9

Amy awoke to the chime of her iPhone alarm and swung her legs out of bed. After showering and dressing, she actually had the urge to put on some makeup.

She found the phone number for Boston Fertility Clinic and asked to speak with the office manager. The woman had just left for an early lunch but would be back in about an hour.

“Should I have her call you back?”

“You can probably help me. I’m a patient of Dr. Hutchinson’s. My husband and I—” She choked on the words. “Sorry.” She cleared her throat. “Allergies are bad this morning. My husband and I froze the fertilized ova that we didn’t use for our last round of IVF and I’d like to make an appointment to find out what I have to do to start the implantation process.”

There. She said it. She had lain awake for two hours last night trying to convince herself this was the right thing to do. Once she decided she was going to make the phone call, she was not sure she could get the words out without breaking down. So far, so good. If she got this far, she might be able to go through with it. Small steps.

“Your name?”

“Amy Robbins. Amy and Dan Robbins.” She heard some clacking of keys.

“Right. Oh, it’s been a while since you’ve been in. Dr. Hutchinson will need to do a complete exam and …”

Amy waited, the silence making her think the line had dropped. “And what?”

“Um, I think it’d be best for you to wait and talk with Jane. Like I said, she’ll be back in about an hour.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Well, your account is, um, well, there’s a note that I’m to refer you to the office manager.”

“Really? What kind of note? I mean, that sounds strange. I—just tell me what’s going on. I have to leave for work in ten minutes and I’m in California, so you’ll be gone by the time I can call back.”

The woman sighed. “Okay. Well, a few years ago there was a fire in the clinic and they lost dozens of embryos.”

“Lost?” Amy felt dizzy. She felt for the chair and sat down hard. “What does that mean, lost? How?”

“Well, I wasn’t here back then, so I don’t know the details but your account has a note on it because, well, it was one of the ones whose embryos were …” She cleared her throat. “Lost in the fire.”

Amy’s field of vision went snowy gray. She grabbed the edge of the table and steadied herself. Think, Amy. Focus. “You’re saying my—our—embryos were … they were destroyed?”

“Looks that way, yeah. You and some others. But like I said, I wasn’t working here back then. Your account is, um, flagged.”

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“Unfortunately, yes. I’m very sorry, Mrs. Robbins.”

“How—how’d it happen? What kind of fire?”

Amy knew none of this mattered. But she had to keep the woman talking to get as much information as she could while fighting through the fog that was clouding her thinking.

Zach had been after her for years to use the frozen embryos and have another child—not to replace Lindy but to help her heal. She had much to offer as a parent, he told her. It would be a shame to dwell on the past and sacrifice her future.

His words had been heard but not listened to. She had finally made the decision to move forward, prepared herself for having Dan’s baby again … and now she felt like her chance at bearing a child, watching her or him grow up … was ripped away from her.

Again.

“As I said, I wasn’t working here at the time. But really, this should be handled by Jane. And our legal counsel.”

Amy laughed animatedly—as if that were a ridiculous statement. “Fires are a fact of life. I’m not looking to sue, I just want to know what happened.”

“I wish I could tell you more, but I’m not authorized to talk about it. All I know is that your embryos were being stored in that room where the fire broke out. And like I said, there’s a note in the computer. Although … I do see that a guarantor on your account, a Zachary Robbins, has still been paying the cryo storage fees via EFT on his checking account. I’m sure Jane will send out a refund in arrears. That should’ve been taken care of. Again, my apologies.”

Amy took a deep breath. She was out of questions. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed. After thanking the woman, she hung up. And started to cry.