My mother laid down next to me on the bed and rubbed my back and told me, “It’ll be alright,” over and over again until I stopped crying. Then she held out the box of tissues and I plucked one and blew my nose.
“I can see you’re not happy about this,” she said, returning the tissue box to the nightstand, “but I’m not sure I understand why.”
I sat up. “Are you kidding? Do you really not know who the father is?”
“Well, I assumed Alex.”
“You assumed correct. So you see why this is a disaster.”
“Um, no, actually, I don’t.”
I stared at her in amazement. “Your widowed daughter got herself knocked up by a murderer who’s on the run from the FBI and you don’t think that’s a problem?”
“I’m not saying Alex would be my first choice for a son-in-law, but it’s not as if you were ever going to marry him. I figured you were just going through a phase.”
“A phase?”
“Yes. A lot of girls go through a bad boy phase. I did before I met your father. But you never did. I figured you were going through it now, and when you were done with Alex, you’d be back to your old self again.”
I stared at my mother, truly at a loss for words. I never thought Alex and I had a future together. I knew that when I slept with him. And I was still coming to grips with my feelings about what he’d done. But Alex gave me something no one else could. He gave me justice for my family. He gave me peace of mind, or as close to it as I would ever get. To dismiss him as a phase? Alex meant much more to me than that.
“If you think about it,” my mother continued, “Alex’s leaving is really for the best. Now you can raise the baby yourself. You won’t even have to tell anyone Alex is the father.”
“And you’re okay with the fact that I’d be having a child out of wedlock? That’s not a sin anymore either?”
She waved her hand at me. “Honestly, Grace, it’s the twenty-first century. No one’s sending unwed mothers to homes anymore. Nowadays, women have babies on their own on purpose. My friend Cynthia’s daughter just had a little boy a few months ago and she wasn’t even dating anyone. Cynthia said she was tired of waiting around for Mr. Right so she went to a sperm bank and bought what she needed.
“Did you know they have books you look through that tell you all about the father? It’s like ordering dinner. You can get exactly what you want. Anyway, I saw a picture of the baby and he’s adorable. Alex was nice looking. I’m sure the two of you could make a very cute baby together.”
“Who are you and what did you do with my mother?”
“I’m not as old-fashioned as you think. And in case you haven’t noticed, neither one of us is getting any younger. Don’t you think I’d like to be a grandmother again? Preferably while I’m still young enough to enjoy it.”
And my mother was back.
We decided to tell my aunt about the pregnancy, but not the kids. Not yet anyway. Not until I decided what to do. My aunt’s reaction was the same as my mother’s, but it wasn’t as shocking coming from her. She too wanted a new baby in the family.
I woke up early the next morning and left the house while everyone else was still asleep. I stopped at the grocery store to buy flowers, then drove to the cemetery. I sat down on the grass between the headstones like I always did, even though the ground was still wet with dew. “I know it’s been a while,” I said, “but it’s been a really busy summer.”
I told Jonah everything, including that I’d slept with Alex. I didn’t know if telling your husband about your lover was proper etiquette, but it’s not as if I was hurting his feelings. Then I told him about the pregnancy.
“It wasn’t planned,” I said. “Obviously. Even if I wanted to have a baby on my own, I never would’ve chosen Alex as the father. But he’s not all bad. He has some good qualities too. He really does love MJ and Sofia and would do anything for them. That’s a positive, isn’t it?”
Jonah didn’t answer, not that I expected him to.
“And if you can believe it,” I continued, “my mother actually wants me to have a baby on my own. Apparently, she’s gotten all progressive in her old age and now she’s a cheerleader for single motherhood.”
I laughed and shook my head. This was all so surreal.
“What do you think, Jonah? Should I have this baby?”