Thursday 23 June

THURSDAY 23 JUNE

8.13 a.m.

Having the day off school because I am still in a lot of pain. Mum said that going in would be a better distraction than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, but I convinced her in the end.

You see, what Mum doesn’t realize is that I rather enjoy feeling sorry for myself (as you might have noticed) and anyway my mouth still hurts too much to eat proper food, so if I did go to school I’d probably starve to death.

9.11 a.m.

I have googled good things to eat for people with braces and one of the top suggestions is ice cream – result!

We didn’t have much in the freezer, so I’ve sent Mum and Bella out on a mission to buy some. I would have liked to have gone too, but I’m still feeling quite weak and delirious, so I thought it was best that I stay here.

I’ve now set myself up on the sofa with my duvet and my plan is mostly to watch YouTube all day.

3.25 p.m.

Breakfast – strawberry ice cream.

Mid-morning snack – mint choc chip.

Lunch 1 – salted caramel, fudge brownie and chocolate sauce.

Lunch 2 – raspberry ripple and cookie dough.

Mid-afternoon snack – strawberry, mint choc chip and salted caramel with a mixture of chocolate and strawberry sauce. (I was being too greedy – this was not good.)

If you are wondering why there is lunch 1 and lunch 2, it’s just because some people like two lunches and that’s absolutely fine – OK? Don’t judge!

5.05 p.m.

After yesterday I would have thought that Jess and Poppy would have upped their friendship game, but I’ve not heard anything from them OR Daniel again today, therefore I had no choice but to upload an attention-seeking sad-face Instagram story.

5.45 p.m.

WhatsApp convo with Jess:

JESS: OMG, just saw your Insta story – you look terrible!!!!!

JESS: Soz, but you did ask!

ME: Um, I don’t think I did …

JESS: Oh yeh. Oops. How are the braces?

ME: Not great. I can’t believe you didn’t message to see how I am (again).

JESS: I just did!

ME: It’s hardly a laughing matter, Jess. I mean, for all you know I could have died!

jess: Has anyone ever died from getting braces?

ME: I don’t know … Probably at least one person has. Anyway – that’s not the point.

JESS: What is the point then?

ME:

JESS: I’m waiting.

ME:

JESS: Are you still there?

ME: Yes.

JESS: What’s the point then?

ME: Look! Stop trying to confuse me. Tell me what’s been happening at school.

jess: OK well, where to start … Moaning Mia started going out with Boring Ben, Lacey broke up with DJ, apparently because he has weird thumbs? Lola and Leo got together – everyone thinks it’s mostly because their names sound good together, rather than them ACTUALLY liking each other.

ME: They aren’t wrong …

JESS: I know, right? Er, what else? Chloe got into trouble for throwing a ruler in Spanish – it hit Florence in the face, and she starts screaming ‘I’M BLIND!!!!!’ and going around the room bashing into things and laughing. Mr Sanchez sent them both to Mrs McCluskey’s office and now they both have detention for a week. Oh, Burger Tom was sick in the hall outside our form room, and it had – surprise, surprise – BURGER in it. SO GROSS! I mean, does he actually eat ANYTHING other than burgers?!

ME: I really appreciate the detailed account, Jess. Just wondering though, did you see Daniel at all?

JESS: I nearly forgot the most important part! You won’t believe this – they ran out of cheese paninis at lunchtime! Like COMPLETELY RAN OUT!!!! I was like ‘What on earth are we meant to eat then?!’ and the dinner lady suggested – get this – hot pot! I mean, is she insane?! Who eats school hot pot by choice? FGS there could be dead bodies in it??!

ME: Look, Jess, I’m not being rude, and this is all very interesting, but what I really want to know is what has Daniel been doing – and why hasn’t he messaged me??

JESS: Didn’t see him. Sorry.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW, in case you are wondering, Burger Tom is called Burger Tom because he’s obsessed with burgers and he once ate five burgers at lunch break for a bet.

6.35 p.m.

The ice-cream diet had been really delicious today but by teatime I was really craving some solid food. I was about to suggest that maybe we could Deliveroo a Maccy D’s or Domino’s as a treat for me for being so brave, but unfortunately Mum had already started making fish pie for dinner. She thought it would be nice and soft in my mouth, forgetting that it’s one of my least-favourite dinners of ALL TIME!

FYI the only dinners worse than it are cheesy broccoli and egg bake (VOM) and lamb and peach stew (DOUBLE VOM).

Anyway, I made an excuse that I was so tired and woozy from the Calpol and neglect that I’d skip dinner and go to bed early. Little did she know that my SECRET plan was to eat my SECRET stash of KitKat Chunkys. (A much better dinner than fish pie, hee hee hee!)

However, I stupidly hadn’t bargained on Mum coming up to check on me …

Now she is VERY cross. Not just about the dinner evasion but about the fact that I was ‘clearly well enough to be at school’ and how I had missed so much ‘vital education’.

That was absolutely not true! At school I would have been learning stupid pointless stuff about decimal points and how people used to get their hands chopped off for stealing bread. Whereas at home I did an online quiz called ‘What Type of Biscuit Are You?’ and found out I’m most like a Jammie Dodger! Yum.