Her: He even smelled like Samuel or rather Samuel smelled like him. But his father's scent was that much more powerful, like being encased in a plastic box and having fresh cutlets of mowed lawn dropped onto your head, tickling and gently falling as the aroma of freshness filled the container.
I tried to focus on what I needed to say to Samuel. I didn't know how or when to begin. Now I understood how Samuel had felt that day he came home to tell me about his true self. I busied myself with making a sandwich.
“I suppose you're fine?” I asked Samuel's father.
“Content… I ate moments ago,” he said, looking at Samuel with a knowing smile.
“Yeah… that's the thing,” said Samuel. “It happened again.”
“What did?” I asked, turning from the microwave. I set the dial to one minute.
“I killed Constable Fagan.”
“Jesus,” I said, turning back in shock.
“There is that word again,” said his father.
“My God, Samuel… I also need to tell you something.”
“And my father killed his two henchmen,” said Samuel.
“Jesus,” I said a second time.
“It is a very popular word in Newfoundland and Ireland.”
“Would you stop interrupting, please,” demanded Samuel of his father.
Him: Our marriage has seen five good years of wild sex and love that blossomed deeply and meaningfully and yet, there were still aspects of Magdalene's character that I would continue to discover each year. A woman is never just a woman. A woman is a whirling tornado of thought, feeling and action. A woman could lift a two-tonne vehicle off the ground if her child was trapped underneath. Magdalene was that kind of woman. As her husband, I had never known such happiness until she lit up my life and I hers. It did not matter to me what had happened or what she was forced to do, I would adore and love and lust for her always.
“Please continue, honey… tell me what went down?”
“A stimulating conversation is like dirty talk,” interjected my father. “Once the actual dialogue begins, the body awakens and the spirit and ears open to receive.”
“Please be quiet,” I said again. “I know you already know something, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here acting like an idiot.”
“An idiot?” he repeated. “No one has called me that for hundreds of years.”
“Please, Sir William,” said Magdalene. “This is hard enough.”
“It gets much easier with each passing heartbeat,” stated my father.
“What does?” asked Magdalene.
“Killing,” answered my father. Magdalene burst into tears. “I killed Tina,” she pointedly confessed to me.
“Jesus H. Christ,” I replied.
“Evidently the word is also popular with you,” observed my father. He sat at our kitchen table with his legs spread wide apart, in a position of authority; his arms crossed and a huge smile plastered on his face. Clearly, the interaction of normal and half humans was his form of entertainment.
“For fuck's sake,” I said to him. “Let her speak.”
“Oh yes…pardon me, my dear… I meant Maggie. Do not permit what had transpired to upset you. It is important when pregnant to cultivate an aura of calmness… your body will glow and the good feelings will be transmitted to your growing fetus.”
“For the love of God!” said Magdalene. “It's because of you,” she pointed at my father, “that I went to visit Tina in the first place.”
“Is it?” asked my father.
“Yeah… that's right. When I went upstairs for my dream book, I overheard you and Samuel speaking and you asked when he was going to tell me about an agreement they had made.”
My facial colour turned a shade redder. She knew. She knew I had visited Tina to impregnate her. The easiest lie to remember is the truth. I should have told her from the beginning and none of this would have happened. We men are semi-idiots. But at least we're smart enough to re-direct. I went back to the hallway and opened my briefcase, taking out the day's newspaper. I walked back into the kitchen and threw it on the table. Magdalene put the knife down on the table and picked up the paper. She read the headline, the same way I did; her eyes scanning from left to right, then back again from left to right, reading it twice.
“Holy cow,” she said. She looked at my father. “You did this?”
“Indeed… she was delicious and a far better treat than the two this morning. I find young men do not taste the same as young women. Young men take their bodies for granted, not bothering to care for them with the same level of passion as do women. They eat foods heavily laden with fats. The taste of their blood is overpoweringly awful. Then again, I was happy to help my son.”
“Don't look for credit from me,” I said. “I never asked for your help.”
“True enough,” he replied. He uncrossed his arms and rested them on the table. Magdalene dropped the newspaper in his hands.
“We're like a round table of killers,” she said.
“It might fascinate you to know that I enjoyed many enlightening conversations with Dorothy Parker,” said my father. “The Algonquin Round Table was an exciting time for writers and Dorothy was a sensitive and brilliant woman with an acerbic wit.”
Magdalene went back to the counter and began slicing a tomato with a serrated knife. She dropped the knife and started sobbing. I came up behind her and kissed the back of her neck.
“Oh babe… there, there… don't cry. Tina’s not worth it.”
“I shouldn't have gone there… I should have talked with you first. I fucked up and now Kevin and Derek are involved.”
“How so?” I asked.
“They're dumping her body parts in different places… her head in Hull and her torso and limbs in northern Ontario.”
“Oh goodie,” said my father. “It is officially bear and wolf season, new cubs and pups. They will have happy tummies. Cannibals have told me human flesh is sweet and the texture is like chicken.”
Her: Samuel was hardly moved by my confession. I did him a favour, as much as I did a favour for myself. Tina was out of the way. Samuel kissed me again on the back of my neck and returned to the table, speaking to his father in a serious tone.
“I realize you find this all very amusing but if Magdalene is upset I get upset.”
“Magdalene did you a favour as much as she did herself a favour.”
“Stop reading my mind!” I snapped at him.
“Force of habit. I cannot help myself,” said Sir William.
“I should tape your mouth shut so that we can speak in peace.”
“That would be rude and uncalled for and it would probably make me very angry and as The Incredible Hulk would say, ‘you do not want to see me when angry’.”
Samuel and I broke up laughing. Our nervous reaction had opened a valve and I took in a deep breath. I went back to making Samuel's sandwich, spreading on the toasted rye hot and spicy mustard and on the opposite side a light smattering of mayonnaise. Samuel liked the dual combination of tastes. I added tomato and sprinkled on pepper and a dash of salt, although I didn't like salt. He said salt added taste. I took the chicken breast out of the microwave and cut it into strips, adding it to the sandwich. I placed one dill pickle on the plate, handing the sandwich to Samuel with a napkin.
“Kevin and Derek ended up with the booty I stole from her safe,” I said. I thought I might as well finish the whole story.
“How much was in there?” asked Samuel, taking a large bite. His father watched. I could see his nostrils opening, smelling the food.
“I don't know…thousands. I held onto the prize recordings.”
“Would you care to share?” asked Samuel's father.
“At first, I thought you were responsible for Tina's death,” said Samuel. “Now I see you had nothing to do with it and yet you were involved with her. It all makes sense to me, suddenly. You were the one behind getting her pregnant vis-à-vis me. You wanted a grandchild and were prepared to go to any lengths to get what you wanted, weren't you?”
“Guilty,” he replied to Samuel.
“What did you offer her in return?” asked Samuel.
“Good question… she is dead now, so the answer is moot. I am here and you and Magdalene are together, happy and pregnant. Does it really matter?”
“Money,” said Samuel. “You offered her a bundle of money.”
“Either that or you offered to change her into one,” I said, interrupting Samuel.
“Smart girl, that wife of yours,” said Samuel's father. “If she had conceived, I was prepared to change her in exchange for the baby.”
I backed up, away from the table, afraid for our safety. If he were prepared to change Tina for a baby, what would he be prepared to do for mine?
“You need not worry, Maggie. I have no designs on your child. I would simply like to be part of the child's life. After all, your child is my grandchild.”
“I haven't even been to the doctor, you know. So, you could be wrong,” I barked
“I am never wrong,” he replied.
Samuel finished the first half of his sandwich in three bites. He spoke with a full mouth to his father. “You know what? If you had never shown your smug face in my life, we would’ve been just fine,” he finished.
“Perhaps or perhaps not but either way, events have now taken unexpected turns, much like life. At least everything has worked out for the better. Tina no longer has anything on you and your pact to impregnate her is finished. Your liaison with the constable will desist because he is dead. All in all, you have reason to celebrate… that is once you resolve the issue of Pussy.”
I didn't say anything, looking at Samuel. He had more to tell me. We sat across the table from his father and stared. He hardly seemed like an invincible vampire. He didn't try to threaten, manipulate or cajole. He only wanted to be in our lives.
“What if we don't want or need you in our lives?” asked Samuel, ignoring the reference to Pussy. I pulled back in my chair. I wasn't ready for Samuel to take him on. Not after the morning. I knew think my heart could take any more excitement.
“Let Maggie instead tell you her story, what happened at La Maison Erotique. I think you will find it to be a thrilling listen.”
“My wife's story will keep. Answer my question! What if we don't want or need you in our lives? You have other sons, in other parts of the world. Maybe even you have daughters for all I know.”
“Only sons,” he replied. “I change only male babies.”
“Because you want to sire a new breed of life,” I blurted out.
Him: Magdalene was clever. She had figured it out. A good general will send in their brightest and toughest sergeant. Magdalene was my sergeant. I wouldn't have pieced the two together. Changing babies in the hopes that they would grow up half vampire, half human to create a new offspring, a new hybrid species. A new hybrid species is like creating a new religion, something that has staying power; that lasts forever. He was both diabolical and logical. I had to maintain my composure, even more so to be careful about my thoughts for fear he would read them.
“You want to create a whole new race,” I said flatly, repeating Magdalene's words, “not only half vampires but half vampires who procreate, that's it, isn't it? A new species is defined by its ability to propagate from the original parent, isn't it? It's not the same as biting and making vampires. You can't conceive through biological means, which is why Magdalene's pregnancy carries significance, doesn't it?”
“Well done,” answered my father.
“And Magdalene is the first to become impregnated by a hybrid son…me?”
“Right again,” said my father. “I have devoted my very long life to achieving this goal. I make no bones about it and I will go to any lengths to achieve what I want.”
“Jesus,” said Magdalene. My father smiled warmly at her, reaching out his hand to touch hers, wanting to possess her flesh. I leaned out of my chair and wrapped my fingers around his throat squeezing, throwing my body weight into the strength of my fingers. Magdalene screamed, rising from the table, knocking over my beer.
My father did not flinch, reaching out with one arm, pushing me back into my seat. I was a fly to him, a fly that could be swatted without a thought afterward.
“Let us arm-wrestle instead, Samuel. You might beat me!”
“Fucking asshole,” I said under my breath, putting my hand to my chest where he had pushed me. He was a solid cement block, unmovable, supremely influential.
“What is an ancient vampire to do?” asked my father mockingly. “I have enough money to buy a province in Canada, if I so wished,” he said.
“You print money?” I asked.
“Nothing so ridiculous,” he answered.
“You own Fortune 500 companies?” I probed further.
“Several in truth…all devoted to feminine products.”
“Sanitary napkins?” I qualified.
“There is a fortune to be made in menstrual blood,” he replied.
“Jesus,” said Magdalene.
“Incidentally, how do you satisfy your need for blood Samuel?” he asked.
“None of your business,” I replied.
I could see it in his eyes as he looked at Magdalene and back at me. Whatever thoughts Magdalene had he read them.
“You suck her menstrual blood!” said my father in exclamation, getting up from the chair, pushing the seat back and opening his mouth. First there was silence, a suspended silence that glittered in his face and eyes, and then the sound turned into a roar of laughter, the loudest of loud roars. He laughed so intensely that he was forced to prop up his body by placing his hands on his knees. He lifted his head to look at me and couldn't stop from laughing. He backed up against the kitchen wall and held his stomach, barreling in laughter. I saw down his throat.
“That is by far the hardiest laugh I have had in years. Thank you… thank you!”
“Fuck off!" I retorted.
“Do not be offended. I am impressed. You are a humanitarian half vampire, rare and decidedly alone in this particular field of thought, the first I have heard.”
He reached over and kissed my forehead. I couldn't stop my thoughts. I realized he would read them. I thought about how best to kill him. I wanted the bastard dead. I had to protect Magdalene and our future baby.