SATURDAY 23 JULY

10.12 a.m.

It’s July, it’s freezing, I’m wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, and Mum is thinking about putting the heating on – go figure! In comparison, Daniel has uploaded an Instagram picture of himself at his fancy Greek villa. The sky is blue, the pool is glistening, and he looks so gorgeous and happy.

10.18 a.m.

Should he be that happy though … is he not missing me?! Maybe he’ll meet a lovely Greek girl and forget all about me.

10.19 a.m.

Crossed out the above entry because I realized that wasn’t a very feminist thought. If he does meet a lovely Greek girl and forget all about me, then GOOD FOR HIM!

Anyway, maybe I’ll meet a lovely French boy and forget all about Daniel! Unlikely TBF because he is sooooooo lovely.

4.24 p.m.

WhatsApp message from Daniel:

DANIEL: It’s amazing here but very hot! Went on a boat trip and to a Greek taverna for lunch. Miss you x

ME: It’s not amazing here and it’s just started hailstorming. Watched a YouTube video about how to make pancakes that look like Justin Bieber and ate a Peperami. Miss you too! X

DANIEL: You’re so funny.

ME: I’m not trying to be!

DANIEL: That’s the best part x

4.29 p.m.

Bum – I’m doing Peperami-flavoured burps again! I mean personally I don’t mind them, but I just don’t want other people to notice and then get another nickname like Salami Breath Girl or Stinky Burp Lottie.

Why do Peperamis have to be so delicious, dammit?!