Chapter 11

REPEAT AFTER ME

To my immense surprise and relief, Saturday started great. We drove out to our game against Streetsboro in a noisy yellow bus. Trevor, revved up to impress his date, played tremendously. He tackled, sacked, intercepted, taunted, and offended everything in a blue Streetsboro uniform. He even chased a security guard halfway across the field because the poor guy was wearing a blue jacket! Yes, Trevor was on fire and scored all our points off turnovers—except for the one touchdown of the game. That, amazingly, came from Josh and me. I stuck to my usual plan of running right behind him and this time it worked like a charm.

It was Garrettsville’s first win in years. The team dumped Gatorade on Coach Laimbardi and I even exhaled a long sigh of relief when the Boss, sitting in the stands, gave me the thumbs-up. During the game I had noticed a long black car parked by the gate and realized he had made the trip to Streetsboro as an added incentive for us to win.

The bus ride back to Garrettsville felt like a summer festival. Everyone was shouting and having fun . . . except me. I knew the day’s biggest challenge was still to come. So many things had to go right if I had any hope of pulling off the date between Trevor and Josie. Arriving back at school, we headed straight to the locker room. When Trevor finished changing, I motioned for him to join me in the gym. That’s where Fernando met us.

“Trevor, I presume?” Fernando stepped up to Trevor and extended his hand.

“What’s with this guy?” Trevor asked.

I wasn’t sure how to explain Fernando. Before I had a chance to think of an excuse, my mouth took over. “He’s what’s known as an international dating consultant.”

“A what?” Trevor asked, looking annoyed. “I don’t need a doctor.”

I ignored him. “His name is Fernando and he has traveled from a faraway land to help us out . . . I mean, to help you out, to make sure everything goes perfectly with tonight’s date.”

Trevor still looked like he wanted to punch someone until Fernando said, “I currently have six girlfriends. Eight, if you count the Smith twins. Do you want my help or not?”

Trevor looked long and hard from Fernando to me. “Sure,” he finally replied.

“Good,” Fernando said, immediately launching into what he called his Ten Rules of Fine Dating.

It didn’t take long for Trevor to stop him. “You want me to wear a tie?”

“Clean shirt, tie. You need to make a positive first impression.”

“Rathbone, where did you find this goofball? I already know how to make a good first impression.”

I remembered the demolition derby and pictured Josie running out the door screaming into a traffic-filled street. “Yeah,” I said, “we’ve been down that road before and you probably don’t need any help, but I want to make sure the date is a success. That’s why Fernando’s here. Remember, he’s an international expert.”

Trevor eventually nodded like he understood and I felt better—until I noticed Toby approaching. The fact that he was smiling only made things worse.

“Hey big bro,” he said to Trevor.

“I’m busy here,” Trevor snapped.

“Oh, well, I just heard some of the cheerleaders talking during the game. I thought you might be curious what they were saying about tonight’s big date.”

Toby was talking to Trevor but staring at me. I knew what was coming and quickly looked around the gym to see which exit was closest.

“What are they saying?” Trevor asked.

“They’re saying that Josie is really excited.”

Trevor nodded smugly. “Naturally.”

Toby continued, “They’re saying she’s really excited to be going on a date with Rodney, not you.”

Trevor’s eyes bulged and his face turned dark red. He looked back and forth from Toby to me as if trying to decide who to punch first. Oh, good, I thought as Trevor’s punch landed on his brother.

“I’m telling Mommy!” Toby yelled with wet eyes. We watched him run off to the parking lot.

“What was he going on about, Rathbone?” Trevor asked. I noticed that his fist was still clenched.

I shrugged. “When does he ever make any sense? Just be at Mama’s tonight at six forty-five to get ready for dinner.”

“I don’t know. Something seems fishy. Speaking of food, I think I’ll give you a little taste of my fist so you know what’s coming later if this doesn’t go the way I want!” He grabbed my shirt and pulled back his arm.

“Trev-ooooooor!” A woman with a scarf wrapped around her hair hollered from just outside the gym doors.

“Oh shoot, it’s my mom,” he gasped, lowering his fist. “Okay, I’ll be there later, to either wow Josie or beat you into marinara sauce.”

As he took off, Fernando called after him, “Don’t forget the long-stemmed roses!”

I straightened out my shirt and stared at Fernando. “Well, that went well.”

“I’ll say,” Fernando agreed, not catching my sarcasm. “Fernando sure is glad he came for the weekend. This has been a lot of fun so far.”

“Easy for you to say. No thug is threatening to make you into sauce.”

“Rodney, things will go just fine tonight. Just wait and see.” Smiling, he put his hand on my shoulder. “Besides, I’m sure you’d taste great over a hot plate of linguini.”

A few hours later—Trevor’s fist still fresh on my mind—Rishi, Fernando, and I approached Mama’s door. I felt my anxiety level approach hyper-panic.

We entered the restaurant. Compared to the bright afternoon sun, the room was dark and my eyes took a few seconds to adjust. When I regained my sight, I was met with a stare from the Boss. His eyes were darker than the room. He sat at a table toward the back with Willy, Cheese, and an older lady.

“You’re interrupting my dinner.”

“Uh, sorry, but we needed to get ready for tonight,” I said.

“Tonight?” he asked, clutching a butter knife.

I glanced at Rishi. He stepped toward the Boss. “Don’t you remember? I called you during the week about hosting a date for our friend Trevor and—”

“I remember telling you ‘no.’ I remember telling you I don’t need to play babysitter on my Saturday night. I remember a lotta things and none of da things I remember explains why you’s standing here.”

I couldn’t believe the whole conversation. Rishi had told me we were all set. What was I going to do? Trevor and Josie would be here in an hour. I was done for. Now the Boss’s attention was suddenly on me. “You’re real lucky that game went the way it did . . .”

“Sweetie,” the old lady said, reaching out and patting the Boss’s arm.

The whole place went silent.

The Boss seemed to shrink a bit as he said, “Ma, don’t call me sweetie in front of da boys.”

She looked over at us. “Isn’t he cute when he gets embarrassed?” She grabbed his cheek and shook it. It made a flapping noise. When she let go, the Boss’s face curled up into an ugly, pinched expression. “Sweetie, who are your friends?” she continued.

The Boss flinched at the second sweetie and exhaled sharply. “Ma, they’re not my friends. They’re some local boys that do a little work for me.”

“Now Francis . . .”

Cheese let out a chuckle. “Francis.”

The Boss’s eyes flamed up and Cheese snapped his mouth shut. The Boss looked over at his mother. “Ma, you know I don’t like you using my name.”

“Nonsense, it’s a beautiful name. It was my father’s name. I was just going to say how proud I am that you’re taking an interest in helping the local children. Father Nikolai at the church will be very pleased. So, introduce me.”

“Well, the big mouth there, that’s Rishi. He’s real annoying. The other one, Rodney, he ain’t as bad. And that one . . . that . . . I don’t know dat guy.”

Fernando strode forward. “I am Fernando, and this is indeed a pleasure.” He took the Boss’s mom’s hand and bowed in to give it a kiss.

The Boss swung his finger at Fernando’s face. “If you wanna keep dose lips you better stop right there.”

Ma knocked her son’s hand away. “What a little gentleman. What’s your name?”

“Fernando.”

“Really? I knew a Fernando once. He had such beautiful hair. I used to run my—”

“Ma!”

“Oh, sorry. Sometimes I get lost in my memories. Boys, pull up some chairs. You all look hungry.”

The Boss shook his head. “Ma! They’re about to scram.”

“Nonsense. They’re going to have dinner with us and then you’re going to help them with their little date.”

“I’m not goin—”

“Francis Vladamir!” Ma said the name again but this time it sounded like an order. Her eyes stared at her son.

“Yes, Ma.”

We all did what we were told. I felt great relief that the date plan was back on. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel so wondrous when I saw what the Boss’s mom was piling on my plate. “Here, have some spaghetti and cabbage,” she commanded. “I made the sauce yesterday. You look like you could use a big meal. Eat, eeeeaat.”

It smelled great and despite the weird looking cabbages leaves, I couldn’t help but dig into the steaming plate. It tasted better than anything I ever had. The sauce on the stuffed cabbage was a kind of sweet, garlicky, tomato mixture and absolutely delicious.

The Boss’s mom was clearly happy to see us all enjoying the meal. “You just call me ‘Mama,’ ” she said, smiling, pinching my cheek. “If you want more, ask.”

A sudden thought hit me. If this lady was the cook, convincing my mom to write a good review would be a cinch. I wouldn’t have to worry about what the Boss would do to me after a bad review. “Are you the cook for the restaurant?” I asked.

The Boss’s fork clinked onto his plate. “What kind of son would I be if I let my ma work in the kitchen? I already hired two guys. They’re in the back getting the kitchen set up. They came cheap. Since I know I’m going to get a great review in the paper, I figured I could save a couple of dimes.” He gave me a leering smile and the cabbage turned in my stomach. “Cheese, bring Rodney in to meet our new cooks.”

I followed Cheese into the kitchen. “Dose two are da chefs,” Cheese said, pointing, though I didn’t see anyone. He didn’t stick around to complete a formal introduction. The kitchen door wobbled back and forth to a close.

The kitchen had big stoves and a grill along the back wall. A silver thing to my left held a tray of forks and spoons. I assumed it was the dishwasher. Back by the stoves, behind a row of shelves and pots, I finally spotted two guys. They looked more like loggers or mountain men than chefs. The first guy was sitting on a milk crate, asleep and snoring. His shirt had more grease on it than the deep fryer and his beard reminded me of Santa Claus—if Santa Claus slept in a dirty alley. The other guy looked at me, flicked an ash from his cigarette into the soup, and asked, “You wanna see something cool?”

“Uh, I guess so.”

He tossed an onion into the air. Then, grabbing a big knife, he swung at it and yelled, “Samurai!” Unfortunately, he missed the onion, lost his balance, and fell into some pots.

The other guy woke up. “Weasel, I told you to keep quiet. You’re interrupting my nap! I’m going into the walk-in where it’s quiet.” He passed by me, scratching his dirty beard. “I’m Big Earl. You the new dishwasher?”

“Not exactly. I’m—”

He didn’t listen. “You’d better get busy on those pots,” he ordered, picking his nose. “I like my work environment nice and clean.”

I almost gagged.

He opened a large silver door and disappeared into a cloud of cold, frosty air.

“He’s going to take a nap in there?” I asked. “Won’t he freeze to death?”

“I keep hoping,” Weasel said. “The slime in his beard freezes rock hard and spiky. It cracks me up but of course it’s best not to laugh at Big Earl.”

Weasel went back to chopping onions. The pieces flew all over the counter and the floor. How had I wound up in this situation? I’m not sure if the onions had anything to do with it, but my eyes got a little teary. With these two cooking there was no way my mom would write a good review.

I was just turning around to head back to the dining room when Rishi stuck his head into the kitchen. “Trevor’s here,” he shouted. “Now the real fun begins!”

The first thing I heard was Trevor yell, “Why is it so dark in here?”

He had a point. The lights were turned way down and one candle was lit at a small table for two. I could barely make out Fernando. He was leaning against the bar sipping a Coke in a tall glass. I decided to position myself behind the bar. If Trevor got mad about something, at least there would be a big wooden obstacle between us.

“Trevor, what could be better than candlelight?” I asked. He looked around, finally spotting me.

While I had been in the kitchen getting etiquette lessons from Weasel and Big Earl, Rishi had convinced the Boss, the Boss’s mother, Cheese, and Willy to retire to the back room. That meant the cooking would be left to Weasel! I just hoped the ambiance in the restaurant would impress. Looking at Trevor, I already had my doubts.

“I can barely see,” he said.

“Darkness has its advantages,” Fernando observed.

“What does that mean?” Trevor demanded. I couldn’t tell him the truth, that Josie wasn’t expecting him!

“Never mind that for now,” Fernando continued. “Rishi, we don’t have much time. Hook him up.”

Rishi stepped out of the darkness, walked up to Trevor, and began to stick something in his ear. Trevor flailed at him. “What are you doing? Don’t touch me.”

“Don’t get crazy.” Rishi laughed. “This is just a little speaker we’ll keep hidden in your ear. Josie won’t see it. This way, Fernando can speak into a microphone and give you pointers.”

“I don’t need no pointers.”

“Now, now, everyone needs advice sometime. Keep still. I borrowed this from my uncle in the Akron Police Department.”

Even through the dim light I could see that Trevor looked a little nervous. “Where’s all the people in this place? Where are the waiters?”

“I’ll be your waiter this evening,” Rishi said. “The restaurant doesn’t really open for another two weeks. We have certain pull with the owner.”

“Wait a minute,” Trevor snarled, “who’s cooking the meal? It better not be you, Rathbone.”

You’ll wish it was me, I thought, but answered, “The chefs are in the back. A real talented pair.” I glanced at my phone. “It’s almost seven o’clock.” I would know soon enough if this was going to blow up in my face.

Fernando stirred the ice in his drink. “Yes, we need to take our places. Okay, everyone, you know what to do.”

Rishi positioned himself in the front of the restaurant. Trevor took his assigned seat at the table with the candle. It was under a fake vine of purple grapes that cast a dark shadow over him. Fernando and I slid behind the kitchen door and stood peering through the crack.

At seven p.m. sharp we saw car lights shine in through the window. Moments later a car door opened and we heard Josie’s voice. “Yes, Dad, I know. Yes, eight thirty. No, I won’t. Yes, I’ll let Rodney know that you know where he lives. Okay? What? No, I’m not going to tell him that you’re an expert with a blowtorch and a chain saw.”

“Sounds like a caring father,” Fernando whispered.

“Yeah, he sounds great,” I said with a shiver. “Maybe he can give me welding lessons when he stops by with his blowtorch.”

Josie walked in through the front doors. I braced for the biggest hurdle of the night.

“Good evening, madam, may I take your coat?” Rishi asked.

“It’s sixty-five degrees out. I don’t have a coat. Where is everyone? Hey, don’t I know you from school?”

Rishi didn’t miss a beat and continued like a true professional. “The restaurant isn’t officially open yet, however Rodney pulled some strings and . . .”

“That Rodney! A restaurant all to ourselves. How romantic! Where is he?”

“Well, Rodney has come down with a bad case of the shingles and a bad case of poison ivy. Somehow, the two mixed together. He’s got sores all over, especially around his mouth. They’re oozing and dripping pus. Very contagious. One doctor even mentioned leprosy but Rodney’s got his fingers crossed . . . while he’s still got fingers.”

I had told Rishi to think of a convincing excuse but this was overboard. I didn’t need to be known as the king of cooties in Garrettsville.

“Ewwww,” Josie said.

“Yes, it’s extremely disgusting. Anyway, Rodney is at home soaking his face.”

Josie turned to leave and whined, “My dad already pulled away.”

“That’s a shame, however, there is another gentleman from school who is without a companion. Perhaps you could dine with him this evening.” Rishi pointed toward Trevor.

Josie, her eyes fighting through the dim shadows, asked, “What’s that thing hanging around his neck?”

“It’s called a tie, madam. I think you’ll find him a rather sophisticated young man and a most pleasant dinner companion. May I show you to your seat?”

“Uh, I guess,” Josie said. “Wait a second. Is that Trevor?”

“Stand up. Tell her she looks nice,” Fernando said into the microphone.

I saw Trevor swat at his ear but he stood and said, “You look nice.”

Josie said, “Thank you. You, uh, do too.”

Trevor smiled and pushed a hand through his hair.

Rishi cut in, “Mr. Tarantola has taken the liberty of ordering you a Sprite. May I pour it?”

“I guess,” Josie said.

My eyes had become fully adjusted to the dark. As Rishi poured, I noticed that the room looked really good. With the orange candlelight glow, the paintings of Venice, Florence, and Siberia, the white tablecloths and the long wood bar, Mama’s looked just as nice as Chez Pierre or any other expensive place. This could actually work, I thought.

Fernando whispered into the microphone, “Tell her it’s wonderful seeing her at a fancy restaurant. That she must have class.”

“Wonder why you’re at a restaurant,” Trevor said. “You must have gas.”

Josie wrinkled her nose. “I don’t have gas!”

Fernando gripped the microphone and whispered into Trevor’s ear, “Tell her you’re nervous and you fumble your words—”

“I never fumble!” Trevor barked. “If I was still running back, you’d know it!”

Josie looked completely confused. “Uhh, okay. That was a little weird, but you did play great today.”

“Thanks,” Trevor said.

Fernando whispered, “Tell her you played great because she inspires you when she cheers.”

Trevor picked up his Sprite and confidently stated, “I played great because you perspire when you cheer.”

Josie’s jaw dropped and she felt her armpit. Then she pulled out her cell phone. “I think I better call my dad.”

Fernando spun around to Rishi, who had joined us in the kitchen. “Get out there. Don’t let her make that call.”

Rishi tore out to the table and swiped the phone out of Josie’s hand.

“Hey!” Josie snapped.

“Sorry miss, we have a strict no-cell-phone policy at the restaurant. It disturbs the other diners.”

“We’re the only ones in here. Give me the phone!”

Josie reached out to take it but Rishi held the phone over his head. “I’ll just keep it behind the bar until after dessert.”

As he went to walk off, Trevor gabbed Rishi, lifted him off the ground, and shouted, “Give the young lady back her phone.”

Caught in Trevor’s powerful grip, Rishi had no choice but to obey.

“Darn it, she’s got the phone,” I whispered to Fernando.

He smirked back at me. “Don’t worry. That was perfect.”

Trevor, sitting back down at the table, repeated, “That was perfect.”

“Yes, it was,” Josie agreed, now looking at Trevor in a whole new way.

Fernando covered the microphone with his hand. “Rodney, when it comes to matters of romance, you must learn to trust Fernando.”

Trevor and Josie were staring into each other’s eyes. I felt like I was watching one of my mom’s sappy movies.

Still covering the microphone, Fernando whispered, “We’re almost there. Trevor has successfully acted the hero. Now if I can just get him to say a line correctly my work will be finished. I’ll go with something simple.” He picked up the microphone. “Tell her that’s a nice dress.”

“I know what to say, Fernando! Stop blabbing in my ear! I got the perfect line already.”

I smacked my forehead. Josie was now definitely going to think he was crazy, and then he’d blame me for the wire, and then I’d be marinara sauce. I crossed my fingers, hoping his line was good. I watched him lean in toward her and say, “You know, Josie, if you were a booger, I’d pick you first.”

“Did you just call me a booger?” she asked.

Fernando and I looked at each other. I was dead.

“Because if you did,” Josie continued, “I think that’s hysterical.”

“You do?” Trevor asked. “I got a million booger jokes.”

Josie laughed and for the first time all evening looked completely relaxed. “You know”—she smiled—“I’m kind of happy Rodney got leprosy and you happened to be here tonight.”

I had mixed feelings when I heard that but Fernando looked pleased. He turned off the microphone. “My work is done.”

“Good,” spoke a voice in back of us. I jumped and spun around. Cheese was standing there. “If you’re done, you won’t mind your little friend taking a walk with me. Rodney, follow me into the office. Boss wants to see you.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. What had I done wrong? I followed Cheese and soon found myself face to face with the Boss.

“I’ve noticed how you and Rishi and that shifty other kid operate.” He turned his computer monitor around, revealing several windows with security camera feeds of the restaurant. I hadn’t been aware I was being watched all evening. “I might need a little more help opening night,” he continued. “Want to make some money and bus tables?”

I was beginning to like the idea of making money—only I knew my parents wouldn’t want me working here. Not for the Boss. “Uh, sure,” I suddenly said, figuring I could ask my parents later if it was okay. “Opening night must get pretty busy and all.”

“It’s not just that,” the Boss continued. “Some important friends of mine from Chicago called. They said they’d be stopping by that night. I’m going to need to host a special dinner. It has to go well, Rodney.”

“Makes sense,” I said. “I mean, after all, they’re coming a long way. I guess they’re excited to see the new place.”

More to himself than to me, the Boss said, “Let’s hope they like it. Let’s hope we make a ton of dough that night so Spats can leave happy.” He glanced up at Cheese and Willy. The three of them looked deadly serious—actually frightened.

Willy said, “We all remember what happened to Joey Cranberries.”

The Boss shook slightly. “Enough.” Then he looked at me. “Beat it.”

As I headed back to the kitchen to meet my friends, I began to worry about what I had just gotten myself into. Too bad I didn’t have a little voice in my ear like Trevor telling me what to say.

But that wasn’t entirely true. Something had told me not to agree to work for the Boss. Unfortunately, I had chosen not to listen.