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Xavier
I stretch my neck from side to side and fist my hands, feeling the stiffness in my muscles from sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair all night. My father finally convinced me to go for a walk and grab some coffee. I didn't want to leave Ally’s side, but he promised he would stay with her until I got back. So here I am, waiting for our coffees and when I glance at my watch, I note it’s almost 9 am.
After Ally’s vitals where checked earlier this morning, the doctor came in and removed the breathing tube from her throat. Relief washed through me when she began to breath on her own. After he left, the nurse explained, the doctor would check back around nine when he did his rounds. I don’t want to miss the update.
I look around, trying to focus on everything around me. Anything to take my mind off the mental ticking of a clock hammering inside my head like a jack hammer. It doesn’t work. Everyone is going about their business as usual, but instead of faces and clear crisp sound, everything is just a blur of static noise.
I will my mind to stop counting down and try to concentrate on the artwork hanging from the cream washed walls. They seem to me to be dull, lifeless. Realistically, they are probably beautiful pieces of art designed to calm and welcome you, but they are making me more anxious as my brain keeps wondering about the what ifs....
What if I had taken the time to check her wound when I arrived at her place on Saturday afternoon?
I knew she wasn’t looking well, she was pale, tired.
What if I’d persisted on the other numerous occasions when I saw her wince in pain and asked if she wanted me to check her hand?
What if I hadn’t let her brush me off?
I didn’t see the signs that were right in front of my fucking eyes.
I rub my eyes and scrub at my tired face, feeling the roughness of my beard. I haven’t shaved yet and you know what? I don’t give two shits about it right now.
The anger I feel with myself ripples through my veins like a wildfire licking at the doors of Hell. My mind is my enemy right now, insisting I failed to keep her safe. Running a hand through my hair, I grip the base of my skull and feel the tension and anger swirling through my muscles, cording up tight and ready to snap at any minute.
Why the fuck is this task of getting coffee sending me into an anger filled argument with myself? Fuck, I need to be upstairs with my girl, not down here standing in line waiting for my order like I haven't got a care in the fucking world. I never claimed to be a saint, but fuck if she recovers...
No! Fuck that...
When she recovers, I will spend the rest of my life worshipping the very ground she fucking walks on. I just need her to open her beautiful eyes and let me show her how happy we could be together. Blowing out a deep breath I shake my head to clear the dark thoughts from invading my mind further. Cracking my neck from side to side, I try to work the stiffness out and calm the anger - anger won't help the situation right now. I look to the line of people waiting to order then, to the barista behind the counter - I will him to hurry the fuck up and find it hard to prevent annoyance rushing through me. I know it’s not his fault, they’re swamped with orders and are moving as quick as they can, but an ominous feeling settles deep in the pit of my stomach. I’m about to say “fuck the coffees” and get back to my girl, when my number is called. I sigh with relief and head to the pick-up counter. I ignore the girl blatantly checking me out and fluttering her eyelashes and grab the cardboard takeaway tray. I grunt out a thank you before making the trek back upstairs to Ally.
Moving quicker than probably necessary, I head upstairs, not bothering to wait for an elevator. I take the steps two at a time until I reach a long corridor. I round the corner at the end and almost collide with an orderly pushing a patient's bed.
“Shit, sorry," I mumble, the orderly nods and keeps on going. He’s probably used to it happening.
“Shit, get your head on straight or you’ll be no good to anyone.” I chastise myself quietly and say a silent vow not to leave Ally's side again until we can walk out of here together because even the simplest task of getting coffee seems to be to fucking hard for me right now. Passing the nurses station, I quickly ask if the doc has been by yet.
“You just made it." The far too cheery nurse looks at the watch attached to her scrubs. “He’ll be about ten minutes, Sir, he’s just finishing up with a patient in room four."
“Thank you." I feel a little less anxious now.
“You’re welcome." She smiles brightly before returning her attention to the papers in front of her and I head in the direction of my woman's room. I step through the door, expecting to see my father sitting in the chair reading the newspaper a nurse dropped off earlier this morning. But, that's not what I see. I freeze, my muscles tense and lock and then, I catapult forward. The coffees go flying and I ignore the hot liquid which splashes my jeans and coats the floor. Machines are beeping loudly around me.
“Get the fuck off her!" I reach for the woman holding a pillow over Ally’s face and reef her back hard. She stumbles backwards and lands on her ass.
Anxiety, adrenaline and pure rage race through every cell in my body, my fists shake as I snatch the pillow up and throw it to the floor. I keep my back to the woman and try to take calming breaths so I’m not tempted to kill her. I spin around, my jaw is clamped tight, teeth grinding together and anger is rolling off me in waves.
I glare at the woman who is now standing and straightening her all too tight clothes for someone of her age. I take a step forward, ready to rip her fucking head off. She watches me advance and I see the fear flash through her glassy eyes, but it’s gone as quick as it comes. She straightens her spine and pushes her shoulders back.
“What the fuck!” I bellow between gritted teeth.
“Who are you?” she sneers.
“Better question is, who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you think you were doing?” It’s taking every ounce of control I have to stand here and speak instead of dragging her by the hair and throwing her out of the room.
“I don’t know what you’re insinuating.” She feigns ignorance and waves her hand towards the bed. “I was fixing her pillow.”
“You had the fucking pillow over her mouth,” I shout.
“You can’t prove that. She’s my daughter and I can do whatever the hell I want!”
I instantly hated this woman. Her chin juts out at me and I want to slap her.
“Now, tell me who the fuck you are because I know you’re no-one important?” She slams her hands on her hips and taps a foot as she eyes me up and down.
The wind is knocked from my lungs at her statement and I stumble back a step, bumping the bed in the process. Through the red haze of anger, I really take her in. From her blonde/grey hair which doesn’t look like it’s been brushed in weeks. Rough tanned skin that reminds me of leather and then I notice her blood shot eyes, before I can say anything else, a voice cuts in from the door.
“What is going on in here?” A nurse demands to know, arms crossed over her chest. The smile from when I spoke to her a few moments ago, gone. In it’s place, a pissed off expression. She moves to check Ally and reset the screeching machines, the beeping returns to normal.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on.” I fight to hold back my rage from bubbling over. “You need to call security because I walked in and found this woman....” I wave my hand towards the woman dismissively. I don’t say Ally’s mother because this piece of shit doesn't deserve the title. “....was smothering my woman with a pillow.” I flex my fists at my sides and breath deep to try and control myself, I smell the stench of alcohol lingering in the air.
“She’s been drinking,” I spit out in disgust before fixing my cool gaze on the woman. Her face morphs into an expression of intolerant disgust.
“You have no right and no proof!” Pure hatred and false shock laces her voice and I notice the way she stands a little straighter to try and prove me wrong.
I see her wobble as she goes to take a step towards Ally, there is no way in hell I’m letting her anywhere near her.
Pushing my shoulders back, I fold my arms across my broad chest, stand close to Ally and dare the bitch to come closer.
“What the fuck!”
A loud shout erupts from near the door and I turn in time to see Erica explode through the door, almost knocking the nurse over in an effort to get to Ally’s mother. Beau is hot on her heels and grabs her around the waist, lifting her up so her feet come off the ground. Erica kicks her legs out, trying to connect with her target. It would actually be quite comical if the situation wasn’t so serious.
“Who the fuck, do you think you are coming here?” Erica screams.
She’s still kicking out so, Beau takes a step back so she doesn’t connect.
“I’m Ally’s mother,” she says with an arrogant curl to her lips.
“You ain’t no mother!” Erica shouts. “Beau, put me the fuck down.”
“Fuck that, Peaches, if I let you go you’ll rip her head off.” He grunts as Erica’s elbow connects with his ribs but he doesn’t let go. “Not that she doesn’t fucking deserve it.” He turns a disgusted look on the fucking bitch who keeps saying she’s Ally’s mother.
The word ‘mother’ has never tasted so foul on my lips, I can’t even bring myself to say it. I look back to the nurse, but she’s nowhere to be found. I’m hoping she has gone to get the security guards and to call the police.
“You have no right to be in this room."
The bitch directs her statement at me and all the anger I’ve been trying to control and the band holding it all together, is blasted to smithereens. Before I know what I’m doing, I'm in the bitches face, my heart beats faster and my breathing comes hard and fast.
“Xavier!” My father's voice rings out loud and clear, but I hear the anger and worry lacing his tone.
“She's not worth it, X." Beau says while still trying to hold Erica back. She claws at his hands, making him hiss.
From the corner of my eye, I see him whisper something in her ear. She settles a little, but I see the hatred in her eyes as she stares at this piece of shit. I'm so amped up I don't notice my father move until I feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder.
“Touch me and I’ll have you arrested.” She sneers, looks up into my eyes and puffs out her chest.
I would never in my life hit a woman, but right now, in this moment the bitch deserves everything coming to her. I flex my hands into fists at my sides and feel my knuckles pop under the strain.
“Son," my dad says calmly while squeezing my shoulder firmly.
“You bitch, are the one who’ll be led away in handcuffs and I will personally make sure you never see the light of day again. I hope you drank enough this morning to get you through." Malice laces my tone and I feel the hatred for this woman deep in the marrow of my bones. I guess she hears the conviction in my words and she visibly pales.
“Son," my father repeats.
“What?" I ground out, not taking my eyes off the piece of shit in front of me.
“How’s your girl?” he asks.
Snapping my eyes to my dad and then to Ally still lying motionless on the bed, worry swims through my veins.
“Dad."
“I’ve got this, look after your girl." He nods his head towards the bed.
Giving one last look at the drunk bitch, I turn and cross to Ally’s side. Gently gathering her hand, I hold it to my cheek before leaning down and letting my lips linger on her forehead for a moment. I whisper in her ear to stay with me and tell her, I have her now.
“I want to speak to a doctor." The bitches demand is a little weaker now.
“Not going to happen," my father says. “Let's step outside and wait for the police to get here. As you can see, my son is the one who belongs here."
I turn in time to see him grab her upper arm, he doesn’t hold her tight enough to hurt her, but enough to keep control of the situation. He begins urging her from the room, but she doesn't leave without a fight - throwing insult after insult at him and struggling to pull her arm free, before swinging her free arm out to slap him in the face. My dad reacts fast and catches it before she can connect.
“Get your hands off me,” she yells as he drags her through the door.
“I’ll go and grab someone to help clean this mess up." Beau releases Erica and nods to the spilled coffee on the floor.
I nod as I soak in Ally’s touch and catch my breath.
Erica grabs Ally’s other hand gently so as to not bump the needle in the top of her hand and in a voice the softest I have ever heard she asks me, “Is she going to be okay?”
I notice how glassy her eyes are before she turns her head towards the window and blinks a few times.
“I don’t know, Erica." I answer honestly, pain lacing my words.
“I'm gonna go and see if we can get a doctor in here to make sure that bitch didn't do any more damage.”
Erica gently places Ally's hand back on the bed before turning and heading out the door.
Dread crawls through my body just thinking the woman might have caused my girl more harm. Again, I wasn’t around to protect her. Instead, I was downstairs in a line of fucking people waiting on shit ass coffee that I didn’t fucking want to begin with. Fisting my free hand into the sheets at the side of the bed, I bow my head against the edge feeling soul crushing emotion shatter straight through me. Squeezing my eyes tight, I try to fight off the regret, I need to keep my shit together for Ally.
Lifting my face, I release the bed sheets and run the tips of my fingers over her soft cheek, pushing her hair behind her ear. My breath catches in my throat when I notice slight imprints from the pressure of the pillow being pushed down on her face. Leaning closer, I notice what looks like the beginning of bruises forming on her neck. Being so pale, they stand out like a flashlight in the night. Fuck. Standing, I lean over and notice the same on the other side. Running my hands through my hair, I begin to pace as it slams into me - her own fucking mother tried to kill her.
“What’s wrong?” Beau asks as he reaches me and places his hands on my shoulders, stopping me from pacing.
I open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. Bending down, I grip my knees and take a few deep breaths. It feels like I have been run over by a semi.
“Fuck, Beau. Ally has bruises forming on her throat. Her fucking mother tried to kill her.”
“What the fuck?” He drops his hands from my shoulders and moves closer to the bed to take a look. “Sonofabitch!”.
“Do you think she tried to strangle her own fucking daughter, but then decided the fucking pillow was a better option?” He kicks out at the offending pillow, sending it sailing across the room.
My head begins to spin and I have to sit down. Resting my elbows on my knees, I drop my head into my hands and suck in deep breaths to ease the tightness in my chest. How the fuck could a mother do this to their own child?
“X-man, fuck mate, breathe. You need to be thanking some fucking miracle that you were here in time.”
“I nearly wasn’t,” I whisper.
Lifting my head, I lock eyes with Beaus’ and he must see the guilt written all over my face.
“But, you were!!” His voice is fierce.
“I was in fucking line waiting for fucking coffee while my girl was up here struggling to fucking fight for her life. I should never have left this room. She’s mine to protect, Beau and so far, by my count I’ve fucked up and failed her twice already. There will not be a third time. Trust me, brother, that bitch is lucky I didn’t rip her fucking heart out.” I point wildly towards the door.
“X-man, you can’t think like that, it will fuck with your head.” He blows out a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. “You need to push that guilt shit away before it eats you alive and concentrate on being here for Ally. Between all of us, we’ll make sure that drunk bitch doesn’t get anywhere near your girl again.”
I know what he’s saying is true, but I know these feelings won’t go away until she opens her eyes and smiles at me. In response, I nod and turn back to my girl.