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Timberly
The days seem to mesh together. I watch the fibres of a forgotten yesterday bleed into the today as the hours seem to fold over and roll into the next. Shit the seconds though them bitches are painful I count them down in my head like sharp stabbing pins in the follicles of my fading being.
I don’t know how long I’ve been here, I don’t know what the time is I have absolutely no clue what the day is all I know is I am alone.
Broken I'm starting to retract into my shell again the sass leaving me as the voices start to change inside my head questioning me how do I stay strong in a place that is so dark. The images that flash over these fucking monitors that are embedded in the walls taunt me. I shut my eyes and they haunt me. The pain I see in their broken eyes their souls sold and their bodies so high they truly are fallen angels and I wish that I could help them. I beg Viper to stop the madness, stop the abuse he just smiles at me pats the top of my head and says over and over again “They don’t need to be saved, they don’t need to be cured and they don’t need more than what they have right here, little lady they don’t need help to be lead back to the light they now belong to the venomous dark and the hate they fell feeds their desire to live.” That is his chant over and over like daily we dance this battle of wills. It makes me sick they are daughters, sisters, grandchildren and look at what they have become drugged up sex toys for the rich and famous. Sick bastards.
Today he is in a mood I sense it as soon as he walks in and I can feel the anger mixed with something else radiating off his body. He sets the tray of food down on the table and a bottle of cold water I watch it as the drops of water on the outside roll down the bottle counting each one at least that is still the one thing that gives me comfort my counting. “Not talking today?” he snaps out breaking my thoughts my cheeks flush when he’s like this it scares me makes me see him for the monster I know he can be I listen to what the guards say when they let me out for the toilet and shower. ‘count yaself lucky that ya are Ghost’s coz if you weren’t the Viper well let’s just say will have a field day feeding on you before he throws you to us’ the murmur out over me stale breath and rancid tongue licking up my face before they throw me into the shower block.
“Not when you’re in a mood nope” I sass out to him a grin kicking up at my lips as I run my fingers down the water bottle and flicking the rest of the condensation to the table. Unscrewing the cap, I take a large gulp of the water the cold liquid leaving a Icey trail down my throat brining relief my throat is always so dry and sore like sandpaper is lining my oesophagus.
“Mood?” he questions me, his eyes yellow daggers piercing into me, sending a chill through my bones.
“Yes, that’s what I said,” I snap at him putting the cap back on flooding my arms over my chest I huff out an over dramatic breath.
“Look little lady I got like a fuck ton of shit going on this fucking world is evil and the devil don’t sleep so if this mood ya in about the hoes on the screen then sap the fuck out of it all they are is a hardon for the men and a wet dream fantasy that their fucking wives can’t give them” his words cut through the air and my heart hurts for the pain I hear in his voice
“Your Celtic goddess. Was she one of them women? Viper, did you do that to a woman you claim to love?” Before I can say anything, his hand slaps me so hard over my left cheek that I fly off my chair. Scooting back over the slippery vinyl floor, my hand finds my now burning red cheek as tears prick the back of my eyes. I won't let them fall, don’t let them fall I chant as my eyes land on him my mouth open. “Fuck you, Viper,” I spit at him. “The fuck, man?” I say in my next voice “See? moody, touch a nerve, did I?” I question pulling myself to my feet and picking up the chair from the floor standing it back up I sit down and pull myself closer to the table taking the water and drinking as much as I can take with taking a breath I need it to quell the hot fire that is burning up my spine. “I, ummm SHIT!” is all that falls from his mouth before he turns and walks out. The only sound is the click of the door.
I must have dozed off as the weight of someone siting down on the bed startles me not as much as the fingers that push the stray strands of my hair back from face. His eyes look straight into my sleepy ones. “Wanna go for a walk?” his voice soft calm not like his usual blunt harsh snap. Shuffling back towards the wall I slap his hand from my face “With you, not a chance” I snap I’m angry and hurt and not even wanting to deal with him.
“Timberly,” he says my name. It sounds like poison coming from his mouth.
“Don’t call me that,” I snap pulling myself up and pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping myself around them.
“What is your fucking problem today?”
My eyes snap to his. “My problem? Mmm well I didn’t slap you,” I spit.
“It was a mistake. I’m fucking strung out here, little lady. I got you to worry about the fact that I have to get Blue back and out and then get the fuck out of this country. You Americans are really intense.” He runs his hands through his hair and the dull light humming into the black room from the mountains lights up his 5 O’clock stubble shit why am I even looking at him that close. His hand finds mine and pulls me free from my knees “Come on let’s go outside” snapping my hand back
“Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” I bite at him. “I can think, move and make de all on my own.”
holding his hands up a smile speeding over his lips “Shit ok little lady” he says walking towards the door my body follows don’t over think this I say just go being outside would be nice even if it’s dark and you can’t see shit in the dark.
Two doors down from mine cell is a black door no keypad code needed to open that bad boy four cameras in the hall and none as we enter the door and step out looking up I see located on the roof above the door one. The crisp wind of a black inky night elopes my body a shiver runs through me wrapping my arms around myself and turning my head up to the stars that shine so bright against the midnight black sky. I relish in the blissful quite that wraps around me and I just take small step after small step. Viper is a head of me leaning up against a beat down old truck. The dark of the night is sensual washes over my skin it feels like we’re in a desert. I feel the sand warm heated from the suns Ray’s under my toes crunching as we walk no shoes I lost those on my first day. Turning my face towards the sky I allow the warm Breeze to wrap around me in its tingling warm embrace this feeling right here right now is what I look forward to every day since Viper started taking me out. I watch him as he smokes a cigarette the ember tip dancing in the dark as he sucks a deep breath in filling his lungs he blows out and a puff of white smoke dances out into the cool night sky. He draws patterns in the sand with his black combat boots he never dresses any different. He pulls the tail gate down pats the cold hard metal, so I head over in that direction my feet crunching under the sand that coats the ground. We sure are in a desert but what desert and where? My mind asks my body like it’s going to know the answer only Viper knows where we are, and he holds the answers and I will ask a few burning questions before the night is out he owes me that much.
Standing next to him I look at his side profile his looks change daily, stressed, strained, pained, worry, some days though he seems calm and at ease tonight though that’s about the case tonight his like a live wire so wound up and alive that I’m sure to get burnt if I stand to close, so I wrap my arms tightly around my small too skinny body pulling that tattered cardigan that he threw at me a few weeks ago trying to pull some warmth into my body I’m always so cold.
Viper is always dressed the same each day, it’s been black combat boots black skinny leg jeans a black t-shirt with some sort of Club emblem or logo on the breast and a worn and tired looking black leather jacket with a coiled snake on the back hence the name that and his snake eyes I presume. He pulls a smoke from his packet and places the tip between his teeth the white shining in the midnight black night. A flick from his sliver Zippo sends up a hue of warm orange blue light into the air sucking the tip and pulling the flame towards the end of his smoke watching the end illuminating in a hot amber hue brightening up his always so dark and twisted features. He sucks in deep filling his lungs with smoke and blowing out puffs around us hitting the cool air and bouncing around like smoke angels.
Clearing my throat look at him like really look at him the best way my anxiety riding broken body can look at someone. The turmoil coiling from his body is so intense it feels as though it could engulf you, choosing my words carefully before I speak. I watch him take puff after puff in tween each one though he twirls the smoke around in his fingers the tip lighting up the dark capturing my mind and sending it one a thoughtful journey.
“You have some dark thoughts going in on inside that head of yours don’t you” I breathe out quiet, timid and just plain weak his eyes snap to mine.
“You, little lady, always seem to ask too many questions.” He flicks his cigarette in the air. I watch it dance before it falls down into the sand below. He steps forward to where it falls, and he stamps it out. Turning back, his posture is slack as he walks over to me. His shoulder brushes mine as he sits on the tailgate of the old run-down truck.
My eyes turn back to his fear spiking in my mouth running dry and my knees begin to shake pulling myself up to sit next to him not trusting my legs to hold me up.
“When can I go home?” I ask, my heartrate spiking. “I need out of this place.” I plead, searching his eyes. His hands come out and settle on my shoulders, the touch hot like fire
“You will leave when I have what I want. Once I have the Celtic goddess, I will let you go free. Until then you are stuck here like me. I’m sorry, little lady, it’s the way it has to be.”
Swallowing the lump that’s formed in my throat, “I just don’t get it I just don’t understand what possibly you could want with me.” I question him as he steps down sending up puffs of sand as his weight hits the ground “I’m a no-one really, Viper, I’m legit no-one just a broken dead girl.” My tones fades on the last words
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he says taking my hands in his “You’re more than that, and Ghost sees it and that’s what will make you powerful.” He says it with a sense of awe that has confusion swimming in my mind. “Let’s get back inside.” He walks off I jump down from the tail gate and watch the sand dance up around me digging my toes into the gritty sand I relax into the warmth of it the sun beating down heating the tiny particles all day I’d love to visit the beach I whisper out to the back of my captor. Over the way he demises me like them all before him I want to be herd and I want out I don’t care about his Celtic goddess and the fact that he’s here for her shit if what they say about Ghost and the Reapers Reign what makes them think that they will just let him have her. He will hear me, and he will listen. So I shriek out to his back the night wrapping his frame in a black grip as he walks further out of my sight.
“Goddamn it, I’m sick, fucking sick and tired of sitting in that little white room with the damn monitors watching you men drug up in abuse those poor women dancing for what for male satisfaction for the male need, the desire that they have to be God I’m so sick of it all I want my silly pathetic little life back, I want to be the girl that hid in the shadows that hid under an oversized hoodie, that passed out when anyone spoke to her, hell even looked my way the Stars would form at the backs of my eyes and the dark would soon take me, that place is a hell of a lot better than this place here I want to go back to my shitty apartment on the sixth floor a drug infused habitat. I want ghost, God do I want that man right now you don’t understand you are playing with fire.”
I watch his body stiffen and stop, he turns on his heel his snake eyes burning into mine causing me to stop like legit just freeze and fear for the first time for this man they call Viper runs through me turning my blood cold and one fast movement he’s right in front of me his hand around my throat.
“I told you once before you ask too many questions, you little lady talk too much, stay quiet shut you are pretty little mouth and just fucking wait when I say you can go you can go until then just leave it the Reapers, the man you want so much has the woman I need to survive. She took from me more than what I could ever take from them and she along with the Reapers Reign will pay for the mistakes that their beautiful fiery Celtic goddess took the day she burnt, slashed, cut and severed her way out of my grip, my compound my home, my Ireland and my life. I died the day she left and the devil took over my soul so little lady, I’m here to take her back claim the Celtic goddess and you were just a casualty in the master plan those dick head drug fuck dick bags that think of nothing but their dicks and getting high brought you here solely for the purpose to rape you, you’re lucky that I’ve seen Ghost watching you for months now and I have a certain pull in this sick twisted establishment that I could keep you safe, untouched and not fucked up more than you have been already. So, it’s in your best interest to just be fucking quiet.”
Shaking my head, I’m lost for words I know he’s the reason I haven’t been raped, beaten, drugged and abused for that I’m thankful. He needs to hear just how fucked up this is getting for me how close I am to insanity. Pulling on the sleeve of his jacket he stops letting a huff “What little lady,” he snaps out his voice bitter he turns on the shitty part of his soul whenever he could be seen or overheard by anyone of the fuck bags that live in this sick pit of sex drugs and no rock and roll. Biting the inside of my cheek the taste of blood settling on my tongue blowing out the breath I was holding as the tingle of pain swoops through me his eyes shine a deeper yellow under the long tubes of the overhead fluorescent lighting I take a deep breath and just blurt it all out.
“Viper, please stop and just listen.” I beg him my mind running feverishly close to the edge of sanity. “Please look at me, like really look at me.” My fingers dig into his forearm. He looks left and right, then back to me his eyes travel from the top of my head over my eyes, down my breasts, torso, thighs, toes and then painfully back up again before they latch back to mine and he nods.
“If have to sit in that room any longer I will legit lose my fucking mind, that’s a place I don’t want to go my head is dark, my soul is getting darker and the voices oh, fuck me the voices them bad boys are getting so much louder and stronger chanting away no silence in sight just the constant chant to join them. Come down to the depths of Psychosis have a cup of crazy and just be fucking mental. Every waking moment I spend more time talking to them than anything else stuck in the reality of my tiny White Room.”
Stealing one last glance at the door that is still open that the bright fluorescent lights shin like a beacon out into the black night I search and store the surroundings trying to pick where I am and in case I can escape. I need to know where to go but I’ve never seen a place like this here in New York before well let’s face it I haven’t really been far the from concrete jungle that is my home and I don’t seem to venture outside the limits of the city, so I wouldn’t even know if there was a desert on the other side of New York god I’m Timberly Roe, the lost girl who hides behind her hoodie and hangs out in a library.
Craning my neck out to the side as Viper closes his eyes and runs his hands through his hair this is my chance run...... shit I think about it but I wouldn’t get far he’s too close to me he moves. I hold my breath frozen waiting watching my heart stops he steps closer and then he just lowers his head onto the wall next to me and just leans there looking at his feet looks like he’s praying huh na not Viper. As he is caught in the inner battle raging inside him I really like I mean really look outside I notice to the left of me as a massive building lit up with Neon Lights.
I hear music something from the speaker’s laughter and cheering I see bikes upon bikes lined up out front it looks like a biker pad to me I can’t be quite sure.
I’ve never seen one only on the TV though you know son’s Anarchy and all. We can’t be far from New York City as I see the lights of the concrete Jungle on the horizon if only I could find and escape route I would be able to reach the city limits within the day I am imagine.
I need ghost so bad I wish I had the cell phone he gave me he needs to know what this Viper and his men plan to do to whoever the Celtic goddess is and the Reapers Reign I’m thankful to Viper for keeping me semi safe sane not so much but alive non the less, but my loyalty isn’t with snake eyes.
So, for now I’ll bide my time bite my tongue, be the good little girl and I will play along. Sooner or later I will find a loop hole in their master plan. Viper’s cold breath hits the back of my neck sending me spiralling in a freefall of hot zapping fright “Going somewhere, little lady?” grabbing the door handle my mouth dry my heart beating so loud in my ears I’m scared to open my mouth in case it falls out.
“Ahhh noooo” I stutter out hold my free hand to my chest. “You scared me” I say shaking
“Well what ya doing?” he snaps at me cool as a cucumber I try to be
“Just shutting the door behind us is all and enjoying the last look at what is such a prefect starry night.” Pulling the door closed the click telling me the escape route is now locked the closes I’ve been in god knows how long is locked. Forcing a fake smile on my face I turn and place my hand on his shoulder
“Thanks for taking me out there tonight” I say as I step away from him and begin walking towards the hell in a cell that is the white room. Viper reaches me in two quick steps leading me away from the direction of my cell panic dances in my mind, so I retreat and do what I do best I count. Twenty two steps down a hall past my room through a door code 4798 fifteen steps down this white washed hallway and we are at a steal door the number 69 on the front looking around there is Six other doors down this long corridor Viper stops looking both ways before he enters a pin into the pad I watch carefully burning more numbers into my brain 6969 the red flashing light turns green a small beep sounds out a click as he pulls the handle down stepping to the side he lets me go through first what lies before me is a whole new experience there is a massive wrap around couch with oversized cushions in the middle of the room a huge TV in front of it off to the side is a massive bed, a kitchen is to the right of me and what looks like a bathroom to the back. Looking at the wall that holds the TV which is so huge I can barely imagine what it would be like to watch it. Monitors just like the ones in my cell are dotted all over the wall framing the TV even my empty cell is on there. Shivering at the thought of who else has access to the camera in my room the thought sends bile rising up. Yuck. Turning I see a dark silhouette man engrossed in a laptop that sits on a desk with more monitors flashing in front of him.
Viper’s hand finds the small of my back burning where it lays. His touch is hot, and I hate it.
“Sit down on the couch the lady. I’ll fix you some proper food then you can shower here, and this will now be your new room it’s mine but for the next few days while I’m away it will be yours. Seen you din’t wanna talk with the ghosts in ya head anymore. The guy over by the laptop he is Jet and he will be your babysitter don’t throw your sass at him or pitch a fit because he will slit your throat as quick as you blink, and he will ask questions later he’s not scared of the executioner, The VP to The Reapers Reign, he answers to know one but me.” Viper’s words the depth of them chill my bones as the man by the laptop turns and looks at me smiling a sick as shit grin that has me thinking I may wet my pants for the first time since I can remember I’m really fucking generally scarred and fearful of this man and the feeding he sends through my body.
The light from all the screens light up is face and that when I see it his face has one massive angry red slash that runs all the way through the middle form the top of his forehead on the left side and running through down the bridge of his nose and over his lips and chin ending at the top of his right hand side collarbone, Sweat beads down my spine as a chilling tingle erupts over my body my hands sweat and my toes curl over the plush dark grey carpet. He turns back his head his eye is missing and he winks with the empty socket that’s it I can’t handle it white dots form and I know I need to break the one eyed contact so I do the only thing I can without passing out and looking like a right dick I take the spoilt princess approach and I over dramatic play I fall onto the oversized couch welcoming the comfy body soaking cushions, rolling my eyes I let out a large lungful of air sighing so loud that Viper stops and looks at me. “Ever the dramatic one-way little lady.” he chuckles as he walks towards the fridge. One eye is still peering at me and it’s sicking. I don’t want to be left with him. Fuck I would rather go back to the white room of pain and mind-killing torture.
Next to me is a remote, picking it up I make myself right at home and hit the power button. The screen lights up around me, sending shards of happy light through the dark room, the sound of laughter fills the air. I flick through the channels until I find one I want to watch. I’ve seen it before on the TV at the diner. It brings a sense of normality and warmth to the stark and dire situation that has become my normal.
I must have dozed off because I wake to Viper touching me, whispering in my ear, “Little lady, today is the day. I’ll be gone for a bit, but Jet will watch you, don’t be a bitch.” The words roll off his tongue and hit my sleepy body. I pull myself up slowly and my tummy grumbles.
“What’s the time?” I ask, wiping my eyes.
“It’s 4am,” he says to me
“Fuck, did I sleep all night” looking around Jet is still at the laptop. “ Yep tried to wake you faro supper you didn’t wanna so it’s in the fridge a good Irish Stew eat it, and make yaself comfy don’t know how long this will take and fuck sake little lady behave” he says a small chuckle leaving him has in a great mood for four fucking AM nodding at him I snuggle down deeper into this comfy couch and just close my eyes sleep finding me instantly and the voices for the first time since I enter here in this hell hole are quite sleeping too I hope.