Tuesday night, as usual, Sabrina sat in Campus Eats studying. Try as she might to focus on her work, the pain over Koen’s parting created a low hum inside her head that dueled in distraction with the high-pitched voice of guilt about Brandy. The two had grown so loud that she couldn’t even hear her own thoughts. It was useless to try and concentrate.
She rubbed her forehead with both hands. Surely there must be some way to get back on track, to move forward without all this pain and regret. But how?
Tomorrow was a training day—perhaps that was why the guilt weighed so heavy tonight. Still, no one could possibly expect her to keep putting in the same kind of effort as before after last weekend’s debacle.
That was the problem. It wasn’t so much guilt that she wouldn’t be working with Brandy anymore—Brandy had more than brought that on herself. No, it was the unknown of what might happen with her in court because of Sabrina’s decision. Maybe Brandy was getting what she deserved. But her poor grandmother, well . . . Sabrina couldn’t stand the thought of putting Maudie Jenkins through more pain than she’d already endured. She could still picture the deep worry lines across her forehead and the dark circles beneath her eyes on that day when Brandy had gone missing.
The day that Brandy had waited outside her mother’s broken-down house to make certain she got some food.
What could Sabrina do, though? She really didn’t have the time to do this anymore, even if she wanted to—and she certainly didn’t want to. Still, the nagging guilt would not relent.
An idea cut through the fog. A “next step” in Brandy’s development, she would call it. She would write up an email now, for reporting purposes. She would declare this an experiment so it didn’t sound like the permanent arrangement it really was. She could use phrases like “to help Brandy prepare for independent success” and “learning exercise in self-motivation.” Yes. That’s what she could do.
She spent the next hour writing it out as concisely and clearly as possible, then emailed it to Brandy, Mrs. Jenkins, and Mrs. Lauderdale, hoping the legal system would buy off on it. She knew the judge had been a bit of a stickler in the past, but even if Mrs. Lauderdale decided to put up a fight, in all likelihood, juvenile court was so overwhelmed and backlogged, it might be a while before she could do much about it. Especially since Sabrina had been so meticulous about filling out the necessary paper work since this all started.
Finally, she was able to return to her schoolwork, with that persistent voice of guilt quieted. At least slightly.