DAY 1: Make fajitas

Vidalia onions

Olive oil, butter

Fresh garlic, diced

Serrano pepper, seeded, diced

Green, red, and yellow peppers

Chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper, and cayenne

Chicken breast or firm tofu

Fresh tomatoes

Flour or corn tortillas

Cilantro, salsa, avocado

Whiskey

Slice a giant pile of sweet onions. You’ll be crying, but the dish will be worth it in the long run.

Heat equal amounts of olive oil and butter in a large sauté pan, add the diced garlic and serrano pepper, then pile the onions on top. The gym I went to always had cooking shows playing on TV while the women worked out; go figure. Anyway, I didn’t get in great shape but I learned a lot, including that the weight of that onion pile will aid caramelization—the slow sweetening of the final product.

So just cook over low heat for 20 to 30 minutes, letting the onions do most of the work.

Tumble the pile now and then until it’s nearly caramelized. Sprinkle the mixed chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper, and cayenne on top, stirring to distribute the spices while cooking a bit longer. Lay thin slices of green, red, and yellow peppers on top; this will make you feel like an artistic genius and less like crying.

Next, cook a chicken breast (or firm tofu if you’re a vegetarian) and add thin slices to the onion-vegetable mixture.

I like to cut the tomatoes in quarters or eighths. But hell, who cares, they’re going to mash down anyway. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and stir them into the mix in the last few minutes of cooking.

Serve with fresh tortillas, chopped cilantro, good salsa, and thin slices of avocado. Great job. Now don’t you feel better?

Of course you don’t. Pour yourself a stiff glass of whiskey.