When it’s over, I leave Matt prone on the couch, with his cheek at the edge of the cushion, while I get a cool towel from the kitchen. I wipe his mouth and face and hand, the way my parents always did when one of us was sick. I help him sit up, so he can drink a little water and rinse out the bad taste. He doesn’t seem to care that much.
“Why are you helping me?” he mutters. “Just leave me, it’s fine.”
I laugh. “Um, I beg to differ. This is not your finest hour.”
“Like you’re so perfect?”
“That’s beside the point.”
“Maybe you are,” he says. “Maybe you know all the secrets.”
“I don’t know your secrets,” I say. “Are you going to tell me?”
“I’ll tell you anything,” he says. “If you promise not to leave.”
I couldn’t if I wanted to. There’s no chance I’m calling my parents or Alex in the middle of the night and getting caught in a lie. So where would I go? And the truth is, I don’t want to go. Matt’s curled softly in my arms and for a change it seems like he needs me, the way I need him.
“Anything? Then tell me what you think about me, for real,” I whisper.
“I think you’re hot,” he says, reaching for me.
“Come on.” I laugh. “Really? I’m pretty sure anyone looking at us would agree that you’re the hot one.”
“You’re so smart.”
That one, I’ll take. “Thanks.”
“Smart to never tell. Shhh. Never tell. Be out.”
My forehead wrinkles. “What are you talking about?”
“Never tell,” he says. “We can be shhhh.” He’s not making sense.
“It’s okay.” I stroke his shoulder. “Never mind.”
“No,” he says. “You have to trust me. I know and I don’t want you to find out.”
“Find out?”
“So you’ll never know the truth.”
“What’s the truth?”
“That they’ll never accept us.”
It stings. A heat sizzles across my heart. “Who? My parents?”
“No, the whole world.”