THE TRIP HOME to Buenos Aires without Felipe had taken a lifetime, beginning with the endless taxi ride down Castillo Estate’s driveway. Emilia had forced herself to look straight ahead, rather than turn around to see if Felipe had watched her leave or simply headed back to the party. After a few sleepless hours in the airport hotel, the two-hour flight home had only provided her with more time to think and feel and tie herself into knots over the decisions she’d made.
She’d run scared, there was no dressing it up. But now she needed to own her choice, because it had been the right one.
Regardless of her feelings for him, Felipe’s matchmaking aunts had been wrong. He wasn’t in love with her. Of course he’d enjoyed the good time they’d had together, enjoyed the sex, but the only thing he’d wanted was for them to date exclusively.
And for Emilia, with so much on the line—her happiness, Eva’s happiness, even her job—his underwhelming offer was too great a risk to her fragile heart.
Numbly opening the front door, Emilia dumped her bag in the hall. She poked her head inside Eva’s room, finding her daughter safe and asleep, before stooping to greet Luna and letting her out into the garden.
Emilia shuffled into the kitchen and reached for the coffee, glancing at the clock. Ten a.m. Thank goodness it was Sunday. She had another twenty-four hours before she had to face Felipe at work. How would they act with each other now that they were returning to being just work colleagues? Would there be awkwardness, bad feelings, regret? Could they still be friends when she’d obviously confused him and hurt his feelings?
No, they were mature adults. They’d manage their working relationship as they always had: with mutual respect and collaboration. Except no matter how much she tried to convince herself that all would be well, Emilia couldn’t seem to shake the terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that she’d done something terribly wrong.
‘You’re back,’ Eva said sleepily, coming into the room still wearing her pyjamas. ‘I thought your flight was this evening.’ She stepped automatically into her mother’s embrace and Emilia held her too tight for too long.
‘Good morning, mija.’ She pasted on a bright smile as Eva stepped back. ‘I came home early. I have some admin to catch up on.’
‘That sounds dull.’ Eva frowned, reaching for the kettle to make herself some tea. ‘So how was the wedding?’
Emilia’s breath caught—confusing, painful, one big mistake.
‘It was lovely,’ she said, her stomach taking another sickening dive. If she kept talking, she wouldn’t have time to reflect on the look of disappointment and hurt on Felipe’s face when she’d told him they were done. ‘Very romantic and such a stunning location.’ Emilia took a sip of coffee, her eyes stinging at the way the weekend had ended. ‘But it’s good to be home.’
Yes, home was where her focus needed to be. Away from Felipe she could gain some perspective. And surely, with a good night’s sleep behind her, she’d soon see that her choice to end things was for the best. She couldn’t go on being heartbroken at her age. Only her chest ached every time she thought of him and what she’d done. His pain and confusion had been so difficult to witness.
‘Mamá, you weren’t even gone forty-eight hours,’ Eva scolded.
‘Never mind about that,’ Emilia said, shoving her own feelings aside. ‘How are you? Do you still feel sad? I was a little worried when I saw your text last night.’
Eva gasped, turning to face her mother. ‘You didn’t come home early for me, did you?’
‘Not really...’ Emilia waved her hand dismissively as she sipped her coffee, downplaying her concern. ‘I mean of course I was concerned. You seemed very distracted when I left Friday, and then you said you were feeling sad, and then you stopped answering my texts...’
‘Only because I fell asleep,’ Eva explained, her eyes wide and shining with tears. ‘I’m sorry if I ruined your weekend.’
‘Don’t be silly, mija. You didn’t ruin anything.’ She drew Eva into another hug, uncertain which of them needed it the most. ‘Are you sad because of Papá?’ Emilia whispered into her daughter’s hair.
Eva nodded, her face crumpling. ‘The truth is,’ she said with a sniff, ‘that I have been struggling these past couple of weeks.’
Emilia nodded for her to continue, brushing away Eva’s tears. ‘That’s okay. I’m always here for you, you know that.’
Eva blinked, looking uncertain. ‘It’s just that everything is new. Everything seems to be changing so fast.’ She winced, crossing her arms over her waist defensively. ‘I was the one who encouraged you to date, but then when you did I panicked, because I suddenly thought about Papá.’ She raised tear-reddened eyes to Emilia and whispered, ‘What if we forget him? I never want that to happen.’
‘Oh, Eva,’ Emilia cried, cupping her daughter’s face so she couldn’t hide her emotions from her mother. ‘We’ll never forget him. Never. He’ll always be in our hearts.’
Emilia wiped the tears from her daughter’s cheeks, the way she had when Eva had been a little girl, feeling choked herself. ‘I see him every time I look at you,’ she continued. ‘I feel him smiling when you do something that makes me proud, I even talk to him in my head about how well you’re doing at uni and the new friends you’ve made.’
Eva nodded uncertainly.
‘Come on.’ Emilia grabbed their drinks and they sat on the sofa. She turned to Eva. ‘I know we’ve been through some big changes recently, but now that we’re settled here in Buenos Aires nothing else is going to change, I promise.’
Of course Eva felt overwhelmed after everything she’d been through.
‘My full registration with the Argentine Medical Council is almost through,’ Emilia said, ‘so my job is secure, and I’ve decided that I’m not dating any more, so there’ll be no more distractions. In fact, I came home early from Mendoza because I ended things with Felipe last night. From now on my focus is back where it should be, on you and me and building our new life.’
‘No, Mamá,’ Eva said, horrified, fresh tears spilling over her lids. ‘Why did you do that? Felipe makes you so happy.’
‘I...’ Emilia trailed off, lost for words. She had no idea Eva had intuited so much about her relationship with Felipe. But it was too late now. She’d made her decision and the damage was done. She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter how he makes me feel. You are my priority. I’ve had my chance at happiness with your father, that’s why I won’t ever forget him. I’m happy to be alone, really I am.’
Eva gripped Emilia’s hands. ‘No... I’ve seen you smile more since you met Felipe. You deserve to be truly happy, not just going through the motions.’
‘I am happy.’ She smiled, but the expression felt unconvincing.
‘But I don’t want you be alone because of me,’ Eva insisted. ‘I’m just taking a little longer than anticipated to adjust, that’s all.’
Emilia nodded. ‘I understand. I’m struggling to adjust too.’ She dragged in a shuddering breath, laying herself open and being completely honest with her daughter, who wasn’t a child any more and deserved the truth. ‘But you’re right,’ she said. ‘I have felt lighter and happier since meeting Felipe. Only I’m not sure I’m ready to fall in love again. It’s terrifying.’
Eva reached for her hand, her gaze sympathetic.
‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ Emilia continued. ‘What if my relationship with Felipe hurts you? What if I do fall in love with him and I lose him too?’
At that final question, her own eyes stung with tears, and she hung her head. This was the deepest root of her fear. She was scared to make herself vulnerable again, fully open to love, because of the pain she’d experienced from loving and losing Ricardo. She’d never survive it a second time.
‘I know nothing will bring him back,’ Eva said in a hushed whisper, ‘but if you could do it all again with Papá, knowing what was to come, would you?’
‘Of course,’ Emilia said without hesitation, her own tears spilling freely down her cheeks. How was her eighteen-year-old so emotionally intelligent? So wise when Emilia had been so foolish as to run scared?
‘Because loving him all over again would be worth the risk,’ Eva said. Emilia nodded.
‘Worth any risk,’ Emilia confirmed, realising now how she’d been standing in her own way of experiencing happiness again. Loving someone carried massive risks, yes, but also even greater rewards.
‘So if Felipe makes you so happy,’ Eva urged, ‘after everything we’ve been through, all the sadness and loss and change, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to see where your relationship with him could go, regardless of the risks? What if you do fall in love again? Wouldn’t it be worth it, the way it was with Papá?’
‘Maybe,’ Emilia said in a choked voice, ashamed of herself. ‘I just got scared,’ she admitted, ‘at the wedding.’
Her daughter squeezed her hand. ‘I can understand why,’ Eva said. ‘I’m scared too, because change is hard, and when Papá was well our lives were so wonderful.’
‘Yes, they were.’ Emilia nodded, her heart clenching with love for Eva. As a little family, they’d had it all. But could she have it all again?
‘I love Papá and I’ll always miss him,’ Eva said, ‘but I think it’s time that we let him go a little and start over properly with open hearts. We both need to be brave and embrace all the new changes in our lives. Don’t you think?’
‘You’re right.’ Emilia sniffed, taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table. Could she set aside her fear of losing someone she loved and open her heart fully?
Eva was right. If she found love it would be worth any risk. To have someone who understood you, cherished and supported you, and you them in return—it was rare and precious. And she was falling in love with Felipe.
‘But you’re already so brave,’ Emilia said, sniffling into a wad of tissues. ‘Whereas I wasn’t brave. One of Felipe’s aunts said something to me at the wedding, how she thought Felipe and I looked like we were in love and it spooked me. So I allowed my fear to make my decisions and I ran away.’
She had cut Felipe off without giving him a chance because she was scared to open her heart fully to him. Scared that, because of their pasts, any serious relationship between them would be doomed to failure and she’d be hurt again. Scared to love and to lose.
Eva frowned. ‘Maybe he does love you. But that’s a good thing, isn’t it?’
Emilia shrugged, her heart sore. ‘If it’s true, it’s good. Because I think the aunt might be right about me. I have fallen in love with him, the way I fell for Papá. But would that upset you?’
Eva smiled, fresh tears glittering on her long dark lashes. ‘You never needed my permission to move on, Mamá. I want you to be happy. But I think you need to tell Felipe that you love him. It’s the brave thing to do, and he deserves to know.’
Emilia dragged in a breath and nodded. ‘You’re right. He does.’ Even if he didn’t love her in return. ‘I’ll tell him first thing tomorrow morning.’
She didn’t want to tell him something so important by text, and he would be leaving Mendoza soon for the afternoon flight they’d been supposed to take together.
As she held her daughter until the tears dried, Emilia silently spoke to Ricardo. ‘I’m so proud of our girl.’
She would always love him, always prioritise Eva in her life, but it was time for Emilia to finally put her own needs first. It was time to be brave. It was time to love again.