‘Seems weird to be sitting around talking without a project to work on,’ Uggs says.
We have a Knit ’n’ Knatter Club within the Gang and usually have items or gifts to make on our needles as we work out life and the universe and so on. Uggs mentioning this is, of course, another ruse to get Dixie off her obsession with her ex and her latest bonkers plan to deal with it. Fair play to him for a valiant effort, though I suspect there’s no thwarting Dixie from her new fave topic.
I should say at this point that I didn’t think Dixie and Jason Fielding were ever a solid, romantic item. They weren’t exactly dating, as far as I was aware. They had a loose arrangement to get off with each other and do some unwatchable snogging on Youth Club nights. I suspect she’s talking it up now for drama’s sake, plus there’s no doubt that she has been scorned and that he crossed a line by Faceboasting a pic of the aforementioned unwatchable snogging. Mind you, he did always get away with calling her ‘babe’, in spite of her saying she’d thump him if he ever did, so perhaps there was a smidgen of something more going on. Sheesh, lurve stuff is exhausting!
‘We need to make some moolah,’ Dixie says. ‘Highlights and makeovers don’t come free.’
We all give sigh because:
a) yes, we’re smashed broke due to the expense of the festive season’s gifting, and
b) it means Dixie is about to burst into action and we’ll need serious energy to keep up.
‘I’m thinking Valentine’s Day,’ she says.
She’s a One Hit Wonder right now when it comes to love and all its relatives.
‘How about we knit and stuff hearts and sell them at school, like we did Uggs’s bath bombs for Christmas.’
It’s a v good idea.
‘They don’t all have to be red, because maybe people will want to get them for friends or themselves as a love treat. We can use any oddments we have left from last year and even do stripes if we have to.’ Dixie is a Teenpreneur, fureshure!
‘We can do heart-shaped bath bombs if we get a heart-shaped bun tin or a biscuit cutter,’ Uggs suggests.
Another brillig idea!
The Gang is back in business and I can look forward to boosting my stash o’ cash = hooray!
Dixie snorts. ‘NO ONE says “bun” or “biscuit” any more, Uggs. It’s all cupcakes and cookies now. Sometimes you are such a doofus.’
Uggs reddens up but he doesn’t mind.
Then Dixie drops her most serious bombshell. ‘As part of my makeover, I’ll have to lose a few pounds. I’m carrying some festive jetlag weight – it’s the stress of spending too much time with my family in a confined space.’
EEEEK! Dixie never goes on a regime alone: we’ll be expected to row in too.
‘That would be “die” with a t on the end of it,’ Uggs checks.
‘Yes.’
Dixie leaves the room with a flounce and we mull over our new circumstances.
‘We needn’t panic,’ Uggs assures me. ‘She’ll keep it up for a week, max.’
‘Are you sure about that?’ I ask.
‘No,’ he admits. ‘But if past attempts are anything to go by, she’ll hardly even last a full week.’
‘I hope you’re right.’
‘The only trouble is that Dixie gets quite cranky when she’s hungry.’ So do I. So does Uggs.
And our parents and teachers would go nuts if they knew we were dieting, because it’s a no-no round these parts, in case anyone thinks it’s in any way a good idea and maybe takes it too far. And that’s quite right, because anorexia is NOT a good thing, ever, even if Dixie did once declare she wouldn’t mind having it just for a few days. We get regular lectures about not believing that thin is good and the word Thinspiration is outlawed because it is bad to glorify a deliberately skinny role model – we should just be the normal size we are meant to be. People come in all shapes and sizes: fact.
Dixie returns with some news. ‘Obviously, a two-fingered Kit Kat is allowed on our new regime. Daily.’
So, it’s not all doom and gloom … I suppose … even if she did say ‘our’, so we are deffo tied in, and we can have the chocolate/biscuit bar of the gods. Life is a squiggly road full of hazards and twistiness.
