Riverdish

Regina George. Heather Chandler. Sharpay Evans. Every high school needs a self-proclaimed queen bee, and for Riverdale High, Cheryl Blossom easily snatches the crown.

It’s only fitting that the queen bee is a Blossom—the Blossom family is one of the founding families of Riverdale. Nearly one hundred years ago the Blossoms established the Blossom Maple Farms to almost immediate success, and under the family’s leadership, the maple syrup industry became the driving force of Riverdale’s economy. In this town, like so many others, money talks, and whatever the Blossoms say, goes. It’s widely known that power corrupts, and that absolute power corrupts absolutely. As for Cheryl, her unchecked power within the town made her a force to be reckoned with.

Gorgeous, entitled, and rich, Cheryl has a confidence that could kill. She is head cheerleader of the River Vixens and basically every word uttered from her mouth is instantly iconic. She might be known as a mean girl, but what can we say? We stan Cheryl Blossom.

Of course, like many people who appear to have it all, Cheryl has struggled with her fair share of hidden demons. It is not easy losing a brother, especially one you were so close with.

Like . . . SUPER close. We cannot be the only ones who were slightly creeped out by the almost romantic bond that the series explored early on between Jason and Cheryl, right?!

But the loss cuts extra deep when you were the one partially responsible for it. Cheryl was only trying to do the right thing for her brother when she helped him stage his disappearance from Riverdale. But she unknowingly led him straight into the arms of his captor and his untimely death. There are some things in life that we just cannot control. Jason’s dead body washing up on the shore of the river was an unexpected and tragic surprise that will haunt Cheryl for the rest of her life.

Cheryl’s moody, dark cherry bedroom is EVERYTHING!

While a normal and loving parent would typically be able to talk a child down from this overbearing sense of guilt, Penelope is no normal parent. Jason Blossom was the golden boy of the family, and Cheryl served as the perfect scapegoat for Penelope to take all her aggression out on. Little did Penelope know that the real monster she should have been upset with was her own husband. Just put yourself in Cheryl’s shoes and imagine how you would feel if, after being blamed for your brother’s death for months, you finally discovered that it was your own father who killed him. We mean . . . Sam alone has three therapists. Can we not find Cheryl one? This poor girl is going to need as much help as she can get.

In an effort to deal with this trauma, she attempted to drown herself in Sweetwater River. Thankfully she was rescued by Archie and the gang. But she then proceeded to burn down her family mansion in an effort to create a blank slate. Cheryl has never been one to shy away from the dramatics, but this seems a bit much even for her.

Can we move into Cheryl Blossom’s closet? Please and thank you!

Fact: Cheryl is hot. With her long, flowing ginger locks and banging bod, she can get any guy she wants at Riverdale High. She flirts to manipulate and feigns interest in those she deems suitable (we’re looking at you, Nick St. Clair!). But turns out, it’s not the guys she’s interested in. Back when Cheryl was in junior high, she befriended a girl in her class named Heather whom she began hanging out and having sleepovers with. This closeness soon shifted into something deeper. One night, Penelope Blossom caught Cheryl and Heather in bed together. Furious that her “perfect” daughter had disgraced the family name, she banished Heather from Cheryl’s life.

Like most other mean girls, Cheryl’s bitchiness was really just armor to protect her vulnerable heart. The armor that she built, however, made it difficult for her to keep friends. This was never made more apparent than in her friendship with Josie McCoy. The two first got close after Cheryl recruited Josie to the Vixens. With all the trauma in Cheryl’s life, it’s natural she gets a bit possessive of people, but she took this desire a step too far after Chuck Clayton expressed interest in Josie. Cheryl went into full-on stalker mode, threatening Josie with drawings and “gifts” (including a pig heart) in her locker. Eventually, Josie learned her stalker was Cheryl and rightfully kept her distance until the two reconnected when forced to duet in Carrie: The Musical. Ah, musical theater. How it solves any and every problem. We truly believe if everyone were able to break out in song when faced with confrontation, we would have world peace.

Love a spooky boudoir moment.

While Cheryl still struggles some with maintaining friendships, she thankfully has come into her own with regard to romantic relationships. This change was brought on by Toni Topaz. Toni has a way of removing Cheryl’s armor and seeing her for who she truly is. From the moment the two of them met, sparks flew. (We’re not crying; you’re crying.) History, however, has a habit of repeating itself, and the instant that Penelope caught Toni and Cheryl together she went into full-on Miss Trunchbull mode. She pulled Cheryl from the school musical and sent her to conversion therapy at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. I mean, hasn’t the girl been through ENOUGH?! Thankfully, as Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” video proves, there is nothing stronger than a girl gang. Veronica, Toni, and Kevin break Cheryl out of the home, and in that moment, Cheryl decides she is out for revenge. The first thing she does? Become a Serpent. (In a one-of-a-kind Red Serpent jacket, no less.)

Cheryl may have her demons, but she seems much more an asset to the crime-fighting mystery gang than a suspect herself. She might sin while seeking to bring her family to justice but honestly, who can really blame her?