“Women fucking suck.” I chuck the basketball straight at Caleb, who makes a groaning noise when it smacks him in the abs. “Let’s go.”
I chase him down the basketball court, trying to steal the ball from him, but the fucker is fast. Sometimes we like to play one on one, just to change it up, and our apartment complex has an outdoor court that no one ever uses—except for us.
Like now. On a cool Sunday afternoon, when we should be chillin’ or working on homework or what the hell ever. Instead, we’re dribbling up and down the court, antagonizing each other playing a sport neither of us are particularly good at, but because we’re elite athletes, we’re pretty fuckin’ good.
I slap the ball out of Caleb’s hands and spin, racing toward my hoop, shooting the ball a little earlier than I normally do when, lo and behold, that thing hits the rim and bounces through the hoop.
“Take that!” I yell at Caleb with a laugh.
He grabs the ball and starts jogging to the other side of the court, deceptively at ease. I know the second I lunge for him, he’ll probably send me falling on my ass. “Show off,” he mutters as he passes me.
I run halfheartedly behind him, not one hundred percent into it. I drank too much last night and woke up hungover this morning. I also can’t stop thinking about Ava and her mouth.
All I want to do is kiss it.
My dream girl has turned into my worst nightmare. She wants me still. Last night’s entanglement proves it. Fuck, I want her too. But I’m still mad—and I’m sure she is too. We may have talked, but we didn’t resolve anything.
Not a damn thing.
I have a good feeling about this though. About us. At the very least, we can use each other for sex for a while.
I frown, stopping in my tracks as I rest my hands on my hips.
What the hell? No, I will not just use her for sex. We’re more than that. I love that girl. She lives in me. That sounds corny as hell, even in my thoughts, but it’s the damn truth. She’s everything to me.
Everything.
Caleb takes the ball all the way to his basket and sinks it into the net with ease, the ball bouncing on the ground. He snatches it from the air, turning to look at me as he continues dribbling the ball.
“You all right?” he asks.
I nod, not even bothering to steal the ball from him, even though it’s rightfully mine. “Can I ask you a question?”
He frowns, still bouncing the ball. “Sure.”
“You ever uh…just have sex with a girl but not want a relationship attached to it?” I rub the back of my neck, feeling like an idiot for asking.
“Pfft.” Caleb makes a dismissive noise, passing the ball straight to me. I catch it before it can do damage to my abs, like I did to him only moments before. “I invented that game. Baylee, remember?”
“Oh right.” How could I forget? He kept that girl on a string since high school, and only ended it when Baylee told him she was done. We were already halfway through college by then.
“We were total fuck buddies, though I know she caught feelings.” He frowns. “I regret how badly I treated her.”
“Well, now she’s practically married to Carson,” I remind him.
“Isn’t that crazy? That guy never impressed me much, but they’re still going strong.” Caleb shrugs. “I’m happy for her.”
That’s great and all, but I don’t want to divert from the real question that’s lingering on my tongue.
“How were you able to never catch feelings for her?” I ask, my voice light. Like this conversation is no big deal.
Caleb watches me, his eyes narrowed into slits. “You got someone in mind to be your FWB?”
I frown. “FWB?”
“Friend with benefits,” he explains.
I start bouncing the ball, warming up to practice a trick I learned and perfected in seventh grade. “Nah.”
“Liar.”
“It’s true.” I shrug and bounce the ball harder, until I flip it into the air and stick my middle finger up, balancing the fucker right on it. “Check this out.”
“Not bad,” Caleb acknowledges before he runs up and bats the ball away. “Who you got in mind? There are girls lining up to get with you, bro. The pull is strong this year. We’re seniors. We could have anyone we want.”
We both watch the ball roll across the paved court, until it bounces against the black wrought-iron fence, coming to a stop.
“Do you want anyone else?” I ask him, just to make sure.
“Nah. No way. I’m happy. Gracie is my girl,” he says with boastful confidence. I remember feeling that way. So sure in my relationship. Positive she was going to be mine forever.
Now look at me.
“That’s great,” I say, and I mean it.
I’m also envious. I want that back.
I want it with Ava.
“After our encounter last night, I’m thinking that’s what Ava and I can be,” I say. Caleb frowns at me in confusion. “Friends with benefits.”
“What? You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Caleb says, an incredulous look on his face before he busts up laughing.
He laughs for at least a minute. And the longer it lasts, the angrier I get. Until I’m tempted to grab that basketball and throw it in his smug ass laughing face.
“What the fuck is wrong with that?” I finally ask him.
“You’re delusional.” He shakes his head. “Seriously, what are you thinking? You two were in a relationship for four years, and now you think you’re going to be fuck buddies? Unbelievable.”
“It could happen.” I shrug. Deep down, I know he’s speaking the truth. “She still seems into me.”
If by being into me, I mean she wants to murder me, then yes.
She’s totally into me.
“What went down between you two last night?” Caleb asks, his laughter finally dying.
“We talked.”
“And…”
“That’s it,” I say, realizing at the last second that I don’t want to share with him what else Ava and I did last night. It feels too personal to reveal. And a little messed-up. We shouldn’t have kissed.
Then again, we should’ve. It’s like we can’t help ourselves, and I suppose that’s our issue. We still want each other. Our love for each other is deep. We’ve been through a lot together. It’s hard to just—quit that.
“Now you think you two can just randomly hook up, here and there? With no feelings attached?” Caleb raises his brows.
“Oh yeah.” I wave a hand like it’s no big deal. “We’ve always had chemistry. I’ve got no one in my life right now. Neither does she.”
At least, I don’t think she does. Can’t think like that though, or I’ll get furious quick.
“Like I said, you’re delusional.” He jabs his finger in the air, straight at me. “You’re still in love with her.”
“I still care about her,” I correct, because no way in hell am I admitting to Caleb that he nailed it on the head.
I’m still in love with Ava.
What if she’s still not in love with me?
“Keep telling yourself that,” he says with a snort. I’ve lived with this guy for a while now. How did I not notice how fucking annoying he is before?
Wait, I did. He’s just extra annoying at this very moment.
“She’s living at home until the spring semester. She’ll go back to San Diego in January,” I explain. “Why not try and hook up, now and again? We’ll run into each other constantly, thanks to our mutual friend group. And it’s pointless to hate on each other. I could never hate Ava. Am I still mad at her? Hell yes.”
“Is she still mad at you?” Caleb asks.
I remember her blazing green eyes and the things she said. She got some real zingers in too, aiming straight for my heart. And my ego—which she thinks is too big. She even called me the most selfish person she knows, and we know a lot of jackasses.
That stung. When it came to her, I was not selfish. As in, I gave her whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. I adored that girl. Worshipped her.
I still do.
“Yeah, she’s still mad at me,” I finally admit.
“Maybe you can fuck the mad out of each other,” Caleb suggests, as if that’s a perfectly logical solution to our problem.
And you know what? I like that answer. I like it a lot. But would Ava be down?
Probably not.
“I don’t know,” I say, wincing at how uncertain I sound. That’s not how I roll. I’m certain of everything, or at least I pretend to be. “She probably won’t agree.”
“The good ones usually don’t,” Caleb says with a slow nod, reminding me of a sage old soul. Which is some straight-up bullshit because I would never describe him in that way. “Just tell her how you feel and make it happen, Eli. I know you can do it. Pretty sure you two can work this out.”
“Yeah. Doubtful,” I say, my turn to snort this time. “She was still pretty angry with me last night.”
“You kind of deserve it,” Caleb points out. “You could’ve survived without her for the summer.”
“Maybe not,” I say, getting irritated all over again. “She hasn’t put me first in a long time, Caleb. And that was just…the final straw.”
Caleb is shaking his head, his expression one of pure disappointment. How I wish I had the basketball still in my hands so I could smack him in the face with it. “You’ve got this all wrong.”
“And you don’t know shit.” I stride toward the fence, snatching the basketball off the ground before I run down the court, jumping high and slam dunking that motherfucker, my fingers curling around the rim.
When I turn, I find Caleb still watching me, his hands on his hips, an annoyed look on his face. “You’re acting mad at me, when I know you’re really mad at yourself.”
“Whatever.” I jog toward him cautiously, my gaze locked on his hands. I know how he operates. He’ll try and steal the ball from me. “Maybe I should just leave it alone. I’ve chased her enough.”
The moment the words leave my lips, they feel familiar. I remember saying something similar to her when we were first together.
I was such a prick then. I swear I’ve changed. I’ve grown-up. Matured. I am solid. On top of the world. I’m not about to let a woman I’ve loved for the last four years of my life, a woman I’ve given my all to, run out on me once and for all and never look back. I have to fight for her. For us.
But how do I make this right?
“Hey!”
I turn to see Gracie and Hayden making their way toward us. Dread fills me, settling in my gut and I steel my spine, preparing myself for the verbal blast I’m sure they’re going to give me. Gracie is my homie, but she’ll side with Ava on this matter, and when she’s with Hayden? Forget it.
They’ll both come for me.
Caleb takes his advantage, swiping the ball from my hands and dashing down the court like a madman. He sinks the ball through the net within seconds, screaming in victory at the top of his lungs and making me wince.
He loves to rub it in.
“Ladies,” I say to Gracie and Hayden as they draw nearer. Their expressions are open, not full of bitterness or hatred and I take that as a good sign. “What brings you out here this fine afternoon?”
“Him.” Gracie points at Caleb and I watch as they make their way to each other, Gracie cozying up to him despite the reluctant expression on his face.
“I’m sweaty,” he warns her.
“I like it,” she murmurs before their lips meet in a kiss.
Gross. I feel like I’m eleven and watching my older brother, Ryan, kiss on one of the many girls he chased after. I didn’t understand why any guy would be interested in girls when he had sports and video games—I thought he was crazy. Girls were a mystery to me, one I wasn’t interested in.
Fast forward two years and they were an enigma I was dying to figure out.
Still don’t have them figured out, if I’m being real right now.
“Hey, Eli,” Gracie calls, once she’s done slobbering all over her boyfriend.
“Yeah?” I ask warily. My guard is up and I’m fully prepared for her to say something shitty to me about Ava.
“Are you and Ava going to be able to work it out?” She leaves Caleb and approaches me, her expression full of concern.
I shrug, trying to play it off, though I don’t know why I’m bothering. Gracie won’t give me shit, though I can feel Hayden’s assessing gaze on me.
That’s the one I have to watch out for.
“Maybe,” I say, keeping it purposely vague. Why does everyone want to know our business?
“Do you want to work it out with Ava?” Hayden asks.
I swing my attention in her direction, wondering if I have an ally in her or not. I like Hayden. I like all of my friends’ girlfriends for the most part, but they’ll take Ava’s side every time and I know it. Just like I’d take one of my friends’ sides every single time. That’s how it works when you have your friends’ backs.
Unless one of them did something extremely shady or, I don’t know—illegal? Then I’d have an issue.
“I do,” I finally admit. “But maybe—it should be her turn.”
Hayden’s face hardens, her mouth turning into a frown. “What do you mean?”
“She has to come to me,” I say. “I approached her last night at the party, and it didn’t—quite work out. Now the ball is in her court.”
Yeah. I like the basketball analogy.
“Really, Eli? You’re just going to wait for Ava to approach first?” I turn to Gracie, just in time to see her roll her eyes. “You’re so stubborn. All of you are.”
“Hey, I tried. Now she needs to make an attempt,” I say indignantly.
“You might be waiting for her to come to you forever,” Hayden points out.
“That’s the chance I’m willing to take,” I say, my voice easy. Full of confidence.
But deep inside, I can’t deny it.
I’m freaking the fuck out.