Xiao Yen watched enviously as Fat Fang's cranes danced together in an intricate pattern on the tabletop. If only she'd thought of that! He was certain to win the privilege of going into Bao Fang to see his family for five days. After being at school for four years, all trips into the city were a treat. At least if he did win, he couldn't accuse her of having all the luck. Xiao Yen almost smiled at the thought.
Xiao Yen's single crane stood tall in the corner, watching the dancing birds with disdain, preening its feathers now and again. Its thin head seemed to float at the end of its graceful neck, its chest curved like an inviting cushion, and the edges of its wings trailed behind it, like phoenix's wings.
Neither of Fat Fang's cranes were as graceful as her crane. Their legs were as thin as a spider's; both had chest feathers that protruded instead of lying flat; and their wings were shaped like sharp knives instead of graceful plumes. Plus, they were the size of roosters, not full sized, like Xiao Yen's. On the other hand, there were two of them, and they interacted. Xiao Yen marveled at how well they danced together, weaving their necks faster and faster, wings spread out. They barely missed stepping on each other. It wasn't the kind of crane dance she'd seen out in the wild, but it was just as beautiful.
Fat Fang's eyebrows almost touched each other as he scowled in concentration. Once a creature was animated, and had received its instructions, it had a will of its own. Only on rare occasions could a mage influence it after that. Fat Fang continued to stare at his cranes, as if the force of his will kept them dancing.
Long Yen's crane was no longer in the hall. He'd gone first in the contest. He'd never had control of his creature. It had flown in frightened circles over the courtyard before it had escaped. Determination now filled his usually happy face. He concentrated on Fat Fang, as if trying to wrest the secret of the two interacting birds from him by thought alone.
Xiao Yen's crane flapped its wings once, as if trying to get her attention. She looked over at it and sighed. She'd poured as much of her understanding of cranes as she could into her bird, filling its head with her observations of the birds. She'd let everything flow from herself into her crane, hoping to transfer enough essence that it would have its own life. It wouldn't have a soul as it was only a created creature. It could only have a soul if Xiao Yen placed her own soul in it—and she had neither the ability nor the will to do that.
Her crane turned its head. Its dusky eyes bored into hers. Xiao Yen remembered watching the cranes dance by the river Quang in the golden morning sun. First one approached and bowed, then the other, like two officials meeting for the first time, each unsure of the other's rank. Then they'd thrown their heads back, proclaiming their delight to the flock. They'd leapt together, in celebration of the light and the water and the joy of being alive.
Now her crane tossed its head, as if beckoning her to join it. It moved its wings in a circular motion, fluffing its feathers, like a dancer stretching. It took two steps toward the table. Xiao Yen stood up, afraid that it might interfere with the other birds. She glanced over her shoulder at Master Wei. His whole attention was drawn to the birds dancing on the table. Xiao Yen walked to the corner.
The crane's eyes were at the same level as Xiao Yen's and held greater wisdom than Wang Tie-Tie's. Xiao Yen bowed to it, low. It bowed back then leapt into the air. Xiao Yen's heart leapt with it. The crane snaked its head down and pecked at her feet, forcing her to lift one foot, then the other. The crane met her gaze again and raised its wings.
Xiao Yen hesitated. Master Wei wouldn't approve. Fat Fang was sure to tease her about it. The yearning in her crane's eyes tugged at Xiao Yen's heart. She bowed her head, lifted her arms in response, and joined her creation, dancing.
She didn't dance like the crane did. She didn't feel the beat it used. She moved her feet in time to her own sense of rhythm, swaying from side to side like the pine trees she'd observed, seeking grace. She wove her arms together, forming a ball, folding it and unfolding it into long strips of paper, echoing the poses Master Wei made them do every morning. The crane nodded its head in approval. For a moment, elation mingled with her sense of shame. She wasn't doing the right thing, but at least her creature approved.
The crane jumped and landed, then brought its wings close to its body and shuffled to its left. Xiao Yen moved as well, circling around so she stayed facing the crane.
As if it were part of the dance, the crane bent its head down to the table, snapped up one of Fat Fang's cranes, and tossed it out the open hall doors with a graceful flick of its head. It did the same to his other crane.
Xiao Yen froze. She held both her hands over her mouth, horrified. What would Master Wei think? She didn't dare meet his eyes. Where was her luck now? Her crane stepped forward, into their dance again. It snaked its head to either side of hers. Xiao Yen felt a slight sting on the back of her left hand, followed by the soft brush of feathers on her right.
Xiao Yen's cheeks flamed red with embarrassment. She flung her arms out, like a peasant woman shooing chickens. Her crane took a step backward, its gaze still locked on her eyes. Xiao Yen wished she could fly away and sport with clouds as white as her crane's wings. Maybe her crane understood her. It threw its head back, exalting, then with three hopping steps, leapt for the door and headed for the sky.
Xiao Yen turned around. Fat Fang had a surprised look on his face. Long Yen was smiling, and his eyes sparkled. Master Wei's face held no emotion that Xiao Yen could read. He indicated with his hands that she should proceed with the end of the ritual.
Xiao Yen walked to the table where her paper crane still stood. She picked it up with both hands, lifting the ashlike paper above her head, afraid her breath would disintegrate it. She carried it to the altar against the far wall.
Hanging above the altar was an ink drawing of the immortal Zhang Gua Lao, the patron of all paper mages. He sat backward on his white paper donkey, holding a peach in his hand. Tied to his back was his long bamboo fish drum. Under the painting stood a silver brazier, filled with sand and ashes and the remains of several dozen sticks of incense. Xiao Yen placed the paper figure in the center of the brazier, then took a lit candle standing on the altar and set the mundane remains of her creation on fire. This freed the crane essence, sending it heavenward, with the smoke.
She turned away, about to go sit down, then stopped. She reached back, put a finger in the ashes, and then painted a dot in the center of her forehead, where her third eye was supposed to be, to show respect for her creation. Maybe she'd failed the test. Maybe her luck had failed her. Her crane hadn't failed her. She sat down, keeping her gaze on her hands in her lap, the wonder of her crane's dance vying with her shame.
Master Wei walked from the far corner where he'd been observing the contest to the opposite side of the table. “A unique performance,” he said.
Xiao Yen's throat tightened and her stomach clenched. That was what Fu Be Be always said just before she punished Xiao Yen. “Unique” was a bad word, a brand of difference Xiao Yen had learned to hate. Her sister Gan Ou used it all the time to tease her.
“I think we can all agree that Xiao Yen deserves the prize,” Master Wei continued.
“What?” Fat Fang stopped himself. It was acceptable to question the master; however, the questions had to be phrased properly.
“Excuse me, sir, but I don't understand why you say I won,” Xiao Yen said, asking the question so Fat Fang wouldn't lose more face.
“There are three reasons why Xiao Yen should get the prize. Can any of you give me one of those reasons?” Master Wei said, his voice taking on its lesson tone.
Long Yen laughed and said, “I can. She tossed Fat Fang's birds out the door.”
Xiao Yen kept her eyes on the table, still ashamed. How could that be a good thing? Fat Fang was her classmate.
Master Wei said, “That's right. She defeated the enemy, though I don't believe it was intentional. Xiao Yen passed more wild spirit to her creature than she contains herself.” He paused for a moment then said, “Xiao Yen.”
She looked up.
“You must remember that outside this school, mages are enemies, people you will have to fight, or at least defend against. I've only encountered a handful of mages in all my life, but I've had to battle every one of them.”
Xiao Yen bit her lip, but didn't respond. In the next phase of the school the students had to set their creatures against each other, to fight one another. Master Wei had already talked with Wang Tie-Tie about it. She'd approved. Fu Be Be had told Xiao Yen that fighting was bad. It wasn't a thing girls did.
“Fat Fang?” Master Wei asked.
The sullen boy didn't reply.
“No idea?” Master Wei continued. “The second reason is because the crane interacted with Xiao Yen. She's mundane, it is magic. Your cranes interacted with each other, which is good, but there's a tremendous difference between magic interacting with magic, versus magic interacting with the mundane.”
“It doesn't count!” Fat Fang said.
Master Wei looked puzzled.
Fat Fang rushed to explain. “She created the creature. Maybe she had planned it, planned the dance, so it wasn't reacting to her, she was reacting to it!”
Master Wei pursed his lips. “That's possible, except for one thing. Xiao Yen's crane also reached the third, highest level. It affected the mundane world. Only the strongest mages can animate creatures like that. Xiao Yen transferred enough essence to give her creature its own, individual life force.”
Master Wei reached out and took Xiao Yen's left hand in his, forcing her to look at it. A scratch with beaded blood went across the back of it. It didn't hurt. It took her a moment to realize where it had come from. When the crane had passed its head next to her cheeks. The remembered feeling of silk feathers.
Master Wei lifted Xiao Yen's hand, making her stand and walk to altar. He dipped his fingers into the ashes and coated the cut. The stinging brought sudden tears to Xiao Yen's eyes.
Master Wei held her hand up and examined it. “I want you to cover that with cloth for ten days. You will develop a small scar on the back of your hand, a reminder of your first day as a paper mage.”
Xiao Yen swallowed hard around the sudden lump in her throat. Master Wei had only called them “students” before. He'd never referred to any of them as “mages.” Amazement flooded through her, along with joy. She was sure her happiness was strong enough to carry her to the moon and beyond.
* * *
Xiao Yen had to knock at Master Wei's door a second time before he responded. She let herself in and looked around with curiosity. Though she'd been at the school for four years, she'd never been in Master Wei's private quarters before.
The room was attached to the back of the Hall of Receiving, as long as the hall but skinny. Shelves holding a menagerie of paper creatures filled one long wall: lions, bears, dragons, snakes, elephants, mice, horses, and creatures Xiao Yen couldn't name. Squeezed between the shelves were windows. In the far corner on the left sat Master Wei's bed. A small fireplace was set in the wall next to the head of the bed. Xiao Yen was envious—he must be warm in the winter, while her building caught every cold wind that came from the west. Closer to the door stood a large desk covered with piles of papers. Master Wei sat behind the desk, still reading.
When Master Wei looked up from his papers, his eyes bored into hers. Xiao Yen felt like dissolving under the intensity of his gaze. She knew he didn't like her to be timid though, so she folded her hands behind her back, stood up straight and said, “You asked me to come see you before I leave for Bao Fang, sir.”
“What are you going to do when you graduate, Xiao Yen?” Master Wei asked, almost to himself. “Well?” he said after a moment's silence.
“Get hired as a paper mage?” Xiao Yen asked. That's what Wang Tie-Tie had told her she would do when she graduated. And anything Wang Tie-Tie wanted, she got.
“I wonder,” Master Wei said. He stroked his thin scholar's beard and leaned back in his chair. “Who will hire you?”
Xiao Yen replied, “I don't know sir. But, my Wang Tie-Tie, she—”
Master Wei interrupted. “They say old ginger is the sharpest, but Wang Tie-Tie is sharper still. She's strong enough to browbeat anyone into doing her bidding. But will there be a second commission after the first? Or a third? Xiao Yen,” he said then hesitated. “We have to work on your fighting skills.”
Xiao Yen blurted out, “Fu Be Be says girls shouldn't fight.”
Master Wei replied, “Your mother doesn't think you should be here, does she?”
Xiao Yen pressed her lips together and didn't answer. Wang Tie-Tie always said to wear your broken arm inside your sleeve. Telling your problems to people outside your family never solved anything.
“Xiao Yen, what do you want to do?” Master Wei asked.
“To do my duty,” she responded, as she'd been taught. She didn't see any other choice.
“Your duty to your family, Xiao Yen? Or your duty to yourself.”
Master Wei didn't ask that as a question, so Xiao Yen didn't respond. Besides, weren't they the same thing?
“Listen,” Master Wei instructed as he turned and looked out the window.
Xiao Yen listened. She couldn't hear anything. She knew Fat Fang, Long Yen and some of the other students were playing ball in the other courtyard but she couldn't hear them.
“The silence of this room is a great comfort,” Master Wei said after a while. “Sometimes, it's a sorrow as well. Would you like to live in a room like this someday?” Master Wei turned back to Xiao Yen, leaning forward in his chair, his arms resting on his knees. “To be surrounded by your work, by your creations, with silence running like a clear stream through all your days? To shine like a light in a watchtower outside of town, outside of everything? Or do you want to be in the center, surrounded by your family and your descendants?”
Xiao Yen looked around Master Wei's room, at the hundreds of creations on his shelves, the small bed that would never be shared, the space that was his and his alone. The stillness in the room penetrated her bones and touched a responsive chord in her. The peacefulness attracted her more than it frightened her.
Xiao Yen solemnly faced Master Wei again. “Yes. I like the quiet.”
Master Wei's eyes widened. He looked surprised. “I would think a girl would choose her family first, but then again, my sister would exchange places with me in an instant.” He chuckled. “You don't remind me of her at all, though she's the reason why I decided to let any girls into the school at all. She's like black ice on a late winter morning. Everything slides off her, around her. Our mother wouldn't let her train with me. Though she was very good at the few things I showed her.” Master Wei fell silent again and studied his student.
Xiao Yen's ears burned with embarrassment at the intimacies Master Wei shared, but she didn't squirm. Her time at the school had taught her how to be still.
“We need to work on your fighting skills,” Master Wei repeated, turning from her and picking up a paper from his desk. “You're too trusting. Too nice. You felt bad about beating Fat Fang this afternoon, didn't you?”
Xiao Yen agreed, not meeting his eye.
“You shouldn't. You have more imagination than those two combined. You need to compete when you're in a contest. There has to be a winner, and it isn't wrong for you to win.”
“But they're boys.”
“So?”
Xiao Yen didn't know how to reply. Wasn't it obvious? As a girl, how could Xiao Yen hope to be better than her male classmates?
With a loud sigh, Master Wei leaned back, picked up a piece of paper from his desk and handed it to Xiao Yen. The paper had been folded into a square, the center sealed with a bright red stamp. “Please give this to your aunt,” he said.
Xiao Yen stood for a moment, unsure if he was finished. He no longer watched her, but stared at the ceiling. She bowed low and turned toward the door.
Master Wei called out after her. “Yes, they're boys. But you—” he paused “ —are Xiao Yen.”
Xiao Yen looked back over her shoulder. What did that mean?
Master Wei stood up and bowed to her, bending his gaunt frame almost in two, until he bowed to her like an equal. Xiao Yen bowed back, her spirits shooting toward the ceiling. When she straightened up, Master Wei gestured toward the door. Xiao Yen was dismissed.
She picked up her sack from outside the door and walked across the outer courtyard. What had her master meant? Of course she was herself. She was also part of Wang Tie-Tie's family, a daughter and a sister. Even if she had a room like Master Wei's, she'd still have family.
Xiao Yen sighed and shook her head. It was too much to think about. Wang Tie-Tie would take care of her, see to her future and get her a good commission. She had no reason to worry.