Totally nailed this fridge magnet thing. I mean nothing says the Bahamas like two bare bottomed boys with sun hats, right? I’ve had a great few days down here. Managed to go diving, parasailing and kite surfing – I bet you’d have loved it ;)
Parcel containing fridge magnet;
Danny to Lydia, March 2014
‘You know last night when I said that today I wanted to go further afield than Los Toros and that we should see more of the coastline? This isn’t really what I had in mind.’
‘I know, but it’s a great idea, right?’ says Danny with a big grin on his face.
I look down at the harness that’s giving me a wedgie. I’m not entirely sure about that.
‘We could just go for a hike.’
‘Or we could sail into the sky. Trust me on this, it’s an amazing feeling. You’re going to love it.’
I don’t agree, but I take a deep breath. All I can see from here is a cliff and the sea. It’s not exactly inspiring me with confidence.
‘You’ll be fine,’ says Paul, as he comes along to double check my harness. ‘Have you decided what type of landing you want?’
‘A good one,’ I reply, nervously wondering what other type there might be.
‘Very funny. No, I meant, did you want a normal descent or a rapid one? On the rapid one, we get up some speed and then we corkscrew down to the ground. You can pull five gs – same force as you get in a Formula One car.’
‘That sounds awesome,’ says Danny.
‘I was going to say that it sounded terrifying. Perhaps I’ll stick to the normal descent today, as it’s my first go and all that.’
‘Fair enough,’ Paul says, as he clips his harness to mine. ‘Now you remember what you need to do?’
I nod.
‘OK, then, and don’t forget, when we come into land you need to start running along before we hit the ground, OK?’
I bend at the knees and try to remember. ‘Uh-huh,’ I say with a wobble to my voice.
This is going to be fine, this is going to be fine, I chant to myself.
My trip away was supposed to be a break from my everyday life to think everything through and to put myself out of my comfort zone. Whilst I’ve been too busy with Danny to think about the big things that I was supposed to, this at least is challenging me. I’ll be well and truly #LivingMyBestLife, if I don’t wet myself or black out first.
‘You’re going to take a photo, right?’ I say to Danny as I try and stop myself from hyperventilating.
‘Yeah,’ he says waving the camera. ‘And my GoPro will record it on your helmet.’
He walks over and flicks a switch. Perfect, now my screaming will be recorded for posterity.
Danny leans over and I grab on to his neck and kiss him like this is going to be my last. Because, who knows, it might be. I signed the waiver for this; I know there are risks involved.
Paul the pilot coughs behind me. ‘Do you guys need a room, or . . .’
‘Just in case something goes wrong,’ I say.
‘OK,’ he says whistling. ‘I guess it’s always good to say your last I love yous.’
I feel my cheeks flushing. We haven’t even said our first yet. I can’t look Danny in the eye. Even if it were true, I couldn’t tell him for the first time with a stranger strapped to my back – it wouldn’t really set the right mood.
‘This wind is perfect,’ says Paul. ‘Let’s get going. Ready?’
‘As I’ll ever be,’ I mutter, looking up at Danny in desperation.
‘OK, I’m dispatching the sail,’ says Paul.
Danny gives me a thumbs-up and suddenly I’ve twisted round as the parachute juts out behind us.
Paul gives me a nudge as he gets the sail under control and I start to walk forward as instructed. It’s all a bit jolty and chaotic and I’m beginning to panic until I realise that my legs are no longer in contact with the ground and I’m sort of hanging mid-air. My stomach lurches as we bob up and down catching the wind and I may or may not have screamed just a little, or should that be a lot.
I daren’t look around at Danny behind me and instead I focus on the beautiful blue sky and the light twinkling off the sea. I’m still struggling to breathe. I’ve never been phased by heights, but it feels a bit weird having absolutely nothing beneath me. But oh my God is it beautiful, and I feel so free.
The next twenty minutes pass by in what feels like seconds and no sooner have I started to relax than it’s time to descend. I can see Danny on the beach below and I feel my stomach flip, and it’s nothing to do with the thermals we’re flying through. He’s waving and smiling and I can’t wait to tell him how amazing this was.
We’re coming ever closer to the ground and I’m trying to ignore the sea that seems pretty close on my right and the cliff face that’s perilously close on the left. I keep focused on my shadow on the beach, which is growing ever larger, and all of a sudden we’re within touching distance of the sand and I straighten my legs before bam. I fall over and feel the weight of Paul falling flat on top of me. I’m about to try and move before we’re encased in the parachute.
‘Did someone forget to run in the air as we landed?’ says Paul, laughing.
‘I think so,’ I say wriggling around like a beetle trapped on its back.
The parachute blows up at the side and I see Danny poking his head underneath.
‘Oh, like that, is it?’ he says, laughing at our collapsed heap.
Paul unclips himself and shimmies off me before pushing the parachute off backwards while Danny helps me up to standing.
‘Well?’ he says, raising an eyebrow.
It takes a second or two for me to stand properly as my legs have turned to jelly.
‘That was incredible,’ I say, letting out the biggest breath. ‘Absolutely incredible.’
‘I heard screaming and I wasn’t too sure . . .’
‘Screams of joy,’ I say and he gives me a dubious look. ‘Well, maybe not at first, but when I finally got into it they were joyful.’
‘My turn next,’ he says giving me an even bigger grin. ‘Can’t wait.’
*
I can see Danny coming into view. It doesn’t look quite as relaxing as I remember it being as now I can see just how tight the landing area is. It felt close from the air, but from here I can see it’s even closer than I thought.
I edge forward on the rock I’m on, hoping that a big gust doesn’t blow Danny and Paul off course. I hold my breath and cross my fingers, only to exhale with relief as they’re nearly down and I giggle as Danny begins to run in the air. They hit the ground in a walk and remain standing. What a pro.
I walk over as Danny unclips himself from the harness and takes his helmet off. He sweeps me into a big kiss.
‘Such a good flight.’
We chat to Paul for a while as he packs up, then we say our goodbyes. Danny takes my hand and we start to walk along the deserted beach. Paul offered to drive us back to the main town, but apparently it’s only a forty-five minute walk over the headland to get back, and seeing as how this is the first time in three days we’ve made it off the apartment complex, we’ve decided to walk it.
The two of us cannot stop talking about our flights. Danny’s gripping my hand and I can’t remember when I last felt this alive. Today totally ticked numerous boxes on the Living the Best Life quiz – doing something that scared me, doing something new, doing something that will stay with me forever.
‘Thanks, Danny,’ I say, turning to kiss him.
‘For what?’ he says, confused.
‘For this; I needed it.’ I stop and look out at the waves crashing onto the rocks. It’s stupid, as I live right next to the sea, but I so rarely take the time to look at it or to appreciate it. ‘This last year, it’s been . . .’ I struggle to find the words.
‘I guess it was rough breaking up with Ross.’
I shake my head. It’s the first time that we’ve mentioned Ross. We’ve been too caught up in this delicious holiday bubble and neither of us have talked about our love lives and exes.
‘It was and it wasn’t. It’s been an adjustment getting used to being single after so long, but I don’t regret it for a second. It wasn’t right for so long. It was like all of a sudden it clicked and I knew I had to end it.’
I hesitate because I don’t want to tell Danny that he’s the reason that I broke up with Ross. He’d said something in one of his letters about all his friends settling down and me and Ross getting engaged and it had made me realise how much I didn’t want that.
‘I think I just expected that after I broke up with him I’d revert back to who I used to be – you know, regain a bit of sparkle – but I didn’t seem to be able to. But that, paragliding, that made me feel it. This whole holiday has. I’ve felt properly alive. So thank you.’
‘Well, it’s been pretty hard work,’ he says, rolling his eyes.
‘Ha, yes, it’s seemed like it.’
‘So you’re all set and now all you have to do is keep that sparkle when you go back home.’
I turn and look at the beach we’ve come from, mainly because I don’t want him to see the tears in my eyes at the thought that I’m going to have to go back to the real world without him.
‘Yes,’ I lie.
‘You’re off to a good start. The events you manage sound amazing and you like where you live.’
I bite my lip. Now would be the perfect time to tell him that I might have embellished things a little. Tell him I’m an events coordinator and not an events manager; that I live in the granny flat in my sister’s basement.
‘Yeah, work’s great,’ I say, bitterly disappointed with myself. ‘It’s just . . .’ I feel embarrassed. Danny’s always had a high-flying career and even when he’d given that all up he’s launched his own business which is doing really well too. I don’t know if he’d understand.
‘It’s just what?’
‘I feel as if I can’t go any higher at my company and that I’m ready to. I don’t think my boss will promote me because she thinks I’m too good at what I do.’
‘So quit,’ he says, shrugging his shoulders as we start walking again.
‘I can’t. Well, I can, but I like where I am and I’m scared to move. The company I worked for in London was so awful and I had no life. I couldn’t go back to that.’
‘But you can’t stay in a job you’re unhappy in through fear of something worse.’
‘Can’t I? I’m not unhappy per se, I just want a promotion.’
‘And if they’re not going to give it to you, why don’t you work for yourself? Go freelance or set up your own business.’
I sigh as I think about Roni and how happy she looked, but I know how much I’d hate it.
‘I don’t think it’s really me.’
‘Sorry,’ says Danny grimacing, ‘you were so happy, I didn’t mean to bring you down.’
‘You didn’t,’ I say, trying to get back to that feeling of soaring. ‘But you’re right, I need to think of making a change. That’s what I was supposed to be doing on this holiday. Having a think about what I really want out of life.’
‘Ah, and I’ve been distracting you.’
‘You’ve been a very welcome distraction,’ I say, as he helps me scramble over some rocks to get to the next cove.
‘As have you,’ he says. ‘Wow, this beach is stunning.’
We’ve found ourselves in a tiny deserted cove with just a tiny strip of sand in front of the cliff face.
‘It’s beautiful,’ I say, realising how much we’ve probably been missing out on while we were hauled up in the apartment for the last few days.
‘You know, some of the beaches are naturist. How about it? When in Rome . . .’
I hastily wrap my coat further round myself.
‘If you think I’m getting my baps out in this weather, you’re severely mistaken.’
Danny laughs. ‘Worth a try.’
‘No, during this excursion we’re keeping our clothes on. I’m sure we can do that for a few hours, right?’ I say more to myself than to him. I seem to have zero willpower when it comes to Danny.
I see him wavering, but a man with a fishing rod walks down the cliff path in front of us. ‘Right,’ he says. ‘It is pretty cold. How about we go and get hot chocolate and churros instead?’
‘Sounds good to me.’
It doesn’t take us long to climb up the cliff path and after another twenty minutes of walking we make it back to civilisation. We find a cute looking cafe just off the main drag and settle ourselves into a table by the window. The waiter takes our order and I rub my hands together relishing the warmth of being inside. It’s not long before the waiter returns with our order. and I greedily rip a churro apart and dip it into my drink.
‘You still look a bit down,’ says Danny. ‘Are you still thinking about your work?’
I don’t tell him that I’m thinking about the fact that we’ve only got a short time left together.
‘It’s not just my work. I think it’s just been a funny year. You know we’re at that age, aren’t we, where everyone is settling down and getting married? My best friend Lucy’s wedding is in August and my friend Caroline recently had a baby. I guess it makes you think about your own life. I just expected to be settled by now, or at least to know what I wanted to do with my life.’
Danny stops dipping his churros and looks at me seriously.
‘We don’t have to have all the answers in life. You know my mum and dad were settled in Petersfield and then moved up to the lakes in their fifties, as they thought there had to be more to life. And look at me, I realised that I didn’t want to be doing what I was doing and I moved continents.’
‘And do you now think you’re living your best life?’
‘Oh, I hate that hashtag. What does it even mean?’ he says screwing his face up.
‘Ha, exactly! But are you?’
He shrugs his shoulders. ‘I’m on holiday and I’m eating fried dough dipped in hot chocolate, and I’ve had more sex than I thought was humanly possible in three days, so I’m pretty sure if I could Instagram a photo of us right now, that would be the hashtag. I mean, I don’t think life gets better than this, does it?’
I stare at the chocolate moustache he’s got and I can’t help but laugh at him.
‘You’ve got a little something,’ I say pointing at his face.
‘Oh have I now,’ he says grabbing a churro laced with hot chocolate and popping it on my nose.
‘Hey,’ I say, slapping at his hands.
He leans over and kisses my nose as he licks it off.
‘I was wrong, it can get better,’ he says.
I can feel my heart burning in my chest. He’s right; at this moment in time, we are absolutely living our best lives.
‘So, do you want to take a slow walk back to the apartment after these? Do you think you’ve done enough sightseeing for the day?’
I look up at the clock on the wall and see it’s almost 3 p. m. We’ve been out of the apartment for at least six hours now. I think that’s respectable.
‘Let’s head home.’
‘And perhaps we could stop by one or two of those underwear shops to find out why everything in the window is red,’ says Danny.
‘Uh-huh, just out of curiosity, or to make a purchase?’
‘Curiosity, of course, but I did think one or two things I saw would look rather good on you.’
He has the same glint in his eye that seems to have got us into so much trouble over the last few days. I realise that we’ve finished our drinks and Danny gets up to pay.
‘I can’t believe that tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve,’ he says as we walk out. ‘Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to go to Barcelona?’
‘Positive, unless you want to see your friend after all?’
‘Nah, I’ve emailed him and said I’m not coming. Shall we just book a table at Los Toros?’
‘Yeah, why not. That sounds great. Something low key and chilled.’
I don’t want to think about tomorrow being our last night together before Danny flies home and I certainly don’t want to think about New Year’s kisses and what I think they mean. For once I’m not going to overthink things and I’m going to live in the moment, pretending that we’re going to be in this holiday romance bubble forever.