14

 

The New York skyline blurred into a watery pool from Raelynn’s Boeing 757 window. Lane, the strongest man she’d ever known, was withering away. Her chest burned with regret. Grief. All these years they’d been apart when they could’ve been building a happy home together. Filled it with children. Lane had always wanted a big family. She could’ve given him one. Why didn’t she when she had the chance?

She blotted the inside corner of her eyes with a tissue. The plane was flying low enough to spot the red, green, and gold decorations enhancing the superstructures. Was Lane resting right now? Was he in pain? Did he miss her?

Apparently not. For the past two weeks, she’d called him every morning and evening, only to be greeted by his voicemail. She’d texted in between. No response.

Every spare minute, she replayed their time together until she recalled each detail in Technicolor. He loved her. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. So why was he pushing her away?

A warm hand settled over hers. “When we land, let’s get dinner. I’m starving.”

She looked at Jay’s hand covering her own but didn’t have the energy to remove it. They’d worked overtime the last fourteen days, rushing from one commitment to the next. She swore it took five-hundred takes at the studio to get “More This Christmas” recorded. Every line, every note breathed Lane, and her voice had choked a million times. “I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat. We can’t afford a relapse right now.”

Right now? Did that mean a relapse would be OK later? She sighed. Lane was the only person in the world willing to put her needs before his own. And once again, she’d left. Selfishly put her needs before his. Now it was too late.

“I know you’re hurting, Raelynn, and I’m sorry for that, but you’ve got to move on.”

Move on? She’d rather jump from this airplane without a parachute.

“Marriage is hard enough. Add this and you’ll never get your happy ending.”

But this was bigger than her.

Raelynn lifted her legs onto the seat and curled her arms around them. “His mom had it, too. She died a few years ago.”

At night when Raelynn couldn’t sleep, she’d surf the web, reading everything she could about MS. Every case was different. Some people lived with it for years, shifting between relapses and remission. Others advanced rapidly, living with symptoms every day.

No cure.

But that didn’t make it impossible to have a life together. In fact, she’d work that much harder to be worthy of him. If only he’d let her.

Jay opened his mouth, but, to Raelynn’s relief, closed it without another word.

The wheels hit the tarmac, jolting the plane. After a few minutes, the pilot announced they were free to exit. Seatbelts unlatched and passengers stood, all grateful to reach their destination.

Except her. A televised Christmas concert was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

Jay retrieved her carry on. “There’s a little bistro around the corner from the hotel. Let’s get a warm meal in your stomach, and after a long, hot bath, you’ll feel better.”

If he thought those were the solutions to every female problem, no wonder Kate left him. This smile of his, however, wasn’t a sly, I’m-hitting-on-a-younger-woman smile, but a friendly one, full of concern. Like the Jay she used to know. The one she’d trusted for years before his mid-life crisis interrupted.

She should eat, even if she wasn’t hungry. She’d lost the five pounds she’d gained in Eve Hollow plus two. Anymore and she’d be back in rehab.

With her hat pulled low and her head down, she walked beside Jay to baggage claim, praying she wouldn’t be recognized. She had no desire to smile and sign autographs right now. Raelynn slowed her steps, remembering the way Lane bolted for his truck after the benefit concert and blended into the shelves when they’d gone Christmas shopping and she’d stopped to sign autographs. Lane was a humble man. He didn’t like too much attention. Had that made him push her away?

Jay sniffed. “I, uh…called Kate, like you said. We’re—” he shrugged “—talking.”

Her first genuine smile in days spread wide. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah. Me, too. ” He cleared his throat.

She spotted her lime green suitcase inching closer on the conveyor belt. Raelynn yanked the suitcase handle and set the bag at her feet. “Give Kate your time. It’s one thing money can’t buy.”

 

~*~

 

The TV might as well have been on mute, just like the rest of him. He hadn’t tasted one bite of food tonight, or any other meal since Rae left. He went through the motions of living, his heart as numb as the frozen ground outside. Three inches of snow had already fallen, and it kept coming down.

Christmas lights reflected off the corner walls like a giant disco ball. Every time he looked at it, which was at least a hundred times a day, he remembered how beautiful Rae had looked the day they’d decorated. The feel of her in his arms.

He’d tried to dismantle the fake pine, but Jake had begged him not to. The little guy had been through enough this year with his parents’ divorce. If the tree made Jake happy, Lane would suffer through it. Only four more days of torture.

A small, ridiculous, and very childish part of him hoped that by keeping it around, Rae would show up for Christmas after all. He’d done the same the first Christmas after he’d lost his dad. Only he wasn’t seven anymore.

Propping his feet on the coffee table, he crossed his ankles and burrowed deeper into the cushions. A new couch. That’s what he really needed for Christmas. At least the spring digging into his spine brought some feeling back to his body.

He flipped through the channels, imagining the sound of the remote exploding against the wall. He was restless and angry. For loving her, for cursing his circumstances. He’d worked hard to stay positive, to not get mad at God. But every time he thought of Rae, mad was exactly where he went. That’s why he’d blocked her number. Couldn’t handle the temptation to respond.

Rae’s voice bled into the room. His finger paused on the remote. She sang on a stage of bare trees and fake snow. Her long red dress accentuated every curve. Soft, blue stage lights washed over skin. His throat swelled shut.

Not being able to reach out and touch her made him physically ache. Snow floated from the stage ceiling and collected on the floor around her, some clinging to her hair and dress.

 

“A warmth in the day, a fire in the night, the jingle of sleigh, the bright Christmas lights.

How did I miss it before? You’re here, there’s more.”

 

The camera swept the room then zoomed in on her face. She tipped her head back and her voice raised an octave. A snowflake landed on her sooty lashes. Rae closed her eyes. A single tear escaped one corner and rolled down her cheek.

Was it for him or for ratings? She’d walked out of his front door easily enough, without much convincing on Jay’s part. She hadn’t argued when Lane told her they weren’t meant to be. Hadn’t told him he meant more to her than her music.

He punched the power button, and the screen flashed to black. He stood, and then walked to his empty bed, preparing to lay in the darkness and do the same thing he’d done every night since she’d left.

Pray.

 

~*~

 

Rae shivered against the chill in the board room. Her team sat around a huge table filled with pastries and gourmet coffee. They should be at home with their families. Today was Christmas Eve. Instead, they were going over the details of her new contract.

Five years.

She stood at the huge office window and rubbed her arms for warmth. Snow burst from the gunmetal sky. Flakes swirled into funnels as the wind whipped around the building. The flakes reminded her of home. No landscape was more beautiful in winter than West Virginia.

Jay joined her, wearing a smudge of blueberry jam in his mustache. “What are you thinking?”

Raelynn shifted her focus back to the window. “That Mr. Denver was a wise man.” She couldn’t get a certain country road—or that song—out of her mind.

Jay frowned. “I thought you’d be thrilled. We worked hard to make the contract beneficial for both parties. It includes everything you wanted.”

Not everything. She inhaled. “I know.”

Lane still hadn’t returned any of her calls or texts. But she had peace about her decision. Not that she’d ever been a great decision maker.

Jay tugged a pen from his shirt pocket and handed it over. “Let’s make it official. These guys need to get home, and The Ryman is waiting.”

Raelynn glanced at the snow crusted in the corner of the window and recalled Mama’s advice. Treasures in the snow. There were plenty if a person looked close enough. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Wasn’t that the truth? She turned from the window. Greatest Hits album…scheduled tour dates…recording sessions. Holding the pen in a death grip, she took a deep breath, leaned over the inch-thick contract, and applied the ink to paper.