Riverdish

The only thing that people enjoy more than a star-is-born narrative is a fall-from-grace story, and boy did Hermione Lodge have one for the books. Originally born in Riverdale as Hermione Gomez, she grew up like every other teenager in town, working an after-school job, drinking milkshakes at Pop’s, and flirting with the boys in town. And flirt she did! Before she ended up with rich boy Hiram Lodge, her original high school sweetheart was none other than Fred Andrews. While we do not yet know why Fred and Hermione called it quits, Hermione certainly did not draw the short straw.

Hermione’s mother worked grueling hours as a maid at the Five Seasons and barely scraped by. The one thing that Hermione knew for sure was that this was not the sort of lifestyle that she wanted for herself. She had to escape. And although her mother wrote off Hiram as being a petty criminal, Hermione saw something else in him. She saw her ticket to the American dream. So long, milkshakes and burgers, and hello, cocktails and caviar. Hermione quickly traded The Riverdale Register for the style section of The New York Times. And for a while, she and Hiram lived a fairy-tale life together in New York City.

Though it’s never discussed on the show, we like to imagine that before moving back to Riverdale, Hermione was being considered as a cast member for The Real Housewives of New York City. We mean . . . she would be perfect! Bravo loves a crime-centric story line. (Looking at you, Teresa and Joe!) And it would explain the appearance of Andy Cohen when Hermione is running for mayor. Strangely enough, we could see Hermione getting along well with Bethenny Frankel. They are both strong women who are experts in the art of manipulation. Ramona Singer, however, would be another story. Hermione is a woman who showed no remorse in forcing the entire Southside community out of their homes simply for her own financial gain. This is not the action of a woman who supports other women. Hey, even Countess Luann would have an easy in for a cabaret night at La Bonne Nuit. Although this never came to fruition, perhaps after his visit to town, Andy Cohen might consider adding another city to the franchise with The Real Housewives of Riverdale. Personally speaking, we think that Hermione, Penelope, Alice, and Sierra definitely have the makings of an incredible cast!

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Of course, as Fantasia Barrino’s book, later turned original Lifetime movie, has taught us, life is not a fairy tale. Hiram’s sentence devastated Hermione. We would have to imagine that her mother’s words of warning echoed through Hermione’s head as Hiram was carted off to prison. Yet, as history has proved time and time again, behind every powerful man is an even more powerful woman pulling the strings. Yes, staying in Manhattan and being subject to all the backstabbing gossip among the social elite sounds anything but pleasant. But did Hermione Lodge move back to her hometown of Riverdale with a larger goal in mind? One thing was for certain: Hermione was no innocent puppet in Hiram Lodge’s master plan.

Hermione is as shady as they come. As if it was not bad enough that she hurt Fred Andrews by leaving him for rich boy Hiram Lodge when they were in high school, as soon as Hermione returned to town, she took advantage of Fred once again. While she played the role of struggling wife who was in need of a job quite well, it soon became very clear that Hermione had other motives in becoming a part of Andrews Construction. She needed Fred’s help in securing land and building up her and Hiram’s SoDale project.

Fred was not the only Andrews boy she managed to take control of. Let’s not forget the time when she hired a man to pretend to be an FBI agent to intimidate Archie into snitching about the secrets of the Lodge family. We don’t know whether we should be relieved or worried that Archie passed this test with flying colors. He managed to keep his promise of complete loyalty to the Lodge family, and in return he was rewarded by “the boss” by being welcomed as an official family member. In that moment, we learned that the true boss of the Lodge empire is not, in fact, Hiram but rather Hermione.

Remember when Hermione briefly returned to her job at Pop’s? Imagine if all her former Upper East Side friends had seen that!

The full scale of the Lodges’ plan for Riverdale remains to be seen. With their development of the SoDale project and their acquisition of almost every property in town, the Lodge family is clearly up to something more devious than buying vacation homes. Even their plan for a for-profit prison seems slightly small potatoes compared to the work that they have put into taking control of the town.

With Hermione now mayor of the town, there is no limit to the power that she and Hiram hold over Riverdale. Buckle up, folks, because this is one power couple we would not want to get on the wrong side of.