Chapter Four: Bears Inside the House!

I told you it was a wonderful song. Sweet, tender, great message, filled with meaning. Awesome.

I emerged from my sanctuary, ready to begin my life all over again. I felt much better, took a big stretch, gave myself a shake, and trotted toward the living room. I had a feeling that Slim would be looking for me. Sure enough, he was, and wearing a deep scowl.

“What were you doing back there?”

Me? Oh, nothing. I just made a wrong turn, is all.

“You need to go outside.”

Fine. No problem.

I went out the door and sat down on the porch. The air was chilly. Behind me, Slim waited for something to happen. He was getting cold. “Hurry up, I ain’t going to stand here all night.” Two minutes passed. I could hear him grumbling. “I thought you were sick.”

Sick? Not me.

He sighed. “Okay, come back inside.”

I scrambled through the open door and returned to my place on the floor. Drover was already there, the little…Slim chunked up the stove with a couple of pieces of hackberry, then walked through the house, looking for…well, a puddle or something. He found nothing. Hee hee.

“I’m going back to bed. I don’t want to hear another squeak out of you owl-heads. Don’t bark, don’t snore, don’t do anything, and stay out of the bathroom.”

Yes sir.

He went back to his bedroom and turned off the light. I heard the squeak of his bedsprings, indicating that he had crawled back into the sack. What a grouch.

The house fell into a peaceful silence. Whew. I had dodged a bullet.

At that point, I turned a ferocious glare on my assistant. “Drover, do you have any idea what happened to me after you ran like a little chicken and left me alone in the bathroom?”

He lifted his head and gave me his usual silly grin. “Well, let me think. Did you get sick?”

“Yes. I got sick—because you sat there and let me drink two gallons of water laced with Babbo.”

“I told you it tasted funny.”

“It did NOT taste funny, it tasted horrible.”

“Why’d you drink it?”

“Because…how dare you ask such a question?”

“Just curious, but I already know the answer.”

“You don’t know the answer. Even I can’t figure it out. In certain respects…well, it wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”

“You never listen. That’s the answer.”

I flinched. “What? Say that again, slowly.”

“You. Never. Listen.”

“That’s ridiculous. I hear even the tiniest of sounds. My ears are high-tech instruments for gathering sounds.”

“You hear but you don’t listen. It’s true. Go ahead and admit it.”

“I will never admit such a pack of lies.” In spite of myself, I gave his words some thought. “Drover, I’m willing to admit there might be a tiny grain of truth in what you say.”

“More than that.”

“All right, more than that. I admit it. Sometimes…sometimes I don’t listen. You’re right.”

He burst out laughing. “Hee hee hee. I can’t believe you said that!”

“Please don’t giggle when I’ve just made a confession.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

“Are you happy now?” He giggled and nodded. “Good. I hope you enjoyed your little moment of triumph, because now I must place you under arrest.”

His jaw dropped three inches. “Arrest? What did I do?”

I rose from my spot on the floor and paced a few steps away. I could feel his gaze following me. “Drover, there’s a fine line between honesty and treason, and you have crossed it.”

“Yeah, but…” His grin wilted into an arc of concern. “Is this a joke?”

“I wish it were. No, it’s not a joke. For weeks I’ve been observing this little rebellious streak of yours. Now it has broken out into the open and we must act.”

“All I said was that you don’t listen, and you even admitted I was right.”

“I know, and the fact that it was true makes it twice as bad. On your feet, soldier. You will stand with your nose in the corner for two solid hours.”

“Yeah, but…”

“March!”

“It’s not fair!”

I gave him an escort to the northwest corner of the room and left him there with his nose in the appropriate spot. Then I returned to my place in front of the stove. He was whimpering and feeling sorry for himself. Tough toenails.

Okay, to be honest, I felt kind of bad about it. I hate to be severe with the men, but if I don’t take a hard line, how will they learn Life’s Lessons? When I took this job as Head of the Security Division, I didn’t expect it to be easy, but I never thought…borp…

Excuse me. I never thought I would be drinking toilet cleaner. I mean, when you mix Babbo with popcorn, you come up with a bad combination. Fortunately, I had purged my system of the nasty stuff and all that remained were a few unpleasant memories. I was ready to go back to sleep.

I scratched around on the so-called carpet and prepared to do my Three Turns and Flop maneuver, when all at once, I noticed…well, there was a shadow on the wall. See, Slim had chunked up the stove, and now the room was illuminated by a glow of yellow light that came through the vent on the stove door. It threw an eerie shadow on the south wall.

I had seen it earlier and had assumed that it was my own shadow, but now…I wasn’t so sure about that. I mean, the ears and nose…

I looked closer. The image seemed bigger than before. Good grief, unless I was badly mistaken, I was looking at the shadow of a BEAR!

Hey, I’ve never been the kind of dog that gets nervous about shadows, but this was something new and different, and scary enough to cause all the hairs on my back to stand at attention.

I found myself drifting over to Drover’s prison cell. “Psst. Are you awake?”

“Snork murk snicklefritz.”

“What?”

“Ticky tattle in the banana rodeo.”

“You’re asleep. I can always tell. Wake up.”

I gave him a shake and his eyes slid open. “Gummy beans in beetle jeans. Where am I?”

“You’re in prison. I’ve come to bail you out.”

“Oh goodie. How come?”

“Because…Drover, I don’t want to alarm you, but let’s go right to the point. I think we have a bear inside the house.”

His eyes popped open. “A bear! Bears live in the mountains.”

“I agree, but remember what Slim said this morning? He said he saw a bear crossing the road.”

“Yeah, but we decided it was a burro.”

“I know, I know, but he mumbles his words sometimes and…what if he actually saw a bear? And what if it broke into the house?”

Drover’s eyes grew as wide as full moons. “I wish you wouldn’t say that.”

“Drover, moments ago, I saw a big shadow on the wall and it sure looked like a bear. Look for yourself.”

Very slowly, he moved his head around and squinted at the wall. “I don’t see anything.”

“Yes, well, they’re sneaky. Maybe he’s hiding somewhere. We need to post a double guard.”

“You know, I think I’ll stay in jail.”

“You will not stay in jail! I need your help. Follow me.” We crept out of the cell and made our way back to our sleeping quarters in front of the stove. There, we sat down. I swung my gaze around to the south wall and saw…oh no!

“Drover, look at the south wall and tell me what you see.”

He turned his eyes toward the wall and let out a gasp. “Oh my gosh, two of them, and they’re huge!”

“Exactly, and now we come to the crucial question. Are they burros or bears?”

His voice came out as a terrified squeak. “Grizzly bears! How’d they get in the house?”

“I don’t know, but they’re here.”

“What’ll we do?”

My mind was racing. “Slim must be warned.”

“Yeah, but we already woke him up once, and he threw a fit.”

“I know, but this is a different deal. He needs to know that the house has been invaded.” I pulled myself up to my full height. “Prepare to launch Stage Three Barking, and don’t hold anything back.”

“What if the bears come after us?”

I laid a paw upon his shoulder. “Then we’ll go down fighting for the ranch. Ready? Commence firing!”

Boy, you talk about some spirited barking. We let fly with everything we had, and I have to give Drover credit. He didn’t faint or hide under the coffee table or spin around in circles. He actually rallied to the cause and barked his little heart out. After thirty seconds of solid blasting, we got a response from the bedroom.

“SHUT UP!”

I wasn’t surprised. That’s always his first reaction to Code Threes in the middle of the night. We leaned into our work and barked louder than ever.

Again, Slim’s voice came rolling down the hall. “If I have to get out of this bed, somebody’s neck is liable to get wrung!”

The man wasn’t totally rational when we had to wake him up, but, in our deepest hearts, we knew we were doing it for his own good.

At last we heard the squeak of bed springs, then the thunder of his hooves on the floor. His feet, actually. He had big feet but they weren’t exactly hooves, and here they came. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

Seconds later, he stood right in front of us—stiff, disheveled, and fuming mad. “What are you morons barking at!”

Our noses pointed toward the terrifying scene on the wall—two enormous grizzly bears.

The moment of truth had arriven.