“Eli.” We’re sitting at the tiny table in their dining room, and I’m watching him eat. I’m already stuffed full of pizza—it was so delicious—and now I’m perfectly content watching my man munch on a breadstick that he keeps dipping in ranch. He’s so attractive, even when he eats and I exhale softly, caught up in my thoughts.
The father of my future child. Crazy, isn’t it? I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant, and now I’m overwhelmed with love for this man.
“Ava.” He grabs his water bottle and takes a long swig. “What’s up, babe?”
I’m also full of doubt. My thoughts ping pong back and forth, leaving me second guessing every choice we’re making. “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”
We’re the only two in the apartment. Caleb left a while ago to go hang out with Gracie for the evening. It’s the perfect time for me to say something to Eli in the hopes he can reassure me the decisions we’re making are the right ones.
“About what?” he asks with a frown.
“About you and me, and…the baby.”
His entire expression lights up. I think he loves the idea of having a baby, and I was so scared to tell him, unsure of his reaction.
I shouldn’t have been scared over telling him.
“We’re definitely doing the right thing,” he says firmly.
“And we’re not going to get into another stupid argument and act selfish toward each other?” I sound scared, only because I kind of am.
After everything we’ve been through, I can’t help but be a little worried.
And full of doubt over everything too. All of it. My future, which I thought I knew was certain. I had a plan. One that didn’t include Eli, and I told myself I was okay with it. I could survive without him.
Until I realized I was pregnant and I knew I didn’t want to raise a child alone.
Am I wanting to be with him because I truly love him or because I didn’t want to do this alone? I don’t know.
I’m so confused.
And I hate it.
My love for Eli is real. I can’t deny that, but I also still feel really alone. And with nothing else to occupy my mind, when everyone else is busy living their lives and being productive, I’m quietly freaking out, soaking in my emotions and feeling like a failure.
God, I really need to get over myself.
“Oh, we’ll definitely get into arguments. Can’t deny that,” Eli says with a chuckle. “But I won’t be selfish with you.”
“You won’t?” My voice is so small, I sound pitiful.
He slowly shakes his head, pushing his empty plate away from him. “I love you, Ava. And I love that baby growing inside of you too. Like you said earlier, it’s not just about me anymore. It’s about us. And our future. I’m going to work my hardest to make sure I can give you and the baby whatever you need. I’m going to take care of you and our family. I promise.”
His words ignite a flicker of hope in my chest. I watch him, at a loss for what to say. He’s acting right, and saying the right things, but is that only because I put those things into his head?
And since when have I ever doubted Eli so much before? This isn’t normal for me.
Maybe I’m just hormonal.
“I’ve been thinking.” He sits up straighter, resting his forearms on top of the table, his hands clasped together. My gaze settles on those big hands of his, wishing they were touching me right now. “Maybe we should get married right away. Like before the end of the year.”
My mouth drops open. “Wh-what?”
The proposal was sweet. I know he meant every word. But get married in the next five weeks? That sounds…
Impossible.
“Something small. Maybe up in the mountains? At one of the resorts? We could have a winter themed wedding, or a Christmas one.”
“Eli…”
“And we could find our own place to live around here. Caleb will understand. Maybe he could even move in with Gracie and you could move in here with me. Wait it out until I know what I’m doing with the NFL or whatever.” He shrugs, seemingly brushing it off. The NFL draft was the most important thing to him, and now he acts like it’s not his number one focus. “And once we know what’s happening, we’ll move to wherever we need to go and begin our life together. As a family.”
My heart feels like it just cracked open, I’m so overwhelmed. “Is that what you want to do?”
“More like is that what you want?” He leans over the table, his expression earnest. “I just want to make you happy, baby. That’s it. I love you. And now that you’re back in my life for good, I’m going to do this right.”
“What if you don’t get into the NFL?” I ask, my voice low.
“Then I don’t.” He shrugs, seemingly unbothered. “I’ve got something even more important happening this summer, if you didn’t already know.”
Eli grins and I can’t help but smile back.
“You’ll get drafted,” I tell him, my voice brimming with confidence. “I have faith in you.”
“At least someone does.” His smile doesn’t fade. In fact, it seems to grow even bigger and I bask in the warmth of it for a bit. “I refuse to do wrong by you, Ava. I’ve made enough mistakes to last a lifetime. I won’t do it again.”
Emotion sweeps over me, making my eyes sting with tears and the next thing I know, I’m crying. Eli leaps out of his chair and comes to my side of the table, nudging me over so he can settle into my chair before pulling me into his lap.
He’s big and warm and when his arms come around me, I sink into him. My face is pressed against his neck and my eyes are closed. I breathe him in, trying to control the gentle sobs making my entire body shake.
“Baby, please don’t cry.” He sounds in agony as he runs his hand up and down my back in comfort. “Seriously, I hate seeing your tears.”
“Why?” I ask, my lips brushing against his neck.
“They make me wanna cry too. Plus, when you cry it feels like I hurt you.”
I pull away so I can look into his eyes. “I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m happy.”
The relief on his face is brief. “Then why are you crying? Why do you look like I just kicked your puppy?”
“I’m—overwhelmed.” My smile is tentative. “Our whole lives are going to change.”
“And that’s okay. I’ve got you.” He settles his hand on my stomach, caressing me there. “I’ve got this little nugget too.”
“Little nugget?” I rest my hand on top of his, smiling. “I don’t know how I feel about that nickname.”
“My nugget likes it.” He kisses me, his lips light against mine. “I still can’t believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“That we’re having a little nugget.” He kisses me again, murmuring against my lips, “A baby Bennett.”
“Aw, I like that. Better than nugget.” The tears start again and he wipes them away with his thumbs. Kisses them away when they keep coming. We’re like this for long minutes, totally into each other. So into each other, we don’t even realize someone has entered the apartment until we hear voices.
“Oh my God, so I guess you two are back together.”
Our heads swivel in sync toward the living room to find Caleb and Gracie standing there, hand in hand. Gracie’s gaze meets mine and I lean my head against Eli’s, so tempted to tell her the good news about the baby.
But I keep my mouth shut. And so does Eli.
“What are you two doing here?” Eli asks, his voice casual. Like it’s no big deal that I’m sitting in his lap and we’re hanging all over each other.
“I should ask you two the same thing,” Gracie says as she enters the kitchen and goes straight to the fridge, grabbing a beer from inside. “Caleb didn’t mention this.”
“It just happened,” Eli says.
“I’m assuming you knew?” She sends her boyfriend an evil glare as she hands him the beer. “And just forgot to mention it to me?”
Caleb looks slightly terrified as he takes the beer from her. “I didn’t know what was happening between these two. I literally just figured it out.”
Not really since he saw us together earlier, but none of us mention that.
Gracie sits in the chair Eli was in only a few minutes ago. “You two are adorable. Seriously, Ava, you’re glowing . I can tell you’re so happy to be back together.”
I’m glowing for other reasons, but I’m not going to mention them to Gracie. Not yet.
I want to keep this a secret for a little while longer.
We all four chat around the table for a while, and eventually move to the living room. Caleb starts up a movie on Hulu and after only about a half hour into it, I can barely keep my eyes open, I’m so tired.
More tired than usual. Maybe it’s the baby? Or the emotional letdown after such a busy and overwhelming day?
I’m not sure, but the next thing I know, Eli is gently shaking me awake and the movie is over. We say good night to Caleb and Gracie and I follow Eli into his room, going immediately to the bed the moment he shuts the door.
“You snored,” he tells me as he slips off his shirt.
I pause, admiring his bare chest before I climb beneath the sheets and tug them over me. “Loud?”
“I heard you. I’m guessing Caleb and Gracie did too.”
“I was tired.” A yawn escapes me and I cover my mouth. “I still am.”
“My poor baby.” He gets rid of his sweats and joins me in bed, turning off the lamp on his nightstand. “So tired.”
I let him pull me into his arms, resting my head on his bare chest. “I’m awake now. I just slept for the last two hours.”
We’re quiet for a few minutes, basking in each other’s presence before he asks me, “Do your parents know where you are?”
I nod, skimming my fingers across his pecs. “I texted my mom earlier and told her I was with you.”
“She cool with it? With us getting back together?” His voice is casual, but I can tell he’s worried.
All Eli has ever wanted was my family’s approval.
“Well, she didn’t tell me to leave that asshole’s house, stat.” I laugh when he tickles my side. “You walked into that one.”
“Uh huh.” His fingers brush against my waist, making tingles sweep over my skin. “When are we going to tell our parents about baby Bennett?”
“Not yet,” I tell him, closing my eyes when he gently rubs my belly. “I just want to savor this moment with you first.”
He keeps touching me, splaying his hand across my stomach, shifting downward so he can press a kiss to my belly. “I’m going to take care of you, Ava. You and our baby. I promise.”
“I know you are.” I stroke his hair, loving this man who’s not afraid to show all of his love for me. If I was terrified when the day first started, I’m definitely not scared now.
Eli will take care of us.
I know he will.