Getting ready for a date that was a non-date was the most ridiculous concept ever. Since Dawn had agreed to be Joel’s plus one he’d refused to give her more details other than that she should wear a dress. As she currently had a built-in babysitter in the form of Rebekah (who was also encouraging the event wholeheartedly), it was hard to back out so soon after saying yes.
But the wardrobe crisis she was suffering was so unbelievably epic she wasn’t sure what to do. It was only three months since she’d given birth to Harry and, as she’d not been doing sit-ups like a crazed woman, she was nowhere close to her pre-surrogacy body. All the dresses she owned were clinging to places she’d rather not highlight and she’d not had a reason to buy any new outfits of late, so there were none sitting in her wardrobe waiting.
In the end she settled for a black A-line skirt that did a good job of smoothing over any bumps and a floaty silk halter-neck top that glided over the parts where it was necessary. Overall, the outfit showed off her toned legs and arms without drawing the eye to the part that needed attention. Even though she wasn’t wearing a dress, the two pieces of clothing together looked like some of the modern designs, so hopefully it would be right for wherever it was they were going.
At half seven that evening, Joel picked her up in a taxi as planned. To her surprise he was in a tux and the difference from his usual appearance at the zoo was striking. Yes, he still had his dreadlocks, but they were neatly tied back, showing off his tanned face and striking blue eyes. Had she really been blind to him all these months? And now she was noticing him, she had to remember she’d forced the issue of this date being platonic.
‘Are you going to tell me where we’re going?’ The taxi driver pulled off as soon as they were in, so Joel had obviously given him instructions on where to go before they arrived at Dawn’s flat.
‘Why spoil the surprise?’
‘Because if we’re heading to your ex-girlfriend’s wedding or something, then I’d quite like to know.’
‘You look lovely, by the way.’ Joel did a half-grin, taking the sight of her in in a way that gave her butterflies.
‘Don’t try and change the subject,’ she said, trying to be practical and not get distracted from the fact they were just friends.
‘We’re nearly there anyway, so you’ll know soon.’
The taxi driver was taking them away from the centre of Owerdale and further into the New Forest. The skies were so clear you could make out every star in the sky tonight.
There were fewer places for them to head to this way and, for a while, Dawn listed all the wedding venues out this way to see if she was right about what they were up to.
When the taxi pulled up along a gravel drive she knew it must be a wedding. Lots of other people were arriving at the same time and the cab had to stop further along from the entrance for them to get out.
Joel offered his hand so her heels on gravel didn’t cause her to topple over. She should have made enquiries about the terrain before coming out.
‘Where are we?’ Despite having arrived she was still pretty clueless on the facts.
‘Owerdale Vineyard and Restaurant.’
‘Shut up. It’s not open yet.’ The place had recently been taken over and there was a rumour circulating that a celebrity chef had purchased the place.
‘It’s opening night. So we might get to find out who the new owner is.’
Crunching across the gravel, Dawn became acutely aware of how lacking her social graces were for fine dining. And she was pretty sure it wasn’t commonplace for zookeepers to get invited to such events; but, for whatever reason, here they were.
In the restaurant, everything was set out so beautifully that Dawn was afraid to move in her chair. Everything was just so within a millimetre of its life. She was pretty sure she would get chucked out if she so much as rested an elbow on the table.
Glancing across at Joel, he didn’t look any less awkward than she did. It made lots of questions about him form in her head, but she didn’t know where to start. Even the art of conversation was escaping her.
‘How is Archie? Was he okay when you got home?’
Dawn was glad at least one of them had found something to talk about. ‘I think he had a few tears before bedtime. He’s moved your portrait of Elvis by his bed so he can look at the picture when he gets sad. He’s already given me a rundown of who he thinks will take over as the next alpha male.’
‘It’ll take a while for the younger males to work it out between themselves. Archie is such a good kid. Do you think he’ll work with animals when he’s older?’
‘I can’t imagine him doing anything else. It’s his passion. How did you get into it?’
‘I was brought up around animals. My mum and dad had more pets than children. They only ever had me and they used to add to the pet collection annually. When it came to career choices I originally wanted to be a vet, but that took way too many years to get qualified and I wanted to travel and see the world. So I became a zookeeper instead. It suited me perfectly.’
‘So, if you don’t mind my asking, how do zookeepers afford expensive evenings like this?’ Dawn was glad she was finally brave enough to ask. Having been to his property she was beginning to think the celebrity chef was probably his dad.
‘I don’t think I can divulge that secret yet. At least not until the end of the evening.’
Two waiters interrupted their talk with the first of seven taster dishes. The pair carefully ensured that they both had their starter plate delivered to them at exactly the same time. They were more like magicians than waiters and by their fifth course they’d been dazzled with displays involving liquid nitrogen. Thankfully they were also very informative waiters because now Dawn was clear on what a palate cleanser was for and at what point of the melting chocolate globe she was actually able to tuck in and eat it.
At the end of the most awesome meal she’d ever tasted, the chef came into the restaurant as the grand finale. The reports had been right. It was Huxley Finch, the celebrity chef several people had claimed they’d spotted in the weeks running up to tonight. As he gave his speech about the opening of the restaurant and announced plans to start a micro-brewery in conjunction with the vineyard, Dawn noticed how he was as flamboyant in the flesh as he was on the TV, and how, with his ginger hair and styled facial hair, he looked nothing like Joel. Maybe her first and only theory about them being here because Huxley was Joel’s father was a bit of a rubbish one.
When Huxley was finished, the room ruptured into applause, with all the patrons who were able to standing as they clapped.
Both of them joined in and the excitement was justified. This really would be a good thing for the local area. As she sat, Dawn caught Joel giving her that expression again, his half-smile saying so much more than a full one.
Their very attentive waiters were delivering liqueurs alongside delicate chocolates that were melt in the mouth and needed to be savoured.
When it was time to go, Dawn found herself wanting the evening to last longer. After initially not knowing what to say, the time had passed incredibly quickly and it really had been the most spectacular meal of her life. She just hoped the secret Joel was keeping didn’t involve paying. She was all for going Dutch, but not when she had a son to feed on an already tight budget.
To her surprise they were allowed out of the restaurant without even being asked to pay a bill. ‘Have we just skipped without paying?’ She had to check before they left; she couldn’t risk starting up a criminal record.
‘No, this evening was all gratis. It’s a promotional evening to get the word out about the restaurant. Come on, let’s go for a walk. The taxi isn’t booked for another half hour.’
Joel offered his hand and she took it, not wanting to end up on her arse with the uneven terrain.
‘How did you end up on the guest list? Are you a food reviewer as well as everything else? Or do you gatecrash these kinds of events for fun?’ The idea amused Dawn. Her life seemed pale compared to Joel’s.
‘You’ll never guess. It’s even more far-fetched than your best suggestions.’
‘Tell me then.’
‘I won dinner for two from the Owerdale Echo. So this was all courtesy of the local newspaper.’
‘Wow. How cool is that?’
‘Pretty cool, huh? And much better to take you out than my mother. She’s the one who normally benefits from these outings.’
‘So you’ve won stuff like this before?’
They’d turned the corner now and started to walk along the side of the building towards the vineyard. In the dark with only the light from the restaurant and the stars in the sky, the rows of trees looked magical. A place where fairies would live if they were real, and if this magical evening was the result of a prize, maybe anything was possible.
‘A fair few times. It’s not something I talk about much.’ Joel glanced down, not looking her in the eye. There was a reason he didn’t want to talk about it.
‘Why not?’ If he’d told her this much, maybe with gentle encouragement he would tell her the rest.
‘There’s a bit of a story behind it. It’s not something I like everyone to know.’
‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’ His hand was still in hers and they were getting further away from the light of the restaurant building. ‘But if you’re going to, can we sit down before these shoes kill my feet?’
‘I just don’t want it to put you off me.’
‘Believe me when I say honesty is never an off-putting feature.’
‘Well, in that case, let’s sit down.’
The grassy floor of the vineyard was soft and dry.
‘Here,’ Joel said. ‘Lean against my back, it’ll be more comfortable.’
‘Tell me then,’ Dawn said as they sat back-to-back. It was like a confessional. Whatever he said would be in strictest confidence, and not being able to see his face meant she didn’t have to hide her own expression if it really was that shocking.
‘You know I said Archie reminds me of myself?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s not because of his connection with animals, although that is another familiarity. It’s his intelligence and his obsessiveness. That’s the part of me I’ve spent my whole life fighting with.’
Joel’s back was warm against hers and, in the coolness of the summer evening, it was a welcome warmth. ‘Fighting? Why would you fight it?’ It struck Dawn that it was part of Archie’s personality and not something that would be ironed out easily. Not that she would want to iron it out. She’d come to the point where she accepted that Archie was a bit different. It wasn’t something that needed changing.
‘Because it became a problem.’ Joel fell silent behind her.
‘You don’t have to tell me.’ Especially if it was upsetting for him. There seemed to be enough trauma around without having to revisit the past. She certainly didn’t want to revisit her own in any kind of hurry.
‘I was obsessed, especially with numbers. As I got older I got into gambling. I could count cards. It almost got me in a lot of trouble.’
‘What kind of trouble?’ The only kind she could think of was financial.
‘I did too well. I won so much money the casinos knew something was going on. They would have reported me to the police if I’d carried on. So I stopped, but it’s not quite as simple as that.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m just dreadful at sitting still. I can’t help it. I have to be busy. Cutting it out of my life was a big sacrifice and I had to find something to fill the void. That’s when I started the painting to occupy my mind and at some point I came across entering competitions on the internet. It was another way of stopping myself from going stir crazy, but this time it was all down to luck. I have the same chance as everyone else at winning without cheating. Anyway, I’m not sure why I’m telling you all of this. I guess I just wanted you to know. Some people find it off-putting.’
‘What people? Who would ever say no to being taken out on swanky evenings when you’ve come by the opportunity entirely honestly?’ Dawn put her hand to the side, feeling the grass between her fingers. She was enjoying listening to Joel.
‘It’s not the swanky evenings that put them off. It’s the obsessiveness. I’ve lost the ability to sit down and relax in front of a TV programme. I’m not happy unless my hands are busy.’
At that moment, Joel’s hand joined Dawn’s and it jolted her into sitting upright. She didn’t quite know what he meant by having busy hands, but she certainly wasn’t going to let him get busy with her, even if sitting in among the grapevines with only the night-sky stars sparkling down on them was the most romantic setting she’d ever been in.
‘Look.’ Dawn turned so she could see him. He’d just been so open and honest with her, she didn’t want to let him think this could be anything other than just friends, even though she was beginning to realise she liked him. ‘You know how you are obsessed with things. I don’t mind what those things are if they make you happy. And exactly the same applies to Archie. And I’m sure you must have noticed you are one of his obsessions. We wouldn’t be here together if he hadn’t forced us into this. I don’t want him to get hurt and the only way I can control that is if we remain friends.’
‘Has anyone ever told you how selfless you are? Everything you do seems to be with other people in mind. Don’t forget that somewhere along the way you need to do something for you.’
Dawn didn’t see herself like that. She was a mother first and foremost and making Rebekah a mother as well was just an extension of that. ‘Becoming a surrogate wasn’t an entirely selfless act. I did it so I could get my act together and do an apprenticeship. I’ve wanted to try and improve my income for a while, but I’ve never found a way to do it all the time I’ve needed to work to support Archie.’
Joel turned towards her and, if she’d had a pencil, she would have been able to trace the lines of his silhouette. ‘Even so, it seems pretty selfless to me. Whereas my hobbies are pretty selfish when I think about it.’
‘But your occupation isn’t. And the way you’ve been with Archie isn’t. I just don’t want this to affect the friendship you have with him.’
This wasn’t anything. This was dinner with a friend. This was muddling with her head.
‘It won’t. Look, we best go and check if our taxi has arrived.’ Joel got up and offered his hand.
Dawn took it, then dusted off her skirt before heading back the way they’d come. Disappointment formed in an unexpected ball somewhere near her diaphragm. Even though she’d been the one to point out she didn’t want to get into anything because of Archie, she’d hoped Joel would argue his case a bit more. It was silly because, even with that extra effort, her answer would still have been in favour of protecting her son. It was just a long time since she’d had any kind of attention, but the truth was, Joel was here because of her son and not because he actually liked her.
When they got round to the front, the same cab that had delivered them was waiting for them.
‘Nice evening?’ the driver enquired as they took their seats.
‘Wonderful,’ Dawn said, being truthful. It was such a unique experience, one she would never get to repeat in her life.
When they got to the flat, Joel was a perfect gentleman and opened the car door for her, making sure she got back to the flat okay.
‘I know we can only be friends,’ he said as Dawn fiddled in her purse, attempting to find her key. ‘But I’ve had fun. Maybe we could do this again. As friends.’
Locating her keys, Dawn answered with only a moment’s hesitation. ‘If you ever need a plus one then give me a ring. If it’s anything like tonight, I’ll be there in a heartbeat. As a friend,’ she added, to further confirm what Joel had already said.
‘Right, well, I’ll see you in the week. Fingers crossed the presentation goes okay.’
‘Fingers crossed.’ As Dawn let herself into the flat, there was no awkward moment where he attempted to kiss her on the cheek. He didn’t even try and give her a hug. It was a shame as, despite the need to look out for Archie, Joel had managed to stir possibilities that had long been dormant.
When she got up to the flat reality dawned. And anything dawning on Dawn had to be a little ironic. But as she was about to tuck herself up on the sofa for the second night in a row, Joel’s words about her being selfless rang in her head. Perhaps selfless wasn’t the right term. Somewhere closer to complete mug might be nearer the truth. Tomorrow, David was coming over for a roast with Harry and she wasn’t going to allow the day to end with anything other than the family going home together. The couple needed to reunite and acknowledge that their grief from the past was causing as much of a problem as Harry’s inability to sleep at night.
Dawn might be selfless up to a point, but she wanted her own bed back. It was quite possible she’d reached her limit.