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He cheated, not even a week into our relationship and he cheated. Is this how Justine felt when she found out about Hangman? Probably worse because they were with each other for months before she found out. On one hand, he came to me, told me right away. On the other hand, he still tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.
I don’t know if I can forgive him, he promised me we’d try but the first chance he got he fucks Jordan. Something she’s probably giddy about right now. I know how she feels about him, and he just, literally, gave her hope.
Makes me wonder what tomorrow will be like when she sees me at the apartments for our weekly checkup and tests. Will she rub it in my face, will she feel ashamed? What about the other girls there, will I see pity in their eyes?
Shaking off my thoughts I use the bathroom in the hall to get changed, I could have just changed in the bathroom in our bedroom, but I needed to get away from Rage before I lashed out and did something that would get me killed. Quickly changing I head back out and past Weston who seems like he heard what was said in my room. He gives me a pitying look and I wish I could smack it off his face.
“If you want me to help you kill him and hide the body, I’m up for it.” he says, giving me a small grin.
I laugh, and swat him away. “He’s your dad, your loyalty should be to him,” I say.
“Pfft, fuck that, he wants to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to him then it’s on him. I’m team Jennifer.”
I give him a grateful smile and head back to the living room with Kara. Nick and Kyle both wanted to spend the night with their mothers, so they left just after supper. When they came to the door to get the boys, they chatted me up and smiled. Saying how happy they were that their dad finally has a good woman. Which shocked me because I thought they hated me just like I know Weston’s mom Kyla does.
“Mama Jen, Mama Jen, come look. I grabbed all my stuffies and made them a home in the fort.” I hate that Kara’s mom doesn’t really care either way if she has a child or not, that would kill me to lose my children. Rage has a good relationship with three of his baby mamas, but they all don’t seem to care that he has them now.
“That looks wonderful, Kara.” I give her a smile as I shake off my bad feelings and sit down beside her, grabbing one of her toys. “We should make popcorn and put on a movie.”
“Yes!” she screams jumping up and rushing to the movie cabinet. “We have to watch the new Paw Patrol movie.”
I smile and get up, passing Rage as I go into the kitchen to make popcorn. Today, I decided to buy a popcorn machine instead of the microwaved stuff. Pulling it out, I place it on the countertop and grab the bag of kernels.
“When did I get that?” Rage asks, sounding confused.
“I bought it today.”
“Will you look at me?” he pleads, coming close.
“Just don’t, West, not right now,” I say, putting the bag of kernels on the counter. The more he talks the angrier I get.
“I need to hold you.”
“You touch me, it will be the last thing you do,” I warn him. Anger radiates off me. He cheated on me, he doesn’t get to touch me right now.
“Jennifer, I don’t know what more to do. As soon as I finished, I came straight home to tell you, that has to give me some points.”
“Yeah, it does, but it also makes me wonder if I can ever trust you. Or how often you’re going to be coming home spouting the same bullshit. I spent years of my life being ruled by men, had men I was serious about, but nothing was ever mine. I thought, finally, I had you all of you, instead you’re spreading yourself around just like every other man I know. I’ll never have someone to call my own. You just destroyed that!” I lash out at him, and angrily grab the kernels, pouring them into the popcorn machine and flipping the switch on.
Rage’s head is down, and he slinks away, leaving me on my own. There really isn’t anything he can say or do right now to make it up to me. He cheated, simple as that. I need time, I know this is my life now, but I don’t have to be happy about it or pretend to be happy about it.
I’ll never let a man take away my happiness again, and if that somehow means getting away from Rage, then so be it.