11

Caitlyn lay on a gurney in the ED, hands twisting. She’d been checked over, but the doctor wanted her to stay a little longer due to burns on her left hand she didn’t remember getting. Driving hadn’t been a good idea apparently, but the doctor said she’d heal without too much intervention.

She didn’t care. The key thing was she’d found Hayden in time. Every time she’d asked how he was faring, she’d been told they’d find out for her, but no one had said anything.

She glanced up as Meredith peeked around the curtain before enveloping her in a hug.

“Caitlyn. We’ve been so worried since the hospital rang. We got here as fast as we could. We thought you were in Scotland. What happened? Did you crash?”

“No. David left Hayden for dead, and then tried to kill me.” Caitlyn blinked back the tears she wasn’t ready to let fall. “I’m OK, really I am. Hayden’s the one we need to worry about.”

Meredith pulled back and studied her. Her eyes welled as she bit her bottom lip. “David did this? Are you really all right? I mean, your hair is singed, your dress is burnt…and your hand…Oh, Caitlyn…”

She glanced down at her bandaged hand. “It doesn’t even hurt,” she whispered. She twirled the wedding ring which now hung from her necklace. “What if he dies? What will I do?”

“You hardly know him.”

“I know enough to know I love him. But we haven’t even…” She broke off, heat rising in her cheeks. “He’s barely even kissed me. He’s so worried about his disfigurement. I told him it doesn’t matter, but what if I’m too late?”

Meredith pushed Caitlyn’s hair away from her face. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Hayden thinks he’s cursed. I know we didn’t marry for love, but I’ve fallen for him.”

“Have you told him how you feel?”

“Yes, before the ambulance arrived, but I don’t know if he heard me. There was so much blood. I love him, more than anything. Bad temper, faults, limp. I can see the whole person that he is. Outwardly, he may be a ruined shell, but inwardly he shines. He’s tender, sweet, funny, can’t play the piano other than chopsticks…”

Meredith laughed. “Like all of us then. A monster on the outside, but filled with God’s love on the inside, we can outshine anything.”

“Yeah.” Caitlyn hugged her. “Did Jeremiah come with you?”

“He’s parking the car. Have you called your parents?”

Caitlyn shook her head. “I asked the nurse to call you instead because they won’t come. Father wants nothing to do with me, and Auntie Naomi will back him up as always.” She straightened her shoulders. “I need to see Hayden.”

She was half off the bed, when the nurse came in. “I have to see my…husband.”

The nurse nodded. “I’ll take you to him, but you can only have a few minutes. We’re prepping him for surgery.”

Caitlyn stood, taking a second to get her balance. “That’s all I need.” She followed the nurse down the hallway into a large room labelled resus, and over to a bed surrounded by doctors.

“This is Caitlyn Shade, Hayden’s wife,” the nurse said.

Caitlyn gasped. Her husband lay on the bed, a sheet covering only his modesty. His face without the mask seemed far worse in the bright hospital lights than it had in the dim light at home. “Ohhhh…” she whispered. Tears filled her eyes and tracked down her cheeks. She rubbed them, the bandages coming away sooty.

Shock slammed into her. How could anyone have left a child like this? She could understand him wanting to hide, but at the same time admired him for what he’d accomplished.

But it really didn’t matter, she realized. She loved him, and she always would, no matter what. She ran her gaze over the rest of the figure before her. A gaping wound marred both his left shoulder and his side. His left leg lay twisted and bent, scarred with old injuries.

“Mrs. Shade?”

Caitlyn tore her gaze from Hayden and turned to the doctor, swallowing hard. “Yes…”

“As you can see, his wounds are extensive.” The doctor covered the bloody hole in Hayden’s side with a piece of gauze. “This one is deep, but seems to have missed all his vital organs. His leg can be re-broken and set straight, even though it appears the injury is many years old.”

“He broke it when he was six. I assumed it had been treated in Scotland where he lived.”

The doctor inclined his head. “I won’t know for sure until we get his full medical records. I have asked for them to be accessed on the system here. No self-respecting doctor would have left either leg or face in this state—at least not intentionally. However, we can certainly eliminate any limp he may have. As for his face? I’ll ask a colleague in plastic surgery to come and take a look once your husband’s stable. With advancements in procedures, we should be able to rebuild some of it.” He studied the readouts. “However, we do need to get him up to surgery now.”

“Can I see him for a moment, first? Please?”

The doctor nodded and she stepped to Hayden’s side, cupping his face gently with her uninjured right hand. “Hayden, can you hear me?”

Hayden’s eyes opened.

“I’m here. I only have a minute, but I need to tell you something.” She held his gaze. “I love you. Don’t you leave me, you hear?” She leaned down and kissed the shattered side of his face. “I love all of you, including this part. It’s not so bad. You see, I found the man behind the mask, or behind the monster, as you put it.”

The machines beeped. “His BP is dropping…”

“We have to go,” the doctor said.

“One more second.” Caitlyn kissed Hayden gently on the lips. “I’ll be waiting right here for you. You’re not cursed. I love you, Hayden Shade. All of you.”

He held her gaze for a moment then his eyelids fluttered and closed.

Caitlyn moved to one side. Tears fell faster as they wheeled him from the room. Despite her faith in the doctor’s abilities, part of her was afraid she’d never see him again.

The nurse placed a gentle hand on her arm. “Let’s get you back to bed. I’ll let you know when he’s out of surgery.”



Hayden stood on a cliff edge, the wind blowing his hair. Below him the sea pounded over the sharp, black rocks. Beside him stood a bridge. And across the bridge was a bright light, clouds, singing. But the bridge was blocked by a pair of scales.

“Weigh my life and find it lacking,” he whispered as he wept. He wasn’t ready to face this, to leave Caitlyn.

The scales tipped. A tender voice full of love spoke from above him. “Paid in full.”

A hand touched his shoulder and he turned to face Someone he couldn’t see. The figure was bright, light, and a glorious peace emanated from Him.

Hayden took a step, so wanting to follow the Man into the light.

“Not yet, My son. There is work still for you to do.”

The figure vanished, and Hayden stood in front of a full-length mirror. He averted his gaze, but hands turned him to face his image. The man reflected there was complete. No cane. No mask. Both sides of his face flawless. His whole body was perfect. The way he’d often imagined he’d look in heaven.

“I don’t want to go back and be the broken, disfigured man whom no one loves.”

From somewhere behind him, Caitlyn’s voice echoed. “I love you. All of you. Bad temper, limp, scars…I found the man behind the monster, Hayden, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I believe God has a great plan for us, that He put us together so you could find yourself.”

Hayden closed his eyes.

The distinct odour of iodine pulled him back to consciousness. His eyes flickered open. He was in hospital? He hated hospitals. He swallowed hard, having only bad memories to go on. But there was a faint scent of perfume. Was she here? “Caitlyn?”

She smiled as she moved into his field of vision. “I’m here. How are you doing?”

“I don’t know. Thirsty.”

Caitlyn offered him a straw. “Just little sips.”

“Why is your hand bandaged?”

She glanced at her swathed palm. “Long story. It can wait. It’s nothing major. At least it’s a small bandage now, not the great big thing I had at first. You’ve been sleeping a long time.”

He took three long sips. His face felt fat, his chest and leg heavy. “How long?”

“On and off for a week, what with all the surgeries and so on. But you’ll be OK. That’s all that matters.”

“What happened?”

“What do you remember?” She set the glass down, taking hold of his hand.

“David came into my study. Attacked me…”

She nodded. “The police have him in custody. He’s not getting out any time soon. But I don’t want to talk about him. The police will interview you when you’re up to it.”

He raised his free hand to his face. His voice broke. “Bandages? Am I that disgusting?”

Caitlyn laughed softly. “Oh, my love, no. the doctor who examined you in the ED had a plastic surgeon examine your face. The doctors in Scotland did some work after the accident that killed Rafe, but once you were in the foster system, it was never completed. The surgeon here even discussed it with you during one of the times you were awake, but I’m not surprised you don’t remember. Anyway, your leg also didn’t heal properly, so they rebroke it, realigned the bones and you’ll be as good as new in a few months. The scans show it’s healing perfectly. No more mask, no more limp.”

A lump filled his throat. It was too good to be true. “What’s the catch?”

“Lots of physio on your leg. More surgery on your face. It’ll take a long time, maybe a year, but…yeah…” She kissed his fingers.

“Normal?” Wonder filled him. “I’ve hidden from the world, lived with the after effects of the accident for so long, that I’m not sure what normal is.”

She tilted her head. “Well, normal-ish. True normality is extremely overrated.”

He smiled, and winced. “That hurt.”

“Then don’t do it, and it won’t hurt.” Caitlyn giggled. She paused. “Tell me though. Why didn’t you ever investigate plastic surgery before? They could have fixed this years ago.”

“I didn’t see the point.” He held her gaze. “No one cared enough to hang around when I was a kid, and I got so used to hiding, it became second nature.”

Caitlyn kissed his fingers again. “Told you. No more hiding. The docs did find one other thing when they patched up your chest wound. A congenital heart defect. It should have killed you years ago. They think the same hereditary anomaly may be what caused Rafe to die in the fall all those years ago. I can’t remember what it’s called, but the cardiologist will explain everything when he comes to see you. They fixed that as well. So, being attacked turned out to be a blessing in disguise.” She paused. “And David has admitted pushing the ladder over and causing the accident. He told your parents it was your fault, but it wasn’t.”

He stared at the ceiling trying to take it all in. The gnawing, constant guilt that had plagued him since he was six began to ease. “Not my fault? Rafe dying wasn’t my fault?”

“No, Hayden. Not your fault.” She kissed his fingers. “You’ll be fine. All of you.”

He turned his gaze back to her. “Maybe fine will be overrated as well.”

She laughed. “I think you’ll manage. But we can face it together. Even before the doctors told me they could fix you, I knew I loved you.”

“You love me?” He hadn’t dreamt the words that had echoed round his mind?

“Yes, you silly man. I found the man behind the mask a couple of weeks ago. At first, I was too blind to see and realize what I had in you. You lack nothing, Hayden Shade. Except for a decent Christmas tree, which by the way, we now have.” She pulled out her phone and showed him.

Hayden studied the photos then turned to her. “You Christmasified my house.”

“Yes, I did. Completely and utterly Christmasified it. Meredith and Jeremiah helped because…” She held up the bandaged hand. “It’s not easy hanging ornaments with this. Wait a minute. Is Christmasified even a word?”

“It is now.”

“In that case, yes I did Christmasify our house. Completely. Every single room. I’ll abide by most of your rules, husband, but that ‘no Christmas’ one is never being adhered to. Ever.”

He leaned back into his pillows. Contentment filled him. She loved him. Warts and all. And everything would be all right. He would need to confirm that with the doctors. It all seemed too good to be real. Was he still dreaming? If not, he had a lot to thank God for. And there was only one place to do that properly.

Her hand moved over his. “What are you thinking?”

“Thinking I might even go to the carol service with you, this year. If I haven’t missed it.”

She shook her head. “You haven’t. But though you might be home by then, I’m not sure the docs will let you go. Maybe next year.” She glanced over her shoulder and beckoned to someone. “You have some visitors. They’ve been dying to see you when you’re actually awake.”

Hayden followed her movement. He swallowed, not quite believing what he saw. “Those are…”

“Your parents,” Caitlyn confirmed. “Yes, I interfered.”

“When don’t you?”

She laughed. “I’m not that bad. They are staying at the house with me for now. They want to see you, apologize, explain what happened and why, but only if it’s all right with you.”

Hayden looked up at the ceiling. What do I do? So much hurt, so many years… But perhaps, just as they’d got things wrong about the accident, he had got things wrong, as well. “OK.”

Caitlyn kissed his hand. “I think they’re hoping for grandchildren,” she whispered. She tilted her head. “I was also thinking, once you’re home, before they leave, can we redo the marriage ceremony, so your parents can be there? Christmas Eve will be pushing it, so perhaps New Year’s Eve instead. Mine won’t come. They didn’t even visit while I was in the hospital. You should have lost the bandages by then, and we can both wear masks.”

He inclined his head a little—any more movement than that sent shards of pain rippling through him. “I’d like that. But you don’t need to wear a mask. I do have one stipulation. You move your things into my room. No more separate beds.”

“Sounds good, my love.” She stood.

Hayden held onto her hand. “You’re wearing a dress.”

“Don’t tell anyone, but I am rather fond of the rule that says only you wear the trousers in our house.” She tried to turn, but he held her firm. Her brow furrowed. “Hayden?”

He caught his breath as his parents walked over to his bed. His mother was crying and his father’s eyes glistened.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered. “I need you here.”

Caitlyn glanced over at the nurse. “It’ll be too many people…”

“It’s fine for a few minutes,” the nurse assured her.

Hayden’s throat constricted as his parents reached his bedside. What did he say to them? They appeared the same, yet so much older, careworn. Were they as worried about his reaction as he was over what they would say?

His father gripped his mother’s hand and cleared his throat. “We weren’t sure you’d see us. It’s been so long.”

“It has,” he whispered. “Why did you leave me?”

A sob escaped his mother, her tears flowing faster. “S-s-s-orry…”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Hayden felt as though he was a child again. Trying to explain it wasn’t him who killed the puppy, or pulled up the flower bed, or tipped bleach into the goldfish pond. It hadn’t been him who first flushed his mother’s kitten in the toilet before hanging it on the washing line by its ears.

“We know now. Tony told us years ago that he’d seen you do all those things. He convinced us you were evil, really evil. Then when Rafe died, Tony said you’d done it deliberately and would kill us for not believing you. We didn’t want to send you away, but didn’t think we had a choice. And once we told the care system what we thought had happened, well, they told us it was best you stay there. ”

Hot tears pooled under the bandage covering his face. A huge sob welled up inside him. “I’d never…”

“We couldn’t get you back from care, we tried a couple times. The lies and hurt Tony spread escalated. Initially, we did what we thought was for the best. We had no idea…” His father swallowed. “I don’t expect you to forgive us…”

Hayden held out shaking arms. He just wanted a hug, to be told everything would be all right. “Please…” Then he was enfolded in their arms and for the first time in a long time, he felt whole. The rift Caitlyn had started to heal, was finally mended.