Life goes on: that’s one of the toughest things to handle about it. Valentine’s Day has passed and, even if my heart is shredded, I have a few more bob in my piggy bank from the sales of our love hearts and love bombs. Love has actually bombed for me, but I am still breathing (raggedly), still moving (clumsily), still keeping on (somehow).
Finals day for TFX has arrived and I have to make an extra effort to look human, nice even. Just because Stevie Lee B is not going to have a big life-changing moment and realize I am the one for him,* that’s no excuse to let myself go, as Dixie is reiterating for the umpteenth time. Today’s ensemble is another ‘nearly’ suitie, a jacket and skirt that nearly match, with a little white T-shirt and my hair a bit mad. I think my nutty barnet looks a bit like the inside of my head right now, all wonky and confused.
Dixie stands back, delighted with her work, and declares, ‘Chic happens!’
I drag myself into the venue, trying to look all business-like with my folders and pens. I still have a job and today the stakes are at their highest.
‘Any valentines?’ Mel asks.
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘Just the one. Don’t know who it’s from, though.’
She gives me a beamer and says, ‘Oh, I think it’s fairly obvious.’ Her eyes travel to the Dork O’Brien.
‘No!’
‘Yes! Bet you anything.’
I look at GOB and realize that it might have been him. It does nothing to ease my anguish. I can’t just replace Stevie Lee in my affections. And Gary O’Brien is not any sort of worthy substitute.
Margo is being extra nice to everyone after her v public faux pas last week. It’s a bit freaky. It doesn’t suit her, TBH. She’s better at being spiky and tough than a nice person.
And if the semi-final was tense, this week is off the scale. As if to mask their anxiety, the lads eat more than ever before, though they talk a lot less. There are internal divisions that are becoming clear for all to see. Like Delia says, ‘Showbiz is no biz if you’re not enjoying it … then, it’s just showshizz.’
We do our last group hug as Team TG and Stevie Lee Bolton says, ‘Thanks, Jen, you’ve been FANomenal.’ It’s cheesy and if the Dork had said it I would have snorted in derision but, pathetically I know, I am grateful for any crumb of attention SLB gives me.
When I join Uggs and Dixie in the audience for the show, I feel like I am a different person from the kid who came through the doors all those weeks ago. I feel more grown up. When the show music starts, though, I get a tingly excitement and I start to shout and scream like everyone else.
Delia is up first and follows a Valentine’s theme. She does a routine about how tough and perverted love is. It’s like she’s baring my soul, but she makes it gruesomely funny too. I am laughing outside and kind of crying inside. She is so clever!
Next Jess has written a number about her cat sending love messages to her, including a half-eaten lamb chop, pulling threads in her sweater and coughing up a hairball on to her lap. It’s funny and catchy and it nearly makes me forget my own romantic woes.
When Ten Guitars take to the stage, I feel myself freeze. This is it. It’s difficult to breathe. My heart aches. They all sit in a semicircle and start a romantic number called ‘More Than Words’, which a band called Extreme used to sing yonks ago. It’s a v beautiful melody and has lush harmonies and lovely guitar playing.
The Guitars’ song would melt a stone. The judges LOVE it. The audience LOVES it. I LOVE it, and I want to hear it again and again. I think my heart might break to see SLB singing a love song. It’s the last time they’ll perform on the show unless they win, and you can see the tension on their faces – and feel it all around in the studio.
The night is a whizz-by blur, but finally it is time for the results. The usual agony of the disqualifications leaves the ultimate agony – the final three are Jess, Ten Guitars and Delia! Then the show only goes and takes an ad break. WHAT?! We all squeal and howl.
I feel like I have been stretching to beyond breaking point. Uggs puts an arm around my shoulder.
‘Hang in there, Jen,’ he says, and I don’t know if he’s talking about life and love or the fact that all my faves are in the last three.
When the show resumes, the acts are standing on the stage again, looking exhausted. Margo announces that in third place is …
Long pause …
‘DELIA THOMAS!’
We go nuts for Delia. Then we see all her best bits. We go nuts again.
And in second place is …
An even longer wait now, because this will reveal not just second place but also the winner …
It’s …
Another even longer pause …
The auditorium goes weirdly silent with only one or two voices shouting the names of the final two.
And second place goes to …
Longest pause EVER in the history of television …
‘TEN GUITARS!’
We go nuts! We’re jumping up and down, screaming, grabbing those next to us. Onstage, the lads hug one another and look oddly relieved. Jess is crying, even though it means she has won – hey, maybe because she has won. We see the best bits of Ten Guitars on the show and it is thrilling to be reminded of their journey from the pavement outside the trials† to the live shows. The lads all raise their guitars in the air and Dermot shouts, ‘Thank you, everyone.’
Then Jess, the tiny sprite from Cork, dries her eyes and prepares to sing again. She brings the house down. Jess is a true star.
And suddenly the Teen Factor X adventure is over. It is a v v emotional time but at least everyone is in bits, so I don’t stand out as being any worse than anyone else.
Delia simply says, ‘Thank Friday night that’s over.’
