Riverdish

As the person who has seemingly been convicted of the most crimes in Riverdale, FP Jones sits shockingly low on our list of lead suspects. Yes, he has his rough patches, but don’t we all? While he grew up in Riverdale alongside Fred, Penelope, Alice, Hal, Hiram, and Hermione, life at home was never easy for FP. When things took a turn for the worse, he joined the Southside Serpents and created a new family for himself. It was among the Serpents that FP found comfort, but it was also where he began to get dragged down into a life of crime.

Listen, FP is certainly no saint in this story. His aggressive tendencies and abusive relationship with alcohol led to his wife and daughter leaving him. He even allowed his own son, Jughead, to raise himself in the projection booth of a drive-in movie theater.

Did no one else in town find this problematic?

FP’s trailer! Crazily enough, it smells exactly how you’d think it does.

And although he attempted to hold a steady job with Fred Andrews at Andrews Construction, he was eventually let go after he was caught stealing from the company. Since the Black Hood specifically targeted Fred Andrews, it would make some sense if FP were behind the shooting at Pop’s. But thankfully he had the pretty rock-solid alibi of being locked up in jail for the murder of Jason Blossom. What we’re trying to say is, we do love FP, but we are not looking at a father of the year here.

We picture FP chilling here with his record player after his shifts at Pop’s.

Although we ultimately learn that FP was not the person who killed Jason Blossom, he was no innocent bystander. Yes, the murder weapon that was placed in his trailer was just a setup, but law enforcement still had good reason to keep him behind bars. You see, a few weeks before Jason staged his disappearance, he had approached FP in need of a getaway car and some quick cash. Together, they worked out a deal in which FP and the Serpents would provide Jason with a car and cash if, in return, Jason delivered a shipment of drugs to another gang in a neighboring town. However, once FP discovered that Jason was Clifford and Penelope Blossom’s son, he realized that Jason was worth far more to the Serpents than that one drug deal.

FP’s kitchen looks like the kitchen of every New York City apartment that we have ever lived in.

Obsessed with the Jones boys’ cereal collection.

After sending his henchman Mustang to capture Jason and bring him to the Whyte Wyrm, FP tied up Jason and held him for ransom. Sure enough, Clifford Blossom came through with a whopping amount of cash and arrived to collect his son. But instead of taking Jason home, Clifford Blossom shot him and left his body there for the Serpents to take care of.

On the bright side, FP being locked up cleared him of any involvement in the Black Hood shootings. But the fact that he was being charged for dumping a dead kid’s body in the river, making a false confession, destruction of evidence, arson, and obstruction of justice was far from ideal. His lawyer at the time suggested that he take the plea deal that he was being offered, for which he could face twenty years in prison. All things considered, that sounds relatively fair to us, but for Jughead this would still be too long without his father. With Betty’s help, Jughead convinced Cheryl to publicly forgive FP on behalf of her family in court and explain how FP was threatened by her father to carry out all the crimes that he was being charged with. Miraculously, the court was sympathetic to FP’s case and let him off after what felt like only mere weeks.

In general, we are rather confused with how the prison system works in the Riverdale universe. Like Dorothy said, “People come and go so quickly around here.” Archie was sent to prison for two years, which is definitely a long time for a crime you did not commit, but two years for murder seems like a rather short sentence. As viewers we are not complaining. As entertaining as an Orange Is the New Black spinoff at the Leopold and Loeb detention center might be, there is only so much shirtless fighting that we can watch. And believe us, we can watch a lot of shirtless fighting.

Once FP left jail, he had planned to put his Southside Serpent past behind him, but with Jughead now tied up in a pact with Penny Peabody and an impending war between the Serpents, Ghoulies, and Northsiders drawing nearer, this was no time to leave his family without a leader. He had let his son down one too many times in the past and was not about to let it happen again.

His romantic fling with Alice Cooper now rekindled, FP set out to create a new chapter for himself and the Serpents. Much darker forces were at play within town than a group of leather and motorcycle enthusiasts. With the Ghoulies gaining power and Hiram Lodge’s grip growing ever tighter, the Southside needed a leader who could carry them through to safety. Personally speaking, FP could lead us anywhere he wants to.