Asking Dom to skip their off day again was unfair and Mat knew it. But she couldn’t help that being on the water was the only thing keeping her sane these days. She also knew that, if she asked, Dom would grumble, but he’d say yes.
After pacing in her apartment for twenty minutes, she made up her mind. They had an unspoken rule about going out alone. Okay, so maybe somewhat spoken. But there were plenty of fishermen who did. It made the work slower, but not impossible. And it wasn’t inherently more dangerous. It just meant no one was around to help if something went awry. She was careful. Things didn’t go awry.
She’d give Dom his cut of whatever she hauled. That should be enough to keep him from giving her a hard time. And would assuage any guilt she had about breaking their code. Feeling better about the decision, she changed clothes and headed out.
The sky was overcast, the air cool and damp. The brutal temperatures of November and December remained a few weeks away, but Mat was grateful to have switched over to her winter gear. The layers that would feel like nothing soon enough kept her nice and warm this morning.
With the drop in temperatures, the number of lobsters in each trap grew more consistent. Unlike humans, who tended to hunker down and keep close to home, lobsters seemed liberated by the cold. They wandered out of their caves and found their way to her bait.
She kept her pace slow and methodical. The cost of a careless mistake could be infinitely greater when alone, and really, it wasn’t the number of traps she hauled that mattered. At least not today. The routine of the work, the very fact of being on the water, had its usual effect. Her mind cleared of the nagging voices and doubts, the persistent questions about what the hell she was doing.
Happy with her catch, and the state of her mind, she headed back to shore. On the way, her mind kicked back into gear. It conjured images of being with Graham that included everything from the boat to her bed to family dinners and celebrations. Instead of trying to shut them down, she let herself wonder what it might be like.
Could Dom be right? Had her parents mellowed? Might they be more welcoming now than they were all those years ago? They’d come to accept Dom. And now that he was with Renata, everyone in the family seemed on board.
She imagined sitting them down and essentially coming out all over again. She wasn’t incapable, or really even afraid. She just couldn’t imagine it going well. It didn’t seem worth the grief she’d put them—or herself—through in the process. Or at least it hadn’t.
Graham changed things. Her sweet smile and ridiculous sense of humor, her intelligence and kind heart. And the chemistry. Dear Lord, the chemistry. If she was being honest with herself, she could admit that sex with Graham existed on an entirely different dimension. It was good, yes, but it stirred something in her that she hadn’t even known was there.
With her mind on that tangent, Mat approached the harbor. She kicked into idle to call her uncle and realized she’d missed at least a dozen texts from Dom. They started casual, but morphed through irate to full-on worried. She cringed, feeling bad she’d sneaked off without telling him. As she steered into the unloading zone, she realized he was there, waiting for her.
Since their uncle was there, too, Mat offered a friendly wave and kept her tone light. Dom followed suit. Together, they hoisted the barrel and got it onto his truck. After, Mat moved to their slip and started cleanup. It didn’t take long for him to join her.
“Are you fucking insane?” The edge in Dom’s voice radiated anger.
She’d expected him to give her a token hard time. And then thank her for giving him a pass, for earning him money while he did nothing. But he was none of those things. “Dude, relax.”
“I won’t relax. And don’t dude me.”
Mat lifted both her hands. “Okay, okay. Christ.”
“I’m serious, Mat. You could have gotten yourself killed.”
Mat appreciated his concern, but she bristled at the statement. “Being a little dramatic, aren’t we? I was careful. I went slow. I’m not a fucking moron.”
Dom’s face softened, if only a little. “I didn’t call you a moron.”
Mat raised a brow. “No, just insane.”
“We don’t go out alone.” Dom heaved out a breath. “You’ve heard the stories.”
She had. From the time she could walk, she’d heard stories. Some funny, some heroic, some tragic. She’d been raised to appreciate what the sea could offer those who worked it, but also to respect what it could take away. As a kid, it had filled her with a sense of adventure. As a teen, it felt cheesy and over the top. But she’d settled into adulthood and the reality behind some of those tales kept her centered. With less defiance than she’d felt a moment before, she said, “I was careful.”
Dom’s features softened even more. “I never said you weren’t. But it’s not just you out there. Things can happen.”
“All right, all right. I’m sufficiently shamed.”
“Shamed enough not to do it again?”
She really hadn’t wanted him to worry. “I won’t do it again. Promise.”
“Good.” Dom rolled his eyes, but smiled. “Now tell me, how much did I make?”
Mat folded her arms. “A couple hundred. I told you, I went slow.”
“Eh.” Dom shrugged. “Not bad for an afternoon of making love to my fiancée.”
“Such a—” Mat cut herself off as the second half of the statement registered. “Wait. What?”
Dom grinned a goofy, over the moon kind of grin. “I asked Renata to marry me and she said yes.”
A torrent of emotions whipped through Mat’s brain. Joy, but also worry. And she couldn’t ignore the pang of envy. “When? How? You don’t think it’s a little quick?”
Dom’s smile didn’t waver. “When you know, you know.”
She let his words sink in. Did she believe that? They’d never been true for her. The one time she thought so, she’d been not only wrong, but alone in her feelings. That was one of the reasons she didn’t think she was built for love. Until recently, the idea hadn’t bothered her much. Now? Now she didn’t know what to believe. Except that she didn’t want to saddle Dom with it. She forced a smile. “I’m really happy for you, man. Congratulations.”
He shrugged and seemed to get bashful. “Thanks.”
“I can’t think of anyone who deserves a happily ever after more than you.” As Mat said the words, she realized how much she meant them. She gave him a hard time, but mostly because he felt like a little brother and doing so was both a right and a responsibility. But she loved him and, more, admired him. He’d weathered plenty of storms—the family fallout from his transition, the breakup with his girlfriend at the time—and hadn’t grown bitter. If anything, he kept his heart even more open. He’d earned his current happiness tenfold.
Dom frowned. “You say that like you don’t deserve to be happy.”
They’d finished putting the boat in order. Mat took a final look around before stepping onto the dock. It was her turn to shrug. “It’s not that I don’t. I’m just not sure I’m cut out for domestic bliss.”
Dom followed. He sighed in a way that seemed more worried than annoyed. “How can you possibly say that? You’ve never even tried.”