It was another two days before Whitney was back on her feet, but Hailey was almost back to normal so she was still taking it easy. They’d had the whole house disinfected, washing sheets, towels, and everything they’d worn, as well as having the cleaning service come and clean every visible surface again. Whitney was anxious to get back to her old routine but it was taking a little time and she was reluctantly getting as much rest as possible. With the Blizzard at home for another week, they needed to take advantage of having Kane at home. They’d agreed to keep the nurse for a full week and Whitney had forgotten how nice it was to sleep through the night. She loved taking care of the twins, but she’d missed sleeping for a solid seven or eight hours.
Her phone buzzed and she smiled at the text from Jack.
Dinner tomorrow night at my place? We’ll make it an early, mellow night. If that sounds good, Italian or Chinese?
Though her knee-jerk reaction was to say no, things had shifted between them while she’d been sick and there was no way she’d refuse to spend an evening with him.
Chinese, please.
I’ll pick you up at six.
Play good tonight!
The team had another game, but she and Hailey were staying home and watching on TV. Whitney didn’t usually go anyway and Hailey still wasn’t up to it, so they’d planned to snuggle on the couch with the twins, hot tea, and popcorn. She fell asleep on the couch but woke up in her own bed, surmising that Kane had carried her to bed. She would have been embarrassed but after how sick she’d been, she was okay with letting her friends help her, though she missed having Jack beside her at night. He’d slept over twice and she was already used to it. What on earth would she do if they became intimate again?
She changed four times the next night, an explosion of clothes and makeup all over her bed and dresser as she tried to decide what to wear and how much makeup was too much. Although they were staying in, this was a date and after him seeing her at her worst the last week or so, she wanted to look nice. There was nothing fashionable about jeans, it was too cold for a skirt, and a dress was overkill. She sank onto the bed in a huff and looked up when Hailey peeked in.
“Yikes, it’s been a long time since I’ve done that before a date.”
“I looked like hell the last few times he saw me and I want to be pretty tonight, but nothing fits a stay-at-home date.”
“Jeans and the hoodie he gave you. The jeans show off your cute little butt and long legs. A sexy bra and tank in case things get interesting. And the hoodie on top because it’s cold and you want him to see you liked his gift. This is basic stuff, girlfriend. You losing your touch or what?”
“It’s been so long since I’ve been out on a date or had sex, probably.”
Hailey chuckled as she sifted through the makeup on the dresser. “Do you own every single product Raven Cosmetics makes?”
Whitney kept her eyes averted, unsure what to say. “Pretty much. I love their stuff. When I was doing pageants, it was all I used. I guess it’s habit.”
“How do you afford it? That gold-infused moisturizer is like four hundred bucks.”
“I used to get it all free when I modeled and now… I use it sparingly.”
“I want to try that eyelid primer stuff,” Hailey said, picking up the tube. “It’s supposedly great.”
“Help yourself.” Whitney smiled. “It’s their best product, in my opinion. I think the moisturizer is overkill, but the eyelid primer and the lip glosses are worth every penny.”
They talked clothes and makeup as Whitney pulled on the suggested outfit and Hailey helped her collect the clothes she’d thrown everywhere.
“No putting out on the first date,” Hailey teased when Whitney was ready.
Whitney shook her head. “Nope. Not until he’s legally divorced. I might let him kiss me, though. You think that’s teasing?”
“Not if you’re honest about the sex thing from the beginning.”
“He knows.”
“Then he’s a big boy who can handle kissing a girl who isn’t willing to go all the way.”
“Hey, Whit! Jake’s here.” Kane yelled up the stairs and Whitney hurried down.
Jack looked incredible in fitted but well-worn jeans, a black Henley, black boots, and a leather jacket. He leaned over to kiss her cheek and smiled.
“You look so much better.”
“Thanks. I feel better.”
“I’ll have her home by midnight,” he quipped to Kane, bumping his fist against Kane’s as he passed him.
“Have fun,” Hailey called out.
Whitney laughed, grabbing her purse and coat before following him out to the car. “I feel like a teenager again. Not that anyone ever told me to have fun before I went out.”
Jack opened the door for her and then got in on the other side, pulling onto the street. “Your parents didn’t care if you had fun or not?”
“They usually weren’t home, so no.”
“Where were they?” he asked curiously.
“My father was usually out with one of his girlfriends and my mom was either passed out in her room or getting drunk somewhere.”
“Are your parents divorced?”
“No.” She let out a little huff. “Married for more than thirty years and my dad has a new girlfriend about once a year.”
“Well, that explains a lot.”
She glanced at him. “You mean why I refuse to get involved with a married man?”
“Well, yeah.”
“I guess it does. I know it’s old-fashioned and silly, but I can’t help it.”
“Why does your mom put up with it?”
“I have no idea. She pretends it doesn’t happen. The one time I asked her about it she looked at me like I was crazy and said something about me needing to grow up and mind my own business. I never brought it up again and last time I saw her she was a borderline alcoholic.”
“You don’t talk to your parents at all?”
“They don’t talk to me,” she corrected mildly. “Leaving Texas to go to a Yankee school like Harvard was the equivalent of having Satan’s baby.”
“My mom died during my senior year of high school and my older sister held it together long enough for me to graduate and firm up that scholarship. Otherwise, I’d probably be a grease monkey back in North Dakota.”
“You’re from North Dakota?” She cocked her head. “You don’t have any kind of midwestern accent.”
“Four years of college, hanging out with guys from all over the world… I guess it disappeared.”
“Do you say ‘pop’ when you talk about soda?”
He laughed. “Sometimes. I’ve learned to catch myself but sometimes it slips out.”
“It’s kind of cute. You can say it with me.”
“Okay.” He slid a hand across the seat and opened his palm in invitation.
She slowly put her hand in his and they twined their fingers together.
“So, what made you say yes tonight?”
“The truth?”
“Of course.”
“The way you took care of me. The way you didn’t hesitate to step in and do what was necessary. Not just for your friends, but for a woman you had meaningless sex with four years ago.”
“You’re my friend, Whitney. And what we did wasn’t meaningless—it was passionate, exciting, memorable. Why do you think I can’t stay away from you? If what we did four years ago had been meaningless, I’d have tossed your number the minute you left.”
“I know… I just… my life is so complicated, Jack. I don’t want you to get caught up in it.”
“If it means having you, getting a chance to explore this thing between us, I can handle it. Just tell me what it is.”
“My family…” She bit her lip, trying to think of a way to tell him the gist of her situation without saying too much, saying something that would be impossible to take back. Discovering who she was, the wealth and prestige she came from, always changed things. People treated her differently once they knew and it would destroy her if Jack did it too. “There’s an expectation that I’ll go back to Texas, marry someone they approve of, and sit home having babies.”
“And if you don’t?”
“I won’t have a family anymore. That’s kind of what the last two years have been about, discovering if I can live without a family. Lots of people do it, of course, but this would be a choice, the intentional decision to walk away from the people who raised me. My grandmother. Cousins. Friends.”
“I realize we’re not anywhere near ready for marriage, but are you saying that your family wouldn’t accept a guy like me? College-educated, makes seven figures a year, no criminal record… I wouldn’t make the cut?”
She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking her head. “No one will ever be good enough, or someone they’ll accept, unless they choose for me. It’s about controlling me, the way my father controls my mother.”
“Then why would you want to go back anyway?”
“I love my grandmother. She raised me while my mother drank herself silly. And I have some wonderful cousins, friends… Anyway, that’s part of my dilemma. Plus trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I have this fancy degree and don’t really know what to do with it. I could go into marketing, human resources, public relations, lots of options, but none of them sound like fun.”
“In a perfect world, what would you want to do?”
She couldn’t answer that honestly, so she shrugged. “That’s part of the problem. I don’t know. I’d like to own my own company, selling cosmetics, something good quality but still affordable.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“Lack of experience, lack of funding to get started, lack of motivation to do anything but babysit for the world’s cutest twins and hide from adulthood in Alaska.”
“I never had that option,” he said slowly. “I was married and getting ready to be a dad by the time I graduated college and a spot on an NHL team wasn’t going to wait for me to grow up—I had to do it immediately.”
“In some ways I think that’s better. By giving myself choices, I’ve probably fucked everything up more than I would have if I’d just gone home after college like I was supposed to.”
“Something you would’ve hated.”
“Probably.” She fell silent as they pulled into his garage and he came around to open her door. She stepped down and fought a moment of discomfiture at being alone with him at his house. She wasn’t afraid of him, but more of what she might do. It had been so long since she’d had sex, and much longer since she’d been with someone she liked this much, she didn’t want to throw away the very principles she’d claimed were so important to her. They were important to her, it was just that being close to him was almost as necessary as breathing.
He took her hand as they walked inside and then helped her with her coat, hanging it over a chair in the kitchen.
“It’s more house than a bachelor needs, but I really love it. It was everything I wanted when we bought it, even though we went over budget.”
“You’re not selling it?”
“You mean for the divorce? No. I’m buying her out. There’s a hefty mortgage, even though we put a nice deposit down, so the equity isn’t much. I’m giving her one hundred percent of the equity, cash, over three years. Plus alimony and health insurance for two years. She has a degree in education, so she can get a job, and she’s living with her parents, which will give her time to get her life together.”
“Do you think she will?”
He shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t care anymore. I mean, we were together for thirteen years, and even though she went crazy with the baby stuff, I care about her and don’t want anything to happen to her. I could have gotten away with less than what I’m giving her, but I don’t want her to struggle too much.”
“You’re a very nice person,” she said softly, looking into his handsome face.
“Thanks.” He took her hand again and pulled her into the living room. It was expansive, with a huge stone fireplace surrounded by carved wood built-in shelving and cabinets, floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked a backyard she couldn’t see much of in the dark, and a gourmet kitchen that made her want to cook. There were gorgeous hardwood floors, leather furniture and an inviting foyer with a contemporary-style chandelier she thought was both elegant and casual.
“What do you think?” he asked, watching her face as she took in everything.
“It’s beautiful. I love the built-ins and the chandelier in the foyer.”
“The chandelier was created just for us by a local artist. He said it was modern but classic. I don’t know what that means, but I like the look.”
“Didn’t your wife want anything?”
“She took plenty,” he said, tugging her down a hallway. “And there’s something I want to show you.”
“Um, okay.” She followed curiously, wondering what he had in mind.
“This is the master bedroom,” he said, flipping on a light. There was a huge bed, lots of windows, and a soft, neutral-colored carpet.
“It’s big,” she said quietly, looking up at him.
“This,” he said, tugging her toward what turned out to be a massive walk-in closet, “is my closet. As you can see, it’s mostly empty and there’s nothing of Addy’s left.” He pulled her into the bathroom and waved a hand. “Go ahead and look around. There isn’t so much as a toothbrush or lip gloss of hers. She took all her things, as well as a bunch of other stuff like the good china, all the expensive pots and pans we had, paintings and crystal we got for our wedding, etc. And this…” He picked up an envelope off his dresser. “These are the papers. You’re welcome to read them. It lists everything, including my assets and what I’ve given her, everything.”
“No, I don’t need…” She shook her head, almost embarrassed by his openness when she had so much to hide.
“I want you to see it, to understand she’s not coming back. And even if she tries, we’re never getting back together. The lawyers worked out the details, I signed off and we’re just waiting for her to sign and send it back. If she waits much longer, I’ll fly down there and get it in person.”
She put the papers back on the dresser and moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest. “It’s okay. I believe you.”
His arms closed around her and for the first time in four years she felt safe, happy, complete. It was as if everything between then and now had been a holding pattern just waiting for this moment. She couldn’t explain it and wasn’t even going to try, but Jackson Carruthers was part of her. One blissful winter night of passion had turned into something she couldn’t put into words, couldn’t even truly understand in her mind, and could only follow her heart.