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Had he made the right choice, pushing Valerian away yet again, especially after finding out that his alpha father had died? Was he being awful to the man he loved?
But how could he trust that Val meant all he said to him? About fighting for him and needing him? His trust was broken.
It didn’t take much, admittedly, not after his own fathers had sold him and made clear they’d never wanted him.
It all made his head hurt as much as his heart.
Working was the only medicine, and Zach had been getting dressed for a dance rehearsal—a much slower process these days when he couldn’t bend over and had to try contortionist moves to pull on socks—when the knock came on his door and a small package was delivered into his hands.
“From Valerian de Chateau,” a smiling beta Zach had seen around the admin offices said. “A Courting gift.”
“What? For real?”
That might have been his first clue that Valerian was serious. Getting serious, anyway. And Zach was strangely excited to receive the package, his first Courting gift after Valerian had given him the necklace he had put back in the depths of his closet.
Ridiculous for a pregnant guy.
He sat for a long while on the bed, just staring down at it, his throat closed and his eyes hot. Was this another game for the sexy alpha? Another way to break Zach’s already shattered heart, get him to trust him and open up once more only to vanish into thin air again?
He rubbed hand thoughtfully over his belly, sighing at the movement inside. It grounded him, took away some of the tension gathering in his shoulders and the back of his neck.
Okay. He could do this. He could open this little non-exploding package without having a panic attack.
Cool, baby. Let’s do this. Easy-peasy.
Drawing a bracing breath, he tore open the tape and peeled off the red satiny wrapping paper, then lifted the lid off the box...
Nothing exploded.
Except his heart. Aw shucks... That was hitting below the belt, because inside the box were cute tiny baby clothes. They were adorable! Zach lifted them out, laughing and crying at the same time, laying them out on his bed—tiny outfits with bows and pockets and they were the cutest thing he’d ever laid eyes on.
Not the usual kind of Courting gift. Then again, these weren’t exactly the usual Courting circumstances, not when his belly was sitting in his lap, full and heavy with his babies.
Was there a hidden meaning in the choice of the gift, a secret message—as in, I want these babies with you? Was it a trick to make him think there was such a message?
Gah. His head hurt. Leaning back, bracing himself on his hands, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
He wanted it so much to mean what it seemed to mean.
A life together.
But he had to remain calm and keep some emotional distance. This wasn’t enough. Valerian may be playing, but Zach couldn’t afford that. He needed proof that Valerian meant what he’d said, and it was up to Valerian now to give it to him.
He didn’t frigging dare hope anymore. But he wanted... needed Val so much. Even the memory of how he’d held and touched him last time...
Zach hissed softly, shifting on the bed, his hole clenching. It was getting wet, and his cock was hardening. He needed release. He blamed hormones, but it was a deeper need, ever-present, for his alpha, the alpha father of his babies.
“Val...” His eyes burned. He was trying so hard not to admit to himself how badly he needed the alpha, how he dreaded being with anyone else, how his heart had died a thousand deaths in the days since he’d last seen him. His pride had been hurt. His self-confidence. His hope. Love was cruel.
And then Valerian showed up and held him so tenderly, looked at him like he was precious, told him that he’d move the earth and sky to be with Zach. Breaking him all over again, dangling before him everything he wanted.
Only to snatch it away again.
Had he? Snatched it away? Zach eyed the baby clothes and groaned, confused.
Confused and aroused. He slipped one hand inside his pants, finding his hard cock and giving it a few tugs, then grunting as he had to reach lower to reach his hole and his belly got in the way.
Damn. Twisting in the bed, falling on his back, he pushed his pants down and opened his legs, moaning when he finally managed to slip a finger inside his opening.
So horny. Needy. Already throbbing and ready to come. His finger sank deep and it wasn’t anywhere near enough. What he needed was so much bigger, but he’d have to make do with more fingers. He slipped another one and... oh... so much better. His head fell back and his hips bucked as he fingered himself, in and out, his slick dripping down his thighs.
He imagined Val doing it to him, kneeling between Zach’s spread legs, opening him up with his fingers, preparing him for his alpha cock. It felt so good. The heaviness of his belly made everything down there more intense. His cock twitched, his balls tightened as he added a third finger, fucking himself faster, harder.
“Val!” he moaned, “oh God, Val, yes...”
His arm was cramping, wrapped at an awkward angle around his belly, his legs trembling. He brought his other hand up, under his top, and rubbed one of his nipples, like Valerian had done last time.
“Oh, fuck...” Zings of need and pleasure shot straight to his cock, so that it jerked and shot a little. He was so close... almost there. Another pump of his fingers and he was coming hard, shaking with the intensity of it. “Val, oh! Oh, yeah...”
The knock on his door came as he writhed on the bed, his hole clenching hard around his fingers and his cock shooting up all over his belly.
The knock came again, along with Tate’s breathless voice. “Zach. Zach! Are you okay? If you don’t open up now, I’ll go get the keymaster, I swear.”
Oh shit...
Yanking his fingers out of himself stung, and he hissed as he wiped them on his top. He sat up carefully, pulling up his pants.
Right. Now to the hardest part: getting up.
The babies kicked as he huffed and puffed, trying to get on his feet. The bed was low and his belly made getting up a feat. Finally, he grabbed the headboard and hauled himself up.
Good God, if he was having so much trouble now, how much harder would it be in a month?
Shaking his head at himself, he walked over to the door and yanked it open. “What?”
“Hey! You okay?” Tate slipped into the room, his eyes wide. “I swear I thought I heard you moaning. I thought you were sick.”
“Uh, no. I’m good, really.” Could this get any more mortifying? “What’s up?”
“Sim and... Oh my God, would you look at this!” Tate all but ran to the bed to pick up the tiny baby clothes. “You didn’t tell me you went shopping! I wanted to go with you.”
“I didn’t. Go shopping, that is.”
“But...”
“Valerian sent them to me.”
“He didn’t!”
“He so did.” Zach couldn’t help his smile.
“A Courting present?”
“Ah-huh.”
“Zach...”
“I know, all right? What do you want me to do? I... oh!”
“Zach!”
“It’s fine.” He waved off Tate’s concern and rubbed his belly. “Babies kicking. They do that a lot lately, especially when I’m upset, or sleepy, or getting off.”
Tate’s face colored. “I see. Did I interrupt you?”
“Crap.” Zach shook his head so hard he thought it might come off his shoulders. “No, no, nothing like that.”
Tate didn’t look convinced but he also didn’t seem able to let go of the miniature clothes. He sat on the bed and smoothed a tiny shirt over his legs. “God, this is so frigging cute. This Valerian knows what an omega wants, huh?”
“Does he?”
If he did, he wouldn’t have left Zach to wonder for so long.
“Crap, I didn’t mean... Look, it’s a useful gift, right?” Tate placed the shirt on the bed and seemed to be doing his best to look away from the baby clothes. “So there’s that. You don’t have to accept him back because of this.”
“I know that!” Zach closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, putting his arms around his belly. “I know that,” he said more softly.
“Zach...”
“I don’t know what I am doing,” Zach confessed. “Or what he is doing. If he means this. If he’s serious about it this time. Look at me, Tate! I’m running out of time. Once the babies come, it’ll be even harder to get an alpha to Claim me. At least if they Claim me now, they can pretend the babies are theirs. God...”
“I know.” Tate looked miserable. “I’m sorry. I’m not helping, am I?”
“Yes, you are.” Zach went and sat down heavily beside his friend. “You always help, just by being here.” He rubbed his face with one hand. “I’m just tired.”
“Come here.” Tate put an arm around Zach’s shoulders. “You can lean on me.”
Zach knew he could. He sagged against his friend and sighed.
“Now tell me,” Tate said, “how accurate were the pregnancy lessons we had? Is it really difficult?”
Zach closed his eyes, one arm around his belly, feeling his babies move. “It’s... hard and it’s wonderful,” he whispered. “It’s an honor, to have these babies inside me, to give them life, to help them grow. And it’s bittersweet because they are Valerian’s and they remind me every day of him. And it’s hard because damn, all the cravings and dizziness and discomfort are much worse than wearing a fake belly for a week can prepare you for. These babies are heavy and like having dancing parties inside me when I’m trying to go to sleep or when I’m dancing in front of an audience, and sometimes I just want to sleep all day. Know what I mean? Not to mention the responsibility that comes with it—no alcohol, no frigging coffee! I tell you... it’s not easy.”
Tate squeezed his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“About the Valerian bit, mostly.”
“I know.” Zach grinned at his friend who grinned back.
“I just wanted to ask how it all feels.”
“Why?”
“Because now that I’ve seen you and how you stroke your belly with that dreamy look in your eyes, now that I’ve held the baby clothes, I have to confess, Zach... I’m dying to have babies of my own.”
How could Zach say anything to that? Omegas were made to want children, it was in their genes, the way they were raised, the way they were made. And if a few months ago he hadn’t been convinced himself that he wanted babies, not so soon, now he couldn’t imagine a life without.
If only he could have Valerian in it, too...
***
Another package from the sexy, elusive alpha arrived the next day, and this time it had nothing to do with babies. Well, not as such.
And it had a lot to do with desire and want and it made Zach’s breath catch for a different reason.
He lifted out of the little box a black lace thong and a bunch of black ribbons, then what looked like a black silky belt. A blindfold? It was too long for that, though. Intrigued and aroused, he laid it all out on his bed, glad that he’d opened the package in the privacy of his room.
He tried to imagine himself wearing nothing but the thong and that belt around his belly and he groaned out loud, getting slick and hot between his legs, his cock hardening.
Hitting below the belt... for real this time. With the baby clothes, he’d hit Zach where he had feelings. Now he was hitting him where he needed Val to touch him, fill him up, work through the desire that tormented him every time he thought of the alpha. Tormented him because Val wasn’t there in his bed every night to hold him and touch him and fuck him, and Zach had never needed sex more.
Crazy hormones.
Wait, wait... back up. This gift, coming on the heels of the previous one, was a good sign, right?
Right?
It meant that Val was doing this, taking it seriously, making moves to be with him.
Too soon to tell! the small voice of reason screeched at the back of his mind. There was a reason it lived way back, Zach thought ruefully. It was because he never really paid it any heed.
Which was why he was in this mess right now—his heart racing with fear and hope, his belly full of squirming babies.
The voice was right, though. It usually was. He couldn’t drop his defenses so quickly. This was nuts! Two gifts weren’t proof of anything. Only time could prove that Valerian felt anything for Zach at all.
That was his greatest fear. That Valerian didn’t feel the same way Zach did, that for him it was now all about the babies, and not... not Zach himself.
Damn. Who knew he had so many self-confidence issues? It never seemed to be the case before the pregnancy.
Before Valerian.
Does he really want me? he whispered to his big belly, patting it gently with his hands. Me, Zach, insecurities and hormones and swollen belly and all? Does he think of me when he’s in bed at night? Does he really miss me? What do you guys think?
A kick hard enough to make him gasp was his only answer.
Okay, then.
Patience, he told himself. Give it time. Let’s see his next move. His next gift. Whatever he does next. If he wants you—God, please, please, please—then let him state his terms.
And then the message from the Dean came. The beta standing outside his door was flushed in the face, as if he’d run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator to Zach’s floor, and he bowed, which had Zach raising a brow.
“What is it?” he asked, tugging on the flaps of his robe to cover his belly better.
“The Dean is sending me,” the beta panted, straightening, “to tell you that Valerian De Chateau has placed an official request to Claim you, and also requested an official date with you. Tonight.”
“Oh, God.” Zach nodded, speechless, leaning against the door frame, not to fall.
It was happening. No going back now. He only hoped this time was for real.