The cottage door is locked. I keep turning the handle as if a miracle will happen, but nothing changes. We just walked in earlier so I can’t understand why the door won’t open now. Maybe Wolfboy did something to the catch.
I’ll have to knock.
It takes several tries but eventually Wolfboy comes to the door. He is still sleepy enough to be confused about why I am on the doorstep and not the couch.
I push past him, speaking quickly. ‘Sorry. I went outside to pee. I thought I’d left the door open, but when I came back it was locked.’
I put my stuff down on the packing case and pocket the letter as smoothly as possible. Wolfboy doesn’t seem to notice.
‘I forgot to warn you there’s no bathroom.’
‘It’s okay. I went in the bushes outside.’ I sit on the couch, right back where I started. My voice and my movements feel unnatural. The best defence is a good offence. ‘Where do Thom and Paul shower then?’
‘My house. Or they don’t. There’s a public toilet on the other side of the fountain but it’s a bit of a walk. Did you fall asleep too?’ Wolfboy asks.
‘Uh-huh. How long do you think we were out for?’
‘No idea.’ Wolfboy rubs his hair and sits next to me. I chance a proper look at him. He looks like himself again, just with sleepier eyes and messier hair. ‘So, I’ve been doing some thinking.’
My stomach lurches. ‘Yeah?’
‘I’ve been wondering if my parents know Ortolan is back.’
The nervous feeling goes away. I thought he was going to say something else.
‘They never ask you if you see her?’
‘I only ever speak to my mum, and I haven’t called her in months. We never talk about anything important anyway.’
‘You never wondered about Diana, about her kid, I mean?’
‘I was younger when I first found out she’d had a baby. I didn’t ask any questions. I just didn’t think about it. But now that I am thinking about it, there’s something I want to do.’
‘What’s that?’
‘I want to speak to Ortolan. Ask her a few things.’
‘That’s a good idea,’ I tell him. He’s quiet while he twists his shirt-tails in his hands. ‘You mean right now, don’t you?’ I suppose they do things at all hours here.
‘I want to go before I chicken out.’ He pauses.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ I ask.
‘I think I should do this on my own.’
‘Oh.’ I feel a twinge of disappointment, even though it was me who was doing the walking out not so long ago.
‘I thought I could walk with you part of the way and show you where to get a taxi. Then I can go on to Ortolan’s house.’
That sounds good. That sounds like a scenario I can manage.
‘You’re brave,’ I tell him.
He gives me a funny look. ‘You broke into Orphanville as well, remember?’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
Wolfboy has to message Paul to get Ortolan’s address.
‘How come Paul keeps in touch with her?’
‘Because he knows I don’t.’
Wolfboy turns off the lamp, and leaves the chocolate bars for Paul and Thom. I rescue the pair of jocks from the milk jug and stretch them over the lampshade, just to mess with their heads.
Wolfboy turns to me at the door. ‘What did it say in the note?’
‘What note?’ The lie is automatic. I don’t want him knowing how close I came to leaving without saying goodbye properly. I’m not sure he’d forgive me for that.
‘The bit of paper you picked up off the coffee table and hid in your pocket.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ As always, once I’ve started a lie I can’t stop it. I’m too ashamed to explain my reasoning from earlier. He’ll think I’m completely neurotic.
He shrugs and walks out the door. I catch up quickly and link my arm through his.
We cut through the backstreets of Shyness, walking on unfamiliar roads. The moon has moved again to hide behind a blanket of clouds. Or the clouds have moved and the moon has stayed the same. Who knows how anything works here.
‘So you’ll get to see the morning in Panwood.’ I tug on Wolfboy’s arm. ‘Are you excited?’
‘It’s been a while.’
‘I’d lend you my sunnies, but I left them at your house.’
‘You left quite a few things at my house.’ There’s a pause. ‘So…when do I see you again to give them back?’ ‘I thought you could deposit my stuff with some Kidds, and then I would try to break in to their secret hiding place and steal it back, and then escape, all without being seen.’ ‘Nice plan.’ He smiles but doesn’t press me. I wish he would. I should have just said ‘soon’ instead of making a joke of his question.
The low shapes of the residential area give way to larger industrial buildings with high brick fences and barbed wire. Some of the bigger buildings even have watchtowers and spotlights. We turn left into another never-ending industrial street. It’s a long walk to Panwood from the gardens. I sigh. All the adrenaline has left my body. I might float away any second now.
‘Has it really been just one night?’ I ask.
‘Does it really matter?’
‘It’ll matter to my mum.’
‘I’m sure it’s only been one night. Do you recognise where we are?’
‘No.’
‘Little Death is a street over that way.’
That makes sense. The street we’re on is lined with miner’s cottages like the streets around the club.
‘We’ve come almost full circle. Ortolan lives off Grey Street.’
I still don’t get what he means.
‘Come on. You’ll see.’ He drags me by the arm. I need dragging. I’d kill for a cup of tea. Hot, sugary, milky tea. The backs of my legs ache. The miner’s cottages end at a wide thoroughfare of empty shops and dead lampposts.
‘Is this Grey Street?’ I ask.
‘Almost.’ Wolfboy is rushing now, taking loping steps so that I can barely keep up. We reach an intersection with four wide streets running in each direction. ‘That’s Grey Street. And look. The Diabetic.’
Across the road is the green pub I met Wolfboy in, all those hours ago. The neon sign is still on and there are lots of people milling around for this late on a Friday night. Or early on a Saturday morning. The pub looks different from how I remember it. I feel like I’m time travelling. I try to imagine myself walking through those doors, tipsy on cheap wine, desperate to forget. I had no idea what lay ahead. The sky above the pub is purple, not black.
‘What’s going on?’
‘I don’t know.’
There are three police cars parked outside and yellow tape over the entrance. A group of people sit in the gutter. A solitary Dreamer wanders in the middle of the crossroads like a drifting iceberg.
Wolfboy pulls me away. ‘Whatever it is, it’s bad news.’ I look over my shoulder as we leave. ‘I hope Neil and Rosie are all right.’
‘They would have left hours ago. They’ll be fine.’
We stop a little way from the intersection, outside a costume hire place. I find myself dragging my feet more and more. All of a sudden I have too many things to say. ‘This is where I leave you,’ says Wolfboy, facing me.
‘Okay.’ I look down. I hate goodbyes. Nothing I say now is going to come close to describing how awful and amazing and crazy this night has been.
‘This is O’Neira Street. It’s Panwood from this point. If you walk up here for a few blocks you’ll see a shop that sells exercise equipment, and some restaurants. There’s usually a few taxis waiting there.’
‘Got it,’ I say, when really I took in only half of it. ‘Which way are you going?’
‘Back up Grey Street.’
Wolfboy hugs me tightly and I press my face into his shoulder. I try to record every little detail of the moment. The time comes when I have to pull away. I take the letter from my pocket. It says some of the things I want to say.
‘This is for you. Read it later.’
‘Is your phone number in here?’ At least he doesn’t tell me off for lying earlier. I fold his fingers over the letter, crushing it.
‘Just keep it.’
Wolfboy bends down and kisses me, only for a second, but it’s long enough. I keep my eyes on his, taking a mental picture, then I turn and walk away.