MORNING HIT HIM LIKE a sledgehammer. David clutched at his stomach and rolled over. His matted eyes refused to open fully. His head pounded through the cobwebs. He managed to push to his feet and stumble to the sink. His fingers fumbled with the knob, but finally cold water splashed down into the metal basin.
He dunked his head under the flow and rinsed the foulness out of his mouth. His stomach heaved, but he fought it back. He reached for the towel hanging on the holder. It wasn’t there. He froze.
Oh, man. He turned and surveyed his surroundings. Cot. Metal sink. Metal toilet. Bars. He wiped his face with his grimy shirt tail, made use of the toilet, and lowered his aching body to the mattress, back against the wall.
Events from last night resurfaced. The pleasure seeking. The pain. The fight. The booze. His brother’s face. He brought his knees up and propped his forehead on crossed arms. Shame oozed over him. Now Jeremy knew his evil secret.
His stomach turned. His head thumped. A rattle at the cell door brought his head up. He stared at the familiar face. Jeremy waited for Markston to insert the key and slide the door open.
“Thanks,” Jeremy said to the officer.
“No problem. Captain said to go out the side door. More privacy.”
David watched wide-eyed, or at least as wide-eyed as he could get. They weren’t going to charge him? Jeremy propped against the bars, his ankles crossed, and regarded David for long seconds.
David snarled, “Just get it over with.”
Jeremy sighed and stepped into the cell, gloved hand outstretched. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
David shrugged off his brother’s offer of help and stumbled to his feet. His head swirled about, the room tumbled, and he tipped over with it.
Jeremy’s hands grabbed him and righted his body. “Come on, stop being a stubborn jackass. Let me at least help you out to the car.”
David lost his willpower to fight. Again, shame descended on him. Together they stumbled out into the bright morning light. David groaned and covered his eyes. Why did God have to be so cruel? Why couldn’t it have been a cloudy day?
Jeremy fumbled with the car’s passenger door. David eased inside. He pulled off his jacket and threw it onto the back seat. The foul odor of his shirt wafted up to his nose, and he fought another wave of nausea.
The driver’s door opened. Jeremy slid into the seat. He started the car, and the air conditioner blasted cold air. David sighed and relaxed. That helped.
“Here. Change your shirt.”
David looked down at the shirt Jeremy threw in his lap. It was a plain white t-shirt, and it was clean. David peeled off his dirty one, grimaced at the smell of his body, and pulled the clean one on. This was just wrong. He felt too dirty to wear something so clean.
Jeremy handed him a pair of sunglasses, and without a word, David slid them on. Better and better. Now he could hide behind the dark lenses. Keep the world out.
Jeremy started to back up, but slammed the car back into park. David looked over at him. His brother stared straight ahead, muscles working in his jaw.
“How long?”
“What?” He turned his gaze out the passenger window and brought his hands to his stomach. It was flipping on him again.
“You know what I mean. How long have you been like this?” Jeremy rested his hands on the steering wheel. “Baers ran you. You had two DUIs in St. Louis, David.”
David sunk into his seat. His stomach knotted and unknotted. His heart slammed against him. “Two and a half years.”
Jeremy sighed and shut his eyes.
How many times was his brother going to do that? Sighing was worse than yelling, than beating the ever-loving . . . His thoughts faltered. Jeremy was disappointed in him. He pitied him.
David snarled and turned on his brother. “I don’t–”
Jeremy’s hand lashed out and slammed David against the car door. The quickness of Jeremy’s strike left him speechless.
“Just shut up. I don’t want to hear it. No excuses. No nothing.” Jeremy rammed the gear into reverse and peeled out of the parking spot. The car jostled to an abrupt stop, and then they were moving forward.
David sunk further down into his seat. Now that they were moving, even the cold air blasting on him didn’t make his stomach stop quivering.
“And I will knock your head in if you puke in Sarah’s car.”
David closed his eyes and leaned against the head rest. Let the world fall in on him. Let him die now.
Jeremy drove in silence. The drone of the air conditioner filled the car. David contemplated turning on the radio, but his head couldn’t take another verbal lash. Better to let Jeremy cool a bit.
David looked out the window. This wasn’t the way to his apartment. Within a few moments, Jack’s Express Café loomed before him. He didn’t want people around him, and his brother just brought him to the middle of the square. Jeremy shut off the car, got out, and slammed the door.
Pain from the jolt stabbed him through his head. Jeremy could wait forever out there in the sun. He was not getting out of the car. The door jerked open, and Jeremy leaned against the car’s frame.
He spoke slowly. A muscle twitched at his jaw. “You can buck up and get out, or I can drag you out and taser your sorry butt.”
David got out.
He kept his hands close to his convulsing stomach. He glanced around and sought out Maggie’s shop. She would be there tomorrow, pricing items, selling clothes. Happy little shop day.
He grimaced as Jeremy jabbed him between his shoulder blades and sent him staggering forward.
“Walk.”
David walked.
The bell above the door jingled. Jeremy nudged him farther in, this time with a gentler push. Smells assaulted him. Bacon, sausage, eggs, and coffee. Oh, Lord, help him. He couldn’t fight it this time. He turned and rushed toward the restroom, ignoring the looks from a couple of Sunday morning patrons.
He shoved at the door, fell to his knees in the first stall, and vomited stomach acid into the toilet. The sunglasses clattered to the floor as his stomach convulsed and heaved. Tears blurred his vision, and spittle hung in strands from his lips.
The door creaked open. Water ran in one of the sinks. His stomach dry heaved again.
A wet brown paper towel slapped against his mouth. Jeremy knelt behind him and pulled him back into his arms. David leaned his back against his brother’s chest and gulped in air. The towel mopped his face.
“Stop.” David grabbed the towel. “I can do it. I’m not a baby.”
Jeremy grabbed him under his arms. David stood on wobbly knees and nonexistent feet. He staggered to the sink. His forearms against the cool porcelain held him upright.
His brother never said a word. He just turned on the water and helped David wash his face. He gave him back the sunglasses, held the door open, and led him to a booth in the back corner of the cafe.
David eased his sore and sick body down onto the soft, blue vinyl cushion. It wasn’t a waitress who came to the booth to take the order. Jack Niemeyer approached.
“Morning, Jer. What’ll it be?”
“Two coffees. Extra strong this morning, Jack. Bacon, eggs, and gravy biscuits for me. Soft scrambled eggs and toast for David.”
Jack nodded. “I’ll see to it. Rough night?”
Jack’s gaze burned him, but he refused to look up. His brother’s pity was one thing, but someone else’s was another.
“Yeah. You can say that.”
David ignored his brother and the silence that loomed between them. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Pressure pushed at his eyes.
The bell jingled again, and Jack’s voice greeted another customer. The cafe’s sounds mingled. The cash register pinged, silverware clattered, indistinct voices murmured. The sounds collided with the drumming pulse inside his head. He had to get out!
David pushed up out of the booth, but Jeremy’s hands clamped down on his wrists, forcing him back into the booth. “Sit.”
His hands balled underneath his brother’s, but he sat. Jeremy let go. Two mugs of coffee appeared. When did Jack arrive?
Jack placed a small coffee pot at the edge of the table. “Here’s the carafe. Looks like your brother could use it.”
David jerked his head up, and the retort on the tip of his tongue slid back down his throat. Jack’s face didn’t show him pity. It didn’t show him disappointment. It showed understanding.
He swallowed past the lump. “Thanks.”
Jack nodded and spoke to Jeremy. “Your plates will be out soon. Let me know if there is anything else you need, okay?”
David’s hand shook as he brought the coffee to his lips. The liquid was hot, but not too hot that he couldn’t swallow. He grimaced. The drink could stand without a cup. He forced another swallow down.
He had to admit, it did help. His stomach slowly uncoiled itself. His headache receded a bit at a time. When their plates arrived, little was said as they ate.
Jeremy shoveled food into his mouth, while David took small bites. Fear of his stomach rebelling and puking up egg kept him eating at a slower pace. After a while, he drained his coffee cup and pushed away his plate.
Jeremy never said a word other than to thank Jack for the breakfast and ask for more coffee. Another small pot of brew appeared. Inquisition time arrived.
His brother set his cup down and propped on his elbows. His blue eyes pierced him. “When did you realize you had a problem?”
David sighed and leaned back. “After my second DUI. I tried to quit.”
“David, you and I both know you can’t do this on your own.”
“Why do you think I came back?” David clenched and unclenched his hands as they rested on the table. “I knew if I stayed in St. Louis, I would lose myself. Or worse, kill someone the next time.”
Jeremy shook his head. “Just coming back home doesn’t help you. You need to talk it out, go to meetings. Get professional help.”
David threw a hard curse at his brother.
Jeremy smirked. “I wouldn’t enjoy it, little brother. And frankly, neither would you.”
David snarled. “If I get professional help, I will be suspended from the job.”
“Thomas knows?”
David pushed at his saucer. “I think he suspects, but I haven’t been drunk, per se, until last night.”
Jeremy poured some more coffee into their cups. “What threw you over the edge last night?”
“You really want to know?” David gave a harsh laugh. “You, dear brother. You and your sanctimonious attitude.”
A small bit of glee blossomed within him as Jeremy choked on his coffee.
“What?”
“You have to be so much better. Obey the rules. Be a pillar of goodness. Jeremy the brave, Jeremy the great. Jeremy the hero.” David clamped his mouth shut. He spoke too much. Revealed too much.
“I didn’t ask for the award, David.” Jeremy glanced around him, his jaw at work again.
David half wished his brother would clamp his jaw so tight it would never open again. “You sure didn’t refuse it. An award for something you didn’t do.”
“Why should I refuse it? I’ve worked hard for it. I spent two years helping the detectives with that case. But you wouldn’t know that, would you?” Jeremy shook his head. “It’s been three years since you left. You came back, but you aren’t the same. You’re an alcoholic. You’re a womanizer. Seriously? You would rather hole up with some tramp? What about Maggie? Did you think about her?”
David stood. He fought the impulse to throw the coffee in his brother’s face. Instead he leaned down and whispered. “Better to be a whoremonger and alcoholic than a coward and a liar.”
He left Jeremy sitting there with a shocked expression. Yeah. Let him feel shocked that someone would tell him the truth. As he pushed out of the café, his stomach tried to revolt against the food. A part of him whispered that what he said wasn’t true, and he knew it. David pushed that thought away.
He stopped short on the sidewalk and closed his eyes. Just great.
Jeremy drove him here. He didn’t have a ride. He lived at least five miles away from downtown. Better start walking now. He burrowed his hands into his pockets and turned. Jeremy stood there, leaning against the parking meter.
Jeremy walked to the car and opened the passenger door. Again, shame descended upon him. David ignored his brother, slid into the car, and pulled the door closed.
Jeremy rounded the vehicle and settled into the driver’s seat. David couldn’t look at him. Half of him wanted to apologize for the words, guilt eating at him, and the other half wanted to hurl more curses at him.
In silence, Jeremy drove David across town to the small apartment building. He pulled into the parking garage.
David didn’t move. What more could be said? What more could be done?
Jeremy removed his gloves and threw them on the dashboard. About time he removed those gloves. Then he reached into the back and grabbed David’s filthy jacket and shirt.
“Look. Right now isn’t a good time to talk. You’re angry. I’m sure as–” Jeremy stopped and sighed. “Just go sleep. I’ll be here later this afternoon. Church lets out soon.”
“What?” David sneered at his brother. What was he planning? He didn’t need anyone.
“You don’t have many choices right now. I will be here to help you pack. You’re moving back in with Mom and Dad. And you will tell them that you are an alcoholic, and you need help.”
Jeremy turned his gaze to him, and David clamped his mouth shut against the curse and retort. His brother’s eyes were a hard, steely blue.
“If you don’t want my help, then you will need Dad’s. Look, just go. Get inside. Right now I can’t stand the sight of you. And to think I skipped church for you.”
Pain hit David. He blinked. Never had his brother rejected him. Was this how it felt when he said it to Jeremy? He always had his brother, didn’t he?
His heart closed in on itself. Fine. He could be that way, if he wanted. No one needed Jeremy, especially David.
“Fine.”
His brother passed him his clothes. David snatched them from Jeremy’s hand, and the pink, puckered scars along his brother’s palm stared up at him. Old burn scars.