Wednesday 22 June

WEDNESDAY 22 JUNE

8.45 a.m.

This is the last time I will see myself without braces for the foreseeable future, so I spent about half an hour gazing into the mirror. Farewell, wonky teeth. See you on the other side!

3.25 p.m.

Entire face aches.

In too much pain to write more.

Send help.

And KitKats.

Actually, I can’t even eat KitKats so don’t bother. This just gets worse and worse.

5.25 p.m.

Hungry but unable to eat.

Mum made sausage and chips for dinner, forgetting that I can’t chew at the minute. HMPH.

It was torture watching Toby tuck into it, especially as he kept going, ‘Mmmmmm, this is so good, Tinsel Teeth.’ He’s so immature and rude!

Mum rifled through the cupboard to find some soup but all she had was pea-and-ham and, I’m not joking, it looked like monster sick. VOM. I mean, honestly – she could have been better prepared.

5.50 p.m.

Mum came up with the ingenious idea of putting my sausage and chips in the blender. I was sceptical at first and it did look pretty gross, but it was a million times better than pea-and-ham soup!

Dessert was liquidized KitKat Chunky – also surprisingly good!

6.23 p.m.

Expected a flurry of messages from my friends this evening to see how I am but no – absolutely zilch! Not even heard anything from Jess, Poppy or Daniel. I could have died, for all they know!

Fries Before Guys WhatsApp group:

ME: Errrr, hello. Anyone there? Does nobody care that I’ve just been through some incredibly traumatic mouth torture today?

JESS: Oh sorry, Lottie. I completely forgot! I was just watching Is It Cake? It was the episode where they had to make handbags out of cake and honestly YOU COULD NOT TELL.

ME: Fascinating.

JESS. Yeh, it really was. Anyway, how did it go?

ME: Not great. Am in quite a lot of pain. Had to eat a liquidized dinner and Toby is calling me Tinsel Teeth.

ME: Personally, I’m not that keen …

POPPY: How about Brace Face then? Ooh or Magnet Mouth?

ME: Or maybe just my actual name … Lottie?!