GEEKTIONARY

All geeks are intimately familiar with many of these terms — or better be. Geeks have been looking to the heavens for a long time, dreaming of creating new worlds for humankind to explore. Science fiction and fantasy are the perfect expressions of the geek’s exploratory mind. If Christopher Columbus were a geek, he would only have written about another world populated with “Indians,” not sailed in the wrong direction to kill them. Thus the geek is humankind’s most mild-mannered, yet most adventurous explorer. The following terms are taken from geek contributions to sci-fi and fanstasy across a variety of media.

42 (noun)
The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything, as given by the supercomputer Deep Thought in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Deep Thought took 7 million years to come up with that answer.

GEEK FACT

Possible Ultimate Questions
43-1= ?
What do you get when you reverse the digits of the number 24? What number do you get when you take the oldest age a woman can still be physically attractive and multiply it by 2?

Alderson Disk (proper noun)
A fictional artificial space ring, several thousand miles thick, that has a hole at the center where the sun will be located.

This frosted donut causes my mind to contemplate the vastness and structural beauty of the ALDERSON DISK.

alien space bats (noun)
A term used to make fun of plot devices in alternate history stories that create implausible scenarios to make their universe unique.

In Harry Turtledove’s World War novels, aliens invade Earth in the middle of World War II. That’s so ALIEN SPACE BATS.

alternate history (noun)
A genre of science fiction premised upon the concept that historical events might have turned out differently, such as the South winning the Civil War or the Axis Powers winning Word War II. Harry Turtledove is a very popular author of alternate history fiction.

Great ALTERNATIVE HISTORY books: How the West (of Europe) was Won by Adolf Hitler, bestselling author of Mein Kampf; The Rise and Fall of Capitalism by Karl Marx Jr.; How Rome Never Fell by current Roman Emperor, Guido Caesar.

amontillado (noun)
A rare and valuable Italian wine used by Edgar Allan Poe in his short story, The Cask of Amontillado.

In The Cask of AMONTILLADO, another light-hearted, hysterical tale of whimsy by Poe, an aggrieved nobleman avenges himself against an enemy by sealing him up brick by brick in the catacombs.

atompunk (noun)
Derivative of cyberpunk, this term deals with the period after World War II concerning the space and arms races and communist paranoia.

The top three consequences of ATOMPUNK are bomb shelters, McCarthyism, and nuclear weapons that kick ass!

Avalon (proper noun)
A mythical island in Arthurian legend where Excalibur was created and where King Arthur goes to heal after the Battle of Camlann, and from which he will supposedly return.

AVALON is beautiful this time of year. But housing prices are still through the roof …

Azathoth (proper noun)
A fictional god in H. P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos, also known as the Blind Idiot God.

balrog (noun)
Large monstrous creatures who were servants of Morgoth. One appears in the movie The Fellowship of the Ring as a horned beast on fire with a whip that pulls Gandalf down into the chasm.

We have to be quiet when we sneak back into the house or else the BALROG may awaken and try to ground us.

Battle School (proper noun)
A military school in Ender’s Game, a classic science-fiction novel by Orson Scott Card, at which children are taught military strategies and tactics in simulated battles.

Battletech (proper noun)
A science-fiction franchise based on large fighting robots piloted by Mechwarriors. Battletech includes RPGs, video games, and gaming centers where players enter cockpits and pilot robots in multiplayer battles.

I often went to BATTLETECH centers as a kid and became a jaded veteran of the mech wars.

BDO (noun)
A big dumb object, as coined by science-fiction writer Larry Niven. It is a giant construction such as Ringworld or the Halo structure in the game Halo.

My stepfather was a BDO. Now, he’s a BDOF — big dumb object with a felony.

beta reader (noun)
A person who reads fan fiction before it is released to gauge its quality and provide feedback.

My story of Batman as a crime-fighting tax accountant did not go over well with my BETA READER.

biopunk (noun)
Derivative of cyberpunk but focusing on biotechnology. Also used to describe a biohacker who experiments with DNA.

I could never be a BIOPUNK because I wasn’t the biggest fan of biology. What the heck is a mitochondria again?

C. Auguste Dupin (proper noun)
Fiction’s first detective, who solves the murders of two women by an orangutan in Paris in Edgar Allan Poe’s The Murders in the Rue Morgue.

C. AUGUSTE DUPIN established the typical detective trope of the eccentric and brilliant detective surrounded by fools.

Clarke’s Three Laws (proper noun)
Arthur C. Clarke developed three laws of prediction:

1. If an older scientist says that something is possible, he is right; hen he says it is impossible, he is probably wrong.

2. The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to venture farther into the impossible.

3. Any “sufficiently advanced technology” cannot be distinguished from magic.

cloaking (noun)
Technology-based invisibility. Used in fiction, such as Harry Potter, Star Trek, and the movie Predator, but has a basis in reality called metamaterial cloaking, which uses metal to bend light around an object.

For Halloween I am CLOAKING just my body so that I’ll look like a floating head.

clockpunk (noun)
Derivative of cyberpunk but focusing on the technology of clocks.

codex (noun)
The modern stitched format of books, a replacement of scrolls, developed by the Romans; also the name given to manuscripts from antiquity through the Middle Ages.

The CODEX Gigas was created in the thirteenth century by a monk who was said to have sold his soul to the devil so that the devil could finish the manuscript. It is also referred to as the Devil’s Bible because it contains a version of the Bible and has a picture of the devil on one of the pages.

1. A fictional character created by Texan Robert E. Howard. Conan the Barbarian is the primary hero of the sword and sorcery genre and star of many short stories, novels, comic books, movies, and video games.

2. Conan O’Brien, one of the most successful geeks in the entertainment industry, rose to fame as a writer on Saturday Night Live and The Simpsons, then went on to host his own late-night TV talk show before being PWNed by Jay Leno.

GEEK FACT

What is best in life? At least according to Ahnuld in the movie Conan the Barbarian: “Cwush yoah enemies, see them dwiven befoah you, and to hear the wamentation of their women.”

conlanger (noun)
Someone who creates a new “constructed language” (or “conlang”), usually for use in fantasy or science fiction settings. J. R. R. Tolkien is the patron saint of conlangers for his work in creating many languages in The Lord of the Rings. Other famous constructed languages are Klingon, Vulcan, and Na’vi.

Once derided by even science-fiction writers, CONLANGERS are now being hired (and paid!) to construct languages for such movies as Avatar and Disney’s Atlantis.

cosmic horror (noun)
A two-part principle devised by H. P. Lovecraft that states:

Oh, Horror of horrors, what is this indescribable COSMIC HORROR creature before me that is driving me insane!

“Grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to hell with you!”

Crom (proper noun)
A god worshipped by Conan the Barbarian and his Cimmerian people.

GEEK FACT

Conan author Robert E. Howard probably got the name from the ancient Celtic god Crom Cruach.

Cthulhu (proper noun)
A cosmic being in the H. P. Lovecraft mythos that is terrifying in nature and appearance and is worshipped by a doomsday cult.

CTHULHU is a creature of cosmic horror that is indescribable in terrifying appearance. Think of the body of Rosie O’Donnell with the head of … well, Rosie O’Donnell.

cyberpunk (noun)
A genre of science fiction focused on technologies such as artificial intelligence, virtual reality, and hacking, usually taking place in a dystopian society. William Gibson’s Neuromancer is considered the ultimate work of cyberpunk, but cyberpunk has gained more mainstream awareness through movies such as Blade Runner and Johnny Mnemonic.

dark lord (noun)
One of the great tropes of fantasy stories. Very often a sorcerer or some sort of evil creature, dark lords are usually bent on world domination or destruction.

Famous DARK LORDS include Morgoth, Sauron, Darth Vader, Dick Cheney, and Doctor Doom.

Death Dealer (proper noun)
A shadowy armored character created by Frank Frazetta in an iconic 1973 painting.

While most of Frazetta’s paintings took him only one night to com-plete, DEATH DEALER took three days.

death ray (noun)
A weapon that could cause instantaneous death through a particle beam.

Nikola Tesla stated that he had invented a DEATH RAY, called teleforce, but it turned out to be vaporware.

demons (noun)
Supernatural beings who tempt and torment humans. In 1589, Peter Binsfeld classified them according to the Seven Deadly Sins: Lucifer: pride; Mammon: greed; Asmodeus: lust; Leviathan: envy; Beelzebub gluttony; Satan/Amon: wrath; Belphegor: sloth.

diesel punk (noun)
Derivative of cyberpunk but focusing on the technology of the time period just before and around World War II.

Discworld (proper noun)
The setting of Terry Pratchett’s novels about a flat world that is in fact a parody of fantasy tropes.

djinni (noun)
Another word for genie, which is a spirit that possesses magical powers and can be either a good or evil influence on humans.

Eä (proper noun)
In J. R. R. Tolkien’s mythologies (especially in The Silmarillion), Eä is a Quenya (the “High Tongue” of the elves) word for the universe and everything within the universe.

Elric of Melniboné (proper noun)
An albino antihero featured in the novels of Michael Moorcock, who is the emperor of Melniboné and wields the sword, Stormbringer, which gives him unique powers but also curses his soul. Elric first appeared in the 1961 novellette “The Dreaming City” and has since been featured in numerous novels, comics, and role-playing games, including Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.

ELRIC OF MELNIBONÉ has been referenced or has appeared in the Conan the Barbarian comics, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Babylon 5.

Elvish (noun)
J. R. R. Tolkien actually created multiple languages spoken by elves and the other residents of Middle-earth. Elvish was spoken in the movie by Liv Tyler and the guy who played Mr. Anderson in The Matrix, Hugo Weaving. If you really want to display your geek knowledge, you should know that the two primary types of Elvish in use in the Third Age of Middle-earth are Quenya (inspired by Finnish) and Sindarin (inspired by Welsh).

With the departure of the last ship from the Grey Havens, ELVISH has left the building.

Exegesis (proper noun)
A journal by Phillip K. Dick about his hallucinations and theories that the world is a simulated reality.

Many crazy people keep their own version of the EXEGESIS, but I don’t because the men in the black helicopters might try to steal it and read my mind.

fafia (noun)
“Forced away from it all.” The implication is that one would really rather still be involved in fandom, but circumstances make it impossible.

Being gainfully employed and having an active social life are major producers of FAFIA.

FANSPEAK crosses all geographical and linguistic boundaries. Geeks of the world, unite!

fantasy metal (noun)
Heavy metal music with lyrics that reference fantasy elements such as The Lord of the Rings. Example: Dragonland.

Finagle’s Law (proper noun)
A corollary of Murphy’s Law used often in science fiction: “Anything that can go wrong, will — at the worst possible moment.”

Captain Kirk once told Spock, “As one of FINAGLE’S LAWS puts it: ‘Any home port the ship makes will be somebody else’s, not mine.’”

Flatland (proper noun)
A romance of many dimensions. An 1884 novel by Edwin Abbott about a two-dimensional world and the shapes that inhabit the world, including squares and polygons.

Foundation (proper noun)
In the science-fiction series by Isaac Asimov, it is an organization founded by scientists that hopes to preserve civilization during a predicted period of dystopian barbarity. The group uses the science of psychohistory, which allows scientists to predict and affect the future on a long-term, macro level using statistics, computers, and sociology.

A reimagining of FOUNDATION will surely appear in a 3D movie starring Will Smith and directed by Michael Bay.

Fox-Maiden (noun)
In ancient Japan, a supernatural female seductress that can change her shape at will.

Medieval Japanese horror stories were fixated upon female ghosts (or obake), female monsters, and FOX-MAIDENS. Another sign that women were revered and respected throughout the ages.

Frank Frazetta (proper noun)
An American fantasy and science-fiction artist famed for his paintings of Conan the Barbarian and Jon Carter of Mars. Considered by many geeks to be the greatest fantasy artist of all time.

Frodo (proper noun)
A hobbit and the hero of Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings.

FRODO lives. (Reportedly a popular graffiti slogan during the height of the Tolkien craze of the late ’60s.)

Futurians (proper noun)
A group of science-fiction fans in New York from 1939 to 1945, several of whom became writers, including Issac Asimov and Fredrik Pohl.

The FUTURIANS were formed with political intentions and some of the members supported communism.

gafia (noun)
“To get away from it all.” A term for when a fan leaves fandom intentionally for personal reasons.

Gandalf (proper noun)
A wizard in Tolkien’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. The Five Wizards were each known by a color, and through most of the books, he is Gandalf the Grey, a wandering meddler with a fondness for the hob-bits’ pipeweed.

“GANDALF? Yes, that’s what they used to call me. GANDALF the Grey. That was my name.”

GEEK FACT

All true Tolkien geeks should be able to tell you that the wizards were not magicians or conjurers but were in fact Maiar, sent to Middle-earth by the Valar to aid in the fight against Sauron. To nongeeks: Valar = the archangels; Maiar = lesser angels.
Although only three wizards appear in The Lord of the Rings, there were actually five. The three who appear in the novel are Gandalf the Grey, Saruman the White, and Radagast the Brown. There were also the two Blue Wizards, Alatar and Pallando.

garn! (phrase)
Cockney term used by less-educated characters including the orc Shagrat and Ted Sandyman from the scouring of the Shire in Lord of the Rings . Anyone who doesn’t know about the scouring of the Shire has not read the book, only seen the movie.

GARN! You maggot! It is obvious from Tolkien’s writings that he meant for the Balrog to have wings!

glossopoeia (noun)
A word made up by J. R. R. Tolkien that means the construction of languages for artistic purposes. See also conlanger.

A Princess of Mars is the first fiction in the twentieth century that used GLOSSOPOEIA.

The Golden Bough (proper noun)
Anthropological study of ancient European religions written in the nine-teenth century. Its primary argument was that pre-Christian religions revolved around the worship and sacrifice of a sacred king who dies at harvest and is reincarnated in spring. Supposedly this explains why ancient Europeans were receptive to Christian gospel.

THE GOLDEN BOUGH was a major influence on literature, including fantasy literature, and inspired the Led Zeppelin classic “Stairway to Heaven.”

Gondor (proper noun)
In the world of J. R. R. Tolkien, a kingdom ruled by men and founded by Isildur and Anarion. In the Third Age, Sauron weakened Gondor, but he was defeated and Aragorn took his rightful place as king.

“If the beacons of GONDOR are lit, Rohan must be ready for war.”
— The Lord of the Rings

“I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn; and if by life or death I can save you, I will.” (Best said while holding your sword aloft.)

Grand Grimoire (proper noun)
A mystical book, also know as Le Dragon Rouge, probably published in France in the eighteenth century but variously ascribed to Solomon or a sixteenth-century Egyptian named Alibeck.

GRAND GRIMOIRE details the different hosts of hell and their powers, describing how to enter a pact with them to attain the magician’s goals.

griffin (noun)
Legendary beast, half lion and half eagle. Taken originally from Greek myths, it appears in the Harry Potter series and also shows up among the gargoyles festooned upon medieval European churches. Also spelled griffon and gryphon.

Academics believe that the GRIFFIN is based upon dinosaur fossils discovered by the ancient Greeks.

Hanlon’s razor (proper noun)
A maxim popularized by science-fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein that states: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

Do you hear that, 9/11 conspiracy theorists? The Bush years can be summed up in two words: “HANLON’S RAZOR.”

hard sci-fi (noun)
A genre of science fiction where the science is superficially realistic or attempts to be as accurate as possible. Examples include works by Greg Egan and Arthur C. Clarke.

HARD SCI-FI is rare these days as fantasy and soft science fiction are becoming more popular.

hobbit (noun)
The “little people” of J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Hobbits are typified by their small stature, thick-soled and hairy feet, fondness for meals, and shunning of adventures.

“For a guy who’s read THE HOBBIT fourteen times, you’re not so dumb.” — Dana Whitaker [to Jeremy] on the TV show Sports Night

holistic detection (noun)
A type of detection used by Dirk Gently in Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams, where to solve the case one must understand the society, as everything is connected.

If real police officers had to use HOLISTIC DETECTION, nothing would ever be solved.

hyperdrive (noun)
In Larry Niven’s science-fiction world, a faster-than-light drive that allows humans to travel around the galaxy at approximately one light year every three days. As a hard science fiction writer, Niven provided all of his premises, such as a faster-than-light-drive, with a plausible though unrealistic scientific basis. Parodied as ludicrous speed (see Chapter 8: Geekout at the Silver Screen: Television and the Movies) in the movie Spaceballs.

Toyota recently discovered HYPERDRIVE technology. Unfortunately, it kicks in unexpectedly, causing many drivers to crash.

Hypnerotomachia Poliphili (proper noun)
Published in 1499, supposedly by Francesco Colonna, this book details a dream of the main character, Poliphilo, who wanders through a surreal landscape. It contains seemingly unending descriptions without story, and the character seems to have almost a sexual attraction to architecture. It has some early examples of sequential art, which is used in comic books.

After reading the HYPNEROTOMACHIA POLIPHILI, I fell asleep on my sofa. That night, I had an erotic dream about my sofa.

hysterical realism (noun)
A literary genre known for being incredibly detailed and absurd.

Examples of HYSTERICAL REALISM are the works of Thomas Pynchon, Don DeLillo, and David Foster Wallace.

incubus (noun)
A supernatural male being that sneaks into the rooms of sleeping women to have sex with them. In The City of God, St. Augustine acknowledges their existence, calling them sylvans and fauns.

In ancient times, it might have been useful for an unmarried woman to explain a pregnancy by blaming it upon an INCUBUS.

jet pack (noun)
A device strapped to one’s back that allows one to fly, as seen in fiction such as The Rocketeer and used in real life by astronauts.

The King in Yellow (proper noun)
A gothic horror book by Robert W. Chambers that describes a play called The King in Yellow where any viewer or reader will be tragically affected. Also in the Cthulu mythology.

GEEK FACT

“Arda” is the Quenya word for Middle-earth.

Languages of Arda (proper noun)
Languages created by J. R. R. Tolkien for use in Middle-earth, derived from many real languages. As a professional philologist (one who studies language), Tolkien had a passion for language, and even invented his first language at age thirteen. See also Elvish.

I am fluent in all the LANGUAGES OF ARDA, which is cool but even less useful than speaking French.

The Last Unicorn (proper noun)
A novel by Peter S. Beagle and an animated film by Rankin/Bass about a unicorn that thinks she is the last of her kind and her quest to find the rest.

The music for the animated version of THE LAST UNICORN was done by America, the band behind “A Horse with No Name.”

locked-room mystery (noun)
A mystery story involving a murder that occurs inside a locked room and therefore limits the suspects.

The Swedish novel The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is an example of a LOCKED-ROOM MYSTERY because the murderer must have been on an island that had no exit.

Lord Dunsany (proper noun)
An author who was popular in the early twentieth century who established the popularity of the fantasy novel and short story.

LORD DUNSANY influenced Robert E. Howard, H. P. Lovecraft, Jorge Luis Borges, David Eddings, Neil Gaiman, and many others.

metaverse (noun)
A term for a virtual reality Internet interface in the book Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson.

Welcome to the METAVERSE, my friends. Here you can look however you want. Your avatar can eliminate those unsightly love handles.

Middle-earth (proper noun)
“The world” in Tolkien’s books, especially The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.

Mordred (proper noun)
The illegitimate child of King Arthur who betrayed his father and fought him in the Battle of Camlann, leading to Mordred’s death and a fatal wound for Arthur.

Never trust a dude named MORDRED. Every Mordred I have ever met was a total tool.

Morgoth (proper noun)
The primary dark lord in the world of J. R. R. Tolkien. Comparable to Satan. Sauron (from The Lord of the Rings) was Morgoth’s lieutenant. Morgoth terrorized the world before being thrown into the Void, as detailed in The Silmarillion.

muggle (noun)
A person in the Harry Potter universe who does not possess magical powers.

There is nothing worse than being a MUGGLE like me. My only special power is the ability to touch the tip of my tongue to the tip of my nose.

The Mule (proper noun)
From Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series, a crossbreed who couldn’t have children. As an anomaly, The Mule’s actions couldn’t be predicted by the First Foundation’s calculations.

The MULE is finally defeated by the Second Foundation, who use psychic powers to alter his ambitions.

multiverse (noun)
Used heavily in fiction, it is where many different dimensions exist at once, with travel between the worlds. As seen in DC Comics’ Crisis on Infinite Earths, The Adventures of Luther Arkwright, the Elric series by Michael Moorcock, and many other places.

When I get the munchies, I go to the store and travel through the candy MULTIVERSE.

mûmakil (noun)
Enormous elephants in Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. Also called oliphaunts and used in Battle of the Pelennor Fields.

GEEK FACT

“Mûmakil” is the plural usage. Singular is “mûmak.”

My Precious (proper noun)
In Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, the tormented character Gollum refers to the One Ring as “My Precious.” In geekdom, the term refers to anything over which the geek has an unhealthy (perhaps even self-destructive) obsession.

Ultimate Spider-Man #1 signed by both Bendis and Bagley! Ohhhhh, MY PRECIOUS.

mythopoeia (noun)
The creation of myth in literature, as seen by J. R. R. Tolkien, who invented his own world and mythology, much of which was never published until years after his death.

MYTHOPOEIA can be seen as either good preparation or a type of writer’s block.

nadsat (noun)
The slang used by teenagers in A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. It is a combination of English, Russian, Cockney expressions, Biblical references, a bit of German, and Burgess’s imagination. The term “nadsat” itself is taken from the Russian suffix used in the numbers 11 through 19 — the English equivalent of which would be “teen.” So nadsat is basically “teen speak” for the psychopathic teens of Britain’s near future. Sort of like if Johnny Rotten were even more unintelligible.

Viddy well, little brother, appy polly loggy for taking your eggiweg. Blame my sinnys on the NADSAT.

Nazgûl (proper noun)

The Ringwraiths in The Lord of the Rings. They were powerful men who were given nine Rings of Power, which took away their humanity and led them to be controlled by Sauron.

The lord of the NAZGÛL is the Witch-King of Angmar, who can’t be killed by a man. Eventually he was killed by a woman. And the death was slow — he got married.

GEEK FACT

The true geek will not only know that the term nazgul is derived from the Black Speech, meaning “ring wraith,” but that the proper pronunciation is not NAZ-gull, but NAZG-ool. If you’re gonna speak the Black Speech, speak it right!

Necronomicon (proper noun)
An ancient book of magic in H. P. Lovecraft’s universe. The Necronomi-con was supposedly written by the Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred and exists in several copies, one of which — the Latin translation by Olaus Wormius — is held in the restricted section of the library of Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachusetts. References to the book also appear in the movie Army of Darkness.

I’m going to get a copy of the NECRONOMICON and conjure up a demon to eat your brain!

Neuromancer (proper noun)
A 1984 novel by William Gibson that started the genre of cyberpunk, about a drug-addicted hacker hired for a job in cyberspace.

Over twenty years after NEUROMANCER and still no immersive virtual reality?

newspeak (proper noun)
From George Orwell’s novel 1984, the artificial reduction of language by the government to remove meaning and turn every concept into a dichotomy, such as good and ungood. The lexicon became diminished as “bad” became “ungood” and “wonderful” became “doubleplusgood.”

If NEWSPEAK-type changes in language equal changes in the way we think, what will be the long-term impact of texting?

ninjapocalypse (noun)
The end of the world, caused by an enormous battle with hundreds of thousands of ninja.

The NINJAPOCALYPSE is unlikely perhaps. But it’s more likely than the Rapture — and way cooler.

GEEK FACT

Imaginary drugs are common in sci fi. In Frank Herbert’s Dune, Melange was a drug also known as the ½Spice½ that could give someone psychic powers as well as prolong one’s life. Moloko Plus, from A Clockwork Orange, was milk that included hallucinogens and other stimulating ingredients. Substance D, from A Scanner Darkly, was called Death, and it induced hallucinations and could split someone’s consciousness into two separate parts.

Niven’s Laws (proper noun)
Coined by science-fiction writer Larry Niven, they are:

3. The only message in science fiction is that there are other minds that think as well as you do, but differently.

NIVEN’S LAWS also state that Larry Niven will write sci-fi novels until he is 110 years old.

The One Ring, or simply The Ring (proper noun)
In Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, a magical ring crafted by the Dark Lord Sauron. It granted its wearer invisibility and the power to dominate the will of others, so much so that it had the potential to allow one to conquer the world. But it also slowly ate away at the wearer’s soul.

Frodo failed. Bush has THE RING. (A popular bumper sticker favored by geeks in the early years of the twenty-first century.)

orc (noun)
A monstrous creature seen in fantasy and in the world of Tolkien. The source of the word is probably from Beowulf, orc-nass, which means “death corpses.” There is little difference between orcs and goblins, but they are differentiated early in Tolkien’s works, being referred to as “goblins” in The Hobbit and “orcs” in The Lord of the Rings.

The Uruk-hai are an advanced version of ORCS, created by Saruman by breeding orcs with humans.

O’Toole’s corollary of Finagle’s Law (proper noun)
A maxim, loosely based upon the second law of thermodynamics, and used often by hackers, which states: “The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.”

The perversity of O’TOOLE’S COROLLARY OF FINAGLE’S LAW is how long the name of the law is.

panopticon (noun)
A type of theoretical prison popular in science fiction where observed prisoners do not see their captors and therefore feel an invisible omnipresence, affecting them psychologically.

There are many PANOPTICON-inspired prisons throughout the world, like the modern office cubicle.

parallel universe (noun)
An alternate universe that exists side by side with our universe, only with certain changes that make for an interesting story.

Picts (proper noun)
A tribal race of people that were often included in tales from Robert E. Howard. Their king is Bran Mak Morn, a recurring hero in Howard’s stories.

PICTS were a real people who are famous for painting themselves blue before they fought. They so terrified the Romans that the Emperor Hadrian built a wall across Britain to try to keep the Picts in Scotland.

Poe Toaster (proper noun)
An annual visitor to Edgar Allan Poe’s grave, who made the pilgrimage to the writer’s last resting place from 1949 to 2009.

The POE TOASTER may have actually been several individuals or even a hoax to raise money where the graveyard was located.

positronic (adjective)
Inspired by the then newly discovered positron particle, science-fiction genius Isaac Asimov wrote about a positronic brain that provided consciousness and sometimes telepathic abilities to advanced robots.

post-Potter depression (noun)
The depression that comes after finishing the last book in the Harry Potter series.

After being diagnosed with POST-POTTER DEPRESSION, the doctor prescribed some Percy Jackson & The Olympians.

quidditch (noun)
A fictional sport in the Harry Potter universe where wizards and witches fly on broomsticks and hit balls into ring-shaped goals.

QUIDDITCH is like polo for geeks. All those witches and wizards zipping around the sky. What could be better than that? Besides shuffleboard, of course.

ray gun (noun)
An energy weapon that appears in various guises throughout science fiction. In Star Wars, it is a blaster, in Star Trek it is a phaser, and in The War of the Worlds it is a heat ray.

Artists work to make metal sculptures of RAY GUNS that are incredibly detailed and available for purchase.

Ringworld (proper noun)
In Larry Niven’s universe, Ringworld is an artificial ring in outer space that spins around, creating gravity, with people living within the inner area of the ring. Ringworld is the model of the big dumb object (BDO) of science-fiction novels and was the inspiration for Halo’s smaller rings.

Sauron (proper noun)
The main antagonist in The Lord of the Rings, the dark lord who sets out to rule Middle-earth. His name means “abhorred.”

scrith (noun)
The artificial material of which Ringworld is built. It provides protection equivalent to nearly a light year’s width of lead and strength comparable to the strong nuclear force.

The Seven Commandments of Animalism (proper noun)
From George Orwell’s Animal Farm. The revolutionary maxims include:

1. “Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.”
    2. “Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.”
    3. “No animal shall wear clothes.”
    4. “No animal shall sleep in a bed.”
    5. “No animal shall drink alcohol.”
    6. “No animal shall kill any other animal.”
    7. And most famously, the seventh commandment: “All animals are equal.”

Once the pigs took over the farm, they changed the last of the SEVEN COMMANDMENTS OF ANIMALISM to: “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.”

Smaug (proper noun)
The dragon in J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit that has taken over the Lonely Mountain near the lake city of Dale and lives in the mountain with his treasure. Bilbo, the dwarves, and Gandalf set out on a quest to kill the dragon and reclaim the mountain.

SMAUG’s eyes are hypnotic in nature and would have hypnotized Bilbo if he hadn’t been invisible using the ring.

GEEK FACT

A true geek will know that the name is not pronounced “SMOG” (like the general atmosphere of Los Angeles) but “SMAWG” (rhymes with “loud”).

space elevator (noun)
A concept devised by Arthur C. Clarke that consists of an extremely long cable extending from Earth to an object in geosynchronous orbit. It cannot be built today, but it is theoretically possible.

Going up on the SPACE ELEVATOR, huh? Another Monday morning. Another day, another dollar.

space-time continuum (noun)
The timeline of the universe, starting with the Big Bang. The continuum cannot be disturbed, or it may result in an alternate continuum or destroy the universe by paradox.

Doc Brown and Marty made a couple of adjustments to the SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.

speculative fiction (noun)
A broad genre including science fiction, fantasy, horror, and supernatural fiction. Robert A. Heinlein is believed to have invented the term as an alternative to “science fiction.” It is most often used today by geek snobs who wish to distance themselves from the term “science fiction.”

I wonder how many SPECULATIVE FICTION books made the New York Times bestseller list last year? Ah, I could only speculate LOL! LMAO!

steampunk (noun)
A genre of science fiction based on an alternate history where Victorian era steam technology has advanced to a highly developed state. It often includes steam-powered airships, mechanical computers, and robots.

An example of STEAMPUNK is a steam-powered colonist robot. Just add some steam and this European robot will go to any third world country, rape it of its resources, and enslave the population for you. No need to get your hands dirty. Get a steam-powered colonist robot today!

succubus (noun)
A very ancient type of supernatural female demon, dating from the ancient Mesopotamians but having popular acceptance in Europe in the Middle Ages. Her calling card is that she sneaks into the rooms of sleeping men and has sex with them. It is believed the succubus was invented to provide an explanation to the occurrence of nocturnal emissions.

sword and planet (noun)
A subgenre of fantasy. Romantic adventures that take place on another planet but with minimal technology. A prime example is A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs.

sword and sorcery (noun)
A subgenre of fantasy. Romantic adventures typified by action, suspense, action, magic, and yet even more action. The prime example by which all others are judged are Robert E. Howard’s stories, especially those featuring Conan the Barbarian.

The novels of Tolkien defined epic fantasy, but it was Howard’s Conan who defined SWORD AND SORCERY.

tanj! (phrase)
A swear word used in the science-fiction series Ringworld that is based upon Robert A. Heinlein’s complaint, “There ain’t no justice!”

teleportation (noun)
The transfer of matter from one place to the next, usually using some sort of device, like the Stargate or the transporter in Star Trek.

Make sure you have a bug zapper in your TELEPORTATION DEVICE. Ever seen The Fly?

GEEK FACT

Best Places to Be Teleported
Girls’ locker room
Wherever Oliva Munn is
San Diego Comic-Con

Worst Places to Be Teleported
Men’s locker room
A Gallagher performance
High school

thoughtcrime (noun)
A criminal thought from George Orwell’s 1984, based upon totalitarian practices in the USSR in the 1930s.

Three Laws of Robotics (proper noun)
Used in the fiction of Isaac Asimov, the laws are rules programmed into every robot.

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Timeless Halls (proper noun)
In the mythology written by Tolkien for Middle-earth, the Timeless Halls are similar to heaven as they are outside the universe and home to God, or Eru.

trope (noun)
A common element within a genre of literature or any other form of entertainment.

TROPES in Fantasy include the hero, the quest, the dark lord, and the special talisman giving the hero special powers.

turtle (noun)
In science, Stephen Hawking used the phrase “turtles all the way down” to explain the infinite regression in the universe.

A TURTLE is a cosmic entity in the Stephen King universe, mentioned as an enemy of the villain It. A TURTLE is what Discworld sits upon.

undead (noun)
The dead who rise again, usually by supernatural means and with a thirst for blood or hunger for human flesh. (Brains being a particular favorite.)

VALIS (proper noun)
Short for Vast Active Living Intelligence System. A satellite that sends an information beam into Horselover Fat’s brain (a character based on Phillip K. Dick in the novel VALIS) telling him god’s true nature and that the Roman Empire never ended.

It is rumored that Phillip K. Dick suffered from hallucinations, which often inspired his work. Anyone who doubts it just needs to read VALIS.

The Void (proper noun)
In the mythology created by Tolkien for Middle-earth, the Void is the region that is outside of reality and is only encompassed by nothingness. Morgoth was chained and placed in the Void after being defeated by the Valar.

warg (noun)
A wolf in Norse mythology, also seen in The Lord of the Rings as giant wolves ridden by orcs. Wargs are also seen in D&D, World of Warcraft, and Everquest.

wormhole (noun)
A path leading through space-time that allows one to travel through universes or through time.

The TV series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine featured a space station that guarded a stable WORMHOLE.

zombies (noun)
Humans raised from the dead with the desire to feed on brains. Zombies were popularized in the movie Night of the Living Dead directed by George Romero. Add zombies to anything and it is cool. Zombie mailman, instant success.

Upcoming ZOMBIE parodies: Desperate House Zombies, The Secret … with Zombies!, Everybody Eats Raymond, Debbie Does Zombies, and Eat, Drink, Man, Zombie.

GEEK FACT

Zombies originated in voodoo. And if you want to know more than that … hey, this is the Geektionary, not Wikipedia.