AS DARKNESS FELL the sultry beat of the tango music began, the band striking up the famous intro to La Cumparista which, while linked with Buenos Aires, had originated in Emilia’s native Uruguay.
On the dance floor, Emilia smiled as Felipe drew her close into his arms, their bodies scandalously close. Her heart, already skipping from dancing all night long, fluttered to new heights as they moved provocatively around the dance floor. Felipe was a great dancer.
Emilia breathed in the scent of his warm body and his spicy cologne, the memory of that searing kiss in the barn making her bones melt. Romantic, seductive Felipe was dangerous, and she had a hard enough time resisting regular Felipe. But in a couple more hours they could retreat to the guest house and finally be alone.
Smiling up at him, she released a contented sigh. Everything about today—the wedding, the reception, the dancing—had been magical. Maybe it was how hot he looked, or the delicious wine that had flowed all day, or the excessive romance of both the location and occasion, but Felipe had made Emilia feel beautiful and cherished. It had been a long time since she’d been so joyous and content.
Was it wrong that she’d only thought about Ricardo a handful of times today? She would always love him deeply, but being here with Felipe, having such a fun time, it was as if she’d finally given herself permission to find new ways to be happy.
She dragged in a breath, her head swimming with fear that such feelings couldn’t possibly be trusted. The last time she’d felt happy and content, Ricardo had fallen sick. Could the universe be cruel enough to steal this feeling from her a second time? And was she wrong to associate happiness with a man who was all about having a good time, but when it came to feelings never thought about tomorrow?
Because she didn’t want to tempt fate, she cleared the doubts from her head with a shake and leaned back to look at Felipe. ‘Are you having a good time now that your best man duties are behind you?’ she asked, intentionally spoiling the moment of intense intimacy created by the dance.
His entire family were watching. They couldn’t perform the tango, the most seductive dance on the planet, as freely and naturally as they wanted to. If they did, everyone would know they were sleeping together. Their pretence of just friends would be exposed. And if they weren’t friends, what were they? What did she even want them to be?
Felipe stared down at her, his feet gliding over the floor, carrying her along. ‘I’m having a wonderful time, and it’s all down to you.’ His stare lingered on her lips and she held her breath. Would he kiss her in front of everyone? ‘Thank you for being my date,’ he said instead, perhaps sensing her withdrawal.
Emilia’s cheeks heated at his caution when there was stark passion in Felipe’s eyes. But he was a passionate man. Combined with the way he was holding her, as if he’d never let her go, she was having a hard time remembering that they weren’t alone, not to mention that he deliberately kept his passion superficial.
‘Thank you for inviting me,’ she said, grateful. ‘I’ve had a lovely day. Your family is as charming as you are. They’ve all made me feel so welcome.’ She couldn’t recall the last time she’d enjoyed herself so much or felt so light-hearted.
He shrugged and smiled. ‘That’s the Castillo way. Perhaps next time we visit we could also bring Eva. There are plenty of my cousins’ children her age.’
Emilia nodded vaguely, her pulse flying. What was happening here? Return visits, bringing Eva along, the way they’d made love late last night and again early this morning, as if reaching for each other had become second nature.
Before she could examine the terrified lurch of her heart, Felipe said, ‘My parents loved you by the way. They dragged me aside earlier and asked if we’re more than friends.’
Emilia scoffed, that carefree part of her that he’d brought back to life desperate to know if they could ever be more, and the rest of her rejecting the idea flat out. She still loved Ricardo. There was no room in her heart for Felipe. Except since she’d first met him a few short weeks ago she’d changed, grown somehow, learned new things about herself and found fresh resilience.
She’d spent so many years putting herself and her needs last out of necessity. Two parents raising a child while holding down full-time jobs was hard enough. Raising a grieving child solo, while also grieving herself, had put Emilia into survival mode. But the past few weeks had shown her that she wanted more for her future. She didn’t want to be alone as Eva built her own life. She would always be there for her daughter, but she also wanted things for herself. To enjoy the good things in life, to laugh in good company and maybe even to love again one day.
Immediately dismissing the possibility, she shuddered. It was probably just a romance hangover from the wedding.
‘Don’t worry,’ Felipe said, reading into her pensive silence. ‘I told them to relax. They’ll be the first to know if I ever decide to once more embark on another serious relationship.’
Emilia pulled a watery smile. It didn’t matter how much she’d grown. Felipe, the only man she’d met recently who she could see herself in a relationship with, was a staunch commitment-phobe who’d been single for fifteen years. She needed to remember that he might be a passionate lover and a considerate friend and colleague, but he clearly wasn’t thinking about them having any sort of lasting relationship. If she wasn’t careful, if she didn’t hold back and protect herself while this fling ran its course, she could get badly hurt.
‘By the way,’ he asked, ‘did you hear back from Eva?’
Emilia had texted earlier, checking in that all was well back at home. She shook her head, fingers of concern creeping up her spine now that he’d reminded her. ‘No, she must be busy. She said she might go to social volleyball, so perhaps she’s hanging out with friends.’
Felipe nodded and the song came to an end. Emilia stepped out of his close embrace, her head all over the place, as if the spell of the wedding and that feeling of contentment had been broken. ‘I think I’ll get a glass of water,’ she said. ‘All this dancing has made me thirsty.’
‘I’ll get it for you,’ he offered. ‘Why don’t you sit at our table and I’ll bring it over?’
Emilia returned to their table, gratefully sank into a chair and kicked off her heels to ease her aching feet. She hadn’t danced so much in years. But now that the seed of doubt had germinated, she wondered if she was making a fool of herself with him, just like those other women he dated who saw his wonderful attentiveness as a sign of commitment he just wasn’t into, or maybe even capable of given his regrets over his marriage. As she watched Felipe at the bar, she probed her feelings, tasting fear. Was she already falling for Felipe Castillo?
Just then someone sat beside her. ‘Are you having fun, dear?’ the elderly woman asked.
She was one of Felipe’s aunts, but Emilia couldn’t for the life of her recall her name.
‘Yes, I am. What a beautiful wedding and a great party.’ Emilia smiled broadly. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve forgotten your name.’ She’d drunk too much wine and met too many people to risk getting it wrong.
‘I’m Lucia,’ the other woman said with a smile, ‘Felipe’s oldest and favourite aunt.’ She winked playfully. ‘So you and Felipe work in the same field at the hospital?’
Emilia nodded, happy to talk about her work rather than analyse her jumbled and scary feelings. ‘Yes, we’re both neonatal surgeons, although Felipe is senior to me. He’s been mentoring me while I get my Argentinian practising certificate.’
‘How smart you are,’ Lucia said, impressed. ‘And my nephew tells me that you have a lovely daughter.’
‘Eva,’ Emilia said, wondering again if Eva was okay at home alone. ‘She’s eighteen and has just started law at university.’
‘Ah...clever, like her mother. My grandson is eighteen. That’s him on the dance floor, the tall one.’
‘He’s very handsome,’ Emilia said.
‘That’s Castillo men, for you.’ Lucia’s shrewd eyes filled with mischief. ‘But I don’t need to tell you that. You and Felipe make a very attractive couple.’
Emilia flushed from head to toe—she’d known the tango was a mistake. ‘Oh, no...we’re not together. We’re...just friends.’ Only a part of her—that secret, locked away part that was scared to open her heart to love—had maybe foolishly started to imagine them as more.
Lucia shooed away Emilia’s lame explanation. ‘Oh, nonsense,’ she said with all the authority of a veteran matchmaker. ‘The family aren’t fooled. Felipe’s clearly in love with you. And about time too. He deserves to find happiness again. And if the way you look at him is any indication, you’re in love with him too.’
Emilia froze, her blood running cold. ‘In love...?’
No, no, no... She couldn’t be in love with Felipe.
‘Yes, love,’ Lucia said, oblivious to the fear and turmoil flooding Emilia’s entire body. ‘The other aunts think we might soon have another wedding at Castillo Estates.’ The older woman winked suggestively.
Emilia lips twitched automatically, although she’d never felt less like smiling. Her blood rushed with panic. She sought out Felipe who’d been waylaid on his way back from the bar by a group of male relatives. He glanced her way and their eyes met, locked—his were smiling.
With her stomach twisted into knots, Emilia looked away quickly, confused by what she saw in his expression and by the painful turmoil in her chest. Could it be true that he had feelings for her? No, Felipe’s aunts must be mistaken. Felipe didn’t want a serious relationship, he’d literally just told her that on the dance floor. And as for her...had she missed the signs? Did her feelings for Felipe go beyond respect, friendship and passion? Was that why their relationship, their growing closeness, seemed less like a betrayal of Ricardo and more and more natural? No, she couldn’t forget her husband so easily. She would hate herself if that happened and Eva would never forgive her.
‘But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself,’ Lucia admitted sheepishly, patting Emilia’s arm affectionately. ‘Don’t listen to me, dear. I’m an old romantic at heart.’
Emilia tried to smile, except the damage was already done. The floodgates had opened and Emilia was swamped by her feelings. Overwhelmed.
Just then a small huddle of children rushed over and interrupted. ‘Abuela, Abuela...’ they called, dragging off their grandmother.
Shaking inside, Emilia slipped on her shoes and headed for the bathroom. She wasn’t ready for an emotional realisation. Not now, not with all these people watching her and secretly commenting. She needed a moment to herself to process that conversation and what it had unearthed, away from prying eyes and more importantly away from Felipe. If she had fallen for him, she couldn’t tell him. Unless her feelings were already obvious to him? Was that why he’d made his point about avoiding serious relationships on the dance floor? To warn her off?
Ducking into the bathroom, she locked herself in a cubicle and leaned back against the cool wood of the closed door, her heart thudding wildly. Her head was all over the place, but she tried to think rationally. Her fear and panic every time she thought about having more than what they had now was understandable. If she thought seriously about her own needs, about moving on, about opening her heart up to another man and falling in love again, it felt like a betrayal of Ricardo and everything they’d had for over twenty years.
But she did have feelings for Felipe. How could she not? He was a great man—caring and compassionate and romantic. That didn’t make it love. Was she even capable of love again, after losing her beloved husband? She’d grown so used to shoving down her own feelings and concentrating on Eva that now she wasn’t sure which way was up.
She didn’t want to embarrass herself by putting herself out there and telling him how she felt. She’d only be risking further heartache if Felipe didn’t feel the same way. And what did all this mean for Eva? Emilia didn’t want her relationship with Felipe to hurt or upset her daughter in any way. Eva would always be her main priority.
Pulling her phone from her purse, Emilia checked for a reply to the text she’d sent to her daughter earlier.
I’m okay. Feeling a little sad for some reason. Talk tomorrow. Eva xx.
A chill of foreboding raised goosebumps over her bare arms. How could she have become so carried away enjoying herself that she’d neglected to check in with her daughter? What if Eva wasn’t okay? And why was she feeling sad?
Emilia dialled Eva’s number but the call went straight to voicemail. It was past eleven-thirty—maybe she was already asleep. Or maybe she was upset, while Emilia had been dancing and putting her own irrelevant feelings first. She was a mother, a mature woman. Why was she hiding in the toilets, agonising over her feelings for a man who might never return them?
Ashamed of herself, Emilia left the cubicle and washed her hands. Coming to the wedding had been a mistake. She’d put her own needs first and made a fool of herself, acted like a love-struck teenager in front of Felipe’s family.
With her temples throbbing and her insides a trembling mess, she headed back to the party to find Felipe.