DAY 6, 5:15 P.M.
DEPARTURE FOR MIAMI—

Or not.

“She can always sleep on the beach her first night.” Santi laughed, watching me pack. Everyone was there, watching me pack. I felt like an actress in her dressing room, surrounded by admirers.

“Oh, sure,” Monica joked. “That sounds nice: St. Thomas on five dollars a day.” She turned to me. “We’ll give you enough for a couple of nights, sweetie. Or else your mother will never forgive us.”

My mother. Oh, man. The reality of this was starting to sink in. She was definitely going to flip, if she didn’t flat-out croak from the shock. “I have some money,” I said, stuffing a pair of flip-flops into the side pocket of my carry-on.

Monica shook her head. “No, take it, or I won’t feel right. You can pay us back later, when you’re a famous chef with your own show, like that guy… .”

She could be talking about any number of guys, but I appreciated what she was telling me. It was nice to hear someone believe in me, that this would all turn out for the best.

“Me too, Fee. I’ll give you enough cash to last a while.”

Killian’s leg bounced nervously on the bed. She was so excited, I couldn’t refuse. Was this the monetary gift Helen mentioned? “What are you going to do? Where will you work? What about that place you told me about?”

“Which place?” I looked up from my bags. “Coral World?

Yeah, maybe.” I thought about that. That would be really nice, actually. And I already knew someone there. Prince Harry. He could be my first friend. I could work there mornings and go to the beach in the afternoons. Or work at the coffee place, or anywhere, really. The possibilities were making my head spin.

Alma didn’t say much. But she did sit there on the edge of Yoli’s bed, grinning at me, something new in her face.

Like maybe she admired me for once, instead of me admiring her. Like I was a new person to her. Hell, I was a new person to me.

But Yoli didn’t look too happy. She seemed on the verge of tears. I knew she was disappointed. She thought she had a couple more weeks to spend with me before taking off for Tallahassee. But I had to do this. Once back home, I’d get sucked into a rut and never make a decision like this again.

It was basically now or never.

I wanted to give the girls something like Killian had given us, but I didn’t want to spend too much now that I was going to make my first real move as an adult. But I had already thought of something, so I led them through the corridors to one of the photo shops and found the picture they’d taken of us when we first came on the Temptress.

It took twenty minutes to find the photo, so long that I thought the ship would leave with me on it, and I’d lose my chance to stay on St. Thomas, but eventually we found it. Four silly girls huddled together, smiling, happy, excited to be embarking on a new adventure. I would put it up in my new living quarters, wherever they may be, and look at it every day. It had been taken only six days ago, but I felt like a lifetime had passed. I was already a different person. I had three copies made and gave one to each of my chicas.

Santi carried my bag and cosigned some forms at the purser’s office. I could tell he was nervous about letting me go, being our chaperone and all, but from the way he kept shaking his head and sighing all over the place, I could also tell he knew that I was an adult and could legally make my own decision. I swore to defend him when I had it out with my mom on the phone. He deserved that, at least. For helping me see that Lorenzo was not like him at all. Not one bit.

The ship would be leaving in ten minutes.

The purser had called a cab to take me to a nearby hotel for my first night, then I’d take it from there. I could either stay a couple more nights or I could move into a furnished apartment. He said there were many, since so many people owned places on the island but didn’t live there full-time, renting out their places the rest of the year. Either way, I’d find something.

I’ll be fine, I kept telling myself. No one ever died from not knowing what their next move would be. I might even find a pâtisserie and see if they’d hire me as side help.

Anything was possible.

“Oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait… ,” Killian said. She let go of my hair, which she’d been twisting, and rushed off into the lobby.

I hugged Santi and Monica first, thanking them for being so understanding and for being cool chaperones, and for the cash they gave me, which they really didn’t have to do. Then I looked at Alma. She pressed her lips into a smile, and when I saw her eyes water up, I knew I was doing the right thing. She hugged me hard and kissed my cheek.

“We’ll see you soon, okay?” I never took her for being the positive one, but she made me feel like this wasn’t an end.

Just a break.

Whereas Yoli was already crying, and I had to hold her to keep her from shaking. Santi held her shoulders from behind, kneading them to make her relax. “I’m going to be fine,” I said into her ear. “They have phones. I’ll find an e-café. We’ll be in touch, don’t worry.” But I felt like nothing I could tell her would make her stop shaking. I hugged her hard.

Killian came back, holding the hand of one superhot male. He didn’t really fit the picture because he wasn’t one of my best friends, but so what. I owed him a kiss, and a promise was a promise.

Raul pulled me aside. “She said you’re staying?”

“Yep.” I smiled.

He took my hand, pressed his forehead onto mine. “Wow. That’s really gutsy of you.”

“Well, it might only be for a few weeks, or maybe the whole summer, I’m not sure. That’s the point. For once, I don’t want to know… . I just want to have fun finding out.”

“That’s exactly right. You’re …” He paused to find the right word, but some guys aren’t always the best at finding the right word, especially when they’re studying to be systems analysts, whatever that meant. “Awesome.”

I smiled. I could deal with awesome. I leaned up and pressed my lips against his, feeling them one last time. For now anyway. His kisses were too good not to keep in touch. I would definitely have to get a phone and a computer soon. “Take care,” I said.

“You too. We’ll miss you the rest of the cruise. I’ll give your friends all my home info.”

“Okay.”

He smiled and backed up, letting my hands fall to my sides. I watched him cross the lobby and disappear down a hall.

Sigh.

Okay, so maybe I should stay!

No!

Yes!

No!

I saw Monica and Santi giving each other weird looks.

I’d forgotten that they didn’t know about Raul. Oh, well.

The girls would fill them in. I grabbed my skinny Killian and hugged her hard. We did a little spin and dance, laughing and laughing. “I can’t believe you’re crazier than me,” she said.

“Stay with me, Kill,” I said.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Not enough going on for me here, Fee.”

I nodded. I knew that Kill needed a more action-packed place, but it was worth a shot.

“Watch for us on the deck, okay?” Killian said, pointing.

“Right up there, on this side.”

“I will.”

She planted ten kisses on my cheek in succession like a mom leaving her five-year-old at the kindergarten door, then did a little wave. This was it. An officer smiled at me, showing me the way out. I was the only one leaving the ship. And once I was out, that would be it. No turning back. No regrets. And if I did have some, I could book a flight home and that’d be it. No big deal.

I’ll be fine, I thought again, backing into the hallway.

They all waved, and I turned around and walked into the tunnel. At the end of the gangway, I jumped out onto the concrete, right as a port worker helped push it up. He gave the all-clear signal to the crew above.

“A lot of people like it here,” he said to me.

So I wasn’t the only one to do this before, but I definitely felt like it.

I leaned against a low brick wall, where some locals and taxi drivers were sitting, feeding seagulls and watching the ship’s departure procedures. I tried to push back some feelings of being removed, of being where I wasn’t quite supposed to be. Watching the Temptress get ready to sail without me was making me jittery. But all I had to do was turn my head and see the island that would be my home for a while, and I got excited all over again.

Yes, I was doing the right thing. I knew it. And I wouldn’t be sorry.

I found the taxi the purser had hailed for me. The driver seemed harmless enough, a young guy my age. “Could you wait one second?” I asked him.

“No problem,” he said, taking my bags and putting them in the trunk.

I scanned the ship’s deck frantically to get one last glimpse of my girls, Santi, and Monica. After a few minutes, they all appeared on the upper deck. Killian was pushing someone aside so they could see me better. I laughed. That girl would never change. Or maybe she would, who knew. They waved and whistled and jumped. Then the ship’s horn blared, drowning them out, and I finally got my Love Boat moment.

When the Temptress slowly pulled away from the port, I felt a heaviness go through me. I’d be fine. I was doing this. I was really doing this. I watched them wave and cry, “Love you, Fiona! Love you!” I blew kisses at them, and suddenly remembered my camera. I fumbled around in my bag and found it, snapping five, six last pictures of them.

Sometimes you just recognize a moment you’ll never forget. This was one of them. My eyes, ears, brain, everything soaked in the whole scene: the ship leaving with my friends on it, the mountains in the background, the darkening orange-and-purple sky behind them. I never expected my cruise to end this way, but I wasn’t totally surprised by it either. I’d been ready for a change, even before the trip started. I guess I didn’t need a fortune-teller to tell me that.

I gave one final wave to the girls and the Temptress. Her horn blasted again, the depth of its tone shaking my insides. I felt for my hook bracelet and faced it out. Then, taking a superdeep breath and letting it out fast, I opened the back door to the rumbling taxi and stepped inside.