Riverdish

As children we fear the monsters under our bed. We picture them emerging from the floorboards as giant beasts who have come to haunt us. Slowly we grow older and our imagination gets smaller. The monsters, however, do not. They just appear in different forms and wear different uniforms. Hiram Lodge exists as proof that there is no scarier monster than a businessman in a suit.

Hello, American Psycho much?! One time Ryan went on a couple of dates with this guy whose dating profile was exclusively quotes from the American Psycho movie. Having never seen the movie, Ryan did not realize that this was the case until he saw American Psycho: The Musical, written by none other than Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. Needless to say, he quickly called off the relationship. It seemed like a red flag.

Hiram is CEO of Lodge Industries and a ruthless tycoon. When the series began, he had just been sent to the Yonkers Penitentiary for multiple counts of fraud and embezzlement. Yet prison time did not stop him from working. His arrest sent his wife and daughter scrambling out of Manhattan to his small hometown of Riverdale, and it would prove to be the perfect opportunity to take over the town that raised him. In Manhattan, Hiram was just one of many evil businessmen. In Riverdale, however, he could have control of the entire town himself. He had been witness to how well Clifford Blossom had been able to do for himself with his drug running and wanted in on it. Riverdale may be a small town, but Hiram saw the possibility of big money.

From prison he anonymously started buying up properties in town, including the Twilight Drive-In, Pop’s, Southside High, and the Whyte Wyrm. With Hermione’s help, he was able to get Andrews Construction on board but he still had the wherewithal to send thugs to trash the construction site when word of Hermione and Fred’s affair reached him. There was even a moment in time when we suspected that he could have had Jason Blossom killed from prison. At the annual banquet for the board of Blossom Maple Farms, Archie overheard Clifford Blossom telling Penelope that it was he who was responsible for locking up Hiram Lodge! This certainly seems like plenty of motive for Hiram to have sought revenge by killing Jason.

Once the dust from Jason’s murder had settled and Hiram was released from prison, it seemed as though everything was perfectly laid out for him to complete his vision. Clifford Blossom was dead, and now Hiram could be the town’s ruler. Sure, there were also multiple men dressed as serial killers on the loose, but that was something that Hiram could take advantage of. The chaos that the Black Hood’s reign created in the town was the perfect opportunity for Hiram to come in and seize control. Talk about kicking a dog while it’s down!

We love a fireplace moment. It is kept fairly chilly on set, so the thought of snuggling up near a fireplace is a rather enticing idea.

By using the optics that the Southsiders were responsible for the uptick of crime in town, Hiram was able to sway public opinion to the point of agreeing with him when he wanted to evict them all from their homes. He also knew that he could take advantage of Archie by making him believe that he was the town hero who could save them all from the Black Hood. The Red Circle vigilante group that Hiram persuaded him to start both distracted Archie from his daughter and made Fred Andrews look like a bad candidate for mayoral office. The Black Hood shootings could not have been better for Hiram if he had planned them himself—so did he?

One thing that we kept asking ourselves was what was Hiram Lodge’s ultimate plan for Riverdale, anyway? Buying The Riverdale Register from the Coopers made sense in that it meant he held complete control over the press in town. But what good does purchasing Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe and the Twilight Drive-In do? Yes, the idea of endless burgers is tempting, but judging by Hiram’s well-cut suits, it did not seem as though it was burgers he was after. We then learned that Hiram Lodge was not, in fact, trying to rid Riverdale of crime. Instead, he was looking to bring more crime to Riverdale by turning Southside High into a private, for-profit prison and housing its workers in SoDale.

Hiram’s bar setup.

We have a suspicion that Hiram is after far more than just a prison. Hiram seems pretty intent on making Archie’s life a living hell. First he framed Archie for murder, and then he organized prison riots and oversaw the implementation of an in-prison fight club. We know that it was Hiram who first introduced Fizzle Rocks into the game of Gryphons and Gargoyles. Could he be the Gargoyle King behind all the chaos in town? So far, dads in this town do not have a great track record. In fact, we are almost running out of fathers to sentence for murder. With the Southside in his grasp and his band of cronies firmly on his side, what is to stop him from taking over the north side as well? Watch out, Riverdale. Hiram has not come to play.