Anouk was in the conservatory as Fern had said she would be. Belinda, about to call out ‘Hello’, stopped. The old lady was sat there, her eyes closed and her breathing slow, facing out over the garden. Belinda hesitated for a moment. As much as she longed to hear the truth about her parents, she didn’t want to upset Anouk by asking her to drag up memories from the past. She would have been newly married in the late fifties, talking about those times would surely remind her of her husband and her life then. Belinda could only pray that Anouk’s personal memories would be good ones because now she knew Anouk could tell her things about her parents, there was no way she couldn’t ask the questions that she desperately needed the answers to.
‘Anouk, I’m here,’ Belinda said softly, walking into the conservatory. ‘How are you this evening?’
‘Bonsoir,’ Anouk said, opening her eyes and smiling at Belinda. ‘Come and sit down. Fern has left us some nibbles and some wine in the kitchen. Do you want to fetch it or save it for later?’
‘Later,’ Belinda said. ‘I might need a drink after you’ve told me the truth about what you called the Belrose scandal.’
‘I will tell you what I know but you must remember times were different back then.’
Anouk regarded her shrewdly. ‘Do you really know rien – nothing – about your parents’ break-up?’
Belinda shook her head. ‘Nothing. Mum would never talk to me about it and I never got the chance to ask Dad. Mum died three years ago, but it was only recently that I finally went through the last of her papers. When she was dying, she said sorry and told me to visit and lay the ghosts to rest. I had no idea what ghosts she was talking about.’ Belinda rubbed her face distractedly. ‘It was the final box of papers that really made me realise there were things I did not know about. There were certain things missing that should have been there. Like a marriage certificate and divorce papers.’
Anouk nodded and sighed. ‘I went to your father’s wedding, you know.’
‘You did? So they were married, even though I didn’t find a marriage certificate.’ Belinda’s voice died away as Anouk shook her head.
‘Not his wedding to your mother – Jean, wasn’t it?’
Belinda nodded miserably.
‘This was his first marriage. Helena Colbert was a local girl, in fact she’s a distant relation of mine through my father’s family. Younger than me, but we’d see each other at family get-togethers. Enzo and Helena grew up together and from an early age it was understood by everyone that they would end up marrying each other.’ Anouk sighed. ‘They were both so young, still teenagers. It was a beautiful day, Helena looked like a picture-book bride and Enzo couldn’t take his eyes off her. Three months later, Helena was pregnant.’
Belinda caught her breath. Did that mean she had a sibling, or even siblings, somewhere?
‘The two of them were apparently giddy with excitement at the thought of being a family. Sadly, the child was stillborn.’ Anouk paused for a few seconds. ‘And the bubble that ’ad encased their love and their lives burst. Helena went to pieces and then one day she just disappeared. No one heard anything about her for years. Her parents were devastated. Blamed Enzo, of course. They died still not knowing where Helena was.’
‘That must have been very difficult for them,’ Belinda said, trying to get her head around everything Anouk was telling her.
Anouk nodded. ‘Enzo too was beside ’imself. His parents were good to him though and understood when he said he ’ad to get away. It was nearly six years before he came back, with a woman we all assumed was his new wife and you.’
‘Had anyone heard from Helena in the meantime?’ Belinda asked.
‘No. Her parents were dead, there were no brothers or sisters.’
‘Right, so Mum and Dad just settled down in the village near my grandmother and lived happily. I mean I had a lovely childhood, they rarely argued, I assumed my parents were happy together. I also assumed, of course, they were married. My parents were known as Mr and Mrs Belrose. Dad’s named on my birth certificate. So what happened thirty-five years ago that made my mother run away?’
‘Helena came back,’ Anouk said simply. ‘And all hell broke loose because…’ Anouk took a deep breath. ‘She told everyone Enzo was still married to her and she wanted him back. And that was the gist of the scandal: Enzo was living as a married man with a woman who wasn’t his wife. The devout churchgoers around here couldn’t accept that easily.’ Anouk looked at Belinda. ‘What was regarded as a scandal then wouldn’t cause such a furore now. Marriages break up and people move on these days with no stigma attached.’
Belinda stood up. ‘I think I’m ready for that drink now.’ She went into the kitchen and fetched the tray Fern had prepared and carried it out to the conservatory. She poured them both a glass of wine and handed one to Anouk and pushed the plate of sandwiches Fern had left for them towards her.
‘So, Mum thought she’d be the laughing stock of the village – or worse,’ Belinda said, finally able to fill in the blanks. ‘And she ran away taking me with her, leaving Dad with Helena. I thought that Dad had had an affair.’ Belinda smothered a sigh. For years she’d blamed her dad’s affair for being the sole reason behind her mum leaving him and ruining their lives. Learning about Helena made it impossible not to feel a degree of sympathy for both her parents. But being secretly married to someone else was far worse than having an affair. Her dad might have been caught up in the middle but he was still guilty of letting her mum and herself down. Wasn’t he?
Belinda helped herself to a sandwich before glancing at Anouk. ‘That’s half the story I had no idea about. Now, can you tell me what happened after we left?’
Anouk looked at her, sympathy clearly etched on her face. ‘Helena moved in with your father, telling people as his wife she had every right to live there. Apparently the fact that Enzo told her he didn’t want her there counted for nothing. She just stayed put. So Enzo himself moved out.’ Anouk took a sip of her wine. ‘Did you never try to contact Enzo without telling your mother?’
‘Of course. I secretly planned to keep in touch with him by letter until I was old enough to come back and join him. I wrote a couple of letters but told him to reply to a friend’s address so that mum wouldn’t know. The last letter I wrote to him was a long one telling him how much I missed and loved him. That letter came back to our normal address, not the one I’d been secretly using. It had been opened and resealed, and marked Gone Away. Return to Sender. Mum saw the French stamp and was livid with me that day,’ Belinda said reflectively. ‘I was miserable and unhappy that Dad was rejecting my… Oh, it was her, wasn’t it, Helena? Not Dad who returned the letter.’
Belinda could feel tears threatening and bit back on the names she wanted to call Helena but wouldn’t in Anouk’s presence.
Anouk gave her a sad smile. ‘I think you could assume that.’
Belinda sat for several moments thinking about things and realised there was another question she needed to ask.
‘He’s still alive, you know.’ Anouk’s quiet voice broke into her thoughts.
‘What?’ Belinda stared at her.
‘I rang a couple of people when Fern told me of your connection to Enzo to try and get some up-to-date information for you. While Helena has lived in the cottage permanently for a number of years, Enzo has been living down on the Morbihan coast. Recently though he moved back into the cottage.’ Anouk hesitated. ‘He’s not well and Helena has taken on the task of nursing him.’
‘Do you know what’s wrong with him?’ Belinda’s voice trembled as she asked the question.
‘No, but there’s talk of moving him to a hospice in the not too distant future.’
Belinda took a drink of wine. This was all too much to take in – the burning question though was, should she go and see him? And importantly did she want to? He’d not been in contact with her for over thirty years so he probably wouldn’t care one way or the other. But maybe seeing him in the flesh again would help her come to terms with the way he’d abandoned her.
Anouk stood up and reached for her stick. ‘Belinda my dear, I do ’ope you’ll forgive me if I go to bed now. The news this evening will have come as a shock to you and I know I’ve given you a lot to think about. But it’s important to remember two things. The past has gone and you can’t change anything about it. It’s the future you need to pay attention to and nurture with a kind heart.’
Belinda stood up and moved across to the old lady to give her a gentle hug. ‘Thank you for talking to me and reaching out to people to find out about my father. I sincerely hope I haven’t tired you out. Can I get you anything before you retire?’
‘No thank you. Fern always makes sure I have water in my bedroom and I have a book. Goodnight and see you again soon, I hope.’
‘I’ll take the supper tray through to the kitchen and close the front door behind me when I leave,’ Belinda said.
Closing the auberge door behind her and reeling from the things Anouk had told her, Belinda pressed the key fob to open the car doors and sank down into the driver’s seat. It was five minutes before she’d pulled herself together sufficiently to drive the short distance to the campsite.
As Belinda parked her car, Alain was coming out of the cottage with BB.
‘Late-night patrol? May I come?’
‘Of course. How did it go this evening? Did Anouk know anything?’ Alain asked when Belinda rejoined him, having grabbed a jacket as well as changing her shoes.
‘Yes. She’d taken the trouble to make some phone calls too. She knew the whole story bang up to date.’
As they walked, Belinda told Alain everything Anouk had told her, including the fact that her dad was still alive, if very ill.
‘The thing I can’t get my head around though is, did he ever tell Mum about Helena and the fact he was married? And did she convince herself she didn’t want to get married because there was no chance of it happening. Or did the two of them decide together that they didn’t need a marriage certificate? Mum always said they were a couple of hippies.’ Belinda stopped. ‘Actually, I don’t think she did know. I still remember the way she flipped the day she dragged me away. Totally out of character for her.’ Belinda shook her head. ‘So much I don’t understand and probably never will now.’
She stopped walking suddenly and turned to face Alain.
‘How old are you exactly?’
‘Fifty-five.’
‘Two years older than me, so you would have been nineteen when the so-called “Belrose” scandal erupted,’ Belinda said thoughtfully. ‘Did you hear about it at the time?’
Alain shook his head. ‘At the time, non. I am away in Rennes studying. Besides, I’m a young man and more interested in le football and les girls.’ He paused and looked at her. ‘Mais, my parents knew about it when I asked them today. I think they knew your mama.’
Belinda started walking again, her thoughts in turmoil.
‘Do you want to go and see your father?’ Alain asked quietly.
Belinda didn’t answer him straight away and he didn’t push her.
‘I don’t know,’ she said eventually. ‘I’m not sure I can forgive him for the hurt he caused Mum and me. Mum might have wanted me to lay the ghosts as she put it, but I’m not sure whether she knew he was still alive. One thing I forgot to tell you. He’s back living in our old cottage with Helena. She’s actually looking after him. Now, her, I definitely don’t want to see.’ Belinda could feel tears starting to break through and rubbed her eyes hard. ‘I cried an ocean of tears years ago. How can I possibly have any left to cry over him?’
Alain gently and unexpectedly put his arms around her and held her tight. ‘If you decide to go and see your father, I take you. Don’t go alone.’
‘I lost my father years ago. This man, Enzo Belrose, is a virtual stranger.’ Belinda lost the fight with keeping the tears at bay and they soaked into Alain’s jumper, but she didn’t want to move. ‘Sorry I’m making you all wet.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
Standing there secure in Alain’s arms, Belinda had a flashback to her father holding her tight when she’d been crying after her grandmother had died. She was shocked to realise the feeling of security she felt now with Alain’s arms around her resembled the same sense of belonging she’d felt when her father hugged her.
‘He lost you and your mama,’ Alain said. ‘I doubt he expected Helena to ever turn up again, let alone lay claim to ’im after all those years. Peut-être that was foolish of ’im, mais I think he’s been a victim in all this as much as you and your mama.’ Alain held her tightly as he said softly, ‘Even if you can’t forgive ’im, he might want to see you one last time.’