A couple of days later, Sabrina’s stomach began to cramp as she tried to eat her lunch. She stopped eating and lay back on her bed, wondering when all this was going to be over. In the last twenty-four hours, a rash had begun to creep up her neck and across her face. The doctor said it was a drug reaction—not an allergy, just a side effect. Now it looked as if they could add upset stomach to the list. She pushed the tray away from her and closed her eyes. Her bedside phone rang, as it did almost constantly. She didn’t even open her eyes, but said to her mother, “Will you tell everyone I don’t feel like company today?”
“Of course I will.” The phone scraped across the tray. “Hello.”
There was a pause for a moment and then her mother explained to whoever it was that Sabrina wasn’t feeling well and that it probably wouldn’t be a good time to come by. “Yes, I’ll tell her you called. I know she’ll be glad to see you when she’s feeling better.”
“Who was it?” Sabrina never bothered to open her eyes.
“Koen.”
Koen. He’d been by every day since that first visit. He’d brought assignment lists for her classes and he’d brought his own books, too, although he had yet to open one. Mostly, he’d chatted and worked on keeping things upbeat, in spite of the side effects Sabrina was muddling through. It was just as well he wasn’t coming today. She certainly wasn’t up to being anything close to charming, and to say that she looked a complete wreck was beyond an understatement. How she wanted her old life back, to be out of here and in her normal routine.
For the first time since this all started, Sabrina had no intention of doing homework today. She felt weak. Her stomach hurt. Finally, she opened her eyes and switched on the television. After flipping through the channels, she settled on a Say Yes to the Dress marathon. Her mother sat beside her in her chair and watched silently. She reached over to put her hand on Sabrina’s arm and the two of them simply sat, unmoving.
They were halfway through the third episode, one where the bride loved a dress, but her overbearing maid of honor was being really rude in her voicing of her dislike, when Dr. Freeman came into the room. “How are you feeling, Sabrina?”
“Fine.” There was no reason to complain.
“I heard you didn’t eat much lunch.”
She shrugged. “I’ve got a stomachache.”
Dr. Freeman nodded. “I see.” She came over and began poking and prodding Sabrina’s abdomen. “Does this hurt? Does this?”
After a few minutes, she seemed convinced that it was nothing more than a routine stomachache. “Your last set of labs just came back. Your serum creatinine has been climbing every day since we started amphotericin. Today, I have no choice but to make the decision to discontinue the drug.”
Sabrina’s mother scooted to the edge of her chair. “What does that mean? It’s kidney function, right?”
“Yes.”
“So, does this mean permanent damage, or will her kidneys get back to normal? What about the infection?”
“As far as her kidneys go, it is likely that they will recover. Only time will tell for sure, but I’m optimistic. As for her treatment, I’m going to change her to the oral medication that I had planned to put her on when we discharged her. This is a little sooner than I’d hoped, but at this point there’s just no choice.”
“Can’t say I’m sorry to see that one stopped.” Sabrina could almost cry with relief at the thought of not having to put up with the excruciating burning in her veins during tonight’s amphotericin infusion. Still, the rash that now covered her neck and back was there to let her know that she was not going to be completely free of its side effects for a while yet. “Let’s get rolling on the new med so we can take this party back to Nana’s house—not that the accommodations here aren’t fabulous, mind you.” She used every bit of energy she possessed to make a believable expression of bravado as she pumped her fist in the air.
The doctor reached down and squeezed Sabrina’s foot. “You’ve always got such a positive attitude.” She made some notes on the chart. “The good news is, you should experience significantly less side effects on the new medication.”
“I’m all for that.” Sabrina watched her walk from the room, then turned the sound back up on the TV. By now, the bridal shop owner had stepped in and helped the bride shut down her bossy maid of honor. The dress had been decided upon and everyone was going home happy.
Sabrina was tired—tired of trying to smile through the pain and tired of putting on a happy face for everyone. She was glad that it was just her and Mom, and she didn’t have to pretend to be anything for the rest of the day.
A soft knock sounded at the door. Sabrina tried not to groan, wondering whether it was another lab tech looking to draw blood, or perhaps the pharmacy coming to check the IV levels in the current drip going into her arms.
Koen peeked around the doorframe. “I know you don’t feel like entertaining, but I just had to come see you.” He grinned nervously as he looked back and forth between Sabrina and her mother.
Sabrina realized how happy she was he’d dared to come. “Come on in, if you’re feeling brave. I warn you, though, it’s not pretty in here.” She waved her hand over her cheek, game-show style, highlighting the increased rash since yesterday.
He walked closer and bent over to look at her, seemingly holding his breath. After a few seconds, he nodded his head a single time. “I’m saying that shade of red blotch looks good on you.”
Sabrina actually laughed. A true, happy, not forced laugh. “Have a seat if you’re not afraid to stay a while.”
“Wait, I brought you something.” He put his backpack on the floor and pulled out a stuffed polar bear. The bear had a ribbon around his neck, which Koen proceeded to use to hang him on the IV pole. “He’s a ‘pole-r bear,’ get it?”
Sabrina groaned. “Don’t make me ask you to leave. I think I’ll call him . . .” She paused, looked at Koen, then worked up a grin, “Frederick.”
“Tough crowd.” He looked up at the TV and said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll be quiet.”
Without another word he came to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the bed from her mother. He leaned over and took Sabrina’s hand, and for the next two hours, sat in complete silence and simply watched TV with her.
Sabrina felt the soft pressure of his hand on hers, thought about how completely bored he must be, and marveled at how he had the sensitivity to just sit quietly and be with her.
When the attendant arrived with her dinner tray, Koen stood up, kissed Sabrina on the forehead, and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Never in her life had those words meant more.
He stopped at the door and turned back to look at her. Just for a moment their eyes met. He blinked once and looked away. “You’re welcome.” And then he was gone.