Jade jolted awake when her phone rang. She snatched it from the floor and rolled off the air mattress. Her brother. She pressed the phone to her chest and sneaked out of the bedroom.
Through the thin moonlight she could see Max asleep on his back, cradling a playbook to his chest. All the football talk tonight with the coaches and boosters fired him up.
“Aiden, hey.” Jade opened the front door and slipped outside. The scent of barbecue lingered.
After the barbecue, potato salad, chips, pies, cookies, and cakes had been eaten, and the soda coolers had been emptied, and the pep band had played their final song as the cars exited the same way they came in—a caravan down the driveway, their taillights creating a red river toward Colby—Max had talked football.
While Jade bathed Asa. While she diapered him and tugged on his pajamas. While Asa brushed his teeth. While Jade kissed him good night and turned out the light.
“Ah, it’s after midnight there, isn’t it. Sorry, Jade-o.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you called. Where are you, by the way?” Jade cut through the warm porch shadows and sat on the porch steps. It felt good to have alone time with her brother.
“Australia.”
“Australia? Really! Since when?”
“Two days ago. Just like your mad decision to move to Texas, I made a mad decision to take a job in Australia. A photographer friend of mine needed some help. I’ll be down here for a few weeks, maybe a month.”
“Texas, Australia, Guatemala.” Jade eased down onto the porch steps. The breeze rode low and strong over the prairie tonight. “The Beryl Hill children are all over the place.”
“Mama would be proud of her adventurous offspring.”
“Have you heard from Willow? She’s not responding to my e-mails.”
“She went on a medical trip to Cuba. As far as I know, she was fine as of two weeks ago. Still loving on Guatemalan orphans.”
“Maybe she’ll be the next Mother Teresa.”
Aiden laughed. “Only less virginal. Hey, remember the time she wanted to live like Laura Ingalls Wilder? No electric, no running water?”
“Yeah, she was five and the little smarty was already reading the Little House books. She drove Mama and Granny crazy begging them to play Little House on the Prairie.” Jade closed her eyes to see the images of the past clearer.
“Mama said, ‘Willow, look around at this place, girl, we are a little house on the prairie.’ ” Aiden did a good Mama impression.
“Granny couldn’t take it any longer so she agreed to a trial Little House week.”
“First day, Willow came downstairs in that bonnet.” Aiden’s laugh reminded Jade of their Paps, a good man, a Christian man. “She was all into the game until five thirty when she wanted to watch her Full House rerun.”
“But Granny outsmarted her and hid the TV in the closet.” Jade laughed, remembering. “Willow was so mad.”
“And . . . the experiment was o-ver,” Aiden said, his voice low, resolved, a bit sarcastic.
“We have to be together this Christmas. Please. Don’t book a job over the holidays. I’ll get Willow home.”
“You may be onto something, Jade. Granny wouldn’t want us to drift apart.”
“Neither would Mama. For all her craziness, she loved for us to love each other.”
“And if she didn’t, we’ll love each other to spite her. So, you said you needed to talk? What’s going on? How’s Max?”
“He’s doing really well considering the past four months. The football job is not all he thought it would be. It’s more.” Jade explained the surprises of the Warrior football field house and lavish set up. “But he’s really excited about this. After all we’ve both been through, it feels good to start something fresh, in a new place.”
“What about you? Any more depersonalizing moments?”
“No, Aiden. God has . . .” Did she dare believe? “Done a good thing.”
“I can hear it in your voice. You and Max are—”
“Putting the past behind us. Forgiving. Moving on. Starting over in a new place with a new commitment to us.”
“If anyone deserves it, you do, Jade. You like being a mom?”
“Love it. Sometimes I lie in bed at night and think about the day with him, or what we’re doing the next day, and my heart is so full I can barely breathe.
I can’t believe he’s mine. Well, almost mine.” Jade blew out a long breath.
“Speaking of Asa, I need some big brother advice.”
“You’ve come to the right place. I’m full of it.”
Jade smiled. “Don’t I know it. Anyway, about three weeks ago . . .” Jade spoke of her encounter with Taylor, the request for proof, and the lurking image of Landon in the Hollow the day before she left.
When Jade finished, Aiden said nothing but whistled low. “So what’s your question to me?”
“Do I tell Max?”
“You still only have this Taylor chick’s word?”
“Right.”
“Jade-o, I don’t know. Look, it’s up to you, but if I were Max, I’d want to know. What happened to the new commitment to the relationship? Keeping secrets got you guys in trouble before.”
“True, but I would tell him if I knew for sure, Aiden.”
“Why does it have to be proved? He should know what you know, Jade.”
“To what end? So I tell him. Then what?”
“Why does there have to be an end? You tell him because it’s the right thing to do. Secrets like this have a way of coming out. It may hurt him now, but it’ll hurt worse if it comes out next year, or in ten years. He’ll wonder why you kept the secret. What about Asa? You and Max need to figure out together how to tell Asa he’s adopted. Don’t risk him finding out as an adult and make him second-guess his whole childhood.”
Jade sighed, combing her fingers through her hair. “I knew you’d say that.”
“Because you know I’m right. What if the birth father gets all sentimental and starts looking back at his life deciding he needs to make amends? Happened to a friend of mine. Thought he was Joe and Sue Donaldson’s kid. Turns out his father had an affair and his mom is not his mom. She took him in and raised him as her own when the mistress bolted. He was pretty upset. Felt like his life was all a big lie. Tell Max. Do not shoulder this alone. He has a right to know.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is. Do it. What’s holding you back?”
“I don’t know if I believe it. Who knows why Taylor told me that wild story?
It may not be true. Asa turns two in a month. After that, the bio dad can’t challenge the birth certificate—if there even is a different bio dad. Max will legally be Asa’s father.”
“Don’t drag this out. Tell him. What is it with you? Where did you get this philosophy that keeping secrets from the man you love is the best way to have a relationship?” Aiden’s words cut hard. “Think how hurt you were that Max didn’t trust you enough to believe you’d love him through his big mess.”
“This isn’t my mess, Aiden. It’s the continuing saga of his. Even though Rice did him wrong on this one. And I learned the keeping-secrets thing from growing up with our mother.”
“Mama? You’re crazy. She was the bare-it-all kind.”
“Then this is my reaction to her. She told it all. I hide it.” Aiden made a good point. Mama’s baring it all—whether it was secrets or skin—embarrassed Jade on more than one occasion.
“You called for my advice and despite your stellar rebuttals, I remain standing on my ‘tell him’ soapbox. Tell him, tell him, tell him.”
Jade shoved the heel of her hand against her forehead. “I will—if and when I get the paternity from Taylor.”
“Or, here’s an idea, tell him.”
Jade held the phone from her ear. “You don’t have to yell.”
“I do if you’re not listening.”
A low breeze cooled the hot tears in Jade’s eyes. “Every time I picture myself telling him, I see his face and it breaks my heart. Rice was one of his best friends growing up. They were engaged. He really cared for her and she paid back his kindness with deception. For her own gain. She didn’t care if she hurt me or our marriage. Why should I allow her the last hurrah? Huh? Why let her charade continue? Let it end with me.”
“It doesn’t end with you and you know it.” Underscoring Aiden’s words was the power of truth. “Jade, got to run. It’s teatime. Listen, let me tell you something about men. We’re simple. Not complicated. Max is a big boy and he can handle the news. Don’t assign him your fears.”
“It just hurts.” Jade smoothed the tears from her cheeks and lowered her forehead to her knees.
“I know, kid sister. But rip the Band-Aid off now. Quick jerk.”
As she ended the call, the screen door groaned and Max stepped onto the porch. “Hey, what are you doing, babe?”
Had he heard? “Max, you’re awake.” She couldn’t see his expression in the dark.
“Rolled over on my playbook.” He sat on the step next to her, yawning, rubbing his eyes. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here?” He pressed his hand over the base of her neck and wove his fingers through her hair.
“Aiden called.” She held up her phone. “He’s in Australia.”
“The man gets around.” Max pointed toward the amber lights of Colby. “There’s our new hometown. New opportunity. Fresh chances.” He breathed in and glanced at her.
“Sounds like you’re feeling better about things?”
“I am. We’re where we’re supposed to be. Did you have fun with the boosters?”
“The coaches’ wives were fun. Sweet. Kathy Carroll invited me to a playdate next week. She said her nana’s house is a vintage lover’s candy store.”
“See? Connections already.”
“I hope so. I really liked her.”
Max bumped her shoulder. “Did you see the redbirds tonight? In the trees.”
“Perched on the limbs. Yeah, I saw them.” She remembered seeing a redbird in the spring at Mama’s last party. Mama had died a few hours later. But a little redbird flitted to the ground at Mama’s feet and sang the sweetest song to her. Then chirped a message or warning or something to Jade.
“It’s a good sign, those birds.”
“Max, all I ask is that if you start feeling the old stress—”
“I’m not going to feel the old stress.”
She peered at him for a long second. The light from the single living room lamp stretched through the screen to halo his high smooth cheek. “How do you know you won’t feel the old stress? What exactly happened when you were gone at that camp to make you so sure? And why haven’t you ever talked to me about it?”
“I’d planned on telling you.” Max drew his arm back and rested his elbows on his thighs. “I started to once, but I couldn’t. It seemed private, between Jesus and me.” When he peered at her she could see the glisten in his eyes. “You know how something cool happens and it feels so special you don’t want to tell anyone in case they ruin it, or don’t get it? Sort of like when a man falls in love with the right woman, he doesn’t go into the locker room and talk about how many bases he covered.”
“Did you think I’d make fun of you?”
“Not really, just maybe that I couldn’t communicate what was so special to me.” Emotion watered his voice. “I never knew God loved me so much.”
“Remember when I finally told you about having an abortion? And how I finally confessed it to Jesus and He forgave me? I lay facedown in the backyard of Miss Linda’s bed-and-breakfast while fireballs burned away every bit of shame.”
“I remember.”
“You responded with kindness and understanding. How would I not do the same for you?”
“Because since then you learned I was far from the stellar man I pretended to be.” He smiled a slow smile.
“Tell me.” Jade slipped her hand into his and rested her head on his shoulder.
Max said nothing for a long moment. Jade thought she could hear his whispered prayers. “I’d been at the Outpost for about a month. I was mad, cranky, giving Axel a hard time. His method of rehab was pointing ranch residents to Jesus and the cross. Every time we got offtrack, he’d turn us around to face the cross. ‘All the help you need is right there.’
“My progress was slow. Then Axel called a fast. Three guys bolted that week and I almost went with them. But I thought of you and Asa, and I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Axel had a crude cross on the property that I could see from my bunk. During the fast, I’d lie on my side and watch the moon pass over the cross. One night while my stomach was growling, I started praying, ‘Lord, heal me. Fix me. I’m a wretch and a wreck.’ I realized that was the point of the cross. To be free from myself. A man can’t live free if he’s in debt to sin, and I was up to my eyeballs in debt.”
Jade listened, brushing away her tears.
“I started to cry. Just watery eyes at first, then sobs. I buried my face in the pillow to keep from waking the others. I wanted to slip out, but I couldn’t move. I felt like I was lying in a bed of warm oil. The more I wept, the thicker and warmer it became. I swear I heard Jesus say to me, ‘I have things for you to do. Come, follow me.’ Then He poured more oil. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the cross, weeping, soaking in that oily sensation. By morning, I thought it was all a dream. But over the weeks at the Outpost, I knew it was real. No more pains, real or phantom. No craving for meds. Love met me and lifted me out of my sin. I look back at the addicted Maxwell Benson and wonder, ‘Who was that guy?’”
Jade lifted her chin to his shoulder and started to speak. To say she believed him, that she loved him, and that she had something to tell him.
But no . . . not tonight. Not while they had moonbeams in their hair and the hum of the stars in their hearts.