Riverdish

As two former high school drama-department kids, we are in no position to talk about the virtues of popularity. And yet, from the moment we were introduced to Dilton Doiley, we were able to immediately clock him as the leader of the school losers. We hold nothing against him in that regard, but it is clear that we would have very little in common with him if we were students at Riverdale High. In some ways we are jealous of the ingenuity that Dilton must have inevitably acquired as the leader of the local scouts. Just the other night we attempted to hang a poster on a wall, and it resulted in a full-out breakdown involving an iPhone level, a makeshift hammer, and a sore thumb.

Truth be told, we are probably just jealous of Dilton’s skills as a DJ. If you don’t remember this special skill of Dilton’s, you are far from alone but also missing out on a key detail of our character study of him. When a surprise party was being thrown together for Jughead at Archie’s house, who was the person who was called? Dilton Doiley, of course. As ABBA would say, “Thank you for the music.”

Knowing all this, it came as no surprise to us when Dilton was found dead, having gotten himself too deeply involved in a cult-like game of Gryphons and Gargoyles. Dilton just needed to feel as though he belonged to something larger than himself. It was this desire that led him to become the head scout of the local Riverdale Boy Scout troop and in turn the key witness in the disappearance of Jason Blossom.

On the morning of July 4th, Doiley was allegedly leading his scouts on a bird-watching expedition when they came across a sopping-wet Cheryl Blossom on the river’s edge. When initially drilled, Dilton claimed to have not heard the gunshot that was believed to have killed Jason that morning, but Betty and Jughead knew that this had to be a lie. If the scouts were truly watching birds that morning, there would have been no way not to notice the birds flying away in panic after the gunfire.

Of course, after a bit more digging, Betty and Jug eventually learned why Dilton Doiley was playing so coy about the gunshot. For it turned out that it was Dilton Doiley himself who had fired the gun.

As an all-star troop leader, Doiley was a staunch advocate of preparing his troops for anything that might come their way. And although it broke every rule in the Scout handbook, he decided to include handling guns in his curriculum. Frighteningly enough, this was a skill that was presenting itself as being more and more useful in Riverdale.

Terrified that he would be stripped of his troop leader status if news was published of his involvement in teaching his scouts how to handle firearms, Dilton offered The Blue and Gold an even juicier story than gunfire. It turns out that Cheryl was not the only familiar sight that he came upon on his morning hike; he had also spotted Ms. Grundy’s car.

One thing that is important to note about Dilton Doiley: he’s shady as hell. He was willing to sell out Archie and Ms. Grundy just to protect himself from persecution over his firing of guns at Sweetwater River. And while he was not involved directly in the killing of Jason Blossom, he was all too eager to sell a firearm to Archie, who was looking for something to use to protect his father from the Black Hood.

You know those people who always have “a guy” to call for fixing everyday problems? That is Dilton. An everyman who has his hand in everything but is an expert in nothing. He even managed to get himself involved in the short-lived Red Circle. We suppose that having mysterious access to an arsenal comes in handy when throwing together a makeshift militia. Nonetheless, the reality that he was the only non–football player involved in that group was not lost on us.

Now, listen, we realize that it could be considered insensitive to speculate on the criminal activities of someone posthumously. Yet we cannot help but feel as though there still might be more to Dilton’s story that has yet to be unveiled. The great Maya Angelou once stated, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” From the first time we interacted with Dilton, he gave off the vibe of a creepy onlooker who consistently managed to be just on the outskirts of the action. Could our head Boy Scout have had larger motives than teaching survival? Perhaps rather than survival, he was invested in his friend’s demise.