t have spent Christmas with them in Devon. She smiled ruefully. It was like a never-ending circle, full of ifs and buts! The only thing she bitterly regretted was that she had allowed herself to fall hopelessly in love with him, and that he obviously didn’t love her. He was attracted, yes, but in love, no, she thought cynically. She gave herself a brisk mental shake; forget him, she instructed her wayward thoughts. If you can, came the nagging little voice which always popped up unbidden when she least wanted it to.
When she returned to Casualty after lunch there was a message scrawled for her on the notice board. Sister Jones—please phone Mr. Elliott and it gave his London telephone number. Even the sight of his name scribbled on the noticeboard caused Megan’s heart to lurch in an unruly manner. It was with trembling fingers that she dialled the number in her office. This is ridiculous, she told herself, no man is worth getting into such a state for.
Giles answered the telephone himself, almost as if he had been waiting for her to ring.
“Hello,” said Megan, keeping her voice cool and efficient. “You left a message for me to ring.”
“Yes, I did,” said Giles in that soft voice which caused her heart to beat even faster. “How are you?”
“Fine,” said Megan, wondering if that was the only reason he had rung. But why should he do that? He was returning to the casualty department in two days’ time.
“I expect you are wondering why I rang,” said Giles, voicing Megan’s thoughts.
Megan hesitated. “Well, actually, yes I was,” she confessed. “Is there something I can do for you?”
“Several things,” answered Giles. “The first thing is, are you free on Thursday night?”
“Yes,” said Megan, mystified, “I hadn’t planned to do anything.”
“Good,” said Giles. “Then would you please keep it free. I would like you to come out for a meal with Fiona, Joanna and me.”
“You would?” asked Megan in surprise, not feeling particularly happy at the thought of having to sit through a meal with his sister-in-law. “Are you sure Fiona will want to meet me?”
“I want her to meet you,” said Giles.
Megan began to feel a little irritated at the peculiar turn of events. “I can’t think why—she and I can’t possibly have anything in common.”
“It’s not for your benefit, or hers,” answered Giles rather taciturnly, “nor mine either, but for Joanna.” He paused, then sighed. “I’m sorry to draw you into what is really my family problem, but Joanna hasn’t been easy to deal with. She has refused point blank to go to America and has told her aunt that she wants to finish her schooling in the south of England. I was thinking of sending her to your old school, as a boarder. It is relatively near the hospital, so she could come home at weekends if she wanted to. Joanna has persuaded her aunt that it is a good school and has cited you as a shining example of its products!” He laughed, but to Megan it sounded forced. “There, you should be flattered.”
“I am, of course,” answered Megan slowly, “but I left school a long time ago, although I have kept in touch and I know it hasn’t changed that much.”
“Yes, I know that because Richard told me,” said Giles. “The other reason I’m bringing them both down is that Joanna is due to have an X-ray through her plaster, just to check that all is going well. I thought I could kill two birds with one stone.”
“I see,” said Megan. “Well, I don’t really have much choice, do I?”
“Yes, of course you do,” answered Giles quickly with a tinge of impatience. “If you don’t want to do it, just say no.”
“I don’t mind,” said Megan, “as long as you remember that I shall only give my opinion on the school and not whether Joanna should go to America or stay in England.”
“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be so unthinking as to put you in that invidious position. I’ll see you on Thursday then. Joanna has to attend the fracture clinic in the afternoon to see Mr. Morgan. I’ll let you know what time we’ll pick you up in the evening.”
“You needn’t pick me up,” said Megan quickly. “Just tell me where you are going and I’ll get there.”
“Without a car?” asked Giles. “Have you forgotten that Richard still has your car?”
Megan sighed. “For a moment, yes,” she confessed. “I’ll have to rely on you, I’m afraid I’ve no alternative.”
“I’m sorry,” Giles’ voice sounded clipped, “I know you prefer your independence. See you on Thursday.”
Long after she had put down the phone Megan sat at her desk, drumming her fingers nervously, staring with unseeing eyes at the tattered Christmas decorations still hanging in her office. She felt a hard lump of apprehension at the thought of the meeting on Thursday. The idea of seeing Giles with Fiona she found almost unbearable, for she was a living link with his dead wife. Her thoughts returned to Giles once more. He had sounded so unfriendly on the telephone that she wondered whether he would have preferred Joanna to have gone to America—then quickly dismissed that as nonsense. If there was one thing she could be certain of it was the fact that he loved his daughter dearly and would do anything to make her happy. She wondered about Fiona again. What would she be like?
When Thursday arrived Megan found she had butterflies in her stomach from the moment she got up. Was it because of meeting Joanna’s Aunt Fiona? Or was it because of seeing Giles again? She wasn’t sure; perhaps it was a little of both she decided.
She saw Giles and Joanna briefly at the end of the corridor in the early afternoon, obviously on their way to the appointment with Mr. Morgan. They didn’t see her and she didn’t bother to make her presence known. Time enough for that later, she thought.
Casualty was fairly slack that afternoon so Megan forced herself to take the opportunity to catch up with some paperwork. She had a lecture to give the following week to some pupil nurses and she needed to write up some transparencies to use for illustration on the overhead projector in the seminar room. It was a job she hated doing, but it had to be done and it needed all her concentration. So it was in a slightly irritated tone of voice that she answered the tentative knock on her door.
“Come in,” she said without looking up.
“Hi,” said a voice.
Megan looked up swiftly. It was Joanna, grinning like a Cheshire cat as she hobbled on her walking plaster towards Megan’s desk.
Megan stood up and pushed her chair back. “Hello,” she said, “you are looking very fit and well—obviously the leg isn’t bothering you at all.”
“No, it is absolutely fine,” said Joanna, kissing Megan on both cheeks. “Mr. Morgan says I can probably have the plaster off a week early.” She sat down in the armchair. “Dad’s just coming, he’s still talking to Mr. Morgan.”
Megan perched herself on the edge of her desk. “I understand I am to convince your aunt that Earlsfield School is a good school for young ladies like you,” she said.
Joanna grinned. “Don’t worry, I think I’ve almost convinced her myself. She only needs a little push in the right direction.”
“And I’m supposed to give that little push?” queried Megan.
“That’s the general idea,” answered Joanna.
“Whose idea?” Megan couldn’t resist asking. “Yours or your father’s?”
“Both,” came a deep voice from the doorway.
Megan stood up hastily and self-consciously smoothed her uniform, acutely aware of his steely blue gaze on her.
He smiled. “Why is it all nurses smooth their uniforms?” he said. “You look impeccable as usual.” His blue eyes twinkled and Megan found herself smiling back against her will.
“It’s a habit, I suppose,” she said. “Something that lingers on from student days, when one was always being told off for some little thing.”
“Joanna has told you that she is making excellent progress I suppose?” he said.
Megan laughed. “Yes, something about taking the plaster off a week early, I believe.”
“That remains to be seen,” said Giles. “I’ve been talking to Mr. Morgan about that and we’ll see after the next X-ray.”
“Dad, honestly!” protested Joanna. “You treat me as if I’m a china doll. Are you like this with all your patients?”
“Yes,” answered her father sternly. “I believe in erring on the side of caution.” Joanna glowered at him but said nothing as Giles continued, “I’ve made a booking for a meal tonight for seven-thirty—will that suit you, Megan?”
“That will be fine,” answered Megan, suddenly feeling self-conscious again. “What time will you pick me up?”
“At seven o’clock,” said Giles matter-of-factly. “That will give us a short time for introductions and a drink before the meal.” He looked at his watch. “Come along, you lady,” he said to his daughter. “You and I are due back.” He smiled briefly at Megan as they left the office. “See you at seven.”
Megan nodded mutely. From seeming relaxed and friendly when he had first come in, he now seemed to have withdrawn again. I know this evening is going to be awful, thought Megan. I’m going to feel such an outsider. I wish I hadn’t agreed to go. But she had, and she couldn’t get out of it at that late stage, so that was that.
At seven promptly she was waiting outside the nurses’ block. She had cursed herself for not asking Giles where they would be dining, but had guessed that it would be somewhere fairly expensive and had dressed accordingly. She had bought herself a new soft blue woollen dress before Christmas and had then forgotten to take it home with her and so had not worn it. Now seems a suitable opportunity she had thought as she got ready that evening. It was completely plain, a slim, knitted dress that clung to her shapely figure. With it she wore a simple gold locket as her only adornment. Her abundant brown hair she brushed back loosely and left it hanging in soft curls around her shoulders. She had been going to put it up, but remembering the last time she had dined with Giles she left it down. But why? a mocking little voice inside her taunted. It isn’t going to be just the two of you alone this time, is it?
She had only waited a moment when Giles’ car drew up silently alongside her. To her surprise it was empty save for Giles.
“But where are the others?” she asked.
“Waiting for us back at the hotel,” answered Giles smoothly in a non-committal voice as he opened the car door for Megan. “As Fiona is staying at The Royal, and the food is good, I thought we might as well eat there. Fiona prefers hotel restaurants to other types of eating places anyway.”
“Oh,” said Megan, not knowing what else to say. The Royal was the most expensive hotel in town and she was glad she had worn her new dress, but wished she’d had a smarter coat to put on. “I’m not looking terribly smart for The Royal,” she said, indicating her old brown velvet coat. “I wore it for warmth.”
“Very sensible,” said Giles in the same non-committal tone of voice.
Oh hell, thought Megan despondently, this is going to be an awful evening, I just know it is.
She was sure the attendant at The Royal took her coat disdainfully as she handed it to him in the cloakroom, and it made her even more despondent. A fact not helped when she first set eyes on Fiona, Giles’ sister-in-law. Megan had expected her to be attractive, but she had not expected her to be like something out of a fashion magazine. She was exquisitely groomed, from the pale golden hair on her head, down to the delicately painted toenails that peeped through the sheerest stockings out of impossibly high sandals. Suddenly the blue dress, which Megan had thought looked quite attractive, paled into insignificance. I might as well have got it from Oxfam thought Megan sourly, I can’t compete with glamour like this.
“So nice to meet you, my dear, I’ve heard such a lot about you,” Fiona drawled with a heavy American accent.
Megan smiled and extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said briefly.
“Darling, do go and get us all a gin,” Fiona said imperiously to Giles. Then turning back to Megan she asked, “Or would you prefer a Martini or something?”
Megan shook her head. “Gin and tonic will be fine.” This was a Giles she hadn’t seen before. Somehow she had never imagined him being ordered about by a woman, but he just nodded at Fiona and went across to the bar.
“I suppose you know why we’ve dragged you here,” said Fiona, lighting a cigarette.
Megan nodded, watching with fascination as her fingers with their incredibly long, red-painted nails cupped around the cigarette she was lighting. “Yes, you want to know about Earlsfield School,” she said. “As I told Giles, it is some time since I left but I have kept in touch through various functions.”
Fiona laughed and it was a low, sexy sound. “Some time since you left! My dear, you look as if you left yesterday. I find it incredible to think you are actually a Sister at the hospital.”
“Well, she is, Aunt Fiona,” interrupted Joanna, “and a very good one too.”
“Yes, yes, I know, your father is always telling me,” said her aunt. Then she patted Joanna on the hand. “Don’t look so worried, I’m not going to upset your friend.”
As the evening wore on Megan actually began to quite like Fiona. She was amusing, in a bitchy kind of way, and was quite obviously a woman of the world. Giles was strangely quiet though, and Megan wondered whether it was because she was there. He would probably prefer to be with Fiona on his own she thought, watching him as he was speaking to her. What was going on inside that handsome dark head of his? He seemed to be friendly and yet aloof, but Megan noticed that whatever Fiona wanted he ordered immediately.
By the end of the evening Fiona announced to the table at large that she was satisfied that Earlsfield School would be a suitable place for her niece to be educated. “Although I do make one stipulation,” she said to Giles across the dinner table.
Megan glanced at Giles and saw his face harden. His mouth was tight as he answered, “Oh, and what is that?”
“That Joanna spends the long summer holidays with me. The Californian sunshine will do her good.”
“Yes,” Joanna answered, “I don’t mind coming over for six weeks. That would be fun, as long as you promise we can go to the beach house.”
“I promise,” said Fiona, pulling a face, “as long as you promise you don’t expect me to keep you company and lie out in the sun with you. The sun is so ageing to one’s skin, don’t you think?” she said turning to Megan.
“Why, I…er, I hadn’t ever thought about it,” said Megan truthfully. Now that she looked at Fiona closely she could see that she wasn’t quite as flawless as she first appeared. Skillfully applied make-up hid her faults.
“No,” said Fiona with a little laugh, “I don’t suppose you have. When you are as young as you are, you don’t have to worry about lines and wrinkles.”
“Oh, I never will,” answered Megan emphatically. “If the wrinkles come, let them. Laughter lines, that’s what my mother always call them.”
“Character lines,” said Giles.
Fiona glanced at him, annoyance written all over her face. “If Giles had his way, women would go without make-up altogether,” she said.
In that brief moment Megan caught a glimpse of the relationship between Giles and Fiona. They were obviously both strong characters and she knew instinctively that they must have clashed head-on over something. Still, that doesn’t always stop you loving someone she thought, remembering what Giles had said about not being able to switch off love. They were closely tied, she could see it, and the thought rankled. It’s no good, she thought bitterly. Much as I love him, I could never play second fiddle to that fascinating creature. That is, even if he asked me! He’ll never find another woman like her, and certainly an uninteresting little hospital sister, who has done nothing special and been nowhere in particular, can ever hope to take her place.
As soon as they had finished their coffee Megan made her excuses. “Thank you for a lovely dinner,” she said politely to Giles. “It was nice meeting you, Fiona, and I’m glad if I’ve been able to help.”
“You have, my dear,” drawled Fiona, extending her long white hand tipped with the blood-red nails. “I feel satisfied in my own mind now.” She smiled at Megan. “Perhaps I’ll see you again some time.”
“Perhaps,” said Megan, resisting the temptation to add, but it’s highly unlikely!
Giles rose with Megan. “I’ll get your coat,” he said, “and then I’ll drive you back to the hospital.”
Megan protested. “That isn’t necessary, I can take a taxi, it’s no problem.”
“It’s no problem for me to drive you either,” he said brusquely. “I’ll get your coat.” Without waiting for her reply he strode across to the cloakroom.
On the drive back they engaged in a stilted form of conversation. Megan felt miserable; he was so near and yet so far away His thoughts were still with Fiona, she supposed sadly. She longed to reach out and touch his stern profile, but knew she daren’t however much she wanted to.
“I’ll be glad when Richard starts his term again,” she said for want of something better to say. “At least then I’ll have my car back again.”
“Yes,” said Giles, “you’ll be able to get out and about with your friends.”
“Oh, I do that anyway,” replied Megan without thinking and then stopped, remembering when he had telephoned and Johnny had answered.
“I’m aware of that,” said Giles smoothly, his voice sounding cold and hard.
Megan felt even more miserable. It was bad enough her loving him and him not being particularly interested, but somehow the fact that he thought she was having an affair with Johnny Cox made it even more unbearable. Yet what could she do? It would be quite ridiculous for her to tell him that Johnny and Susan were the ones who had fallen in love—he wouldn’t be interested. Even worse, he might guess the reason she wanted him to know. But in spite of logic telling her otherwise, Megan rashly decided to take the plunge.
“Johnny Cox isn’t my boyfriend, you know,” she remarked as casually as her voice would allow. “He’s very smitten with Susan North and I wouldn’t be surprised if they got engaged soon.”
Giles turned and looked at her with a strange expression in his blue eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry Megan,” he said.
“Why?” asked Megan, not expecting this reaction from him.
“I don’t like to think of you being hurt,” he said quietly.
“Johnny hasn’t hurt me,” said Megan emphatically. “He has only ever been a plain, ordinary friend to me, nothing more, and I’m glad for him and Susan.”
“I see,” said Giles. “I must have been mistaken then, but from what Richard said, or rather, perhaps didn’t say, I gathered that he thought there was someone rather special in your life.”
There is, there is, it’s you, Megan wanted to cry out, but all she said, in an almost inaudible whisper, was, “There is, but nothing will ever come of it.”
“Why not?” demanded Giles.
“Because…” Megan hesitated. How could she get out of this hole without letting him guess the true identity of the man she loved. “It’s too complicated and anyway it wouldn’t interest you,” she said at last rather lamely.
“Oh,” said Giles. Then he said, “The course of true love never does run smoothly, so they tell me.” How well I know it thought Megan, but said nothing as Giles brought the big car to a halt outside the nurses’ home.
“Thank you once again for a pleasant evening,” she said, her voice sounding small and tight in her ears. She felt like an awkward schoolgirl, groping for the right words.
“Thank you for convincing Fiona,” he said. “The evening went very smoothly I thought.”
“Oh yes,” said Megan quickly, “I liked Fiona and she’s very glamorous, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” said Giles abruptly and in a tone of voice that precluded any further conversation. “Goodnight, Megan.” He leaned across and opened the car door for her. As he moved, the weight of his body brushed against her. Megan felt her senses drowning as she smelled the heady odour of his aftershave, the tangy masculine fragrance of his skin. She longed to brush her lips against his dark head and put her arms around him.
He turned to her as he drew back from opening the door and for a moment Megan thought her dreams were to be answered and that he would kiss her, for his face came nearer to hers. She could just see the rugged outline of his features in the semi-darkness and she felt herself being drawn towards him as if he was a powerful magnet. It seemed to Megan that they lingered like that for a lifetime, quivering on the brink of a kiss. Then swiftly he drew back.
“I must get back to Joanna and Fiona,” he said.
“Yes,” said Megan dully, “you must.” She climbed out of the car, her heart a leaden weight of pain. She could have cried out loud in her anguish, but instead she managed a bright smile and a wave as she closed the door.
“Thank you again for a lovely dinner,” she said, slamming the door shut.
Giles just nodded briefly in acknowledgement and then, putting the car in gear, roared off into the darkness without a backward glance.