Ash barely slept a wink that night.
The sun was peering through the windows long before he had a moment to truly shutdown his mind.
He rolled over in the bed and faced Ivy. She had her eyes closed, dozing peacefully. Although the pregnancy had caught her off guard, she clearly wasn’t losing sleep over it.
Fluttering gently, Ivy opened her ghost white eyes. He stared into them, trying to picture her as a mother – it just didn’t seem imaginable.
She groaned, jerking upright and held her forehead in the palm of her hand.
“Ash? You awake?” she said.
He rested a hand on her leg.
“Good. Can you help me to the bathroom? I feel gross.”
He stood, grabbed her by the hand and helped her kneel down in front of the toilet bowl. Ash was prepared to hold back her hair, but instead she requested privacy. He closed the bathroom door shut and waited. He grimaced every time she made a gagging noise.
More than half an hour later, she finally reappeared from the bathroom.
“I want to know how many weeks pregnant I am,” she announced, pulling her hair into a ponytail. “I can’t even remember the last time I had my period. It could be a month, but I’m not sure. I reckon I’ve been feeling crook for several weeks now.”
Ash gave it some thought before replying.
“We could find a doctor, but surely somebody would recognise you.”
“Oh no, we don’t need to go to that extreme,” said Ivy. “We just need to buy another pregnancy test that’ll pinpoint how far along I am.”
Ash checked the time. It was almost nine o’clock.
“There are shops nearby and they should be opening soon. We’ll stop by a pharmacy before we head to Ceduna.”
“Sure, that’d be great.”
“Do you want to leave right now? Do you feel well enough?”
“Yep, let’s go.”
Without more to say, they packed their belongings, checked out and hit the road in no time at all.
***
Ash and Ivy arrived in Ceduna just before dusk.
They’d only stopped briefly to pick up a pregnancy test and then again to refuel, but after nearly six hours they’d finally pulled up outside a hotel with vacancies.
Once they were checked in, they took two flights of stairs and found their room at the end of a corridor. Ash had barely put down their bags when Ivy began badgering him to help her take the latest pregnancy test.
“I really need to know,” she said, fidgeting with her hands. “Besides, it’s always good to take a second test. What if the first one was wrong? It’s happened before, right? Maybe there’s a chance I’m not really pregnant. We should take another test right now. Just to make sure.”
Even once he’d assisted her in the bathroom, she babbled non-stop like a battery-operated ragdoll making its final hurrah before its power dried up. It took a few more minutes for the results to appear, but they came through with another positive result. It also made an estimation of how far she was into her pregnancy. Six weeks. Ash picked up his tablet and informed her.
Ivy nodded, and finally fell quiet.
“And what’s the date today?” she asked, after a little while.
Ash wasn’t even sure himself. He had to check his tablet for an answer.
“It’s Thursday, the twenty-eighth of January, 2044.”
“I guess I must’ve fallen pregnant mid-December,” she said, thinking out loud. “The baby would be due sometime in August, or maybe early September.”
Just the thought of it constricted the air in his lungs. As a panic attack began rising from within, Ash excused himself and stepped outside on the balcony.
He was hoping for a breath of fresh air, but the heat hit him like a slap to the face. Ash tried to take deep breaths, but the warm air was suffocating.
He put his hands in his pockets. His fingers brushed his mobile phone.
Remembering the written request he had made yesterday morning, Ash knew he should check his mobile, just in case they had followed through with the decryption.
Ash doubted there would be any changes, yet still, he pressed the power button and waited for the phone to switch on.
There was a musical chime. Glancing down at the screen, he was left paralysed when he realised his demand had been met. The mobile now had almost full reception, along with the contacts he thought he’d lost forever.
Relief washed over him. Then, the mobile started to buzz.
Ash muffled the sound of incoming text messages with his hands. He needed to get away from Ivy. She could never know the truth.
When the phone finally stopped vibrating, Ash opened his hands and stared down at the first message. It was from Lieutenant Colonel Nigel Durham. It read,
Ashley Griffin. I wish to speak with you – Lt Col. ND
Hands shaking, Ash pocketed the phone again and raced back inside the hotel room. He gave nothing away as he darted to the door, but Ivy was never going to let him leave without an explanation.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
Thinking on the spot, he made up a pathetic lie.
“I left a bag in the car. I’ll be back.”
Ash swiftly left the room, dashed down the staircase and crossed the reception. He stumbled out of the hotel and searched for a place where he could make the discreet call.
He wandered aimlessly down the streets, looking to be alone for a while. He then made the decision to head down to the beach.
A light breeze rolled in from the west, giving Ash a moment to breathe. However, it came and went within seconds. Half choking on the dry air, Ash pulled out his mobile and began to scroll through the contacts. He found Nigel’s number and hit the call button. He picked up after just a few rings.
“It’s not often I admit I’ve made a mistake,” began Nigel, with a humourless chuckle, “but I was wrong. I believe you are Ashley Griffin.”
Pulling the phone from his ear, he keyed in his reply.
I am, sir.
“Apparently you came across one of our soldiers down a dirt road on the border of New South Wales into South Australia. You disarmed him and stole his rifle, but then spared his life, asking him to deliver a letter to his commanding officer.”
Ash wasn’t sure if Nigel was making a statement or asking for confirmation, but Ash decided to admit it anyway.
Yes, I did. I had to prove I was alive.
“It was also a pure coincidence you happened to obtain your lieutenant’s mobile phone after the Coral Sea battle, but it’s even more remarkable you were wise enough to remove your own deployment chip to use as a SIM card.”
Unsure how to explain it, Ash played it vaguely,
It was an accidental discovery.
“I’m impressed by your efforts to say the very least, Griffin. It was also reported you were travelling with a female. You put her in the boot of your car, like a hostage. Do you give your word that female is truly Ivy Adoni?”
I do.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware, but it was reported months ago she died in a plane crash. She’s a RAAF pilot. Her survival is surprising, along with yours, but Ivy is extraordinarily important to us.”
I know, sir.
“You mentioned before you know something about Operation Endurance?”
Seeing a beacon of light after so many dark days, Ash took his time to reply,
Yes. Ivy said the weapons are hidden in a bunker. In an abandoned uranium mine.
Nigel was silent for some time.
“Did she say which mine?”
No. But I will find out.
“Good lad, we need exact coordinates,” said Nigel. “Also, we’ve tracked your current location to Ceduna. We have no troops anywhere near your location at the present time. You’ll have to travel further west to meet up with us.”
I am already on my way to Perth.
“OK, good. We’ve closed the South Australian border, but if you give us your car’s licence plate number, and the make and model of the car, we’ll let you through. We’d like you to bring Ivy all the way to Perth – that’s where I am. We’ve got troops on the outskirts of the city. Then, we’ll arrange a handover. I’ll take Ivy from you, and then you’ll be granted an honourable discharge. We’ll fly you home that evening.”
He smiled, hands almost shaking with joy.
Thank you.
Nigel then asked Ash to give a detailed description about the car he was travelling in. Ash gave the licence plate details and explained he was driving in a red Holden Commodore, fuelled by petrol.
“Thank you, now when you approach the South Australian border you’ll be allowed to pass straight through into WA without any hassle.”
Can I cross the border without stopping?
“Yes,” replied Nigel. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”
Thank you. I should be in Perth within a few days.
“Fantastic, and just so you know, Perth is a well-guarded city with a heavy military presence. We initially thought Operation Endurance had been moved to the city, but even with the moles we’ve sent through the area, we’ve found nothing. However, we want you to keep in frequent contact while you’re travelling here. I’ll give you an exact meet up point soon. In the meantime, be on your guard.”
Yes, sir.
“Good, speak soon.”
The phone call then ended. Ash pulled the mobile away from his ear and slipped the phone back into his pocket. He let the moment of euphoria wash over him, but the feeling quickly subsided.
How could he hand over Ivy in exchange for his freedom when she was pregnant with his unborn child?
Ash would never be able to explain it. He doubted Ivy would keep quiet about it either. In fact, if she learned of his betrayal, she would not hesitate to reveal the truth about him, and all the awful things he had done.
He’d never mentioned to Nigel about Ivy’s blindness either, or the fact he’d pretended to be Australian in an attempt to groom her for his own self gain.
Besides, how could Ash trust his army would hold up their end of the deal? His own side had led him astray multiple times. Hell, they’d even offered him up like bait. They never expected him to survive. Perhaps he would always be disposable to them.
The confusion dwelled deep within him, pooling in his stomach. He tried to fight away the panic, but he couldn’t stop himself from hyperventilating.
Nobody could save him. The ropes of sanity slowly slipping away, he had finally reached the end of his tether.
***
He had tried to pick up the pieces, but there were just too many fragments missing.
Ash had returned to the hotel that afternoon, trying to sleep off his misery, but he was starting to accept he was facing a double-edged sword.
If he handed over Ivy, he would risk it all and face the consequences of his deceit. If he stayed with her, he too would reach his peril. Part of him had become quite content – even comfortable – spending time with Ivy.
She had her flaws. He did too.
Ash couldn’t even bear the thought of what she would say if the truth came out. He had betrayed her. From day one. Yet, she’d fallen in love with a compulsive liar.
After another sleepless night, they were back on the road again after breakfast. The next stop was just shy of five hundred kilometres away – Eucla, Western Australia.
It also meant crossing the state border. The Lieutenant Colonel had assured Ash that he would be able to enter Western Australia freely, but he held his reservations.
What if his own army ambushed him and took Ivy with them? It would be too easy. They were already tracking his movements. The uncertainties wreaked havoc inside his mind, but Ash had to remain calm. The slightest hint of distress would blow his cover, and Ivy would turn on him in an instant.
Driving along the Eyre Highway, Ash took a few glances to his left, taking in the picturesque Great Australian Bight. There were a number of rest stops along the way, but he remained on the road. He wanted to clear the next obstacle as soon as possible.
Edging towards a fifth hour of non-stop driving, Ash read signs indicating they were close to the border. His heartbeat inclined.
“Can we take a break soon?” asked Ivy, her voice cutting through his thoughts like a blade. “I really want to stretch out my legs.”
Ash tapped the dashboard.
Soon.
Ivy sank back into her seat, nodding, just as a line of Baibots appeared on the horizon. They were guarding the border, like a wall made from machines. Each of the war droids held their fists out in front, their purple eyes blazing.
Ash could barely breathe. Had his army played him for a fool yet again?
Rapidly approaching, not one Baibot moved. Ash darted his eyes to the side of the road, as if looking for an escape, but there were more machines hiding off-road, aiming right at them.
Ash couldn’t turn back. Even if he dared to hit reverse, no doubt the Baibots would open fire, killing them both where they sat like Bonnie and Clyde.
Cold sweat running down his spine, Ash kept his hands locked around the wheel, driving towards the line of machines. He had started to slow his speed, not wanting to mow down his army’s droids, but they were leaving him little choice.
Ash still had the rifle with him. He’d tucked it away behind his seat, but his weapon was powerless against the machines.
Outmatched. If the Baibots opened fire, he and Ivy would be killed. His only option would be to yield and hope for the best.
His foot hovering above the brake, Ash was ready to use it.
Holding his breath, the Baibots lowered their fists and dispersed right at the last second. They parted in the middle, allowing the car to roll across the border.
One droid even gave him a salute as he drove through.
Ash gasped. It set Ivy on edge.
“What?” she shrieked, grabbing at her seatbelt. “What do you see?”
Looking in the rear-view mirror, the Baibots returned to their positions on the road, as if closing the border behind them. Ash gave himself a moment to recover before giving Ivy a reply.
Reaching a hand to the dashboard, he started tapping.
Nearly hit a roo. Missed it.
“Really? Jeez! But...you didn’t even swerve or brake though.”
I had no time to react. We would have hit it.
“Oh, good thing we didn’t then.”
Frantically trying to regain focus, Ash spotted a sign for Eucla.
A mere ten kilometres later they took the exit towards the town.
***
Children, covered in dust, playfully ran across the dirt roads as they kicked around a partially deflated soccer ball.
If there was a war going on, it certainly hadn’t troubled Eucla.
Ash edged the car forward at a snail pace, as the vehicle jolted over uneven dirt roads. Finally, he pulled into a caravan park. There was also a hotel nearby, but as he looked up at the vacancy sign, he was disheartened to see there were none.
They would be forced to spend the night sleeping in the car.
When he broke the news to Ivy, she took it better than he expected.
“It’s fine,” she replied. “It’s only for a night.”
“Will you be comfortable though? You are pregnant.”
She laughed. Ash swore he could almost see a light behind her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m pregnant. Not dying,” she replied, still smiling. “I’ll be fine, but thank you for your concern.”
Ash sat back in his chair. In due time, he would get out to stretch his legs after a stressful five-hour drive, but for now he found solitude in the silence. However, it didn’t last long.
“Are you OK, Ash?”
Shaking his head to himself, he picked up his tablet.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just tired after the drive.”
“You haven’t seemed yourself since we left Magenta’s place.”
The statement left him perplexed.
“In what way?”
“It’s going to sound stupid – but I feel it. Something is troubling you.”
Even a blind woman could see just how lost he was. Ash didn’t even know how to explain it to her – without giving himself away – but he tried.
“My mind is a complicated place sometimes.”
She rested a hand on his knee.
“Then help me understand.”
Her touch ignited every nerve in his body. Ash wanted to pretend he was fully in control, but instead Ash gave her a rare moment of honesty.
“What are we doing, Ivy? I don’t even know anymore.”
“We’re going to Perth...”
“But why?”
“Brock M. Hoffman told us it was the safest place to go.”
Ash didn’t hold back this time.
“He’s dead.”
Ivy jerked her head towards Ash, scrunching up her face.
“What?”
“The President has been dead for some time now. The British Army found him and killed him.”
“How do you know?”
Ash had to be careful now.
“I read it on a newspaper a few days ago.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
She seemed frazzled. Ash gave a calculated reply,
“I was going to, but it was the same day we learned of your pregnancy. I didn’t want to distress you any further.”
Ivy frowned, but chose not to pursue an argument.
“We should still go to Perth,” she said. “They’re sending refugee boats to Asia.”
“You and I know it’s not that simple. The pair of us are dead to the rest of the world. Your own army will assume you perished long ago and I was a prisoner of war – one they forgot about and left for dead. If we turn up and attempt to board a boat, we’ll be stopped. You’ll be taken back to the air force and I’ll be cross-examined. Either way, we’ll end up separated.”
“Ash, I know people. I could make one simple phone call and we could have new identities given to us. Besides, maybe Ivy and Ash are dead already. Maybe it’s time to make a fresh start.”
She had certainly changed her tune since leaving Silverton.
“Two months ago, you were hell bent on revenge. You only wanted to fight, but now it seems you want nothing more than to flee.”
Ivy took a while to respond. Every time she opened her mouth, she hesitated and left her brain scrambling. After several minutes of patience, she began talking again.
“Do you remember the conversation I had with Magenta last month?” began Ivy. “I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. I’ve made so many poor choices in my life and I agree I’ve probably travelled down the wrong road a few too many times. Maybe you’ve had a positive effect on me – I don’t know – but I don’t want to fight anymore. Especially now that I’m pregnant. I have to be responsible. I have to do the right thing.”
The pilot that had washed up on the remote island several months ago was no longer the same woman sitting beside him. Ivy had surely gone through a metamorphosis. She was like a butterfly; fragile and delicate, but at last she had broken free from the chrysalis.
Maybe Ash was still fighting his own transformation.
“Do you ever want to go back to the air force?”
“Honestly?” said Ivy. “No. I don’t.”
Ash said nothing. Sensing his doubt, Ivy explained herself.
“I know my position in the RAAF meant everything to me in the past, but I’m starting to accept that I need to move on. That part of my life is over. I’m blind, I’m pregnant and we’re losing this war. For once, I’m trying to make the right decision.”
“Do you still want to go to Perth?”
“Ash, I don’t care where we go anymore,” she said, “but I want to stay with you.”
Her words chilled him down to the bone.
“It’s clear you don’t feel the same way about us, as I do, but even when this war is over – I don’t want to lose you.”
She pulled her sunglasses away from her eyes, as if trying to look at him for the very first time.
“They say love is blind, right?” she asked, smiling again.
He reached over and cupped a hand under her chin. Ash held it there, gently, watching her as he felt his own masquerade slowly slipping away.
Ash could not hand her over. How could he? Even if it meant turning his back on the British, even if it meant breaking arrangements with his commanding officer – Ash could no longer bring himself to betray Ivy more than he already had.
By the same token he knew he couldn’t deceive her forever. If his voice ever returned, there would be no disguising his true identity.
The lie would be unravelled someday. It was the same lie that prevented him from loving her in return.
“We’ve already come so far,” whispered Ivy. “It’s probably too late to turn around and go back, but maybe we can lie-low in Perth for a while. It might be our only option for now.”
Ash, pushing away his dubious thoughts, agreed.