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Xavier
“Rest baby, I’ve got you,” I whisper into her silky soft hair. I’m hoping to catch the familiar scent of sweet apples, but it’s no use -antiseptic and the smell of a sterile room overpower what might be there.
When I cast my gaze down, her eyes flutter closed and a tear squeezes through her thick lashes to roll over her cheek. I brush it away with the pad of my thumb before it drips from her chin.
My stomach churns with disgust knowing I had to tell her about her mother, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to lie to her. As much as I hated having to tell her, she deserved to know.
Ally grips my shirt tight between her fingers and I watch as her knuckles turn white. A tremble races through her, she buries her head into my chest and sobs wrack her body. It breaks my heart to see her so upset. Sitting on the side of her bed, I hold her tight and kiss the top of her head.
“Can you give us a moment?” I croak out to Beau.
“Yeah, we’ll go and grab another round of coffee.” He heads to the door with everyone else following and we’re left alone.
“H-how c-could she do t-that?” Ally stammers out between heavy sobs.
I wish I had an answer for her but I don’t understand it either. Running my hand up and down her back in what I hope is a soothing motion, I try to think of something reassuring to tell her. Nothing comes to mind.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper knowing it’s not enough, but it’s all I got. I’m sorry for all the years she’s had to put up with the bitch.
When she leans back a little, Ally’s glassy eyes lock with mine. Sniffing, she runs a shaking hand under her nose. Without a thought, I lean down and kiss her nose, chuckling lowly when I feel it scrunch up beneath my lips.
“That tickled,” she breathes out when I pull back.
I close my eyes when I feel her nails trace over the two days growth on my face. I savor the feeling of her touch and the breath catches in my throat when I realise just how much I’ve missed her touch.
“Sorry, Sweetness.” I slowly open my eyes and lock my gaze with hers, aware of our connection.
“Stop saying, sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
She drags her eyes away from mine, looks over my shoulder and blows out a deep breath before returning her gaze to me. So much sorrow swims within the deep depths of her eyes and I would give anything to be able to fix it. I’m snapped back to the moment when she speaks, her voice husky.
“I’m the one who should be sorry.” Her words tremble with regret and sadness, each one causing my heart to twist and ache for her. Blowing out a deep breath, I try to free my heart from the crushing effect of her words.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” I run my hand over her back.
She opens her mouth to speak but I shake my head, needing her to listen to what I have to say and she needs to rest her throat. I haven’t missed the winces she tries to hide when she speaks. I place a finger to her lips.
“You didn’t ask for any of this to happen and you didn’t make your bitch of a mother the way she is, she did that all on her own.” I pat my chest. “Lay your head here, close your eyes and try and get some rest.”
I find myself needing to hold her, to feel her warm breath against my chest, to be soothed and reassured that she’s alive. Laying her head against my chest, the vibration of her hum as she gets comfortable, settles me.
“X?” she whispers sleepily.
“Hmmm?”
“Thanks for being here, it means a lot to me.”
“Always, Sweetness.” I run my hand up and down her side before settling my hand on her hip when her breathing begins to even out.
After Ally fell asleep last night, I waited for the guys to come back with coffee to let them know they could leave. The girls moaned about wanting to stay, but finally agreed it was probably best to leave so Ally could rest. They left promising they’d be back today.
Rubbing my face, I lean back in the shitty plastic chair, stretch my arms over my head and roll my neck to stretch out the kinks which have settled there. A deep breath escapes my lungs. Nurse Georgia came in about an hour ago and took Ally to get some tests done. I wasn’t allowed to go with her which irritated the fuck out of me. Georgia assured me she wouldn’t leave Ally’s side so, after an internal battle, I finally relented saying I would be right here when they came back.
“Why don’t you go home and get cleaned up?” Ally had suggested, concern washing over her words.
“I’m fine, Sweetness. I’ll wash up in the bathroom and wait for you to come back.”
She shook her head in disapproval, but I didn’t miss the smile which tugged at her lips before she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.
I felt a growl rumble up my chest and squeezed my fists at my sides. I gritted my teeth and after taking several deep breaths, I managed to calm myself enough to place a kiss on her forehead. When she opened her mouth to argue with me again, Georgia reminded her, they needed to go.
So, now, after washing my face, I sit here staring through the window while I wait. Watching as the blue sky tries to fight through the heavy dark clouds which are liberally scattered about. I’m worried by the ominous feeling which has settled in the pit of my stomach.
“What did we miss? Where’s Ally?”
I swing my head around to see a concerned Erica enter the room with the rest of the guys close behind.
“The nurse took her downstairs so they could run some tests.” I get to my feet.
“How are you doing this morning?” she whispers in my ear as she gives me a hug.
“I’ll be a lot better when I get to take my girl home.”
When Erica releases me from the hug, Justin pats me on the back with his free hand and hands me a brown paper bag and a coffee from the other.
“We brought you a coffee and chocolate chip muffin, the girls are worried you aren’t eating enough.” He gives me a sheepish grin and shrugs.
“I stopped on the way and grabbed you a change of clothes, brother, while the girls gave your place a quick clean.” Beau chuckles and hands me my gym bag.
I raise my eyebrows in confusion, wondering why the fuck they would bother, my place is usually pretty clean.
Cynthia steps up to give me a quick hug. “There were a few dirty dishes in the sink and clothes on the bathroom floor, it wasn’t anything major. Erica washed the dishes while I threw a load of laundry on.” She shrugs before going on. “I assume Ally will be going back to your place once she’s released so, we thought we’d take care of it so you can just focus on Ally.”
I’m blown away that they would do all this for me.
A grunting sound comes from behind me which I’m assuming is from Justin, but fuck if he has anything to worry about. The only woman I’ll ever need or want is Ally. Fuck, she’s the love of my life. Brushing away his jealousy, I turn and look at each of our friends while trying to work out what I can say that could convey how I feel and how much they mean to me.
“Thank you,” I murmur, knowing it’s not enough but I’m fucking speechless.
Turning, I take the few steps to the bedside table and put the coffee and muffin down before heading towards the attached private bathroom to change out of my dirty clothes, lifting my shirt to my nose as I go. I’m thankful for what they have done for both of us. Now, I need the test results to come back with the all clear so I can take my girl home and everything will be right in my world once again.
Making quick work of my dirty clothes, I throw on a pair of clean dark-wash jeans and the grey long sleeved Henley from the bag before looking in the small mirror above the sink. I run a hand over my unshaven jaw wondering if I should shave. The phone ringing from the floor distracts me. Reaching down, I pull it from the front pocket of my discarded jeans before throwing them back to the floor. I flip the phone over in my hand to see dad’s name flash up on the screen.
“Hey dad, what’s up?”
Heavy breaths come down the line but he doesn’t say anything.
“Dad?” I become concerned he’s rung me without realising.
“Son,” he chokes out in a gravelly voice soaked in emotional pain which has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end.
I grip the sink in front of me, waiting for what he has to tell me.
“Your mother.”
His voice breaks like glass and the shards shred my heart when he manages to get the next words past his lips.
“She didn’t wake up this morning, I called the ambulance and we’re on our way to the hospital.”
His voice cracks on the last word and the frailty I hear in my father almost brings me to my knees.
“I, um-um.” I squeeze my eyes closed as cool tears slide unchecked down my face. Taking a deep breath, I try to get words to pass my lips but it’s a struggle. “Okay,” I manage hoarsely. It’s all I’ve got at this moment. My throat is dry, my chest tightens and muscles tense. I guess it must be enough when he repeats the word before ending the call.
I grip the porcelain bowl of the sink in both hands and bow my head as an onslaught of emotions slams into me. I have nothing left in me to keep me standing, I’m so fucking tired. Falling to my knees, the phone crashes to the floor. I rest my head against the sink and let the emotions consume me. The intensity all but chokes me, my shoulders heave, my breaths come in choppy pants and my sight is blurred with thick tears which refuse to stop.
“What happened, brother?” Beau’s voice floats around me as if I’m in a tunnel.
Squeezing my hands hard on the sink, I hear the porcelain creak as it fights against the hold of the tiles on the wall. Sucking deep breaths in, I let them out slowly through my nose, trying to calm myself down, but it’s fucking hopeless.
“X-man, talk to me, brother.” Beau’s voice doesn’t seem so far away now.
I open my mouth and try to speak, but nothing wants to come out.
“Just breath, mate.” A hand squeezes my shoulder and I try to follow his instructions. “Mate, ease up a little on the sink, you’re gonna pull the fucker off the wall.” A worried chuckle leaves his throat, he’s becoming clearer now.
Loosening my hold just a little, I try again to speak.
“Mum,” I get out before a sob tears through my throat.
“Fuck, what happened?”
“She wouldn’t wake up this morning. I need to get down to ED. They’re bringing her in by ambulance.” Words tumble from my lips now as urgency overtakes me.
“Shit, okay we got this, mate. I’ll get Erica and the others to stay here and wait for Ally while we go down there together.” He squeezes my shoulder again.
Nodding is all I seem to be capable of right now as my gut twists for completely different reasons. I promised Ally I’d be here when she got back from her tests.
“Listen I’ll let Erica know and give you a minute,” Beau murmurs before leaving the bathroom letting the door close with a soft click that seems to echo around me.
Sucking back the gut-wrenching emotion, I grab the phone from the floor and pull myself to my feet. After a few deep breaths, I flip the tap on the sink and splash cold water on my face. I need to be strong right now. For my dad. For Ally. There will be plenty of time to break down later, right now I need to summon whatever strength I have left and push forward. My dad is going to need me.