I TOLD HARBONAH THAT I WOULD NOT SPEAK to the king about the missing child, so I tried to put thoughts of Pharnaces out of my mind. But though I sat at dinner with my husband and smiled at his comments, I could not forget about the boy I had grown to love. Was he safe? Was he only hiding in some out of the way corner of the palace, or was he in the hands of someone who might hurt him?
Mordecai had warned me about the dangers of the palace, and I had heard enough stories to convince me that although threats might be silent and invisible, they were never too far away. Men with power attracted men who wanted power, and the axiom also held true for women. But who would be bold and heartless enough to involve an innocent child?
What if one day someone came for my child?
The king offered me a sprig laden with plump grapes. “You like these, my love, yet you have hardly eaten anything tonight. Has something upset you? Some problem with your maids?”
I looked up, grateful he’d noticed my preoccupation but determined not to break my promise to Harbonah. And I did have news to share with him.
“My king.” I slipped from the small couch where I sat and went to kneel at his feet. Resting my head upon his muscular thigh, I held on to his leg and closed my eyes. “I am with child. In time, I hope to bear you a son or daughter.”
I waited with my eyes tightly shut because I could not bear to be disappointed by his reaction. He didn’t need another son or daughter, and as far as I knew he didn’t want another child. But I would soon have a baby, his baby, and I desperately wanted him to be happy about the idea.
A Sabbath stillness reigned in the chamber, with nothing but the heavy sound of his breathing to disturb it. His broad hand fell upon my head, but I couldn’t tell whether he wanted to caress me or crush me.
“My darling little queen,” he finally said, his fingers finding my chin and lifting it upward, “are you happy about this?”
“Oh, yes.” I looked into his eyes and gave him a heartfelt smile. “I’ve never been happier about anything.”
“Then I am content.” Something that looked like a smile twitched into existence and out again among the curls of his beard. Then he lifted me and held me on his lap. For a long while I sat within the circle of his arms, my face pressed into his neck, his hands on my belly where his child safely grew.
If HaShem would be merciful and grant me the blessing of a son, I silently told myself, I would name the child Avraham, father of many.