“You’re late,” Gordan said, as he offered a hand to help her to board the cabin cruiser.
He could not hide the anger and resentment that had been his companions during the night. He hated the fact that she had spent the evening with another man, and he detested himself for wondering if she might have done more than danced.
Cassy did not need the reminder. She had been awake most of the night, unable to shut down her brain. It was near dawn before she had finally dropped off. She would probably still be in bed if it had not been for the wake-up call she had received from the front desk.
“Well?”
“Leave me alone,” she snapped, then wished she could bite her tongue. “I’m sorry. I had a late night.”
She wanted to scream that it was all his fault. He had ruined the evening for her when he had cut in on her and Adam on the dance floor. It had gone downhill from there.
It took all his strength to hold onto his temper and not demand to know precisely what she meant by a late night. Only his respect for her as a woman, and his awareness that once the words were spoken he could not take them back, kept him silent.
He took a deep breath, concentrating on nothing but breathing. He knew once he calmed down and started using his head instead of his emotions he would have his answer. Cassy had not shared a bed with Foster. He knew what kind of woman she was. She could never sleep with one man while caring about another. That was simply not her way. Despite their estrangement, he knew she still had feelings for him. She would not be here if she did not. What he did not know was if she was still in love with him.
Last night, Cassy had accused him of confusing her with his ex-wife. Was she right? Was that what he’d been doing?
“Come on. You can stow your things below while I cast off.”
Cassy felt his dark, penetrating eyes move over her. She wore white cargo shorts and a lavender tee shirt. On her feet were purple, floral sneakers, and her hair had been tucked under a lavender baseball cap. Her swimsuit, towel, personal items, and cosmetics were in a bright, floral, canvas tote bag. She hadn’t bothered with makeup, other than a touch of mascara and a plum lipstick.
“Will I do?” she challenged, meeting his heated gaze.
He grinned, his first smile of the day. “No doubt about it.”
She scolded herself for noticing that he looked long and muscular in snug fitting, cut off jeans and a white tee shirt. She sternly reminded herself as she raced down the stairs to the lower level that his long, dark legs and powerful biceps were of no interest to her.
Below deck was as spacious as she remembered, housing the salon area furnished in navy leather armchairs and a sofa, and a galley complete with compact sink, refrigerator, and stove. His cabin held a built-in king-sized bed and chest of drawers. There was also a head with all the amenities, including a large shower stall.
When she heard the sound of the engine and felt the movement of the boat, she dropped her bag beside a pale-blue armchair in the bedroom then headed for the stairs.
She found Gordan seated at the helm. He glanced at her before returning his attention to the wheel.
“Where are we headed?”
He smiled. “Thought you would enjoy a trip to Cap Enrage near Case Pointe. It’s a perfect day to get in some snorkeling, fishing, or just plain swimming.”
“Sounds wonderful. What was in the huge picnic basket I saw on the table in the galley?” she asked, grateful for the shield of her sunglasses.
She had been staring at the wide expanse of Gordan’s chest. His shirt was draped over the back of his chair. She forced herself to concentrate on only the beauty of the island’s irregular coastline and the richness of the blue-green sea.
“Bradford packed our lunch. How did your evening end?’’
“Are you asking if I slept with Adam?”
“I don’t need to ask. You’re a bit testy, aren’t you, baby?”
“Don’t push.”
Gordan was focusing on steering them around the reefs and out into the open sea.
“What do you mean, you don’t have to ask? Do you have someone checking under my bed at night?”
“Hardly. You don’t sleep around anymore than I do. If we didn’t have anything else in this relationship, we have trust. We couldn’t have made it as long as we have without it.”
“News flash! We’re not in a relationship, Gordan Kramer.’’ There was more than a hint of sarcasm in her tone.
He shrugged. “Certain things have changed and others have not. I don’t have to tell you that you’re not the type of woman to jump from one man’s bed into another. And then there’s the fact that we still care for one another.”
Cassy didn’t respond. There was no need for a verbal confirmation. They both recognized the truth.
Cassy tried to relax and do nothing more strenuous than enjoy the breeze and the beauty of the sky and sea around her. She failed. She was out of sorts and just plain tired—-downright evil would be what her grandmother would have said, without bothering to mince her words.
Cassy was quickly getting to the point where she could not stand herself. More than once she had gone so far as to toy with the idea of taking the next plane back to California and safety.
What she was tired of was fighting her feelings for Gordan. She wanted her life back. She would much rather be worrying about next week’s menu than wondering if this was the day he crushed her carefully built defenses. She was no closer to getting over the man than she had been the day she arrived on the island. Nothing was working as she planned.
“How interested are you in Foster?”
“What is your problem?”
“You’re my problem, damn it! How do you think I felt when I found you on the dance floor with that guy’s hands all over you?”
“Not all over me! I’ve told you on more than one occasion that Adam and I are friends. Please drop it.”
“And I’ve told you that the man wants you in his bed.”
Cassy stared straight ahead, refusing to get into yet another argument. She preferred to listen to the hum of the motor, the water lapping against the side of the boat, and the sea gulls overhead.
“What’s the matter? Is the truth too difficult to take?”
“I haven’t thrown Jillian in your face. Leave Adam out of this. It has been obvious to everyone but you that your assistant wants to offer her assistance in your bedroom!” Instantly, she was furious with herself for her own lack of control.
“There hasn’t been and never will be anything remotely personal about my relationship with Jillian. She isn’t the woman I stay awake night after night wanting in bed with me.”
Folding her arms over her chest defensively, she did not want to care who he slept with. It was no longer her concern. But she could not hide the truth from herself. She cared—too much.
“Can we please talk about something else?”
Gordan’s eyes locked with hers when he said, “I hate every moment you spend with him and not with me.” He sighed, before changing the topic, “There’s an ice chest of cool drinks on deck. Help yourself.”
Relieved, she jumped at the diversion.”What would you like?”
“Beer.”
Cassy did not like what their separation had done to them. She hated the fighting and missed the closeness they had once shared. It could not be helped, she decided, as she selected a soft drink for herself and a local beer for him.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, when she passed him the opened bottle.
“What kind of fish are you after?”
He lifted a brow. “Anything that jumps on my hook. Are you going to join me? I’ll bait that nasty old hook for you,” he teased.
“You know perfectly well, I’m not squeamish about food. I just don’t like getting that friendly with my food source.”
Gordan chuckled. “Ralph and I have gone out a few times since I’ve been back. It’s a welcome break for both of us. Maybe, I can get Wil to come with me next time. He needs a break.”
“I can’t believe my ears. Both Kramer men taking time away from the corporation. Are you sure you feel all right?’’
He grinned. “I can’t say that I’m shocked at your attitude. I wasn’t born the president and CEO of Kramer Corporation, baby.”
“You’ve come a long way.”
“I sure hope not. I don’t plan on ever forgetting that my parents couldn’t afford to send me to college and that both of them died before I finished high school. I always want to remember that I not only worked my way through, but I had Wil to take care of as well.” He said thoughtfully, “I hate that neither of our parents lived to share our success. I, especially, wanted my mother to know that Wil and I both made something of our lives. And that we appreciated the sacrifices she and Dad made for us.”
Cassy blinked away unexpected tears. “They know. Even though they are gone, they’ll always be a part of both you and Wil. They would have been proud of the men you’ve become.”
Their eyes locked for a moment, hers with tenderness, his with yearning. Cassy was the first to look away.
“Want a turn at the wheel?”
“It’s been a while.”
“Come here. I’ll show you.” He eased back until she was cradled between his thighs. Once she was settled, he showed her how to maneuver the boat.
She laughed, “It’s coming back.”
His hands rested on either side of her. He could not resist dropping his head, in order to place a tender kiss where her neck and shoulder met.
“Sorry,” he said, softly. “I didn’t mean to lose my cool last night. I was jealous.”
Cassy had to work to keep her breath even, while trying to overlook the butterflies in her stomach and the so familiar ache in her womanly center. As she struggled against the magnetic pull of his masculinity, she was cognizant of every single place where their bodies touched. Her breasts felt heavy and her nipples ached for the feel of his large hands on them. It had been too long since she was able to relish in and savor all that made him so gloriously male.
“Cassy?”
Suddenly angry, she asked, “Why did you say that?”
“Hold her steady. That’s right.” Gordan’s voice was rough with desire when he lifted her and slid out from beneath her.
“Gordan?”
“There is no mystery, baby. I don’t want our time together to be spent fighting.”
“That’s easily solved. You can take me back.”
He surprised her when he pressed his mouth against the side of her throat, then said close to her ear, “Come on, baby. Let’s enjoy each other. You’re right—we haven’t done nearly enough of that. And it’s my fault. When you couldn’t travel to me, I should have come to you. We needed to see each other.”
She studied him. She didn’t know how she felt about the sincere regret she heard in his voice. It was so unexpected. At one time, she would have danced with joy to hear those words.
Placing his hands over hers on the wheel, he teased, “Hey, baby. You do have to look where you’re going now and then.”
“Sorry.”
“How’s that beautiful niece of yours? You haven’t shown me any recent pictures.”
“Mandy is wonderful,” she grinned, every bit the proud aunt. “She’s growing so fast. And smart. Her teacher said...,” she hesitated. “You know I tend to get carried away. Both Mandy and baby Kurt are doing well.”
“Your sister looked well when I saw her.”
“She has fully recovered. And Gordy—how is he?”
“Great. Still on the honor roll in high school. In a few more years he will be part of the Kramer Corporation.”
“What if he does not want to be part of the company? What if he wants to study law or medicine?”
“I don’t have a problem with that. It took too long for me to gain his trust for me to want to force him into anything. His career choices are his own.”
“I’m glad.”
“Cassy, I have regrets. If I had not married the first woman who caught my eye at college, I wouldn’t have my son. Yet, that marriage was a mistake. Baby, you know that. You also know what Evie did to make me distrust marriage and women. If it were not for you, I don’t think even to this day, I would ever be able to believe in a woman. You were the one who changed that.”
“Gordan, you did marry Evie and, as a result, you have a wonderful son. Besides, even if you hadn’t married, you would have found some other reason for not wanting to make that particular commitment.”
“How can you say that? I had an excellent example in my parents. My father died when I was young, but he was one of the hardest working men I’ve ever known. He taught me what it was to be a man. Taught me how to take care of myself and my family. Family meant everything to him.” Looking at her, he persisted, “Cassy, I grew up seeing how it’s possible for a man and woman to believe in each other and love one another. It isn’t love I’ve lost faith in.”
She hated herself for saying it, but she could not seem to stop the words from coming from that raw, tender place in her heart that would not heal, “We’re not all like Evie.”
“I know that, even if you don’t think so. But, believe me when I say you have no idea what that kind of betrayal can do to a man.” The hand he brushed over his hair shook from the intensity of his emotions. “I knew early on that Evie and I didn’t share the same values. But, I thought what we felt for each other would help us work out the differences. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
When Cassy looked as if she would have interrupted, he said, “Please, let me say this. I don’t know if I ever told you this before, but I suspected that she was unfaithful long before I walked in on her. Things weren’t good between us for a long time. I was away a lot of the time, trying to build the business. It took years to establish myself. Those years took a heavy toll on my marriage. Evie was not the patient type. I suppose she became so frustrated with me not being there that she sought out the attention I couldn’t give her on a regular basis.”
“Surely, you don’t still blame yourself?”
“No. But once I suspected that she was cheating on me, it ended for me emotionally and physically. I never once felt anything for her after that. Cassy, that was six months before I caught her.” He sighed heavily. “For half a year, I couldn’t make myself sleep in the same room with her. I stayed in the marriage because I thought I was doing what was right for my son and my brother. But I was wrong. Staying made things worse. Wil knew what was going on, only he was afraid to tell me, afraid of hurting me. And my staying caused him unnecessary grief because he blamed himself for not telling me.”
“Oh, no. He was still in his teens then?”
“That’s right. But old enough to know right from wrong. Hell, I will never forget the night I came home early from a business trip. Gordy was still in diapers and asleep. Wil was in another part of the house. Evie was in bed with some guy she picked up in a bar. It wasn’t about feelings. I might have accepted that. But not this—never this. All she cared about was keeping my name and my money. What she didn’t want were the responsibilities of marriage.”
His face was stark with emotion when he said, “Afterward, she had the nerve to insist she still loved me. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want her in my life. When it ends, it usually ends badly. At least, it did in my case. Divorce changes people—and not for the better.”
Cassy longed to scream, “I’m nothing like her!” but it was a waste of energy. She could not make him see what he did not want to see. Instead, she said, “You’re absolutely correct. No one should ever consider going into marriage if they believe it can’t work. Will you take over, please? I need to freshen up.”
Gordan watched in mute frustration as she disappeared below.
As Cassy sank into the leather armchair, she dropped her head into her hands. She was a wreck. She had nearly burst into tears in front of him. Her throat and eyes burned from holding back.
Why was she putting herself through this? Her being here with him today was reckless. She should have known better than to let him talk her into spending any more time with him. Being near him left her hurting and yearning for what could never be.
How could any woman want a man so desperately that she would consider marrying him after he’d admitted he did not want to be married? With that kind of marriage, the couple would be lucky if it lasted through the honeymoon.
What had she been thinking? There was absolutely no chance of marriage with Gordan. He was not about to propose to her—not even to stop her from walking out of his life for good. No way! The corporate genius had opted to take the persuasive high road—love and commitment without the benefit of marriage.
But then, he had never tried to conceal his feelings about marriage. She had known and dealt with it for nearly five years. She was the one who had changed—not him. Had she been trying to change him when she issued that ultimatum? If that was the case, it certainly hadn’t worked. It was past time to accept the bitter truth. Gordan would never change. Hadn’t she already learned that lesson? Now she had to figure out how to move on emotionally.
By the time Cassy had herself under control, Gordan had dropped anchor and provided two fishing rods and reels. A bucket of bait was close at hand.
“You game?”
“No, thank you. But please don’t let me stop you.”
Taking the deck chair beside her, he said, “I’ve never consciously compared you to Evie. My not wanting to remarry is not about you, it’s about me. I don’t take failure lightly.”
“Doesn’t matter anymore. I stopped letting it matter in Atlanta.” She deliberately changed the subject. “How’s the South African deal?”
“Slower than slow. Baby, the last thing I want to talk about is business.”
She laughed, but there was no humor in her eyes. “So, how long is this vacation supposed to last before you have to get back to the real world of high powered business deals and circling the globe in that private jet of yours? A week? Two? Three?”
“As long as it takes,” he said, somewhat huskily eyeing the fullness of her soft lips. “Come on, play with me.” He chuckled throatily at her expression, pointing to the fishing gear. “What did you think I meant?”
She shrugged, determined to ignore the chills that had raced along her spine. “I told you...”
“I know you don’t like to get too friendly with your food. Would it help if I promised to throw them all back? Don’t worry, we won’t starve.”
“Then why bother?”
“The sheer fun of it. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten how to have fun?”
“My idea of fun does not include a fishing rod.”
Cassy eventually gave in, and they spent an enjoyable couple of hours doing what he called playing at fishing.
“This is the way men have been taking care of their women for generations, going back to nature. Hunting, fishing, providing,” he boasted, with more than his fair share of arrogance.
Cassy fluttered her lashes at him. “Man stuff, huh?”
“Exactly. That’s the trouble with the world—women don’t want men to be men.”
“What’s so wrong with a woman wanting to take care of herself?”
“Confuses the natural order of things,” he said, thinking about how much he hoped she would give up her job in order to travel with him and let him provide for her.
“Tell me, do you just make up this junk or is this just a man thing?”
“Makes perfect sense,” he said, with a grin.
She giggled, “None whatsoever. Ready for lunch?”
“Trying to change the subject?”
“Absolutely. I’m hungry. So, what did the Bradfords select for our dining enjoyment?”
“You don’t think I had anything to do with it?” he teased, as he went below.
She followed, finding herself saying playfully, “The only time I’ve ever known you to cook was when we worked in the kitchen together.”
Flushed by the heated way he looked at her, she moved ahead of him into the galley. She went to the sink to wash her hands.
“Here or on deck?” he asked, taking the bar of soap she handed him before she began drying her hands on a paper towel.
“Picnics are always more fun.” She looked around. “What should I bring?”
“Grab the wine from the refrigerator. I’ll bring the basket. It’s heavy.”
Within no time, they were relaxing in the sun, sharing a bottle of Chardonnay. Inside the basket was a selection of fresh fruit, along with cold roasted chicken and a crisp green salad.
“Mmm, this is so good. You’d better hang on to the Bradfords. They are irreplaceable.”
“Who I’m tryin’ to hang on to is my lady. How am I doin’?”
“Why did you have to spoil it? You think I like arguing with you?” She began repacking the basket.
“Then, why fight me on this?”
“You know why. Are you finished?”
He felt as if he had hardly gotten started. He had waited too many years to find the woman that was right for him. He was not about to give up. He was not made that way.
“Yeah. Did anyone ever tell you that you’re one stubborn female?”
Cassy suddenly laughed. “Yes, you. But I took it as a compliment.”
He threw his head back and laughed until his side hurt.
“Grandma would say something about the pot and the kettle being the same color. Or do you like the ‘takes one to know one’ theory better?”
“Okay...okay,” he said, throwing his hands up. “Be right back.” He took the remains of their lunch below.
She stood staring out into the endless blue, where the sky seemed to meet the water, letting her thoughts drift.
When he came to stand behind her, he said, “I never get tired of being on the water. There is nothing more soothing. Maybe one day I will take that long voyage that I keep promising myself.”
“Do you have regrets, Gordan?” The question was spoken so softy that it was a wonder he even heard it.
“My share,” he said, with a release of pent-up air. “Cassy—I don’t want either one of us...”
Before he could finish, she pressed her hand against his lips, shaking her head, then said, “Please, forget I asked. I’m hot. I’m going below to change into my suit. Can I interest you in a little snorkeling?”
“And give up all this fun?” He indicated the fishing gear.
She wrinkled her nose. “To each his own. Excuse me.” She disappeared below.
As Gordan put away the fishing gear, he found he could not ignore the thought of her changing in the cabin below. He wanted her. Nothing could alter that, not the fact that she spent last evening with another man or that she was not eager to spend time with him.
There was a time when he didn’t think he could love a woman more than he had once loved Evie. The dissolution of his marriage did not hurt as much as the pain he felt when he learned that Cassy was going out with another man. He would rather have taken a knife in the gut.
But he had admitted only to himself, not long after he and Cassy became intimate, that she meant more to him than Evie ever had. He could trust Cassy. He trusted her in a way he had stopped believing was possible. The strange part of it was, the trust had happened early on in their relationship. As soon as he fully accepted that Cassy was a woman of her word, the barriers around his heart had crumbled.
Cassy had done that. In the blink of an eye, she had been anchored deep inside his heart. That had not changed. He had had many opportunities over the years to be with other women. He had never been tempted. His feelings for Cassy went too deep. If he couldn’t have her, then he could wait until they could be together again.
If Cassy had done what Evie had done to him, there was no way he could have looked away for six months. He would have been in her face and had his fist down the other guy’s throat in a heartbeat.
Just the thought of another man one day claiming her for his wife and having the right to make love with her night after night ate at him. It didn’t bear thinking about.
Gordan had spent the night brooding, furious that she was with Foster and not with him. What he had done was nearly drive himself out of his mind from a mixture of equal parts frustration, jealousy, and feelings of pure helplessness. Was it any wonder he had awakened that morning with a hangover and a heavy heart? Yet, it had not stopped the wanting.
He had walked away from other women for less. He had vowed long ago to never share a woman again. She either wanted him or she didn’t. In his estimation, it had always been that simple. Yet, there was nothing simplistic about what he felt for Cassy. It was a shock to him to acknowledge that he could not walk away from her.
For weeks, he’d clung to the hope that if he could get her to appreciate what they had—that it would be enough to hang on to. But his back was against the wall, leaving him no choice but to accept that he was running out of options. As difficult as it was, he forced himself to consider there may not be a choice. He might have to let her go. Gordan let out an involuntary moan, as he struggled to hold in the scalding tears filling his throat and burning his tightly closed eyelids. How?
Cassy laughed, starting him, as she eyed the snorkeling equipment he had set out. “I see you changed your mind.” Her dark eyes flashed playful sparkles at him. “You are coming, aren’t you?”
She had changed into a purple one-piece swimsuit, piped in white, that dipped into a low vee in the front and was cut high at the hip, drawing his eyes to the length of her shapely legs and gently rounded hips. Gordan’s reaction was immediately and utterly male.
Gordan forced himself to relax, slowly flexing his fingers, which had been balled at his side. He grinned. “I like that suit. Is it new?”
“Uh huh. Coming?”
He studied the movement of her shapely bottom as she crossed to the back of the boat, then he whistled. The back consisted of crisscross straps down the smooth expanse of her creamy-brown back. The trouble was, he knew what was concealed beneath. His teeth clenched in mute frustration as he thought about how long it had been since he had been deep inside of her. He needed her.
Balancing on the swim platform, she pulled on fins and grabbed one of the snorkeling masks. He watched her pretty dark eyes move down his chest to linger on his hips, as he unsnapped his shorts and let them drop to the deck. She briefly explored the snug swim brief that hugged the lines of his manhood, before she quickly lowered her gaze.
Gordan closed his own eyes as he fought for control. He felt as if she had actually stroked the length of his pulsating penis before she had quickly diverted her eyes. He held in an agonizing groan. He wanted so much more than her eyes on him. His body had prepared itself to take her, right here and right now. He was rock hard with hunger for her feminine heat. There was no way she could have failed to notice what she alone could do to him with no more than a glance.
“Hurry,” she called, tossing him a set of fins before she jumped over the side.
Gordan had recovered somewhat by the time he dived in after Cassy. He surfaced a few yards away from where she floated on her back.
“Feels good.” His strokes were long and even.
“Fabulous.” She treaded water as she put on her snorkeling mask.
“Ready?” he asked, before adjusting his own mask.
She nodded.
They moved comfortably together through the water. Gordan shortened his strokes in order to stay at her side. Cassy particularly enjoyed viewing the tropical fish, while Gordan enjoyed watching her. The sun was lower in the sky when they returned to the boat. He was right behind her as they climbed the outside ladder onto the platform.
“You okay?”
“Couldn’t be better,” she nodded, breathlessly. “Just haven’t done any underwater swimming in a while. I’m out of practice.”
“Just another ordinary day in paradise,” he drawled. Removing thick beach towels from beneath one of the built-in storage benches, he wrapped one around her, dropping a tender kiss on her nape before collecting his own towel.
She shivered, then said, “I’m going to shower and change.”
His voice was gruff, heavy with desire when he said, “Make yourself at home. You’ll find everything you need in the cabin.”
“Thanks.” Her heart raced when she caught his heated dark eyes on her.
Her breath quickened in delightful anticipation while her breasts suddenly felt heavy with need, as memories of his unique loving filled her head.
Pushing those dangerous thoughts away, she hurried below deck while she could still go. She was tired, so weary of pretending she did not know his hard, muscled body as well as she knew her own. She had to forget that his desire for her had not been just in his hungry gaze but in the prominent, hard ridge of his manhood outlined in his damp trunks.
What she needed was to be as far away from this boat— away from him—as quickly as possible. She was not strong enough to fight his needs and her own as well. It was just too difficult.
Trying not to think or feel, she walked through the spacious cabin into the bath. Nevertheless, as she took off her suit and hung it on a towel bar to dry, her thoughts were of a man who managed to both fill her heart and ruin her dreams.
She had given her word and tried to be fair enough to keep it. But spending time with him felt as if it were little by little ripping her heart out. How was she going to recover? How was she to forget? She had too many memories as it was; she did not need to add more.
Stepping into the surprisingly roomy, dual-head shower stall, she closed her eyes, doing nothing more than letting the soothing rush of warm water flow over her body.
While she had been trying to be fair to him, what had she done to herself? She needed no reminders of what she would leave behind when she left this island and him. She was so lost in thought, she failed to hear the sound of the bathroom door opening then closing.