‘Now, the best thing you can do is keep calm and keep quiet,’ said the man with the revolver who, as it turned out, was also the smaller of the two crooks that Agaton had followed to Edinburgh in the first place.
Which made the driver, now that the sleuth thought about it, the larger crook of the pair.
‘Yes,’ said the driver, whose name was apparently Charlie, ‘just sit back and relax, you little sneak. You’re not quite as clever as you thought, eh?’
Agaton Sax did not move a muscle, but not because of the crooks’ instructions. He was, in fact, a little embarrassed to have walked into their trap. Perhaps he wasn’t as clever as he thought he was.
He was, however, still smarter than these two. Which meant he knew where he was being taken.
There were several possible ways of dealing with the situation, but he quickly discarded most of them as too risky. Besides, as they left the city centre, he noticed – via the rearview mirror – that they were being followed by another car. This opened up some very interesting possibilities. He would bide his time.
‘We’re being followed,’ said the one who wasn’t called Charlie, two steps behind as always.
‘You sure?’
‘Yes. Slow down a bit.’
Large Charlie lifted his foot from the accelerator. The car behind them did the same. He sped back up. They kept pace.
‘You’re right; we need to shake them off.’
Agaton Sax held his breath. Even with an expert driver, car chases could be dangerous enterprises, and Charlie – at the wheel – was the opposite of an expert driver. Even in their short journey thus far he had only just managed to remain on the road and at one point had nearly run over an elderly woman, a baby carriage, and an understandably angry squirrel.
They zigged, zagged, squealed and screamed around corners for several heart-stopping minutes until finally, the little crook looked out the window and said triumphantly:
‘We’ve done it!’
‘You mean I did it.’
‘Whatever. We lost them.’
‘I still don’t like it.’
Agaton Sax didn’t like it either.
***
When they arrived at Professor Mortimer’s house, they walked up to the house, single file, with Agaton sandwiched between the two crooks, where Charlie maintained they could keep an eye on him.
Soon enough, Professor Mortimer and Agaton Sax stood face-to-face once more. The Professor had changed into a flowery dressing gown and was smoking a long, elegant pipe. He looked a little as though someone had set fire to a pair of curtains. His expression still gave off a sense of the absent-minded academic, but Agaton Sax knew better now. There was a ruthless gleam in those seemingly glazed eyes that would have sent lesser men running from the room in search of their mothers.
‘Thought you could fool me, did you?’ the Professor said.
‘Yes,’ thought Agaton, but kept quiet.
‘You thought I wouldn’t put two and two together. But I did. I just didn’t want to act before I discovered a little more about you or you had the time to spill the beans yourself.’
The Professor began to pace up and down the room, as the sound of his own voice was music to which he was moved to dance. A wide smile split his features.
‘Of course, I can’t tolerate your interference. Nor can your actions to date go unpunished. I believe some compensation is in order. I suggest a million pounds. Give or take.’
‘I suspected you were insane, Professor,’ replied Agaton. ‘And now I have my proof.’
‘Come now. It’s a drop in the bucket to a criminal such as yourself. I know about the money you recently swindled from the good people of Brosnia.’
Ah, thought Agaton, interesting. Best to play along.
‘I could never get my boss to hand over such an amount.’
‘Don’t toy with me. You are the boss. The Great and Terrible Gronsky.’
Agaton laughed mirthlessly.
‘I wish I were. I’m just a cog in Gronsky’s machine. He’d laugh if you asked for a thousand pounds in exchange for the likes of me.’
Who is this Gronsky? Agaton thought.
‘Good try, Mr Gronsky.’ said the Professor.
This was a dangerous situation. Professor Mortimer seemed convinced that Agaton Sax was the leader of a rival gang, able to access a million pounds as easily as reaching down the back of the sofa. Thinking Agaton a criminal mastermind, he therefore had no fear of the police becoming involved.
Still, he was actually Agaton Sax and he knew far more about the Professor’s schemes than the learned criminal could possibly imagine, and about his two dim assistants.
The doorbell rang, shattering the tension of the stand-off between the two men.
‘What was that?’ barked the Professor.
‘The doorbell?’ said Charlie.
‘Definitely the doorbell,’ added Not Charlie, wishing to appear useful.
‘At this time of day?’ mused the Professor.
The bell rang out again.
‘Stay here! All of you.’
The Professor strode nervously towards the door. Agaton watched him with growing amusement. Charlie and Not Charlie looked like children about to burst into tears. This was not what they imagined when they’d signed up for their first Criminal Sidekicks night course.
The Professor went to the door and peered through the spyhole. Then he stood back with a start.
‘It’s the police!’
‘The police?’
‘That’s what I said, you dimwit.’
‘What should we do?’
The Professor pursed his lips in thought.
‘Get in the study, and take Mr Gronsky with you.’
Agaton reluctantly allowed himself to be dragged into the safety of the study, as the Professor moved to open the door. Thankfully, however, the crooks remained too curious to close the door entirely, and he was able to see what occurred through the slim crack.
‘Good afternoon, officers.’
The two police officers stepped over the threshold, their hats in their hands, showing all due respect to the famous professor on whom they had come to call.
‘Good afternoon, sir,’ said the elder of the two. ‘We’re sorry for the intrusion, but we’ve been shadowing a notorious international criminal for the past two days.’
‘I see. And how can I help?’
‘Well, sir. I’m sure there is a perfectly innocent explanation, but we believe him to have travelled by taxi to your house.’
The Professor blinked once. Then twice.
Then he said the most extraordinary thing:
‘Thank goodness you’ve come. The man you’re after is in the next room, being held by two of my research students. He broke in here, claiming to be a language expert, then demanded money at gunpoint! Thankfully I was not, as he thought, alone.’
The officers nodded, as though this was exactly the answer they had been expecting. It had not been, and to be honest, they were a little disappointed. Both had recently passed an Advanced Interrogation course with flying colours, and had been looking forward to trying out a few new techniques.
Nonetheless, they took it as a win and marched in the direction of the study. Throwing open the door, the senior officer threw his shoulders back and, making the best of a bad situation, proclaimed:
‘It is my duty to inform you that you are under arrest. Anything you say may been taken down and used in evidence against you.’
Agaton scowled.
‘On what charges am I being arrested?’
The junior officer smiled. He knew this.
‘Forgery, counterfeiting, and…’ He floundered briefly. ‘International criminal conspiracy.’ The officer wasn’t entirely sure the last thing was an official crime, but it sounded good.
‘Nonsense!’
‘Do you deny that you are Mr Arnold White of Cheltenham, Gloucestershire... also known as Gronsky?’
‘Would either of those things be a crime?’
This brought the police officers up short.
‘Not strictly, but…’
The senior officer stepped forward, holding up a photograph.
‘Is this you, pictured on the platform of a Brosnian railway station, a few days ago?’
‘Yes. Also, not a crime.’
‘So you say. But both the Brosnian authorities and Interpol have presented us with overwhelming evidence of your activities as a forger of renown.’
Professor Mortimer threw a hand to his forehead, as if about to faint.
‘Oh, officers. Please take this disreputable man from my home at once.’
‘Oh, we will, sir. As soon as the special squad arrives from Edinburgh. This is a case of international importance. Nothing can be permitted to go wrong.’
A flicker of annoyance crossed the Professor’s face, but he simply nodded.
‘Of course, officers. In that case, could my students please fetch me some water?’
The officers shook their heads.
‘I think it’s best that we all stay put for the moment.’ The officers had no doubt that Professor Mortimer was an innocent bystander, but there was something about the other two men that seemed less than… studious.
They did not have to wait long. A siren wailed in the distance, before gradually wailing closer and closer and then winding to a stop.
There followed the sound of a car door slamming and footsteps marching towards the house.
The doorbell now. The nearest officer answered it and a familiar voice, electric with excitement, floated over the threshold.
‘Finally!’ they said. ‘Interpol will give me a medal for this.’
Agaton smiled.
Inspector Joshua Lispington had arrived.