GEEKTIONARY

Science and computers were the original geeks’ natural habitat. Such alpha geeks as Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak, and Stephen Hawking emerged from the worlds of science and technology. Using slide rules, geeks sent us into both space and cyberspace. Now, with the advent of social-networking Internet sites such as Facebook and the use of hand-held devices such as the iPhone, a geek-like obsession with technology and devices is entering into the mainstream. So, where better to learn about geekdom than from exploring science and computers?

10,000-hour rule (noun)
Theory by Malcom Gladwell, author of Outliers, that it takes 10,000 hours to become skillful at any task.

Bill Gates satisfied the 10,000-HOUR RULE on programming when he was given access to a computer as a thirteen-year-old.

2600 The 2600 Hz frequency is famous for allowing users to make free long-distance phone calls. The tone was originally discovered by a blind seven-year-old, Joe Engressia, who had whistled it into a phone. In the 1960s, Cap’n Crunch included a whistle in their cereal boxes that created the 2600 Hz tone and, as a result, the whistle was heavily used for phreaking.

3D modeling (noun)
The process of creating a 3D image with a computer using software such as Maya.

4chan (proper noun)
A website with image and message boards that is known for posting pictures of anime and manga and is responsible for many memes, such as the LOLCats and rickrolling, and has been criticized for its controversial content.

A member of 4CHAN was responsible for hacking into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo account.

anaglyph image (noun)
An image meant to be seen using 3D glasses comprised of two colors, red and cyan, superimposed on each other and blurry until the glasses are used.

The longer you stare at an ANAGLYPH IMAGE without the special glasses, the sicker you get.

antikythera mechanism (noun)
A mechanical computer built around 100 B.C. that was used to describe the positions of celestial bodies and determine the appropriate time to commence the Olympic Games.

Arecibo message (noun)
A pictorial message sent from Earth into space for other life forms to receive, developed with the help of Carl Sagan, to show our knowledge of math and science and who we are. The message contains the numbers 1 through 10, the atomic numbers of the elements, and information about DNA, human physical characteristics and the solar system. It will take 25,000 years for the message to reach it’s destination.

When the aliens receive our ARECIBO MESSAGE, they will laugh their asses off.

A/S/L (noun)
Short for age/sex/location. The pickup line in style when America Online was popular.

Ah, those were the glory days of the Internet. All it took was to say A/S/L and it was all downhill from there.

attwaction (noun)
When a person has a crush on someone they know only through Twitter.

I have a strong ATTWACTION to a girl I know on Twitter. Unfortunately, she lives in Russia.

augmented reality (noun)
Augmented reality combines real world and computer-generated data, where computer graphics are blended with real-world images in real time. The first-down line that is graphically overlaid on a football field during a live broadcast demonstrates the use of augmented reality. In a first-person shooter video game, the life bar and ammo overlaid on your screen are additional examples of augmented reality.

The Terminator sees that the probability of kicking your ass is 100% in an AUGMENTED REALITY diagnostic.

avatar (noun)
An image or character that represents a user or player in a video game or online.

backdoor (noun)
A weakness in a computer program that may be purposely or accidentally created by the maker that allows an outsider access to a computer system.

In the movie WarGames (a 1983 film that inspired a generation of computer geeks), Matthew Broderick’s character hacks into NORAD’s computers by figuring out the program’s BACKDOOR.

binary (noun)
A numerical system using only two numbers, 0 and 1. Also known as a base-2 system.

My dad taught me BINARY on the way to school in kindergarten and I was rewarded with donuts.

GEEK QUIZ

What was the backdoor password in the movie WarGames?

a. Antikythera (a mechanical computer built around 100 B.C.)
b. Ylla Ydeehs (Ally Sheedy, the film’s costar, spelled backwards)
c. Joshua (the name of the software designer’s son)
d. Ripley (the name of Sigourney Weaver’s character in Alien)

biohacker (noun)
A genetic engineer who experiments in DNA and genetics in an attempt to understand, change, or create something biological in nature, just as a computer hacker might try and break into a system to understand or alter it.

Black Swan (proper noun)
A theory created by Dr. Nassim Taleb about unpredictable events in history that have unexpectedly changed the world but that are often explained in retrospect as if they were foreseeable. The very rare black-colored swan is a metaphor for a very rare, random, and unpredictable event.

Taleb describes the success of the Internet and personal computers as BLACK SWANs.

bloop (noun)
A powerful and low-frequency underwater sound detected in the Pacific Ocean. Its source is unknown, but scientists have speculated that it is probably biological in origin. The sea creature making the sound would be much larger than any whale and could be an enormous sea monster.

I was scared to go in the ocean for fear of being impaled by a sting ray. After hearing about the BLOOP, I have to now worry about a prehistoric beast?

GEEK QUIZ

What is the largest sea creature?

a. Blue whale
b. Sperm whale
c. The Great Old One

blue box (noun)
A device used by hackers to access public telephones for free by recreating the tones used by operators to switch calls. They were built by phreaks from the 1960s to the 1980s.

The BLUE BOX got its name because the first one confiscated was in a blue case.

Boolean logic (proper noun)
George Boole was a nineteenth century English mathematician who developed Boolean logic, which is based upon a binary approach using only two states (Yes/no, true/false, on/off, 0/1). All computers are based on this Boolean binary system because the system mimics positive and negative electrical charges.

This is dialectics. It’s very simple BOOLEAN LOGIC. You can’t go out into space with fractions. What are you going to land on, one-quarter?

Ashton Kutcher is the ultimate CELEBRITWEET. If it makes you feel better, he’s a moron.

computer widow (noun)
A person who is in a relationship with someone who spends all his time on the Internet or playing video or computer games.

I won’t judge a man for creating a COMPUTER WIDOW until I have met his wife.

crack, cracking (verb, adjective, noun)
To get past software security features.

Mark always CRACKS software, he never pays for it. But the joke’s on him because the CRACKING software always contains computer viruses.

code monkey (noun)
A professional computer programmer or someone who is a grunt and performs busy-work coding.

cross post (verb)
To post messages or news in many different places on the Internet at the same time.

cybershooting (noun)
A so-called sport using remotely controlled robots over the Internet to hunt and shoot game animals.

Ever since his infamous hunting accident, former vice president Dick Cheney has stuck to CYBERSHOOTING.

deep web (noun)
Websites and files not readily available to the public and hidden from search engines.

DRM (noun)
Short for digital rights management. Copyright-protection technology used in games and other copyrighted software to prevent piracy.

DRM is controversial because it may be too limiting, and it hurts the online pirating community — which includes just about everyone.

ego-surfing (noun)
The act of searching the Internet for one’s own name.

I was EGO-SURFING today and found my name! Unfortunately, the Internet says I’m a tool.

emoticons (noun)
Characters on a keyboard or phone pad used to make a face or other image. :)

EMOTICONS used to be reserved for women. Now, all my friends respond to my messages with smiley faces. What is the world coming to?

Flash (proper noun)
A programming language used in online videos and for animation, such as in webcomics and online games.

FLASH uses a small amount of bandwidth and takes less time to load due to the small file sizes.

Frankenfood (noun)
Food that comes from genetically altered plants and animals, in reference to Frankenstein.

gematria (noun)
The process of applying numbers to words and trying to find a pattern.

Gematria is used in the movie Pi, where Max uses his supercomputer, Euclid, to analyze patterns in the Torah.

Googlewhacking (noun)
A popular activity that involves trying to find a Google search item that ends in only one result.

We tried GOOGLEWHACKING Geektionary and only 19,200 results came up. Whack!

grid computing (noun)
The accessing and use of multiple systems and computers for a common goal.

Projects involving the future of the Internet usually involve GRID COMPUTING with lightning-fast connections.

hackathon (noun)
When multiple programmers get together to complete one particular goal, such as hacking into the CIA’s main computers and disseminating top-secret information on the Internet.

A HACKATHON is like a binge-drinking party for geeks — only without the drinking. It can still get you arrested though.

holography (noun)
A technique for recording and reconstructing waves emanating from an illuminated object. It is formed using two lasers, a reference beam and an illuminating beam, that combine to form an interference pattern. The final product has two images: a virtual one and a real one.

HOLOGRAPHY is a staple of science fiction, seen in the alien chess game in Star Wars and in the device that creates a hologram of the user in Total Recall.

hotspot (noun)
The radius from which a wireless Internet connection, if not protected, can be accessed by a nonsubscriber.

Some girl is sitting on the ground outside my apartment with her laptop trying to leech off my HOTSPOT.

identity tourism (noun)
When a computer user assumes an identity other than his or her own in a chatroom or MUD, such as a male pretending to be female or someone assuming another racial identity out of curiosity.

Because of rampant IDENTITY TOURISM, one must always be alert on social networking sites because the hot eighteen-year-old woman may actually be a fat sixty-year-old man sitting in his mother’s basement.

infosnacking (verb)
To be on a work computer but not doing anything work related.

If you are tired of INFOSNACKING, steer clear of Reddit.com, Wikipedia.org, and LookAtTheseNakedPeopleInsteadOfWorking. net.

Online, I am a witty, personable, successful person. IRL, I have no life, so I’m online all the time.

juice a brick (verb phrase)
To power up any electronic gadget, from a computer to a video camera.

junk sleep (noun)
To fall asleep while connected to any technology, such as a computer or an iPod.

Last I remember, I was on track 14 and now I’m on track 790. That’s some serious JUNK SLEEP!

keyboard jockey (noun)
A derogatory term for an Internet user who makes claims or statements that cannot be backed up in real life.

Anyone who has the balls to join me on this quest, step forward. As for the rest of you KEYBOARD JOCKEYS, you can just hide behind your monitors and let us real men handle this.

Leetspeak (noun)
Language used on the Internet that often uses ASCII characters or technical jargon to replace English letters or words.

LHC (proper noun)
Short for Large Hadron Collider. The largest and highest-energy particle accelerator in the world. It will cause the apocalypse in 2012 by generating an artificial black hole that will destroy the Earth.

If you really believe in the LHC apocalypse, you might be smoking too much THC!

LRAD (noun)
Short for Long Range Acoustic Device. A powerful wave ray that inflicts severe pain on its target. Used by the Army in the Middle East and against modern pirates. It is rumored to have been used against the Hulk on several occasions, although the government denies any knowledge of such a creature.

microblogging (noun)
Blogging in short form, as seen in Twitter and Facebook updates.

As Marshall McLuhan said, “The book has become the blurb.” Then the blurb became the blog, and now blogging has become MICROBLOGGING. Soon, grunting will be the most popular form of communication.

middle school dance (noun)
When in a video game, two players sit idly by while waiting for the other to establish a connection.

My friend won’t initiate this P2P connection. Should I initiate? I don’t know. What is this, a MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE?

modeling (noun)
The process of studying and learning from an individual by copying his or her behaviors and possibly integrating them into your own repertoire.

The talented Mr. Ripley was an expert in MODELING and then emulating the behavior of others, such as Dickie Greenleaf.

mouselexic (adjective)
When an individual cannot capably or does not know how to use a mouse.

nanometer (noun)
A metric system unit of length equal to one-billionth of a meter.

nanotechnology (noun)
The study of controlling matter and creating devices sized between 1 to 100 nanometers; in other words, materials and structures that operate on an atomic or molecular scale, such as carbon nanotubes. While nanotechnology has ambitious, long-term goals in medicine, genetics, and electronics, applications so far are more prosaic, such as in sunscreen, cosmetics, and household products. Nanotechnology is common in sci-ence fiction — for example Michael Crichton’s Prey.

NLP (noun)
Short for neuro-linguistic programming; the study of the words people use and how it reflects their subconscious perceptions of reality. A common application is using your words and thoughts to help lead you down a positive and successful path in life.

One NLP technique as seen in advertising is to anchor positive thoughts to a product.

observer effect (noun)
A concept in physics that states that if one observes a phenomenon, it will have an effect and change what is being observed.

A good way to test the OBSERVER EFFECT is to leer into your neighbor’s bedroom. Make sure to not get caught or else you are no longer doing an experiment. You’re just being a pervert.

Examples of a PARADOX are “This statement is false,” “My dog is a cat,” and “This book is good.”

phishing (noun)
The illegal practice of acquiring sensitive user information, such as passwords or credit card information, while appearing to be a legitimate and trusted source.

I know this sounds like a PHISHING scheme, but we have this Nigerian friend, and if you send him your credit card number …

pornado (noun)
An occurrence, while looking at online porn, where an endless stream of porn popups bombard the computer screen.

A tornado is a devastating example of nature’s fury, whereas a PORNADO is the direct result of you being a pervert.

render (verb)
To take the final step in generating CGI, taking the 3D model and turning it into a finished product.

Before he could RENDER his short computer-animated film, advances in animation rendered his movie obsolete.

render farm (noun)
A group of interconnected computers used to render CGI.

The man waited for the final texturization of the CGI animal’s fur in the RENDER FARM … again.

reverse engineer (verb)
To determine the function and process of a device or system by examining only the end product. There is a famous incident where the Chinese tried to reverse engineer an American airplane but failed to take material type and weight into consideration. Epic Fail.

robosexual (noun)
A person that has an attraction to robots or android girls.

screenager (noun)
A teenager who spends too much time in front of a computer screen.

I recently met a SCREENAGER on the Internet. Guess that’s where they hang out. Who knew?

Second Life (proper noun)
A virtual world on the Internet that allows users to walk around, talk to others, and buy and sell goods.

The more developed your SECOND LIFE is, the less developed your first life is.

SETI (proper noun)
Short for Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. Any activity that involves the search for life outside of Earth.

I performed a cross-country SETI, but the only strange creatures I found were Texans.

sexting (noun)
Texting that involves setting up a sexual encounter or a discussion of sexual acts.

Me and my girlfriend were SEXTING each other all night even though we were in the same room.

Schrödinger’s cat (noun)
A thought experiment where a cat is placed in a sealed box wherein a “diabolical mechanism” has been placed that couples the cat’s life or death with the state of a subatomic particle that also is within the box. As long as the box remains sealed, we can neither observe the state of the subatomic particle nor know whether the cat is alive or dead. According to an interpretation of quantum physics, an unobservable or nonmeasurable subatomic particle does not occupy a definite state, just statistical probabilities of all possible quantum states, until the exact moment of quantum measurement, at which point all the probabilities collapse into a definite state. Thus, according to quantum theory, because the particle will not occupy a definite state until such time as the box is opened, then until such opening of the box, the cat must be both alive and dead, at least to the universe outside the box.

One nonintuitive finding of quantum physics, best shown by SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT, is that prior to observation, quantum objects have no precise location, only statistical probabilities of location.

GEEK QUIZ

What now-successful company did Ron Wayne cofound but unfortunately sell his shares in for only $2,300 early on, which would have been worth $22 billion in 2010?

a. Microsoft
b. Apple
c. Oracle
d. BMG Music

signal-to-noise ratio (noun)
A term used in analyzing sound to determine how the level of a signal is affected by random background noise, also used to describe the ratio of useful information in a webpage in comparison to false or irrelevant information.

simulacrum (noun)
Latin for “similarity”; a copy of the original without the qualities of the original, often used in the discussion of simulated realities.

The Matrix is a SIMULACRUM of reality just like how my ex’s new boyfriend is a simulcrum of me.

spambot (noun)
A computer program that automatically sends out spam via e-mail.

A SPAMBOT is not, unfortunately, a robot that dispenses the food product Spam.

Streamy Awards (proper noun)
Awards given out by the International Academy of Web Television for excellence in web television, sometimes referred to as “The Streamys.”

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis won a STREAMY AWARD, and rightly so. It is hilarious.

streetspotting (noun)
The hobby of searching and viewing Google Maps for interesting or humorous images.

Did you see that STREETSPOTTING image of the guys dressed as Wayne and Garth?

synesthesia (noun)
A neurological phenomenon where a person’s sense are mixed so that a person might smell a sound or see colors in letters.

Jimi Hendrix, someone with SYNESTHESIA, sees color in sound, which explains why his music is so awesome.

technological singularity (noun)
When society fundamentally changes as a result of an incredible advancement in technology.

The TECHNOLOGICAL SINGULARITY sounds great. As if there weren’t already a shortage of jobs.

technosexual (noun)
A person with an obssessive love of machinery and technology.

Monsters, Inc. had incredible TEXTURE MAPPING on the furry character Sulley.

theory of everything (noun)
An all-encompassing, yet currently nonexisting theory in physics that can explain, connect, and predict all physical phenomena. It is the Holy Grail of physics.

Dude, we are all like One, you know what I mean? Have you ever heard of the THEORY OF EVERYTHING? The trees, the birds, Doritos — everything is connected.

troll (noun)
An annoying person on the Internet that is usually trying to be annoying.

Turing test (noun)
A test developed by Alan Turing to determine whether a machine can be said to have intelligence. The test involves a human talking to an anonymous source that is, in fact, a computer. If the human reasonably believes he is speaking with a human and not a computer, then the computer has demonstrated intelligence. At present, this test cannot be met, and some speculate that it can never be satisfied.

I use the TURING TEST to determine if I am being instant messaged by a spambot.

Sarah Palin famously TWATTED the made-up word “refudiate” and received a lot of backlash. But what else would you expect from a twit like her?

tweet up (noun)
To meet up with an acquaintance from Twitter in real life.

Hey Jenny, if you’re not an “identity tourist,” why don’t we TWEET UP this weekend?

Vaguebook (noun)
To leave a vague update on Facebook with the hope of getting attention.

Examples of attention-grabbing VAGUEBOOK updates, “Hungry. Don’t know what to eat . . .” “What’s the easiest way to kill yourself?” and “Anyone know the penalty in this state for streaking?”

vaporware (noun)
A product that is not released until long after its announced release date or is announced and then never released. A famous vaporware is the game Duke Nukem Forever, which has been in development for over twelve years.

Bush’s big “Mission Accomplished” announcement was a classic case of VAPORWARE in action.

Voynich manuscript (noun)
An untranslated ciphered codex from around the fifteenth century with illustrations describing natural phenomena such as plants, biology, and pharmacology. Known as “the world’s most mysterious manuscript.”

Tom Hanks should totally play the guy who translates the VOYNICH MANUSCRIPT. “Mama always said this codex was like a box of chocolates — you never know what you’re gonna get.”

warez (noun)
Software or any product that is distributed online in violation of copyright or patent law.

zettabyte (noun)
A unit of digital information that is 1 sextillion bytes, or 1021.

A ZETTABYTE is equivalent to the number of grains of sand on the Earth or the number of known stars.