Unable to look past the disappointment she glimpsed in his eyes, Cassy found herself agreeing to a brief tour before returning to the hotel. It wasn’t until they were back in the car and Cassy was buckled into her seat that Gordan surprised her by leaning forward to brush his mouth over hers.
At the sound of her soft gasp, he could not stop himself. He had to taste her sweetness. Even though he was greedy for all of her, he forced himself to be content with stroking his tongue over hers. Without conscious thought, he released her seatbelt and gathered her close until her soft breasts were pressed into his chest. He ignored the pulsating heat in his groin and the hard beat of his heart. He told himself he could wait—he had to. Gordan eased away while he still could and started the car.
Cassy had no idea how she got through the brief tour of La Pagerie without revealing her inner turmoil. Cassy tried not to think about his reaction to her plans for the evening and failed.
Even the lovely view could not distract her as they drove back. She did not want to consider that she had hurt him. She did not want to care about him at all. If she let herself care again, she could not survive the emotional devastation. She would not throw away her plans for the future. She could not.
“I’m glad we did this today. You made me realize how long it has been since I’ve taken time away from the job. My last vacation was when we went to New Orleans. We haven’t taken a real vacation together in two years, since you and your sister started the inn.”
“Are you blaming me?” Cassy knew she sounded as if she was spoiling for a fight, but she didn’t care.
“I’m not blaming either one of us. We’ve barely had an occasional weekend in ages. That kind of distance takes a toll on a relationship.” He sighed, before he said quietly, “Baby, this isn’t about blame. We’ve both been too caught up in our work.” Then he said dryly, “Not that I’ve been productive since our split—-just the opposite.”
“So that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Finally, you admit that this whole day has been designed so that you can get your life back on track.” Her voice practically vibrated from the intensity of her emotions. She could not contain the hurt and anger that churned inside of her.
Gordan swore beneath his breath. He kept both hands on the wheel, but after a glance in the rearview mirror, he slowed the car enough to turn onto a deserted road that was no bigger than a farm track. Eventually, he stopped the car beside a cane field.
His eyes were focused straight ahead when he said,”I’ve told you why I wanted to see you today. It has nothing to do with getting my life back on track, although I will be the first to admit that I want you back in my life. I’ve made no secret about it.”
“Oh, please. Why pretend? We both know that as soon as you get what you want, things will go back to the way they have always been between us—me in Oakland and you flying all over the place like some Sahara nomad.” Cassy was trembling with rage when she yanked on her seatbelt, trying to free herself, but her hands were shaking too badly. She hissed at him, “Well, Kramer, I’m not one of your business deals gone bad! I’m not some project! I also have wants and needs—needs you can’t begin to satisfy. I’m not dropping back in your lap like a ripe coconut. Now, will you please start this blasted car and take me back to the hotel. I want this day over sooner, not later.”
“Since you seem to be an authority on why I’m here, why don’t you tell me why you’re with me today? You hate me so much, why in the hell did you bother to spend the day with me? Huh?”
“You asked me.”
A muscle jumped in his beard-covered cheek. Judging by the outrage stamped on her small features he knew he was wasting his breath, nevertheless he asked, “Why?”
“I’m sorry I came. I would like to go back to the hotel.”
“Not until you’re honest with me. You’re here for a reason, Cassy. What is it?”
“It was my stupid attempt at trying to be fair.”
Gordan did not like her response. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. She evidently had made a decision. When was he going to get around to believing her?
“Am I supposed to thank you for your thoughtfulness? Is that the idea?”
“Gordan, this entire conversation is a complete waste of time. Take me back!”
He did not move a muscle. He maintained his grip on the steering wheel as he battled mounting frustration. She had done her level best to cut him off at the knees. It was as if she was determined to keep him from developing any kind of momentum toward a reconciliation.
When Gordan shifted in his seat, releasing his seat belt, he reached over and released hers. Before she could even offer a protest, she was across his lap, her back against his door, her breasts pressed into his chest.
Gordan was finished debating the issue. He took her mouth in a series of slow, drugging kisses. He kept right on kissing her, and when she moaned, he deepened the kiss, stroking her tongue with his, savoring her sweetness. Her slender arms found their way up to encircle the strong column of his neck. He moved his chest against her tight, pointy nipples as he sucked her tongue.
“Don’t...” She managed to break free and turned her head away.
“Don’t what—take off every stitch of clothing you are wearing so that I can take you here? Or is it, don’t make you feel? What you don’t want, Cassy, are reminders of how much you want my mouth on your breasts or lower.” He pressed her hips against his throbbing shaft. “Does that tell you how much I’ve missed you, baby?”
His mouth was heavy, relentless, as he licked her lips before suckling the lower one. He tasted her as he had been wanting to do the entire day, feasting on her sweetness. All he knew was that he had to have her. He was empty without her.
“Cassy...” He groaned, finally allowing them both the liberty to breathe. He placed warm kisses down the length of her throat, sponging the mole he found at the tender base, before he traveled back up to kiss, then tongue, the sensitive place behind her ear.
“You want me, baby,” he said, huskily, as he opened button after button on her blouse and unhooked the front closure of her bra. “Your nipples are hard, tight with hunger, for what I can give you.”
He explored the incredibly soft, full globes, first with his eyes then his mouth. He placed hot, wet kisses all over them, in turn, before he tenderly squeezed each dark-brown peak between his fingertips, applying just enough pressure to cause her to gasp and whimper for more. He laved each nipple with the velvety roughness of his tongue until it was glistening, and she was quivering in his arms. Only then did he take the hard, sweet tip into the warmth of his mouth, providing an intense suction.
“Gordan...,” she sobbed, cradling his head in her hand. There was no hesitation on his part as he turned his attention to her other nipple. He didn’t lift his head even when he sensed that she was close to climaxing. He slid a hand beneath the hem of her shorts, up her thigh, to cup her soft mound. He could feel the damp heat of her through the silk of her panties, as he rhythmically squeezed her softness.
Cassy whimpered, eyes tightly closed. “Please, baby. Please. I need you—now.”
“I can’t take you here,” he said against her mouth, his breathing as uneven as hers. “We’re going back to the hotel. And I promise you, I won’t stop until you are a part of me. I want you to climax with me deep inside of you. I want to feel your sweetness.”
Cassy’s eyes flew open, and she stared into the burning heat of his dark gaze. She had almost let him...It couldn’t be happening all over again.
“No!”
Using both hands, she pushed her way out of his arms and scrambled off his lap, across the seat and out of the car, nearly falling in the process. She fumbled, trying to straighten out her clothes. Her hands were shaking so badly, she could hardly stand up, let alone close her buttons. She took off down the farm track.
Gordan got out of the car as quickly as he could, considering his erection. He called her name, but when she didn’t even slow down, his long legs soon caught up with her.
Swinging her around to face him, he held on. “What are you doing—running away, yet again? What is it with you? Just when are you going to accept that there is a reason why we can’t keep our hands off each other? It’s more than just sex. That’s why it hurts so much.”
“I won’t do this anymore. It doesn’t solve anything,” she snarled at him. “It’s not what I want anymore.” Her small hands were balled at her sides.
“Really? You sure felt like a willing participant.” When she lifted her chin, stubbornly refusing to make a comment, he said impatiently, “Admit it. You want me as badly as I want you. I know you, baby. I know the sounds you make deep in your throat when you’re close to finishing. There is no question about the fact that I’m hard and aching and you’re damp and ready. We both know I could have made you climax back there in that car with my mouth alone. Stop playing this game with me. Stop punishing me, because I won’t make the same mistake again!”
His mouth was hard and insistent on hers. He stopped when he tasted her tears. “Baby, please don’t.”
“I can’t . . .” She was trembling all over.
He released a rush of air from his lungs while he held on to her. “What you mean is, you won’t.”
Cassy was crying so hard that he bent to pick her up and carry her back to the car. He settled her in the passenger seat before he took his place in the driver’s seat.
Cassy barely remembered accepting his pristine, white handkerchief. She was so miserable, but at the same time relieved that they were finally underway. What was she going to do? How was he ever going to take her seriously, after she let him touch her?
Although she blamed him, she could not excuse herself. She could have stopped him, but she had not. She did more than allow his caresses and kisses. She savored each one—had been as eager as he was to once again be a part of each other. She had wanted him.
How could she have forgotten even for an instant how potent and dangerous their attraction was to her peace of mind? What was it about the man that pulled her deep into those self-destructive flames?
There was no getting around the fact that they’d given in to an intense hunger and indescribable yearning for completion. They had nearly made love in his car. He had been the one to set limits—to stop it. Cassy hung her head, her face and neck hot with mortification.
It had been a mistake for her to go out with him today. She should have known better. Her body had wanted what her mind had told her was wrong. She was still too vulnerable to the man; she cared too much for him.
Why Gordan? She had no trouble telling any other man no and meaning it. Yet, her sensuous response to him was indisputable, she decided, miserably, as she blinked away scalding, hot tears.
Taking deep breaths, she tried to calm herself and figure out what she needed to do next. The most obvious thing was not to let it happen again. That meant not to let him near her again.
“My guess is that you’ve decided not to see me again once we reach the hotel complex. Am I right?”
“It sounds like a winner to me,” she answered, flippantly, in a weak attempt to conceal hurt feelings.
He was silent for so long that she peeked at him through her lashes. His jaw was tight and his knuckles were pale against his dark skin. There was no need to speculate on his mood. He was furious with her. Or had she managed to hurt him, yet again?
She had never meant to hurt him. Gordan was a fine man. He had so many good qualities that she admired. But his desires were not her own. How could she make him see that what she was doing was not designed to hurt him but to protect herself?
Although feeling the need to defend herself, she swallowed the apology rising in her throat. She had made the only decision she could, under the circumstances. Her entire future depended on her not backing down, even though it was hurting them both. There could be no turning back for her, not if she wanted a husband and family of her own someday.
She strongly believed that for any marriage to work in this day and age, the couple had to put their love for each other first. With that unshakable core of love, together they could survive anything that life had to offer. She had seen the proof of it in her parents’ marriage and suspected it had been there in her grandparents’ marriage. In her sister’s case, even though she and her husband put their love for each other first, there was still plenty of love available for Mandy and baby Kurt. And that’s what Cassy wanted for herself.
Today had been an exception to Gordan’s normal operating procedure. It was only a minor diversion, meant only to sway her to his way of thinking. It was not as if she doubted his sincerity. Gordan truly wanted her back, but on his terms. He wanted her to fit into his lifestyle.
And Cassy couldn’t even blame him for it, for she had been his lady for years. He knew what to expect from her. And, even more important to him, he knew he could trust her. He saw no reason for that to change.
Their arrangement met his needs, for the most part. He was willing to make one small concession—that they live together. Cassy sighed wearily. She knew, as well as she knew her name, that if she agreed to come back to making herself available to him as she had done early in their relationship, Gordan would probably back down on the living-together issue. He just wanted to see more of her. But his agenda was his alone—never hers.
Much of the past four and a half years, she had felt as if she had been caught in a whirlwind of private planes, limousines, luxurious hotels, and romantic Caribbean nights. He had taken her on lavish vacations all over the world. And she had gone eagerly because of the way she felt about him. For her it had always been about feelings—their unshakable love.
But life was also about change. Being with him was no longer enough. It was time Cassy took care of her own future. Time she found the emotional strength needed to deal with Gordan’s seductive method of persuasion.
Perhaps it was time to go home. Although she was just beginning to recognize her mistake in coming back to Martinique, she would not let it get the best of her. She could not let him win.
And it really should not matter how many times she saw Gordan while she was here. He could not offer her what she wanted. Her future did not include him or what he wanted her to do with her life. He could not have power over her because she would not give it to him.
“We’re back,” he said, quietly. He was holding on to his temper—just barely.
Cassy maintained her silence the entire way to her hotel room. Although she would have preferred he did not see her to her door, she was not about to start screaming in the lobby or venting her outrage in the crowded elevator. No. Her grandmother had taught her to carry herself as a lady at all times. Besides, she was not one to make a scene and embarrass them both. The instant the door closed behind them, she turned, ready to face him down. She found herself pulled against his chest.
“I’ve had about enough of you manhandling me.”
“And I’ve had enough of your pretense.”
“Why are you tossing that accusation at me? I told you in Atlanta how I felt—what I wanted. There was never any pretense.”
“Only that you have no feeling for me anymore. Is that what this Foster thing is about, Cassy? Is it designed to make me jealous and force me to do what you want?”
“No! How can you say that? I’m not trying to manipulate you. Why can’t you get it through your thick head that this is not about you at all? It’s about me. It’s about what I want.”
“We wanted the same thing on that deserted road. We wanted each other.”
“Why are you acting this way? I’ve moved on, Gordan. I’ve moved on without you.”
“So Foster is my replacement—is that it?”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he snarled. His hands on her shoulders were not hurtful but were unyielding. He lowered his head and hissed, “You have a date with Foster, tonight. Fine. But, lady, you will go to him with the taste of my kisses and my touch.”