Chapter 4
Set-up Credibility, Character
Sequencing/Science Fiction Genre
OVERVIEW OF THE FIRST 10 PAGES/MINUTES
The first ten pages of the screenplay/minutes of the movie are the most important of the entire story. This is where you introduce fundamentals and make the audience care. In other words, you introduce the audience to the characters’ “World of Woe,” the problems of their “Ordinary World” being experienced now. You pique curiosity that demands the rest of the story be seen/read to see what happens. You establish your storytelling ability that will allow them to suspend their disbelief and suck them into the adventure of the cinematic character’s life. You demonstrate the fundamental personality of the main character that will be instrumental to all the following events. The story so enthralls the imagination, the audience wants to go questing with the characters.
OPENING IMAGE
Right after FADE IN comes your first slug line and first narrative paragraph. You want it to be a doozy, something iconic that represents all that is to follow. Unless you have the money and professional influence to direct this story, you do not dictate music or credits at this point. Your main concern is how you will visually impact the audience, creating questions while establishing the “feel” of your film.
Whatever that first image is, it must represent everything that is to follow, in a sense, the theme. Here are some examples:
—A tattered flag ripples in the smoke-filled wind above a battlefield strewn with dying and wounded men in blue and gray uniforms = Civil War era and the implication of a story of aftermath consequences.
—A rifle being pulled from a saddle sheath as wild mustangs race by into a man-made enclosure = a story of man destroying nature and what can be done to stop it.
—Midwife catching the birthing baby as the chamber doors burst open on a medieval knight shouting “The king is dead!” = consequences to this newborn.
—A campfire’s sparks, bright against the dark sky, drift up to settle on the needles of a nearby pine tree and burst into flame with an audible “whoosh” = consequences of careless disregard for nature
—Frantic young man behind the wheel of a car speeding through the pouring rain = story of trying to overcome consequences even at the risk of life.
—Opening and closing ring box that is then flung into a river = a man who has lost at love and is forcefully moving on.
—Rocky Mountain vista through the lens of a camera when a shot rings out and the camera’s view topples to the side = a murder to be solved.
These are just examples and could go on indefinitely, but you get the idea. First image = questions of consequences. How many videos do you have in your private collection? Play just the first image and state the anticipated consequence or question that is created at the outset then answered in the movie.
USE OF PROLOGUE OR BACKSTORY
Some novelists will use their entire first chapter to establish backstory of relationships and circumstances. That works in select instances when that “set-up” experience has direct relevance to the consequences of the main plot. It does not work in film making because it is exposition or factual explanation of “why” the story is going to happen. It is preferable to just get to the story unfolding now. It is highly likely that such a “set-up” will get cut in pre-production or during film editing. Why? Because exposition is slow and you want powerful.
The temptation of a prologue is to imply outcome, a form of on-the-nose storytelling. Why would you want to tell the audience if the adventure will be successful or not? Why should they sit in those theater seats for the next two hours? It is more satisfying to weave in the backstory in droplet-type flavoring instead of spoon-feeding. Modern movie-goers are much more sophisticated than those of a couple of generations back. Play to modern intellect and not just their emotions.
OBJECTIVES OF THE FIRST 10 PAGES
So, you open with a scene the characters are experiencing now, a scene of jeopardy and character action that demonstrates fundamental character traits. Utilize vivid imagery that will impact both character and audience. Tweak vulnerability and how the character handles that. Rely on crisp, confrontational dialogue to establish strength of character.
Your emphasis at this point is two-fold: Make the audience believe and make them care with the least amount of exposition. Explode on the screen with the five W’s . . .
1) WHO the story is about. Show that main character in action, making things happen in his or her world. Depict a scene that demands a reaction. Showing how your main character/protagonist responds or copes will set-up fundamental expectations in your audience’s imagination.
2) WHERE the story is happening. Because of the nature of collaborative storytelling in cinema, the writer need not give more than a line or two about setting beyond the slug line. It is the job of set design to research and fill in the details. Consider the difference between the rugged and perpetually snow-covered Himalayas vs. the lushness revealed by the spring melt in the Rocky Mountains or the details that would reveal the differences between a modern Scottish castle-turned-bed & breakfast and a 13th century great hall in that same castle. Just use droplets of description that establish image.
3) WHEN the story is happening. Of course your slug line will have DAY or NIGHT, but then your narrative will define the season or the year . . . how? In my “mega-script” LIFE AND DEATH I used a lot of “Superimpose” stating place, year and month to help move the story along simply because it covered 1944-1950 and utilized so many locations visited by the protagonist, a real life journalist-adventurer. It was based on a true story of historical significance. Sometimes such subtle things as swimsuit-clad kids, a carved pumpkin or a Christmas tree can be enough to set the when. The movie STEEL MAGNOLIAS utilized the seasons and the changes in the characters to depict the passage of time.
4) WHAT is happening to the Main Character. Consider a series of consequential events in your opening 10 pages that force your character onward, not looking back. This is all part of his or her “Ordinary World” and not the “New World” that he or she will be forced into in Act II. What are the trials and tribulations of the main character’s world building toward the pivotal event that will change the person’s life?
5) WHY these events are significant to the Main Character. Whatever is happening in this character’s life at the opening of the story, those events have to be important to the person. Annoyance, triumph, anger, challenge. Consider events that dig at the emotions of the main character and force some kind of reaction that will demonstrate the underlying personality to the audience. You want this why to matter enough to make the audience identify with and care about this person.
Covering these five elements in the first 10 pages/minutes will sell this story and convince the audience they want to see, have to see the rest of the movie.
MOVING INTO ACT I’S ORDINARY WORLD
Act I’s focus is on cause & effect giving glimpses of backstory that created the present situation. This set-up depicts the main character(s) living their “normal” life with specific goals and motivations visually evidenced. The audience becomes aware of problematic habits and inhibitions while accepting the character’s knowledge, basic skills and interaction with his or her imperfect “Ordinary World.” The “feel” of this part of the script is one of anticipation.
The writer has only 25-30 pages to acquaint the audience with all the fundamental information needed for them to understand the environment, the driving forces of the characters, and the possibilities beckoning. Besides considering what subplots must be introduced, the writer must be conscious of the question “How much of the story’s time line will this ¼ of the total story take from Introductory Image to the end of the pivotal Plot Point I?”
“HERO’S JOURNEY” & ARCHTYPICAL CHARACTERS
Where a novel has the luxury of length, a movie needs to move. Where a novel can be complex and explore many facets of character and complexity in-depth, a movie has to have a linear main plot. Two tools that can help a writer to weave a tight story are 1) the Hero’s Journey and 2) archetypal characters. Just as poetry forms can discipline a poet’s efforts by dictating line length, rhythms and rhyme while stimulating the challenge of how to be unique, Hero’s Journey and archetypal characters as tools can help the writer defy predictability. The writer has to work to be both clever and subtle.
Call to Adventure via the Messenger = Inciting Incident
Remember humans strive for comfort and security, resisting change? Between pages 15 and 20 (frequently right at Page 17) of a cinematic story the main character is motivated to make a change. Sometimes that comes in the form of an opportunity, evidence of a new desire or an actual person dinging the character with a challenge. This “Inciting Incident” will be a direct cause of the pivotal event that will change the main character’s life forever. Any challenge or hint of change is an uncomfortable experience. The “Inciting Incident” discomfort can 1) emphasize the main character’s reluctance, 2) make him/her question ability to cope, 3) force questions of worthiness and 4) emphasize that ignoring the “Call” will worsen the danger to self concept or raise the stakes if accepted.
Mentor forces the move toward Change
Some form of a good or evil “Mentor” will enter following the call. This character’s purpose is to prompt the main character to make a decision to take action. If a positive influence, the protagonist focuses on humanity’s higher calling (thus the mentor is seen as a constructive influence like Obi Wan in STAR WARS). If negative, the Protagonist’s attention turns inward to the baser, more self-serving or survivor instincts (thus the audience identifies the mentor as the antagonist).
Reluctant Choice to Cross the Threshold = Plot Point I
Again, the story emphasizes the unwillingness of the main character to accept the challenge. He/she does not want to change and venture into the unknown. The “Ordinary World” is a known factor with tried and comfortable coping mechanisms. Beyond the familiar lurks uncertainty. The event at Plot Point I forces the main character to make that choice and begin a “New Life.” The positive mentor is solemn with encouragement, while the negative mentor is rubbing hands in glee over the angst the main character faces. Plot Point I’s event changes the main character’s life forever thus causing the balance of the story.
RELATIONSHIP OF SEQUENCING & WEBBING
Every subplot agenda is similar to the many roles each human fulfills in their own daily life. Sometimes they influence one another, but for the most part one agenda doesn’t give a hoot what is happening in the other arenas of an individual’s life. Examples: Your bank and bank account, pet or animal responsibilities, health and fitness, spiritual community, charitable organizations, money-earning job, extended family, love life. The point is each role has its own needs and expectations. Sometimes one will have some critical demand that will disrupt the other agendas. And that’s where the subplots of your life spin a thread that weaves the whole together. We are the sum total of our various agendas and multi-tasking or focus as needed.
Sequencing an agenda in a screenplay means you figure out what will be going on simultaneously in each subplot. Then you pull out those events that will tie into or “web” into the main plot. Those are the events you depict in brief scenes. Brief. The more words or pages you give a subplot or supporting character, the more important they will seem to be to your audience. Just as the threat is important, you need to pay attention to the length of time that goes by without mentioning a particular subplot’s agenda. Too long since last referenced and your audience will have to recall their importance. Too often and the audience will be asking “Whose story is this, anyway?”
Use subplot events that shove the main character to grow by acceptance or fail by ignoring. Do not use the mundane to establish aura. Only depict those things that will have an effect or consequences on the character. Pay attention to the logic of how you move into and out of an agenda so the transitions are smooth and will not jar the audience to the point that the illusion of continuous story is shattered. Pick what is logical and what is important that will move the story forward.
SCIENCE FICTION GENRE
Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror writing are grouped together under the umbrella classification “Speculative Fiction,” in case you encounter that terminology and are unfamiliar. However, every genre is distinctive with its own needs, character expectations and types of plots.
Science Fiction aficionados tend to cringe when their beloved genre is “type-cast” by the pigeonhole description of “technology vs. humankind.” Sorry. But it is true. The “science factor” is to blame. Storytellers got on board the Science Fiction rocket way back when Jules Verne started imagining stories evolving from fantastic machinery. Actually, back in the Renaissance, Leonardo daVinci started designing very plausible machines, proposing technology that has since proven just how right he was. Ah, imagination! It was inevitable that storytellers would latch onto these tantalizing ideas and run with them.
If you have not seen the very first Buck Rogers’ Sci Fi movies of the early 20th century you missed a true appreciation for just how far cinema has come. Those movies had robots made of cardboard boxes with piping for arms and the “space ships” traversed the painted star-speckled “sky” via a string. There was no such thing as “Special Effects” in those days. Through the ’50s into the ‘60’s the technology of cinema and special effects evolved.
Many attribute the public demand for Sci Fi material to the TV series “Star Trek” and such movies as Kubrick’s 1968 film 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. Before that, the genre had such great novelists as Arthur Clarke, Asimov, and H.G. Wells. Is it clear that the genre has evolved from simplistic imaginings to present day techno-babble? Undoubtedly it will continue to do so as new gadgets are invented and new science uncovers more and more about our own world and the universe beyond our little sphere. Sci Fi writing is the “What if Factor” gone wild. That’s why it is so much fun to work with!
FUNDAMENTAL CONCEPTS OF SCIENCE FICTION
1. Read current Science Fiction and science publications.
- One has to understand how far the imagination of others is reaching to understand how far one can write his or her own story. Remember “There are no new stories”? If you are not constantly feeding your imagination with what is currently published in both fiction and nonfiction, you can easily fall victim to simplistic storytelling (death to a Sci Fi writer, especially a new one). Science nerds will pounce on errors in accurate depiction of science principles. “He who lies least, lies best” is especially important in Sci Fi storytelling.
2. Humanity faces constant change both in social institutions and investigative methods, theories and discoveries, thus imagining the fantastic or hypothesizing the fantastic is essential.
- The only rule to hypothesizing the fantastic is that you must maintain absolute logic in cause-effect scientific speculation and social evolution. Science will be primary over socialization, but logic can never take a back seat to drama. Logic must drive the drama and its dilemmas.
3. Use sound, logical, universal scientific principles, but if you skew them, be ready to explain why and how your logic arrived at that conclusion.
- Remember you are a liar, but especially in Sci Fi, you must be a credible liar. Sci Fi folks are mostly well-educated and well-versed in many fields of science. They read the books and go to those movies to see how someone else manipulated their science in the storytelling process. They are looking for a screw-up.
4. Write a complete profile of any alien culture, peoples and their science.
- If you are hypothesizing, you have to understand what principles these other worlds live by and what is “normal” so you know where to tweak their abnormal. If you do not know and can’t explain, who can?
5. Carefully chart where technology impacts characters in your story.
- Attention to this detail will allow you to research and document your technology. That prevents any vague or inaccurate references and allows you to provide consistency. Technology is a major factor in any Sci Fi story, so do your homework!
6. IMPLICIT: Not by formula but through human conflict.
- Yes, you have to have technology, but it means nothing if you do not have humans responding to it, using it, suffering because of it. SPACE ODYSSEY would have been a boring film if not for the computer, Hal, confronting the astronaut, Dave. The technology must create some consequence by its very existence.
SCIENCE FICTION CHARACTER REQUIREMENTS
Ignorance does not win a battle against anything in Science Fiction. Nothing happens by coincidence. Therefore, the main characters must be highly motivated, intelligent, skilled and adaptable. Portray survival of the fittest through the smartest. Both protagonists and antagonists must be credibly questing to obtain their definitive goals and must be willing to manipulate their environment to survive.
There’s a saying in law enforcement that anyone can be taught to shoot a gun, but ultimately it will come down to who is willing to fire it. Flip that concept in Sci Fi to the character who is willing to think outside the box to create a new, survivable environment.
SCIENCE FICTION PLOT TYPES
1. Far-traveling Story
2. Wonders of Science (and changing Science)
3. Man vs. Machine
4. Progress, Sciences & Social Impact
5. Progressive Man vs. Resistant Society
6. Man vs. Future (Time Travel)
7. Effects of Cataclysm
8. Progressive Man vs. Fragile Environment
9. Superpowers
10. Superman
11. Human vs. Alien
12. Progressive Man vs. Organized Religion (even Alien)
13. Imbalanced Past & Future
SCIENCE FICTION FILM ANALYSIS
Your goal in analysis of each and every film is to look for the genre elements just discussed as well as to get in the habit of automatically assessing key points of characterization, story structure, and cinematic techniques. At the conclusion of each is a discussion of the concepts presented at the beginning of this chapter that are reflected in each film.
STAR WARS IV: THE NEW HOPE
By George Lucas
1977, starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher
Length: 119 minutes (not counting credits)
Log Line: A budding Jedi knight joins rebels fighting the inter-galactic dark force bent on domination.
Statement of Purpose: To prove there are unseen forces in the world that can be utilized by focused humans both for good benefits and for self-serving, destructive intentions.
Intro Image: After the scrolling prologue, a ship in the black of space being chased by a much larger vessel.
First 10 minutes
Who: R2-D2, C-3PO, Princess Leia, Darth Vadar
When: Future
Where: Outer Space
What: A menacing ship is attacking a smaller, more vulnerable ship
Why: A dark military force is intent on capturing a rebel ship to intercept military secrets
Four related subplots:
Luke & his Jedi destiny
Leia & the Rebel Alliance
Han Solo’s questionable businesses
Obi Wan vs. the Dark Side
Time Line: Perhaps two weeks
Image repeats:
Space ships
Robots
Storm Troopers
Rebel Uniforms (cross between WWII fighter-pilot & NASA astronaut gear)
Light Saber
Acceptable aliens
Weak military minds
Useful youth-like skills
Explosions
Act I = Set-up of Ordinary World: Luke’s youthful isolation challenged
10 min Intro: Leia’s robots escape Darth Vader with her message
20 min Inciting Incident: Luke pries intriguing message from R2-D2’s workings
25 min PP I: R2-D2 leaves safety to find Obi Wan and Luke must follow
Act II = Life 180 degrees of confrontations: Luke bonds with Obi Wan to save Leia
35 min Pinch I: Obi Wan call-to-adventure, Luke denies that he can take the risk
58 min Mid-Point: Obi Wan convinces Luke of sensitivity to “The Force”
75 min Pinch II: Determined Luke opens Leia’s cell to rescue her
91 min PPII: Darth Vader strikes down Obi Wan leaving Luke on his own
Act III = Resolution: Luke instrumental in destroying the Death Star
105 min Climax: Rebel Alliance pilots taking on Imperial fighters until Luke hits vulnerable spot
116 min Commitment: Han joins the battle to assure victory
117 After-story: Luke, Han & Chewy honored by Princess Leia & the Alliance army
Dialogue Notes:
Luke maturing from insecure to assured tone
C-3PO’s formal, literate chatter
R2-D2’s electronic sounds relaying emotion
Leia’s aristocratic tones of command, judgement & impatience
Deep-throated menace of Darth Vader vs. confidence of Obi Wan
Han’s manipulative business tone in contrast to his “down-time” immature tones
Alpha Character posturing differences:
Obi Wan calm, confident vs. Darth Vader edgy, passionate
Rebel command style vs. Imperial officers
Han’s masculinity vs. Luke’s maturation
R2-D2 quick, precise vs. C-3PO verbose, tentative
Supporting cast Unique Character Gems:
R2-D2 & C-3PO personified robots
Uncle Owen & Aunt Beru, succinct yet vivid
Alien characters in the bar, each as a unique living being
Chewbacca, technologically capable, loyal, forceful yet vulnerable
Obi Wan as revitalized Jedi
Background effects, the nuances of aura:
Luke’s home planet: barren, dangerous desert . . . yet survivable
Pristine interiors of complex space ships big & small
Complexity of computerized innards of ships
Alien bar full of edgy, dangerous, “private” beings
“Yucky Factor” of garbage chute
Ease of familiarity with weaponry & vehicles
Elements from Other Genres: Western, Fantasy, Inspirational, Romance
Question: Do you see the good vs. evil (right down to Darth Vader in black) correlation of the struggle in the frontier to secure a safe home that is attributed to fundamental Westerns? What of Han Solo’s arrogant “gunfighter” persona?
Appearance or reference to recurrence of Evil Theme in Min: Vader or Imperial appearances in BOLD. Others have notes on elements contributing to growing tension or problems.
Act I = Set-up of Ordinary World: Luke’s youthful isolation challenged
2-7 Imperial attack on Leia’s ship
8-10 Robots to desert
11 R2-D2 neutralized
12-13 Robots “scrap” on Jawa sand crawler
14 Storm Trooper identifies craft & droid tracks
15-18 Robots bought by Uncle Owen
19 C-3PO bonds with Luke
20 Inciting Incident: Luke triggers Leia’s hologram that seeks “Obi Wan, you’re my only hope.”
21-23 Wonder if “Old Ben” question disturbs uncle who wants droid’s memory erased
24 Luke talks of applying to academy like his friends, discouraged
25 Plot Point II: discovers R2-D2 has disappeared into desert
Act II = Life 180 degrees of confrontations: Luke bonds with Obi Wan to save Leia
26 Discussion of dangerous Sand People then Uncle finds Luke gone next morning
27 Luke’s land cruiser seen by Sand People
28-29 Luke attacked & dragged, frightened by noise & aggressive “creature” of Obi Wan
30-34 Obi Wan identifies himself, takes Luke to his home & explains the Force, father’s history
35 Pinch I: “You must learn the ways of The Force and accompany me to Alderaan.” Luke refuses
36-37 Vader & commanders discuss tactics & significance of Death Star, Vader demos power
38 Obi Wan & Luke find Jawa vehicle destroyed, Jawa dead, Luke realizes the hunters are after his robots
39 Luke finds home destroyed, burned corpses of uncle & aunt
40 Vader enters Leia’s cell to threaten her with robot needle
41 Luke returns to join Obi Wan & go to colony
42-43 In colony Obi Wan demos his mind-bending powers “on the weak-minded.”
44-45 Bar scene with Luke confronted, Obi Wan demos use of light saber
47-48 Intro Han & Chewbacca, negotiate transport
49-50 Han orders Chewy, confronts bounty hunter about Jaba, shoots bounty hunter
51 Luke & Obi Wan followed
52-53 Intro Jaba & Han’s debt, followed
54 Intro Millenium Falcon “piece of junk”
55 Storm Troopers shooting, lift off then ships shooting so jump to light speed
56-57 Leia taken to commander to watch demo power of Death Star as it destroys Alderaan
58-61 Mid-Point: Luke performs fighting exercises, Obi Wan “feels” Alderaan, Chewy & robots play holographic chess “Let the wookie win” – contrast to Luke’s “I feel the Force.” Then Han’s “hokey religion no proof to control my destiny”
62 Leia’s intel finds only deserted base, Falcon arrives but no Alderaan
63-65 Imperial fighter toward “moon” that is actually Death Star, Falcon pulled into bay, no one aboard
66 Vader identifies “presence I haven’t felt in some time”, Crew emerges from hidden compartments
67 Troops with scanner board, noise
68-69 Obi Wan going after tractor beam, warns others to stay, Han sarcastic, droids find Leia
70-71 Going to terminate Leia, must rescue, Han will do it for money
72-74 Go to detention level as Storm Troopers, shoot men & equipment, Han awkward come-back
75 Pinch II: Luke opens Leia’s cell “I’m here to rescue you.” (He’s her hero!)
76 Vader senses Obi Wan “My old Master”
77-78 Firefight with Storm Troopers, blast wall, dive into garbage chute
79-81 Trapped in garbage chute with creature, Luke grabbed/released, walls closing in
82-83 Comm link to C-3PO then R2-D2 shuts down all garbage chutes.
84 Obi Wan to power column to close off beam
85 Out of chute, Leia takes charge
86-87 Encounter troops & Han leads away, Luke swings Leia across to open platform
88-90 Obi Wan confronts Vader & they fight
91 Plot Point II: As crew runs to Falcon, Luke sees Vader cut down Obi Wan (leaving Luke alone)
Act III = Resolution: Luke instrumental in destroying the Death Star
92 In Falcon, Luke devastated at loss as take off
93 Han directs him into fighter seat
94-95 Han & Luke shoot down all attacking Imperial fighters, celebrate, jump to hyperspace with beacon
96 Leia tells Han he’ll get his money but worries about ease of escape
97 Luke asks about Han’s interest, “Good” and arrive at Rebel outpost
98 Leia directs download of R2-D2’s memory bank with Death Star plans, Death Star has tracked their location
99 Rebel pilots listen to explanation of one vulnerable spot requiring precision bomb drop
100-103 “May the Force be with you.” Pilots encourage one another, Han preps to leave
104 Luke “hears” Obi Wan’s voice. 15 minute until Death Star clears & can fire.
105-115 Climax: Rebels battle Imperial fighters, Luke “Trust your feelings.” Vader takes to a fighter, several failed tries due to fighting & Rebel losses, Vader hits R2-D2, Death Star clears
116 Commitment: Falcon/Han return to blast at Vader (who escapes) allowing Luke to drop the bomb into the “chimney” and Battle Star explodes. “Luke, the Force will be with you always.”
117- 119 After-story: Crews joyfully greet one another, Luke, Han, Chewy spiffed up to receive commendation from Princess Leia before assembled Rebel army & accept roaring applause.
CONCEPTS DISCUSSION
You were not told exactly what to look for regarding specific science fiction components in the minute-by-minute analysis of this film. Neither were you reminded to look for elements of the specific fundamentals discussed in Chapter 1. It is assumed you were paying attention to both areas. But, now let’s look at the in-depth concepts demonstrated.
Opening and the First Act
Hands down this is Luke Skywalker’s “Hero’s Journey.” In this story the dramatic problem filled the first ten minutes rather than focusing on the Hero. So the audience was immediately asking questions and is armed with knowledge of the value of the droids. In essence, these 10 minutes provided a prologue.
However, the 5 W’s were definitive for the imagination. The exposition was clear, though delivered with jeopardy’s tension.
Moving into the “Ordinary World” the audience meets the hard-working Luke who just wants to get on with life. Like many a young man he yearns to test himself against the world or, rather, the vague forces out there threatening his concept of civilization. He has already learned many survival skills and is willing to fight if necessary. His willingness is a primary factor in fulfilling his destiny.
We see him respecting his aunt and uncle. We see him discovering a mystery and that “Call to Adventure.” He wants to learn more. Then along comes his mentor Obi Wan who actually gives him the “tool of the Jedi trade” known as the light saber. It all sounds good until Luke is actually asked to leave the familiar and dive into the adventure. That he isn’t quite willing to do . . . until the only home he has known, the only family he has known are destroyed. At that point he is free and wants to take part in ending such atrocities.
One by one he is joined by the Adventurer and his side-kick and eventually the romantic interest, the damsel in distress. However, not one of these characters is flat, stereotypical and predictable. They have their own paths to follow and will allow only so much nudging to “play well with others.” Their personalities are distinct and are only enhanced by their experiences.
As an exercise, highlight how often one single character (other than Luke) appears and reappears in the outline. Consider essential roles and how each role shifts and morphs into something else when needed . . . yet the characters’ fundamental personalities remain unchanged.
Also, look at how many times the visuals explained without a word being voiced.
Now, consider how you can weave in the jeopardy in your story while paying attention to the needs of the archetypal story- telling construct.
Progressive Concepts to Consider:
1) Appropriate Title
2) Types of Suspense utilized
3) Webbing of related elements
4) First 10 minutes prepared audience for balance of story
5) Character consistency after Introduction
* * *
STAR TREK
By Robert Orci, Alec Kurtzman based on Gene Roddenberry TV series
2009, starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Leonard Nimoy
Length: 121 Minutes (story time)
Log Line: An arrogantly brilliant Star Fleet cadet motivates unique fellow academy graduates to stop the destructive actions of a vengeful alien ship commander.
Statement of Purpose: To prove that the challenge in life is not mere survival with self-fulfillment but to find compatibility and relationships in one’s true calling.
Intro Image: Exterior of Star Ship Kelvin moving through space (under attack).
First 10 minutes
Who: Parents at time of birth of James T. Kirk
When: “Star Date 2317.04” Kirk’s birth date
Where: Space
What: Kelvin being attacked by Nero demanding someone identify Spock
Why: George Kirk saves lives of 800+ Kelvin crewmen and wife as she gives birth then sacrifices himself as crashes Kelvin into Nero’s massive ship.
Four related subplots:
Spock’s Star Fleet career
Kirk’s Star Fleet Career
Friendship between McCoy & Kirk
Relationship between Uhura & Spock
Time Line: Glimpses of Kirk’s birth & childhood to Star Fleet senior year & days of Nero journey
Image repeats:
Star Ship exteriors
Nero’s ominous ship
Womanizing down-time
Red Matter
Competition
Act I = Set-up of Ordinary World: Kirk’s birth to rebellious kid to defiant Youth
10 min Intro: Nero destroyed Kelvin at Kirk’s birth on escaping shuttle
24 min Inciting Incident: Pike challenges Kirk to attend Star Fleet Academy
35 min PP I: Distress call from Vulcan demands all cadets to active duty = Call to Adventure
Act II = Life 180 degrees of Complications: Enterprise to foil threat of rogue Romulan ship
44 min Pinch I: Kirk awakens to hear similarity to Kelvin anomaly
54 min Mid-Point: Kirk the hero of destroying Vulcan drill & accepted as crew member
79 min Pinch II: Old Spock tells of life-long friendship
94 min PPII: Kirk emotionally assaults Spock until the Vulcan retaliates almost killing Kirk
Act III = Resolution: Enterprise engages and defeats Nero
105 min Climax: Kirk fights Nero while Spock destroys earth drill
113 min Commitment: Kirk with Spock offers sanctuary to Nero but refuted
After-story: Kirk’s commended & given captaincy of Enterprise with Spock aboard
Dialogue Notes:
McCoy’s dry wit
Kirk always witty or confrontational
McCoy’s speech cadence
Chekov’s thick Russian
Vulcan cadence
Scott’s crusty Scots burr
Alpha Character posturing differences:
Kirk always arrogantly Alpha to everyone
Spock-the-son vs. Sarek-the-Vulcan-father & Spock as competent Star Fleet officer
Uhura’s bearing as woman vs. persona as Star Fleet Officer
Pike mature commander vs. Nero stressed to point of violent commander
Old Spock mellow vs. young Spock still questing
McCoy sarcasm vs. everyone else
Supporting cast Unique Character Gems:
Nero on the edge
McCoy, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty . . . Compared to TV series personas
Pike the competent, focused commander, George Kirk courageous, decisive
Sarek logical & accepting, Old Spock mellowed & accepting
Boy Spock angry & defiant, Boy Kirk just as angry & defiant
Scotty’s alien protégé, cute helper (pet-like)
Background effects, the nuances of aura:
Well-lit & pristine Star Ships vs. dark, messy Romulan ship
Open Iowa countryside with Star Ship construction site in middle of field
Rugged Vulcan exterior with educational chambers
Star Fleet Academy like any college campus
Frozen planet with Scotty’s “empty” outpost
Elements from Other Genres: Action-Adventure, Western, Romance
Question: Were you distracted by trying to reason out the “the disruption in the time continuum” (especially when young Spock met Old Spock) or did you merely suspend your disbelief and go with the flow? And, secondly, if a drop of the Red Matter caused such horrific implosion, why wasn’t its entire release more horrific, its Black Hole more powerful?
Appearance or reference to recurrence of Evil Theme in Min: Rogue Romulan Nero in BOLD but be aware of the perpetual cascade of dangers to life in the environment of space
Act I = Set-up of Ordinary World: Kirk’s birth to rebellious kid to defiant Youth
2 Nero’s threat
7 No Spock so kills Kelvin Captain
8 Evacuate Kelvin, pregnant wife to Medical shuttle, loss of auto-pilot
9 George stays, Wife’s labor-delivery
10 Collision Course, James T. Kirk born
11 Impact & George dies
13 Juvenile Kirk driving car on Iowa flatlands
14 Chased by cop, jumps free = Kirk is risk-taker
15 Contrast Vulcan children, tenacious & defiant Spock
17 “Control your fears so they don’t control you.”
20 Spock decline the Science Academy for Star Fleet
21-23 Youthful, womanizing Kirk fights in bar
24-26 Inciting Incident: Pike researched father & identifies Kirk’s genius
27 Kirk do Star Fleet Academy in 3 yr, meets McCoy
29-30 3 yrs later: Nero’s 25 yr wait to capture a ship
31 Uhura’s documentation of Klingon transmission about destroyed ships
33 Kirk’s 3rd Kobayashi Maru exercise, nonchalant, malfunction, defeats test
34 Call for council investigation, Spock confronts with “Cannot cheat death”
35 Plot Point I: Vulcan distress call with all cadets called to duty
Act II = Life 180 degrees of Complications: Enterprise to foil threat of rogue Romulan ship
37 Kirk not listed, McCoy decides to help him
38 Uhura confronts Spock for Enterprise assignment
40 Dock at Enterprise with Kirk ill
42 Launch of Enterprise, intro Sulu as pilot
43 Intro Chekov with description of “lightning storm” anomaly near Vulcan
44 Pinch I: Kirk awakens hearing about storm = Greatest fear ship loss like Kelvin
45 Nero’s drill into Vulcan
46 Kirk explain anomaly compared to Kelvin as “Attack”
48 Arrive amid debris of destroyed ships
49 Nero attacks then hails Enterprise
51 Red Matter, Pike to Romulan ship
52 Pike selects 3 for shuttle & makes Spock Captain & Kirk First Officer
54-60 Mid-Point: Kirk & Sulu dive to drill platform, battle, Nero launches Red Matter
63 Beam aboard then Spock to disintegrating planet, loses mother
65 Vulcan implodes into Black Hole
68 Nero explains plans & threatens Pike with slug
72 Spock & crew discuss time continuum, Kirk & Spock argue
75 Kirk shuttled to frozen planet
78 Kirk’s crab-like creature chased away by Old Spock
79 Pinch II: “Have been and always shall be your friend” = recognition of life-long friendship
80 Mind-meld story of “129 years from now Super-Nova”
83 “Did I know my father?”
84 McCoy vs. Spock on Enterprise
85 Old Spock & Kirk to outpost, Intro stranded-as-punishment Scotty
87 Old Spock explains Trans-warp theory that Scotty “invented”
90 Spock cites #619 emotional compromise
91-96 Plot Point II: Kirk & Scott aboard, water turbine, Confrontation, no Captain with Spock compromised, so Kirk steps in.
Act III = Resolution: Enterprise engages and defeats Nero
98 Chekov’s theory, Spock concurs & volunteers, Kirk joins
100 Nero arrives at Earth to drill
101 Enterprise fires, Spock & Kirk transport to Romulan ship
104 Find Old Spock’s ship with Red Matter, it recognizes Spock, less than 4.3% chance
106-111 Climax: Kirk fights Romulans & Nero as Spock destroys drill
109 Nero orders fire on Spock despite Red Matter
110 Kirk fights Romulans, finds Pike as Spock aims ship at Nero’s ship
112 Spock and Kirk with Pike transported back to Enterprise by crowing Scotty
113 Commitment: Kirk offers logical compassion to Nero, Nero declines
114 Red Matter implosion in to Black Hole
115 Warp doesn’t work to pull away until Scotty releases dilithium for explosion
117-120 After-story: Spock meets Old, Kirk commendation & Captaincy, Spock on board
CONCEPTS DISCUSSION
You were not told exactly what to look for regarding specific science fiction components in the minute-by-minute analysis of this film. Neither were you reminded to look for elements of the specific fundamentals discussed in Chapter 1. It is assumed you were paying attention to both areas. Now let’s look at the in-depth concepts demonstrated.
Relationship Sequencing & Webbing
Obviously this was a film written “after-the-fact” of Gene Roddenberry’s TV series and subsequent movies. The crew relationships had long been established so the screenwriters, director and cast had to work to comply with the audience expectations of basic personalities and relationships. That demanded a lot of attention to exposition and set-up of the histories of people already known to the audience. The purpose of the film was to establish how they all came together in the beginning.
To be satisfying, yet logical in the time frame allowed, only glimpses of exposition and moments of high tension could be depicted. “Showing moments” crammed with innuendo delivered, in my opinion, without boring the audience.
The physical similarities as well as the speech and facial habits of their predecessors the actors mimicked brought credibility to the characters. The only “surprise” was Uhura and Spock’s budding romance. The other thing was that these young people were given their rank relatively early in their careers. Logic asks why these character had no advancement in rank over the next 100 years . . . The tasks they had to perform on the Enterprise at their young ages did demand the ranks, thus it seemed appropriate to accept this convoluted point “for this story.”
Look at how the crew members were woven in and out of the unfolding story. The screenwriters did a commendable job of using their skills and knowledge at appropriate times and not leaving any character for long. There was a definitive webbing of the crew’s relationships to one another, such as Spock talking with McCoy who classically asked him “Are you out of your Vulcan mind?”
The problems with Nero and his ship were referenced but showing him and his threat was shoved aside to set the stage for the crew members until, of course, the climactic battle. Did we need to see more of Nero? Referencing him and second-guessing his plans provided adequate tension relevance. The whole concept is meant to remind the audience of that subplot on a regular basis to heighten their concern.
Progressive Concepts to Consider:
1) Appropriate Title
2) Types of Suspense utilized
3) Webbing of related elements
4) First 10 minutes prepared audience for balance of story
5) Character consistency after Introduction
Here are the first five of 24 concepts you need to pay attention to in your writing and in your analysis of each and every cinematic story.
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SCREENWRITING Chapter 4 Exercises
Exercise 4a. Time to actually write your first five pages (and anticipate the five pages to follow).
POINTS TO PONDER for the Opening’s 10 Pages
Here are questions to ask yourself as you plan and write these pages:
About the start of story:
1. How will the opening image/event/scene ultimately impact the story?
2. What vivid, dramatic opening event would reveal maximum information with Show vs. Tell?
3. What event would involve/challenge/impact vital characters, even if before or after actual story time?
About Character Revelations:
1. Which characters must the audience immediately meet?
2. When does the Major Antagonist enter the story? As a subtle or a blatant threat?
3. What elements from Character Profiles must the audience have to empathize/understand/establish motivation?
Exercise 4b. Examine your depiction of setting with a critical eye. Succinct yet evocative? Are your narrative paragraphs brief enough or do you need to break them up more? It is acceptable to have a new paragraph for each change of camera view. You are not saying what is seen through the lens, merely implying. Note: The more you do this the more your mind’s eye will begin to “see” those camera views and that’s how you will write.
Exercise 4c. Examine each character’s first appearance. Would your brief character description set an actor on fire and create a desire to play that role? Is the dialogue crisp, progressive and characterizing with attitude and innuendo?
Exercise 4d. Write pages 6-10 with attention to cause-effect events and dialogue.
Exercise 4e. What subplots and supporting cast members did you introduce?
Exercise 4f. Make a list of questions you think the audience would be asking at this point . . . questions they really want answered in the rest of the story. (If possible, ask someone else to read your 10 pages then your list of questions and see if they agree.)