| |
I’m sitting on the couch, enjoying Justine’s new book when Rage comes home in a...well, rage. I put the book aside and go to him. “Are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” he repeats, staring at me.
Something’s happened and all I want to do is make him feel better. “Just tell me, West, I want to help you with whatever is wrong.”
“You can’t fix this, this fucking problem. Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t have kids?” My stomach bottoms out when he asks me that. I thought he knew already. I thought the whole club knew, but Rage still wanted me despite that.
“I thought you knew,” I whisper out, backing away from him.
“I wanted kids with you, and that dream is gone, so why the fuck am I keeping you?” he barks out. And I wince, my hand going to my throat. I knew I was too damaged for him, for anyone. He’s going to throw me away now, just like I always thought he should have in the first place.
“I’ll leave,” I finally say. “You won’t see me again.”
At my words, Rage becomes unstuck from his spot by the door and moves towards me. “I’m not letting you go. You’re mine, and unlike my ex-wife, you’ll remain mine until death do us part.”
“But you just said—” He cuts me off.
“I’m pissed, I get pissed a lot and say a lot of shit I shouldn’t say, but it doesn’t mean anything. You’re mine, now and forever. Get that through your head. You say you’re leaving me again I’ll chain you to me.”
“But—”
“No buts, you’re mine, Jen. Am I upset you can’t have my kids? Fuck yeah, I am. But I’ll get over it, not sure how yet, but we’ll figure it out. You want kids, I know you do, so we’ll figure something.” He’s right, I do, my dream was always to have a child of my own. But I also know I could easily fall in love with Rage’s kids, too.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I whisper, his forehead resting on mine.
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me for so long? Because you couldn’t have kids.”
“With you, it was because you already had kids, so I didn’t think you’d want more. And it wasn’t that, I’m just too broken for anyone. My life wasn’t easy, West. It was hard, I had to work hard to get anything in life, my brother broke me. Hush broke me, Trinity and Killer were just icing on top of the cake. They destroyed my body in ways I didn’t think was possible. But I also have to admit they made me feel good, too. At first when they took me, we had a threesome, and it was great, normal. But all a sudden, they turned, and I was chained up. That’s when I knew my life was over. A week I spent with them in their horror of a dungeon, being tortured and abused. Killer would rape me daily while his woman watched in fascination. When he would finish, she would hurt me with her knife. The day the phone call came that you guys were coming to get me, Trinity was pissed. She revealed her plans for me. She was going to end me that night, raping me with her knife to finish me off. Luckily, I escaped that torture.” I take in a jagged breath. “I’m thankful to you and Hangman every day of my life now; because of you I’m finally free. I’m still learning how to be this new me without all the rules I had to follow before. But it’s hard. You just need to give me time to be all I can be for you.”
“Baby, you don’t have to be anything other than yourself. I just want you,” he says softly before kissing me.